Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Is it a risk marrying someone just for their deen?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Dont marry someone just for deen there has to be some attraction and also they should be able to provide or have the ability or to get a good enough so they can provide

    Muhammed صلي الله عليه وسلم looked down away from a women who proposed to him and some scholars say this was due to no attraction

    yes deen is most important so prioritise that but if yoh find someone completely unnattractive do not marry them also dont if you think they wont be able to provide
    these things can cause problems in marriage and even divorce

    to find out if a brother truely is a good practising guy
    (youl never truely know him until you live with him) you can find out alot still
    First of all dont rush take your time speak for a while maybe 2 or 3 months
    if hes not bothered to wait that long then forget him hes obviously not patient enough to wait for you
    Sometimes infront of mehrams or in public meetings people put on a show so you need to speak to them in a relaxed environment
    speaking over the phone or via messaging on phone on a long term period like couple months you can get to know someone
    also in meetings face to face ask what are their bad habits (if it rakes them time to think its probably not true when it comes to habits)
    what do they need to improve on
    how would he deal with or resolve marital issues and arguments
    how would he deal with his in laws if a problem occured
    how does he behave when hes angry and what does he do
    also how does he relieve anger and stress

    also try to get references from people who know if possible without him knowing if thats not possible than ask him for reference ( although they may be bias)

    many people focus on ibaadah but nor adab and akhlaaq
    see his charachter his manners the way he interacts with people in good and bad times
    find out about him do checks ask people
    ( treat it like a crb check)

    imam maliks mother said to imam malik along the lines of when you go to the shaykh to learn
    learn manners before knowledge

    Muhammed صلي الله عليه وسلم said i came to perfect manners

    good charachter in good and bad times shows fear of Allah and although no one is perfect you can see whem people are sincere and genuinely trying to improve


    speak to the person via messaging for a while
    maybe even a call (but not alot as that can lead to sinning)

    then meet couple times that way in meetings your not asking questions because you already did that instead your getting to know the person

    Yes speaking too much may lead to sins but you have to just try and remember Allah and keep boundaries and i thinks its better to do this than get married and find out hes a wasteman then get abused or divorced


    (if anyone tries to use hadith about not delaying nikkah say yes its true u shouldnt delay nikkah but thats when its been decided that this marriage will occur )
    Marriage bandit 101



    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
      Dont marry someone just for deen there has to be some attraction and also they should be able to provide or have the ability or to get a good enough so they can provide

      Muhammed صلي الله عليه وسلم looked down away from a women who proposed to him and some scholars say this was due to no attraction

      yes deen is most important so prioritise that but if yoh find someone completely unnattractive do not marry them also dont if you think they wont be able to provide
      these things can cause problems in marriage and even divorce

      to find out if a brother truely is a good practising guy
      (youl never truely know him until you live with him) you can find out alot still
      First of all dont rush take your time speak for a while maybe 2 or 3 months
      if hes not bothered to wait that long then forget him hes obviously not patient enough to wait for you
      Sometimes infront of mehrams or in public meetings people put on a show so you need to speak to them in a relaxed environment
      speaking over the phone or via messaging on phone on a long term period like couple months you can get to know someone
      also in meetings face to face ask what are their bad habits (if it rakes them time to think its probably not true when it comes to habits)
      what do they need to improve on
      how would he deal with or resolve marital issues and arguments
      how would he deal with his in laws if a problem occured
      how does he behave when hes angry and what does he do
      also how does he relieve anger and stress

      also try to get references from people who know if possible without him knowing if thats not possible than ask him for reference ( although they may be bias)

      many people focus on ibaadah but nor adab and akhlaaq
      see his charachter his manners the way he interacts with people in good and bad times
      find out about him do checks ask people
      ( treat it like a crb check)

      imam maliks mother said to imam malik along the lines of when you go to the shaykh to learn
      learn manners before knowledge

      Muhammed صلي الله عليه وسلم said i came to perfect manners

      good charachter in good and bad times shows fear of Allah and although no one is perfect you can see whem people are sincere and genuinely trying to improve


      speak to the person via messaging for a while
      maybe even a call (but not alot as that can lead to sinning)

      then meet couple times that way in meetings your not asking questions because you already did that instead your getting to know the person

      Yes speaking too much may lead to sins but you have to just try and remember Allah and keep boundaries and i thinks its better to do this than get married and find out hes a wasteman then get abused or divorced


      (if anyone tries to use hadith about not delaying nikkah say yes its true u shouldnt delay nikkah but thats when its been decided that this marriage will occur )
      Marriage bandit 101


      Good post. I do agree in that ¬*it is important to at least have a couple of conversations on the phone.. I didnít have my ex husbands number till after nikah lol so I do know where I went wrong.


      For me personally, I donít think the question & answer type of meetings is very accurate. Many brothers lie & learn a script & then use this to impress you. Obviously you do get brothers who will speak the truth, but if someone wants to marry you, they are obviously going to answer the questions in a way in which they think you want them to be answered.¬*
      ¬*
      https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

      Comment


      • #18
        Good character trumps all.
        Thereafter he should fulfil the basics of the deen - salah, fasting etc

        Any further criteria comes down to your personal preference ...looks, job, family status etc

        Lets keep it simple.

        Comment


        • #19


          Teachers have said that marrying for Deen doesn't mean just marrying someone who prays and fasts etc, i.e. does outward acts of worship. Their Deen is to mean their overall character and perspective of life, Dunya and Akhirah.

          A teacher also made a point about how in Hadith it is mentioned how a WOMAN is considered in marriage for four things: lineage/status, wealth, beauty and her Deen, and marry her for her Deen and be successful.

          And that this following Hadith speaks of what a MAN is considered for:

          "If someone proposes marriage to you [and] you are pleased with his religion/way of living (Deenahu) and his character (Khuluqahu), then marry him. If you do not do so, there will be trials on the earth and the spread of corruption." [A-Tirmidhi, Sahih by Al-Albani]

          So this Hadith mentions the actual word for character [khuluq] as well as the word Deen. It's quite amazing that, if you think about it, a man's character is much more important to a woman because HE has to lead her and protect her!

          And also:

          "The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are the best in conduct with their women." [A-Tirmidhi, Sahih]


          Impressive difference in Hadith, right?

          Wallahu a'lam.





          ¬*

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
            Sometimes i forget to say bismillah when im proper hungry doesnt mean im bad


            In sha Allah, you do remember this Du'a in the middle or before finishing.
            How Kindly Allah and has given something for the believers in case they forget to say bismillah at the start:

            bismillaahi fee awwalihi wa aakhirihi

            duas.com/dua/320/dua-when-forgetting-to-mention-the-name-of-allah-at-start-of-a-meal


            ¬*

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by Rahma. View Post



              In sha Allah, you do remember this Du'a in the middle or before finishing.
              How Kindly Allah and has given something for the believers in case they forget to say bismillah at the start:

              bismillaahi fee awwalihi wa aakhirihi

              duas.com/dua/320/dua-when-forgetting-to-mention-the-name-of-allah-at-start-of-a-meal


              ¬*
              Yh i do that usually in the middle of eating
              if i forger bismillah

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by Layla_ View Post
                Assalamu alaykum

                apologies, this may seem like a bit of a silly thread but it’s been on my mind for some time now so Insha Allah khayr

                in Islam, we are told to marry someone on the basis of their deen, but how exactly are we supposed to determine ones ‘religiousness’?. We all know that the length of ones beard, or how far above the ankles their trousers are rolled does not indicate the level of their religious commitment, so what else are we supposed to look for?

                If we look at actions, then a student of knowledge can have bad akhlaaq. Or they can study, but not implement. My ex husband was a student of knowledge & when we got married, I was quite shocked to see that he wouldn’t pray his sunnah prayers. This is someone who would proclaim his love for the sunnah & claim to be a very practising individual.

                Additionally, some brothers may actually be quite practising but to avoid showing off may downplay their good deeds, or even hide them. So there may be a brother who prays tahajjud & fasts Mondays and Thursdays but to avoid showing off, May avoid mentioning this & then you think he’s just a standard brother..

                You also get brothers who do a lot of worship but have very bad manners and are very, very arrogant.

                I keep on hearing horror stories of cases where sisters married purely for the deen & their husband turned out to be a monster Subhanallah.

                obviously, there are many good brothers out there and nobody is denying that but I find when it comes to marriage, a lot of brothers act really sneaky in order to get the sister and then once they are married, their true side comes out

                piety is also a very personal thing.

                If we do things in the correct & halal manner (having meetings with potentials in the presence of others) then this gives people the perfect opportunity to put on a front & people can be very sneaky and also lie about their good deeds

                personally, I think the best way to determine this is to spend time with the potential in the presence of your mahram so that you can see little things about them - is he rude to the waiter? Is he eating in accordance to the sunnah, did he say bismillah, has he slipped up by swearing, does he keep checking his phone etc etc. From small things, we can tell so much about a person.

                but let’s face it, hardly anyone is going to spend time with a potential with their mahram and of course some of us have mahrams who are not really bothered so wouldn’t even entertain such an idea in the first place

                is there a magic formula whereby one can tell if someone is truly a god fearing & practising brother?!
                Looking for Deen is good. The only problem is that how do you judge that. If you are judging someone's seen just by trousers above ankles(which for majority of classical ulama isnt wajib) and if you are judging someone by what he is claiming then the problem is on your end.

                The things one could judge are for example, his views. Thats the basic, you dont wanna end up marrying a liberal/shia/khariji or whatever.

                After you have filtered his views, find a way to know the masjid he prays and ask the people of the masjid about him.

                ​​​​​​So there are checks that can be reasonably done before marriage.

                Comment

                Working...
                X