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How to force parents helping me marrying?

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  • dumbledore2
    started a topic How to force parents helping me marrying?

    How to force parents helping me marrying?

    Selam together,

    I am soon 26 years old, live in Germany and go to university to do my masters degree. I told in another thread that I struggle with marrying and now want your opinion about what to do next.
    Right now I don't go to university regularly because I only have few tests left. That means I have no social contact to any friend or somethings like that. I had a little company which I am selling right now with the idea to have enough money for marrying and living alone.

    I talked a lot with my parents about marrying but they just don't care. My mother was married when she was 14 and my father when he was 25. So my mother thinks that her children shouldn't marry so early. Maybe 30 or so.
    However the problem is not that my parents don't help me marrying the problem is I cant find someone by my own.
    I have zero friends and relatives here. When I was younger my parents didn't wanted me to have any friends and my father hated to socialize. So no one ever came us to visit or we never went to someone.
    Nearly every month I tell my mother to help me find someone but she says how can she find someone for me. I should find by my own.
    His and my father strategy is to make me go to for example to marriages and look there. I ask them what they expect to happen there. They think I will find someone and ask them for their number or somethings like that. But that will never happen. I am not the guy for moves like that.

    I think as long as I live with my parents nothing will change. With the money I got from selling the company I should get my own apartment for 2 years renting.
    I don't want to see my family anymore. They only think what benefits will we have from my son.
    I stopped talking already with them. Only selam and then I got to my room. I have to say that my parents normally also don't talk a lot. The reason is my father who comes from work and then watch television.
    We don't have a talking culture in our family. Things like marriage, sex .. do not exist because we don't talk about it.
    I kinda guess if I could find a women by myself they would marry me fast. But that's the problem. I cannot find. They will not help me.

    Maybe a little bit Offtopic. My sister (27) married this year. She did everything by herself. My father did nothing only watches television and says I did already enough for my kids. They have food and a house more I cannot do. My sister found the boy by her own. Organized her marriage by her own and my father only asked one time. If you need something you can contact me. But the end he was like a guest at the wedding.

    Again a bit off topic. I talked already to my sister and in her mind it is tooooo early for marriage for me. She will help me when I am at least 30. I should wait like her husband (35). She says she knows whats better for me. And this makes me really angry.

    I don't know what but something has to change or I get crazy. I already started talking to myself....
    Last edited by dumbledore2; 10-06-19, 08:24 PM.

  • savo234
    replied
    Originally posted by dumbledore2 View Post
    Selam together,

    I am soon 26 years old, live in Germany and go to university to do my masters degree. I told in another thread that I struggle with marrying and now want your opinion about what to do next.
    Right now I don't go to university regularly because I only have few tests left. That means I have no social contact to any friend or somethings like that. I had a little company which I am selling right now with the idea to have enough money for marrying and living alone.

    I talked a lot with my parents about marrying but they just don't care. My mother was married when she was 14 and my father when he was 25. So my mother thinks that her children shouldn't marry so early. Maybe 30 or so.
    However the problem is not that my parents don't help me marrying the problem is I cant find someone by my own.
    I have zero friends and relatives here. When I was younger my parents didn't wanted me to have any friends and my father hated to socialize. So no one ever came us to visit or we never went to someone.
    Nearly every month I tell my mother to help me find someone but she says how can she find someone for me. I should find by my own.
    His and my father strategy is to make me go to for example to marriages and look there. I ask them what they expect to happen there. They think I will find someone and ask them for their number or somethings like that. But that will never happen. I am not the guy for moves like that.

    I think as long as I live with my parents nothing will change. With the money I got from selling the company I should get my own apartment for 2 years renting.
    I don't want to see my family anymore. They only think what benefits will we have from my son.
    I stopped talking already with them. Only selam and then I got to my room. I have to say that my parents normally also don't talk a lot. The reason is my father who comes from work and then watch television.
    We don't have a talking culture in our family. Things like marriage, sex .. do not exist because we don't talk about it.
    I kinda guess if I could find a women by myself they would marry me fast. But that's the problem. I cannot find. They will not help me.

    Maybe a little bit Offtopic. My sister (27) married this year. She did everything by herself. My father did nothing only watches television and says I did already enough for my kids. They have food and a house more I cannot do. My sister found the boy by her own. Organized her marriage by her own and my father only asked one time. If you need something you can contact me. But the end he was like a guest at the wedding.

    Again a bit off topic. I talked already to my sister and in her mind it is tooooo early for marriage for me. She will help me when I am at least 30. I should wait like her husband (35). She says she knows whats better for me. And this makes me really angry.

    I don't know what but something has to change or I get crazy. I already started talking to myself....
    You are free to try for yourself. If your parents wont find one, sign up for any service in a masjid or an online service, I married my wife like that and I too was in Germany doing my masters.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu Abdur_Rahman
    replied
    Wa alaykum as-salam

    I can see why you feel this resentment toward your parents. But it's not allowed for you to cut contact with them. If you currently live with them, take some time off. Living away from them is probably a good idea. After you had your break, go back to them and forget about your past.

    Al-hamdulillah you are 26 and are about to get a masters degree and you say you have a company you are looking to sell. I don't think you need your parents' help to get married. Even if they did arrange a marriage for you, they would put their wants and needs before yours. So maybe it's a good thing they aren't involved.

    Sit down and write down all the things you want in a spouse, starting with the priorities. Then ask your friends and maybe your sister(s). Try using an online matrimonial website. If you grew up elsewhere (not in Germany) maybe you can go back to your home country and ask there.

    In the end, it is all up to the decree of Allah and you cannot overcome it. Ask Allah and be patient.

    Leave a comment:


  • dumbledore2
    replied
    We don't have something like that here. Also no app or similar thing. The people at the mosque also don't care. Tried already. This is a huge atheist country.Cant compare to UK or USA.¬*

    Leave a comment:


  • MyUsernameIs...
    replied
    The title finally made sense after I finished reading the post.

    Maybe sign up to a marriage service at a mosque?

    Leave a comment:

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