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Is it wrong to talk to two different families?

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  • #31
    Originally posted by Farah. A View Post

    Don"t use online matrimonial websites.

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    • #32
      Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
      I don't use them. I feel they are nonsense.
      this is just my opinion. You can do whatever you want.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by Farah. A View Post
        I don't use them. I feel they are nonsense.
        this is just my opinion. You can do whatever you want.
        Hmm. No you're right, they are nonsense, for the most part.

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        • #34
          Originally posted by Farah. A View Post
          I don't use them. I feel they are nonsense.
          this is just my opinion. You can do whatever you want.
          Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

          Hmm. No you're right, they are nonsense, for the most part.

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          • #35
            Originally posted by Abu Abdur_Rahman View Post


            you don't agree?

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            • #36
              Originally posted by Farah. A View Post

              you don't agree?
              Welp, I think the concept is good and it should help the community.

              But I'm trying to find out what makes it so distasteful.

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              • #37
                Originally posted by Abu Abdur_Rahman View Post

                Welp, I think the concept is good and it should help the community.

                But I'm trying to find out what makes it so distasteful.
                I haven't tried it before so i can't really judge but..

                First of all, most of the people who use online matrimonials, they use it secretly without their parents' consent and supervision.

                Most of them talk to more than one potential at the same time. It's not fair at all.

                meeting someone online would definitely ask to see how you look like so you will have to send them pictures which is not safe at all. ( unless that person you really trust!)

                avoiding awkward situations like the one mentioned above.
                Last edited by Farah. A; 17-06-19, 03:56 PM.

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by Mintchocchip View Post
                  @Abu julaybeeb

                  its not as simple as it seems
                  if her wali doesnt know you cant just write her off


                  Things have changed alot since your time
                  many families expect their kids to look by themselves or dont help them at all and so the girl has to look by herself


                  Things may have changed but that does not mean you alter Islam to suit your needs. She should talk to an Imam or someother male relative who is her mahram.

                  What happened to having sabr and faasting? Hajj is fard yet if you don't have a mahram you are excused where as marriage is not even fard.

                  in another case it could be her parents have entire different views to her in regards to the deen so if she gets her wali involved from the start the man would be rejected due to differing from her dad

                  Then where is the gurantee that later on her dad won't reject the brother?

                  another reason could be because she wishes to discuss things with the potential that she doesnt want her parents to know such as her religious beliefs or some of her aims or goals in life or her past sins

                  That can be discussed through email once her wali has spoken to the brother and her wali is aware that they are communicating.

                  In this day and age many people look for marriage on online platforms and because of being online there is such a large pool of potentials so you could speak to dozens if not 100s of people alot of sisters dont want to bring inconvenience to their parents as there are some crazy or bad people so they fish for serious potentials and after speaking them for abit if it gets serious they involve their wali

                  It would be easier of she had her wali helping her in this. How can she know who is serious or not. People can pretend to be someone they are not so it is better her wali or other mahram speaks to the person himself. How do you define "serious" is he/she not serious right from the start? By the time they get serious they tend to get emotinally attached to the person and that can cloud their judgement.

                  overall yes i agree the best, safest and islamic way would be to have the wali searching, speaking and taking care of everything but in this day and age due to people getting married using online platforms and for the other reasons i mentioned above its not always the case and it not always the case that due her not having her wali present that she should be written off or seen as a bad potential

                  The Islamic way is the safest way. Does not mean if you use online methods you can relax the rules of Islam.

                  Of course she may not be a bad potential but why risk talking to her directly with no third person involved, is ir really worth putting yourself and her at risk of falling into haraam?

                  She should find someone to help her. I know people are bit always willing to help. Would it not be better for her to have sabr, fast and do dua and trust Allah swt will make a halal way for her to find someone?

                  Would be interesting to see what Muftis and Scholars have to say about this.

                  (when I say "you" I don't mean you personally but any brother in that situation and also was not able to quote you properly).
                  Your right
                  problem is cant find sisters like that who want to make hijra

                  most want to stay here unless they are pro saudi

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Farah. A View Post

                    you don't agree?
                    I agree

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by Umm Uthmaan View Post

                      I agree
                      Lol

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                        Your right
                        problem is cant find sisters like that who want to make hijra

                        most want to stay here unless they are pro saudi
                        Don't talk to a sister, who doesn't get her wali involved.

                        Sister Mintchocchip is right, and my post was pretty similar to hers, but it wouldn't go through.

                        The wali is important.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

                          Don't talk to a sister, who doesn't get her wali involved.

                          Sister Mintchocchip is right, and my post was pretty similar to hers, but it wouldn't go through.

                          The wali is important.
                          This. The argument "it doesn't apply in this day and age" has no basis.
                          When you want to go into a house, you don't crawl through the window, you knock on the front door. You let yourself be known.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Originally posted by Umm Uthmaan View Post

                            This. The argument "it doesn't apply in this day and age" has no basis.
                            When you want to go into a house, you don't crawl through the window, you knock on the front door. You let yourself be known.
                            I never said that
                            i meant online its different and the majority do not have walis on there

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                              I never said that
                              i meant online its different and the majority do not have walis on there
                              Even if you decide to get to know a sister on a matrimonial website, there are ways to make it halal. There is no excuse, is what I'm trying to say.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Originally posted by Umm Uthmaan View Post

                                Even if you decide to get to know a sister on a matrimonial website, there are ways to make it halal. There is no excuse, is what I'm trying to say.
                                Im not trying to make excuses im just saying its not as easy as before
                                i want it to be halal
                                id prefer her parents are involved
                                I ask about parents from the start
                                but some of these sisters long things out
                                Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 17-06-19, 11:11 PM.

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