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Look to the future (your children). Don't be selfish.

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  • Saif-Uddin
    replied
    Take for example the issue of Homosexual relationship lessons, most parents don't seem to care or think very little of it.

    They didn't care when children were getting Filth education for donkeys years, so this isn't surprising.

    نعوذ بالله من ذلك

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  • Saif-Uddin
    replied
    Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
    One thing I've seen, especially with those who have kids here (UK) - the parents are quite clued up when it comes to their kids' secular education.¬*

    They ask questions, they are involved in their education. They really focus on their reading/writing abilities, extra tuition, clubs, but when it comes to their Qur'an, and Salaah, they're quite lax.¬*

    They send their kids to madrassa aged 5. But it's more of a competition to see who completes the Qur'an first. And it's a tradition, like how their parents sent them.¬*





    ¬*
    Yeah clued up when it comes to secular issues and clueless when it comes to the deen.

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  • Morose
    replied

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  • ReIgnited
    replied
    Originally posted by Abu Abdur_Rahman View Post
    but when a person gets to be middle aged and above, life will be very depressing without family.
    is that true though?

    Leave a comment:


  • Sabr
    replied
    Originally posted by Kya View Post

    I am not a parents either so my observation has been from watching relatives raise their kids & from my own childhood.

    JazaakAllahKhayr for the explanation. Interesting.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu Abdur_Rahman
    replied
    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

    Nice.

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  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Originally posted by Abu Abdur_Rahman View Post
    No one actually responded back to the OP except one post

    Ah well. I guess it was more of a rant.
    Nice.

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  • Kya
    replied
    Originally posted by Sabr View Post

    Would you please mind listing some more of these pros and cons of each (in regards to how the mother's raise their children), other than the one mentioned by the original post.

    Genuinely interested to hear more about this. I am a male FYI and not a parent - so unaware of motherhood in general so am interested to hear more about your comment.
    I am not a parents either so my observation has been from watching relatives raise their kids & from my own childhood. The active mothers (often those who grew up in west but not everyone) have signed their toddler up for soccer games, ballet, swimming, taking them to mommy&me play dates, story time in library, masjid, Islamic lectures & help with homework..etc. Their mind set is "kids learn the most at young age so my job as parents is to get them ready for the world by equipping them with as much skills as I can". But the con is, the kids are busy from very young age & because mom is also busy, dinner/lunch is takeout or something quick. The kids & father will have to help with house chores. Some kids find this overwhelming while others thrive when pushed

    The alternative parenting that I see with many parents (not just those from back home but many who grew up in West too) is more laid back parenting where the mind set is "The world is already tough, my kids will face many hardship as adult. For now, my job as mother is to make my kids life as comfortable as possible.". This is where the mom's main focus is 1) feeding the kid best food she can and 2) providing the kids with clean environment. Everything else the kid will figure out on his/her own as they get older. Much more relaxing lifestyle for everyone but the down side is in current world majority of these kids are watching TV or playing video games all day. Of course if mom is not teaching, someone else (friends) will be teaching good and bad behavior. Some kids thrive in this lifestyle because it helps them grow up slowly while other kids fall in with the wrong crowd & take direction from them

    A balance between the two will be nice. Unfortunately, I am surrounded by lot of traditional mothers who are more concern about their overweight toddler not eating enough & less concern about the toddler being addicted to TV/Tablets.

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  • LailaTheMuslim
    replied
    Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
    One thing I've seen, especially with those who have kids here (UK) - the parents are quite clued up when it comes to their kids' secular education.¬*

    They ask questions, they are involved in their education. They really focus on their reading/writing abilities, extra tuition, clubs, but when it comes to their Qur'an, and Salaah, they're quite lax.¬*

    They send their kids to madrassa aged 5. But it's more of a competition to see who completes the Qur'an first. And it's a tradition, like how their parents sent them.¬*





    ¬*
    There isn't good organization among Muslims for Islamic education, sis. I mean it is not very accessible, while secular education is free and organized by the Gov.

    Literally madrassah enrolment is word of mouth and its hard to know where to look unless you're from a certain ethnic background and people can tell you where and when to attend classes.

    Plus it costs money, madrassah education is rarely free.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sabr
    replied
    Originally posted by Kya View Post
    I too have seen the different parenting style between mom's from back home vs. those who grew up here. TBH both has their pro/con. People do need to think about what type of childhood they want to give their kids.
    Would you please mind listing some more of these pros and cons of each (in regards to how the mother's raise their children), other than the one mentioned by the original post.

    Genuinely interested to hear more about this. I am a male FYI and not a parent - so unaware of motherhood in general so am interested to hear more about your comment.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu Abdur_Rahman
    replied
    No one actually responded back to the OP except one post

    Ah well. I guess it was more of a rant.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu Abdur_Rahman
    replied
    Originally posted by Kya View Post
    To the OP, the reason most couple don't think about "how to raise kids or that type of future" is because they were raised in a household where raising kids = keep them alive and feed them. Parenting was never a hands on situation & previous generation never debated on parenting style. I remember a very practicing male family member who married back home looking for a conservative pious girl but ended up with modern girl. They had some issues & he said "we will struggle first few years but eventually when kids show up we will be in same page raising kids together". I shook my head but didn't say "being a parents doesn't mean you are automatically in same page" but that is what most young and elders believe.

    I too have seen the different parenting style between mom's from back home vs. those who grew up here. TBH both has their pro/con. People do need to think about what type of childhood they want to give their kids.
    Before the spread of the media, maybe around 50-60 years ago, I think it was okay to use that approach... just letting your kids roam free and they will learn things from society and from their experiences.

    But nowadays you need to keep an eye on them and protect them.

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  • Abu Abdur_Rahman
    replied
    Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

    I didn't understand this "Leave the back home people back home. We should also go back home."

    Can you please elaborate?¬*
    People who live in Muslim majority countries (Afghanistan, Pakistan, India, Malaysia, Egypt, Palestine, etc. etc.) shouldn't move here. They should stay where they are. And we should also go back.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kya
    replied
    To the OP, the reason most couple don't think about "how to raise kids or that type of future" is because they were raised in a household where raising kids = keep them alive and feed them. Parenting was never a hands on situation & previous generation never debated on parenting style. I remember a very practicing male family member who married back home looking for a conservative pious girl but ended up with modern girl. They had some issues & he said "we will struggle first few years but eventually when kids show up we will be in same page raising kids together". I shook my head but didn't say "being a parents doesn't mean you are automatically in same page" but that is what most young and elders believe.

    I too have seen the different parenting style between mom's from back home vs. those who grew up here. TBH both has their pro/con. People do need to think about what type of childhood they want to give their kids.

    Leave a comment:


  • Indefinable
    replied
    Originally posted by Kya View Post

    A family member recently reached to me for help put her 7 year old son to Islamic education. She has been trying to get him enrolled in a masjid for over a year but her husband is not religious & has not helped. She reached out to different people & people gave her advise but as a female she does not have direct access to masjid/madrasa/Islamic teacher. She can't go up to a masjid, ask them question about their curriculum & determine the best option for her kid including how the children will commute especially during heavy winter. All the things that she can do at school where they will have interpreter/assistant if her English is weak.

    It is often the mother who pays attention to kids education & unfortunately most Islamic education is fathers domain. Even if the mother is pious and practicing & itching to get her kids the proper Islamic education, the door of masjid & access to Islamic teachers are blocked from her. She has to relay on other male relatives to convey her message & get feedback. This is one of the reason you see parents (mothers) focusing on secular education & stay out of Islamic education. There isn't enough female in Islamic education for mothers to get involved in.
    This resonates significantly with me. 

    Masjids are more male dominated, and if you have a son - Then chances are they will emulate their father's actions, and mothers will find it harder to communicate with the Masjid members. 

    I take him everywhere. Even Jumuah prayer (When he is off school) - so he knows what is expected. Luckily, the women's side is active, although he is annoyed going to the "girls side" lol. 

    If the sister you mention, lacks language skills and I'm assuming she doesn't drive either, it must be a lot harder for her. 

    Did you manage to help her?

     

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