Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Intellectually & emotionally compatible but OK deen vs strong deen but not 2 comp'ble

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Intellectually & emotionally compatible but OK deen vs strong deen but not 2 comp'ble

    Assalamu 'alaikum,

    Hello brothers and sisters, I hope everyone is well and had a blessed Ramadan. Taqabbalallahu minna wa minkum.

    So, if there are two candidates, the one is very compatible with you intellectually and emotionally, i.e. you speak the same language, you have many (worldly) common interests, you get each other's feelings, etc., but he/she's just OK in deen, i.e. just does the bare minimum like wears hijab, prays 5 times, etc. He/she rarely do sunnah prayers and fasts, rarely attend lectures, has only memorized several short surahs, etc. The other candidate is a student of knowledge, regularly does sunnah worships, has memorized at least 3 juz, etc. BUT, when you talk with her/him everything just feels flat, you don't speak the same language, you have only a few common interests, and it's like you don't really get each other. Who would you choose?

    Jazakumullahu khairan.
    3
    Intellectually & emotionally compatible but OK deen
    66.67%
    2
    strong deen but not too compatible intellectually & emotionally
    33.33%
    1
    Neither (I'd keep looking even though time is running out)
    0%
    0
    I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

  • #2
    You seem really picky
    youve made loads of threads about potentials
    How many years have u been looking

    Deeni over non deeni
    a religious girl will know her role as a muslima, wife and mother
    Shel know or be willing to learn how to be a wife and a mother
    The ahadith related to how a wife should be to her husband such and how aisha رضي الله عنها was with Muhammed صلي الله عليه وسلم a deeni girl will know or learn about
    and will want to treat her husband like that but a not so deeni girl i doubt it
    especially if she has feminism in her

    you want a girl that will help u become a better muslim and help you raise pious children not fusaaq

    You have some common interests after marriage more can develop and she will open up and be more interested in you and also what your interests so she can please you

    language issues can be dealt with
    shel learn your language if need be

    where as the deeni girl shes a risk
    if shes not trying to please Allah how is she gonna please you
    although if you see she wants to change and improve herself sincerely then go for her
    Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 09-06-19, 02:40 AM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
      You seem really picky
      youve made loads of threads about potentials
      How many years have u been looking

      Deeni over non deeni
      a religious girl will know her role as a muslima, wife and mother
      Shel know or be willing to learn how to be a wife and a mother
      The ahadith related to how a wife should be to her husband such and how aisha رضي الله عنها was with Muhammed صلي الله عليه وسلم a deeni girl will know or learn about
      and will want to treat her husband like that but a not so deeni girl i doubt it
      especially if she has feminism in her

      you want a girl that will help u become a better muslim and help you raise pious children not fusaaq

      You have some common interests after marriage more can develop and she will open up and be more interested in you and also what your interests so she can please you

      language issues can be dealt with
      shel learn your language if need be

      where as the deeni girl shes a risk
      if shes not trying to please Allah how is she gonna please you
      although if you see she wants to change and improve herself sincerely then go for her
      jazakallahu khair, by the way by "speaking the same language" it wasn't meant literally lol
      I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by budi.sudaryo View Post

        jazakallahu khair, by the way by "speaking the same language" it wasn't meant literally lol
        Oh ok
        then yh i think you should compromise that for the deen
        Things like this can develop after marriage
        you can easily get to know someone and their personality and adapt to it and be or think like them

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

          Oh ok
          then yh i think you should compromise that for the deen
          Things like this can develop after marriage
          you can easily get to know someone and their personality and adapt to it and be or think like them
          This is why brothers seek for second wife. 

          Comment


          • #6
            Erm okay
            dont know where that came from

            (brothers usually want second wives due to intimacy, physical attraction, more children or to help sisters who are struggling)

            most of the time not due to what you said unless their marriage was not good
            otherwise how will they even know the 2nd potential will have common interests and have good chemistry with them in marriage without free mixing

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

              Oh ok
              then yh i think you should compromise that for the deen
              Things like this can develop after marriage
              you can easily get to know someone and their personality and adapt to it and be or think like them

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                Erm okay
                dont know where that came from

                (brothers usually want second wives due to intimacy, physical attraction, more children or to help sisters who are struggling)

                most of the time not due to what you said unless their marriage was not good
                otherwise how will they even know the 2nd potential will have common interests and have good chemistry with them in marriage without free mixing
                Marriage is a full package. You can't just marry for Deen. If you marry someone and there is no chemistry or feelings between you both then it will be a disaster. There will be something missing. And the brother would go seek it in another wife.  No, you could talk to someone for like 30 mins and you would feel the attraction. And it is very important to ask questions before marriage, this is how you I'll get to know if you have common interests and goals.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I think what is mentioned above is not true. You can adapt to a person's personality and temperaments to a certain level, but you have to understand each other and you have to like your spouse as a person.

                  Just find the most religiously committed person you can, and make sure you like her as a person and share the same goals.

                  Most people don't have a lot to choose from anyhow, if religious commitment is given priority.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Some can and some cant depends on the person
                    A good spouse will try to please their spouse and do things for them even if it meant doing things they dont particularly like

                    (besides he said they have some common interests )

                    people can grow in deen and some dont. Its more risky though than marrying someone who doesnt have too many of the same interests as you. I did say at the bottom of my post along the lines of if she wants become more on deen then go for her if she seems sincere.
                    not saying marry a taaliba but if your someone that is religious and you marry someone that isnt its a risk and its better to go for someone on your own wavelength

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      If thr girl who is ok in Deen is willing to be a better muslimah then go for her. If not,then keep looking
                      Last edited by Farah. A; 09-06-19, 03:54 AM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I never said just for deen

                        he did say he has some common interests with her

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                          I never said just for deen

                          he did say he has some common interests with her
                          It is obvious he is not attracted to her, even if they have some common interests

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Janna90 View Post
                            . I just think these days even the bare minimum is hard to find.
                            from your thread you made before and this

                            the bare minimum is not hard to find. Your just not looking in the right place or havent asked the right people.

                            plus things like age, ethnicity, height, education, caste make things complicated and long



                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Option 1 if I had to choose between the two. If you don't feel compatible with option 2 now, imagine how difficult it'll be when you both actually have a lot of responsibilities.

                              Ideally though, depending on how much time you've set yourself, I'd say look for someone else (without being too picky).

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X