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  • #31
    Originally posted by JustNeedAdvice View Post

    Hence why i am now here...

    Seeing if someone has dealt with a situation like this before or has any experience..
    It's tiring, its hard and its difficult i got married to share my life with someone i Love to have peace and tranquility to not get involved in adultery etc..
    Ive been in ur situation brother. My ex wife was a feminist and i was a non practising muslim by name and then i became religious.
    i can sense maybe some of the mistakes youve made. But my story is a little more complicated n dangerous than urs.

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    • #32
      How do you explain this, this past Jummah she made a big argument over me going jummah instead of taking my daughter to nursery..
      She was studying her brothers and mother is at home one of them could easily drop our daughter of to the nursery and leave but she instead wanted me to and i told her in advance every friday i wont be able to do the 12.30 nursery drop because jummah starts at 12.30 and then when i suggested i can pick our daughter up and she can come jummah with me she jumps the boat and says so our kids cant go school now.

      She expected me to miss the Friday prayer for what, when there were others who could also take our daughter, just so her family doesn't have to do anything but i do because i am her dad.

      Ohh and because of that she started cursing me and making dua to Allah that the worse happens to me etc..

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      • #33
        i hate feminism and those stupid feminists

        Comment


        • #34
          Originally posted by shehbazthakur View Post

          Why is she remaining married to you? What does she want from you? If she wants you to change then its not going to happen. She doesnt respect u anyways. she even regrets marrying you and having kids from you. And is even asking you to take a second wife. Wow.
          its a loveless marriage. She is not attatched to u and will be indifferent if the two of you seperate.
          .Maybe you 2 fancied each other at the beginning of the marriage.
          Maybe youve tried to control her too much. I dont know your wifes perspective on this. But i get a slight feeling youve been harsh on her ever since you became religious. Youve read all the hadith about aakhirah and how if a woman goes out without her husbands permission then etc etc and that scared you. So you in that fear, tried to restrict her, whereas earlier you both were just muslims by name.
          You cant expect a person to change 180 degrees in an instant and now she resents you and probably even resents islam. Unless she accepts islam from the heart n soul she will not do those things and if you force it on her she will resent u. Youve heard the hadith of a female being a crooked rib. No doubt your wife has to be obedient to you ...

          You have 2 options brother.
          1) divorce her
          2) have a frank conversation with her, remind her that you have kids. You will your relationship one last chance. Consider it for your kids. You may allow her to go out ... but only for 2 months. But she will have to listen to atleast one page of Quran with translation and read 5 times prayer.
          . Do what you used to do at the beginning of marriage.
          You shouldav tried to get her slowly into deen and not instsntly by restricting her.
          Show her good manners. But whats done is done.
          Ask Allah to guide you ... he kniws best. He is fully aware of your situation.
          I dont know what she is expecting or what she thinks will happen... and clearly i know she doesn't respect me because if she did it wouldn't be like this.
          She cant be blaming the deen or be thinking this way why because i have been patient and slowly told her and its common sense how can you talk to another human being like this and also why would I want my wife to be a trophy of mine for everyone to see. I dont try to control her i just tell her whats right and how i feel if thats controlling her then thats not right. She has her own free will to make her own choices and do as she pleases, but she cant have the best of both worlds and expect me to suck it up because life doesn't work like that.

          Harsh? If only you could ask my family how i've been with her and how i've treated her and looked after her and buy her gifts even my sisters get jealous as i've been told.

          Also me and her had a frank and sincere conversation before all of this when we both wanted to change and decided that were both going to fulfil our duties and work hard to strive towards our deen fast forward im still doing it she isn't.

          Also a basic relationship between 2 people can only work for one reason Respect if there isn't any respect in any relationship then that wont work in Life. My wife doesn't even show me that so then im left with the question at hand do i divorce her or wait patiently for Allah to find me a way out...

          I have a responsibility and a role which is to guide my flock (family) to the righteous way not to sit back and just allow it

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          • #35
            Also I'm not stopping her or don't mind her going out at all it all comes down to why and for what and with who shes going out with...

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            • #36
              What changed her heart after you both decided to follow deen. If the 2 of you mutually decided to become more deeni why did she turn back.
              My ex wife did something similiar to me. She told we shud read salah and be punctual about it. I was impressed and decided okay lets do this together. So we even prayed nafil together .... but slowly and steadily she started to slip. She became lazy and complacent in salah. Turns out she wanted me to become namazi only so that i would not look at other women.(as if i would stare n oogle at other women). It was just for her insecurity which she had of me. But she never wanted to follow islam in the first place. Itwas just a facade to control me.
              she resented me when i became more religious.

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              • #37
                Originally posted by shehbazthakur View Post
                What changed her heart after you both decided to follow deen. If the 2 of you mutually decided to become more deeni why did she turn back.
                My ex wife did something similiar to me. She told we shud read salah and be punctual about it. I was impressed and decided okay lets do this together. So we even prayed nafil together .... but slowly and steadily she started to slip. She became lazy and complacent in salah. Turns out she wanted me to become namazi only so that i would not look at other women.(as if i would stare n oogle at other women). It was just for her insecurity which she had of me. But she never wanted to follow islam in the first place. Itwas just a facade to control me.
                she resented me when i became more religious.
                Im not sure i believe it could be her friends she keeps in contact with through snapchat etc... maybe? but thats correct we both had a heart to heart and decided at that time it was time to turn to Allah together and support eachother. Ever since i have been on the deen and trying to help her with it while shes been drifting off and actually indirectly wanting me to be the same so its weird and i dont understand it

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                • #38
                  Exact words of my wife:

                  She wants to stay married but She doesn't want to us to give each other our rights on the deen upon each other set by Allah and to follow the Law of Allah instead she said shes not going to damage herself and her personality because shes being forced to. She wants to live how she wants to live and how a wife should live and not go back to Victorian times.. It's 2019, women and men are equal and men shouldn't treat their wives like slaves. In her words she says shes the slave of ALLAH not her husbands.

                  She just contradicts herself saying she's a slave of Allah yet doesn't want to follow the words of Allah..

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by JustNeedAdvice View Post
                    Exact words of my wife:

                    She wants to stay married but She doesn't want to us to give each other our rights on the deen upon each other set by Allah and to follow the Law of Allah instead she said shes not going to damage herself and her personality because shes being forced to. She wants to live how she wants to live and how a wife should live and not go back to Victorian times.. It's 2019, women and men are equal and men shouldn't treat their wives like slaves. In her words she says shes the slave of ALLAH not her husbands.

                    She just contradicts herself saying she's a slave of Allah yet doesn't want to follow the words of Allah..

                    ​​​​​​She doesn't know the religion she follows and you're right, she is contradicting herself.

                    ​​​
                    She can learn the fiqh of marriage but who will persuade her?

                    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post


                      ​​​​​​She doesn't know the religion she follows and you're right, she is contradicting herself.

                      ​​​
                      She can learn the fiqh of marriage but who will persuade her?
                      I tried to tell her we can learn about it together and watch lectures on YouTube but she thinks she knows Islam more than i do and i tell her its not good to be Arrogant everyone is a student of knowledge and no one can say i know more and be a true believer because Islam doesn't promote arrogance.. some can have more experience and knowledge that's true but not for them to turn around for them to make others feel stupid.

                      She comes across arrogant and ignorant and probably wont listen to anyone.

                      It's funny how even her dad tells me shes been reading Quran since she was young but did she get taught the meanings of what she was reading its all well and good to read the Quran but you should want to understand the words you are reciting.

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                      • #41
                        Originally posted by JustNeedAdvice View Post
                        Also I'm not stopping her or don't mind her going out at all it all comes down to why and for what and with who shes going out with...
                        a women should not go out at night without a mehram

                        and i would be concerned with women going out at any time of day if she hangs around with juhaal

                        who knows what those juhaal get up to

                        and wallahi snapchat instagram facebook these have led to marriages falling apart before

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                          a women should not go out at night without a mehram

                          and i would be concerned with women going out at any time of day if she hangs around with juhaal

                          who knows what those juhaal get up to

                          and wallahi snapchat instagram facebook these have led to marriages falling apart before
                          I agree with that too i dont accept her to be out whenever it gets dark without a mahram also when shes going out the reasons should be valid like taking the kids to the park shopping etc.. going to her familys house not going out to just go do what i want with who i want.

                          Especially with those friends of hers.

                          and you are completely right those apps are designed to ruin your life waste your time etc... people dont realise it but it affects them more than know.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Originally posted by JustNeedAdvice View Post

                            I agree with that too i dont accept her to be out whenever it gets dark without a mahram also when shes going out the reasons should be valid like taking the kids to the park shopping etc.. going to her familys house not going out to just go do what i want with who i want.

                            Especially with those friends of hers.

                            and you are completely right those apps are designed to ruin your life waste your time etc... people dont realise it but it affects them more than know.
                            may Allah make it easy for you and protect you your family and your honour

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