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Would you marry an ex gangsta revert?

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  • #31
    No sis I’m not married.

    yes true it seems that at one point he was quite strong with his YouTube vids and his beard and posting about Islam but since then it appears he’s taken a dip. I’m only saying this from what I gathered by snooping on his social media. Lol. He would state otherwise, that he is practising. With regard to his criminal behaviour, 29 offences were related to police / courts / prisons and he said its because of police brutality and that he fought back. But yeah violence is never good¬†
    https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

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    • #32
      https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

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      • #33
        What the flip

        Get someone else in your family or extended family thats religious to look out for you and meet guys
        dont listen to your mum and dads advice if they are like that

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        • #34
          Originally posted by Sabr View Post

          In all honesty - I would absolutely not let a daughter marry him.

          Marriage is such a risk and there are smaller red flags than this that can put me off someone but this is a huge red flag.

          What happens if his uh ... zeal of the convert ... dies down a bit (which I think might be natural in some sense) and he returns to his old ways? Try to remove any emotions and think of this like a business decision.

          There are brothers in my masjid with convictions that have truly changed their ways - but they HAVE changed everything already (not just willing to change if they get married) and as a brother it is easier for me to suss out another brother and see if they are legit - in comparison to if it was a sister sussing them out.

          The way someone comes off when they are speaking to you about marriage is no guarantee of the way they will be after the honeymoon phase is over anyway.

          I also think you are writing off religious guys. I feel the arrogant ones you meet aren't religious guys - just ones that wear a long beard and go to the mosque but have no akhlaq; who haven't grasped what Islam is really about. No different to the women who wear hijab but very tight clothes who haven't grasped what hijab means.
          There are plenty people that go to the masjid I attend that have no respect for anyone but themselves and love to show off, but there are also tonnes of very humble, gentle and very friendly religious men there. It's a mixed bag like anything.

          But its hard to give you advice without having met him myself, and without knowing your own situation e.g. how long you have been trying to get re-married etc. which could all weigh in to your choice.

          May Allah SWT guide you to whatever is best for you.
          https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

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          • #35
            Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
            What the flip

            Get someone else in your family or extended family thats religious to look out for you and meet guys
            dont listen to your mum and dads advice if they are like that
            https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

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            • #36
              Then go to a reliable imam or shaykh to be your wali

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              • #37
                Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                Then go to a reliable imam or shaykh to be your wali
                https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

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                • #38
                  https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

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                  • #39
                    I can usually read people well too - but less so when emotions are involved.

                    Also some people can lie through their teeth. I would want solid reference checks etc. that know about a person's long term past rather than just what someone told me. Maybe ask him some questions about the stuff you investigated (stuff he doesn't know you know I mean) and know about to check if he lies about them or is truthful.

                    That isn't a good sign in my opinion. Patience is so important in a marriage. I understand the wait can be difficult and hard - but he should respect that it is one of the biggest decisions in your life and he should be patient about it and not rush you into anything.

                    I guess its good not to judge someone on their past but where do you draw the line. People reject people for all sorts of things, height, race, weight, skin-tone. None of those even come close to a super lengthy criminal record.

                    Sorry sister I do not mean to come across as being overly negative about the situation here - esp. since I dont know the brother - just giving you my honest thoughts.


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                    • #40
                      Well you should tell your father that whoever doesnt pray salah will go jahannam

                      second of all if you feel you cant change walis atleast get someone to look for you or interview guys for you then if they are good get your dad to give his permission

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                      • #41
                        Originally posted by Sabr View Post

                        I can usually read people well too - but less so when emotions are involved.

                        Also some people can lie through their teeth. I would want solid reference checks etc. that know about a person's long term past rather than just what someone told me. Maybe ask him some questions about the stuff you investigated (stuff he doesn't know you know I mean) and know about to check if he lies about them or is truthful.



                        That isn't a good sign in my opinion. Patience is so important in a marriage. I understand the wait can be difficult and hard - but he should respect that it is one of the biggest decisions in your life and he should be patient about it and not rush you into anything.

                        I guess its good not to judge someone on their past but where do you draw the line. People reject people for all sorts of things, height, race, weight, skin-tone. None of those even come close to a super lengthy criminal record.

                        Sorry sister I do not mean to come across as being overly negative about the situation here - esp. since I dont know the brother - just giving you my honest thoughts.

                        https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Sabr View Post

                          I also think you are writing off religious guys. I feel the arrogant ones you meet aren't religious guys - just ones that wear a long beard and go to the mosque but have no akhlaq; who haven't grasped what Islam is really about. No different to the women who wear hijab but very tight clothes who haven't grasped what hijab means.

                          There are plenty people that go to the masjid I attend that have no respect for anyone but themselves and love to show off, but there are also tonnes of very humble, gentle and very friendly religious men there. It's a mixed bag like anything.

                          True. Alhamdulillah. There are.
                          ​​​​​​I've been regularly sitting with a few brothers for 5-10 after Taraaweeh every night this Ramadhan and humility is one of the things that they all seem to share, Alhamdulillah.

                          One in his thirties (already married), two in their early twenties and a few others of similar age. I actually Found myself thinking may Allah Ta'aalaa grant these brothers wives their nature's deserve when they do marry.

                          Maybe it's moreso a problem with particular sections of the Muslim community that have these issues predominantly. (Arrogance from religious knowledge/debating with lack & multiple marriages and divorces, hidden marriages, etc, etc...)
                          ‚Äč‚ÄčNOTE: Please kindly avoid 'liking' my posts. Thank you! (Jazaa'akumullah khair)

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                          • #43
                            No. 

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                            • #44
                              My own past was pretty bad I wasn't a gangster (hated rap) but I was a junkie and a criminal. I've been Muslim ten years clean roughly the same but my past eats me up inside. No idea how I'll get married when the time comes (not ready now due to an illness) but I hope I can find someone who judged me for who I am now not who I was

                              that being said op I think you already know the answer. Forget his past but how he is currently is raising red flags

                              my advice would be dont dismiss it but be cautious and hesitant too. If these red flags keep popping up then you are under no obligation to marry him let him ruin someone else's life

                              may Allah make things easy for you and grant you khair
                              "My servants, you who have transgressed against yourselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Truly Allah forgives all wrong actions. He is the Ever-Forgiving, the Most Merciful." (Surat az-Zumar: 53)

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                              • #45
                                Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
                                My own past was pretty bad I wasn't a gangster (hated rap) but I was a junkie and a criminal. I've been Muslim ten years clean roughly the same but my past eats me up inside. No idea how I'll get married when the time comes (not ready now due to an illness) but I hope I can find someone who judged me for who I am now not who I was

                                that being said op I think you already know the answer. Forget his past but how he is currently is raising red flags

                                my advice would be dont dismiss it but be cautious and hesitant too. If these red flags keep popping up then you are under no obligation to marry him let him ruin someone else's life

                                may Allah make things easy for you and grant you khair
                                https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

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