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Compromising intellectual and socioeconomic compatibility

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  • Compromising intellectual and socioeconomic compatibility

    Assalamu 'alaikum,

    Dear brothers and sisters, so far in my search for a spouse, it's almost always one of these two things that made me decide to not continue a talk with a sister: her deen (both in practice and in knowledge) and physical interest. Now I'm in talks with a sister that fulfills both criteria nicely. A few things that can be a source of concern is that she's a high school graduate (I'm a bachelor) and she rarely reads (I'm an avid reader). Also, she comes from a very modest family financial and social-wise (but this is more of a concern to her). There's nothing necessarily wrong with those facts, but that might affect how intellectually compatible we are. In your opinion, is it something that's OK to compromise on (especially considering that I've been looking for a spouse in years and I'm very picky lol)?

    Jazakumullahu khaira.
    I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

  • #2
    This place is gonna close b4 u get married

    say bismillah and go
    yallah

    Comment


    • #3



      I wanted to see the members get married but this isn't possible within a month over Ramadan
      I think there maybe a clash but you should meet her first and pray isthikhaara.

      ​​​​​​You win the pickiest uf member in the history of UF RaNdOm is the second one

      Lol
      Last edited by Ya'sin; 21-04-19, 01:19 AM.
      'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

      So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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      • #4
        Useless thread.

        Talk to her. Do you get along? Can you hold intelligent conversations?

        It ain't that deep.

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        • #5
          Having a degree does not portray how intellectual a person is. How about you have a conversation with her and actually see if you get along. This is an unnecessary requirement, your just Being picky over small things. The fact that your basing intellectual ability on whether someone has a degree or not, tells me you may not be as smart as you come across. I know people who cheated their way through uni, so that says nothing about how smart someone is. A person can have so much life experience and knowledge without having a degree.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Janna90 View Post
            Having a degree does not portray how intellectual a person is. How about you have a conversation with her and actually see if you get along. This is an unnecessary requirement, your just Being picky over small things. The fact that your basing intellectual ability on whether someone has a degree or not, tells me you may not be as smart as you come across. I know people who cheated their way through uni, so that says nothing about how smart someone is. A person can have so much life experience and knowledge without having a degree.
            That's why my post was worded in a particular way as I didn't want to come across as someone who judge ppl by their degrees. But I believe that and have seen in some ppl how their education plays a role in their way of thinking. For me personally it doesn't matter as long as she has the will to learn new things, curious, and have goals.
            Last edited by budi.sudaryo; 21-04-19, 02:26 AM.
            I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by budi.sudaryo View Post

              That's why my wording wad
              I don’t understand

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Janna90 View Post

                I don’t understand
                Fixed now, sorry
                I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by budi.sudaryo View Post

                  That's why my post was worded in a particular way as I didn't want to come across as someone who judge ppl by their degrees. But I believe that and have seen in some ppl how their education plays a role in their way of thinking. For me personally it doesn't matter as long as she has the will to learn new things, curious, and have goals.
                  Then why are you concered? Surely you should get to know the person first then decide if your compatible or not.

                  If it doesnt matter to you personally, then why do you care about asking peoples opinions on the matter? At the end of the day, marriage is a personal choice. Its you who has to live with that person.

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                  • #10
                    I don't considerate their education, career or any other dumb measurement of success used by feminists as having any value.

                    Also, she comes from a very modest family financial and social-wise
                    This is the most important part and that's all I care as long as she can fulfill the following obligation:
                    • be attractive and pleasant both aesthetically and personality-wise
                    • fulfill my desires in the only legislated halaal manner
                    • provide emotional support and spiritual encouragement
                    • provide children and help me raise them on Islam
                    • manage the household affairs
                    Last edited by GuledFaroole; 21-04-19, 04:59 AM.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by GuledFaroole View Post
                      I don't considerate their education, career or any other dumb measurement of success used by feminists as having any value.


                      This is the most important part and that's all I care as long as she can fulfill the following obligation:
                      • be attractive and pleasant both aesthetically and personality-wise
                      • fulfill my desires in the only legislated halaal manner
                      • provide emotional support and spiritual encouragement
                      • provide children and help me raise them on Islam
                      • manage the household affairs
                      You know I've spoken to more than one potential who attempted to impress me with their careers and educational accomplishments. It's kind of amazing that so many of these girls don't know what really matters to a man.

                      ​​​​​​
                      ​​​​​​

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

                        You know I've spoken to more than one potential who attempted to impress me with their careers and educational accomplishments. It's kind of amazing that so many of these girls don't know what really matters to a man.

                        ​​​​​​
                        ​​​​​​
                        They probably study/work too much. They don't mean to be like that, though - probably ignorant or unaware about the way opposite gender works.

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