Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

what a wife should if his man watches porn?

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • what a wife should if his man watches porn?

    It's been 6 years since we got married. It's been 3 to 4 times i been caught watching porn. My wife fights with me and I'll come to a conclusion that i won't watch the porn again. Even i made promises and broke the promises. As the temptations everywhere i couldn't keep the promises. I know it's all my fault and i really feel guilt in deep. But this time it's different. My wife found i watch porn. She asked me if am watching. First i said no then i agreed. Now the way she treats me is different. She doesn't respect me at all. She even beated me with a jug thrice. As men are stronger then women physically i could have beaten her back. But I didn't. Coz its my fault. Now the problem is she is treating me like a shit. She call me with her fingers flipped. Doesn't give respect at all. I feel very bad about it. I feel like why am I living yet after doing the shame thing. But if she is treating me like the same way am definitely gonna turn back and things will mess up. Do please give me some advice what should I do now.

  • #2
    Oh wow this problem is definitely complex. First, be prepared for a lot of replies from self righteous users who ridicule you and try to make you feel bad. They will be hurtful and very rude. Make sure you ignore them and their vile comments. Second, I'm sure you feel bad and regret what you did. Focus on getting over this habit first. It's hard but it's very very possible. And don't let her treat you like you're her bit** because if you do then she's going to get a power trip and always treat you like that. She should understand and try to help you through this or she should leave. Not make things harder. Talk to her and explain this to her.

    Comment


    • #3
      don't quit for your wife quit because your disobeying Allah that's the first thing I would say to you

      what your going through is a very tough battle which is usually the case for single brothers who can't afford marriage or can't find anyone, but your different your married, you have no excuse really you have been blessed with lawful intimacy.. maybe if you was going off your wife you should tell her to improve her self and look after her self better if she isn't already .. and improve yourself too

      one thing that will fix this is by lowering your gaze its that simple if you lower your gaze this will go away and your wife will become even more beautiful in your eyes

      what the eyes see the heart gets attached, so really lower your gaze, get off social media or anything like that don't go staring at women in the street which will increase desire inside you, if you see a women approaching your direction try not to look in that direction until she passes a simple look is all it takes

      the reason to get married is to protect yourself and keep yourself chaste, why have you gotten married and your not doing so?

      ask for forgiveness and lower your gaze

      Comment


      • #4
        You're addicted to porn so you'll have to take action to prevent yourself from looking at things that not only mess up your mind but faith also.

        What are you doing with your time?

        Use your time wisely. The times you look at porn could be used to appreciate your wife instead, this could help to instil respect between you both.

        Do you take your religion seriously?

        If not, there's not much anyone can do and the only thing you can do is rely on professional help by seeking therapy.

        Religion teaches us to lower our gaze. Practise self control and have dignity.

        You feel ashamed of your actions, you wouldn't do this in front of anyone else, why do it in front of Allah?
        That's a good reminder.

        Our eyes will witness against us on the day of judgement.
        if you believe in all that, you'll take heed.

        Your wife will continue to disrespect you for as long as you continue to disrespect yourself.

        You must make an effort to get therapy and take a good look at where you stand with your religion.

        No one is perfect but we have the ability to stop sining if we really want to please Allah.

        Take action, start fasting, block sites that lead you to looking at porn.

        You are not an undignified animal. You are better than that and you don't need the help of a corrrupted industry to make money out of your misery.



        If you change yourself, eventually your wife will change her attitude towards you.


        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

        Comment


        • #5
          You should start by quitting since it won't benefit you "anymore". Maybe its best for you to keep a distance from her until things get less heated.
          Keep yourself busy: work, praying etc. Only God can judge as well as your sincerity to stop and forgive. Most importantly, hear what each other has to say and if bs happens, dont tolerate it, stand up for yourself.
          Anyway the addiction/sins isn't good for you, theirs no escape except losses.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Imnobody View Post
            It's been 6 years since we got married. It's been 3 to 4 times i been caught watching porn. My wife fights with me and I'll come to a conclusion that i won't watch the porn again. Even i made promises and broke the promises. As the temptations everywhere i couldn't keep the promises. I know it's all my fault and i really feel guilt in deep. But this time it's different. My wife found i watch porn. She asked me if am watching. First i said no then i agreed. Now the way she treats me is different. She doesn't respect me at all. She even beated me with a jug thrice. As men are stronger then women physically i could have beaten her back. But I didn't. Coz its my fault. Now the problem is she is treating me like a shit. She call me with her fingers flipped. Doesn't give respect at all. I feel very bad about it. I feel like why am I living yet after doing the shame thing. But if she is treating me like the same way am definitely gonna turn back and things will mess up. Do please give me some advice what should I do now.
            Why are you watching porn in the first place?
            you are married and ofcourse I don't need to tell you that it"s haram. If one wife is not enough for you. Marry again. You can have 4 wives. Don't choose the wrong ways. May Allah guide you

            Comment


            • #7
              Just concentrate on giving up this horrible addiction. There's no such thing as cheat days when it comes to such things. Its like meth ya know? Not even once bruh.

              One of the most important ayats in the Quran says that the bad we earn in the life is due to the deeds we have done. You did something wrong and now you're paying the price. Bear the brunt of the mistakes you did brother. You deserve it. Have patience. Seek forgiveness from Allah, only he can really help you. Regret what you did and start to develop feelings of HATE for that act and you will mange to make a sincere repentance and also manage to stay away from it. Allah doesn't reveal to public when we sin only once or make a mistake one time, it happens only after repeated sinning. I feel you've done this more than once, maybe many times. I wish I could explain to you the effects that porn has on your mind and perspective and sex drive. It's horrible. It may take months if not years for you to get back to normal and have a clean mind and heart and be able to enjoy desires in a halal way.

              Allah is the One who can make things better, in your marriage too. So seek His forgiveness and His help and if you are sincere then you will find success. Do more good deeds as good deeds wipe out bad deeds. Tahajjud, fasting, and whatever else you can manage. Your wife has a right to be angry because it's not the first time she has caught you. I mean just to think about it... wth man? Imagine how would you feel if you caught your wife sleeping with another man multiple times. Each time she says sorry but does it again... what would you do?? You'd flip your head and go mad. Earn her respect back. Shaytan is telling you to turn back. Don't listen to him. Ugh. Don't give in to the different ways and methods that he's going to try and attack you and lead you to temptation. In anger or sadness or frustration he will use your emotions. Somehow or the other he ONLY wants you to watch porn once more so he can have a big laugh. He's smart, but he's not that smart yeah? Don't give in to the dog and his temptations. It's a battle against shaytan and your nafs. But you can definitely come through this. Ramadan is around the corner too, so make sure you have a good plan to change yourself. If you change the conditions inside you then Allah will change the conditions around you. Show your wife that you have changed. Not just one week or one month of change, but a year or ten years even. Once you feel you are strong and wont go back to it, ask her to help you. Open up to her. Show her your emotions and show her your weakness. Ask her to help you and to treat you with respect. Have good communication and develop your relationship. Stay away from your body desires for a while to gain control. Dunya is ONLY a test my brother, you need to stop failing. What if death comes to you while you're doing one of these haram acts?

              I think I've said too much. Sigh. I hope that you find strength to fight for yourself.

              Comment


              • #8
                ...
                Last edited by hasan2013; 27-03-19, 09:25 PM.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by hasan2013 View Post

                  The bulk of your advice is correct, however I am surprised at the bolded part.

                  The woman has been physically abusive towards him, it would be difficult to even respect such a cruel woman let alone appreciate her. We need to remember the husband is the gateway to either paradise or he'll.
                  No excuse for hitting but why are you surprised at the bolded part? When a man has needs then he should go to his wife, not his device. If he can't then he needs to get some sort of professional help (if he is an addict)


                  Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                    You're addicted to porn so you'll have to take action to prevent yourself from looking at things that not only mess up your mind but faith also.

                    What are you doing with your time?

                    Use your time wisely. The times you look at porn could be used to appreciate your wife instead, this could help to instil respect between you both.

                    Do you take your religion seriously?

                    If not, there's not much anyone can do and the only thing you can do is rely on professional help by seeking therapy.

                    Religion teaches us to lower our gaze. Practise self control and have dignity.

                    You feel ashamed of your actions, you wouldn't do this in front of anyone else, why do it in front of Allah?
                    That's a good reminder.

                    Our eyes will witness against us on the day of judgement.
                    if you believe in all that, you'll take heed.

                    Your wife will continue to disrespect you for as long as you continue to disrespect yourself.

                    You must make an effort to get therapy and take a good look at where you stand with your religion.

                    No one is perfect but we have the ability to stop sining if we really want to please Allah.

                    Take action, start fasting, block sites that lead you to looking at porn.

                    You are not an undignified animal. You are better than that and you don't need the help of a corrrupted industry to make money out of your misery.



                    If you change yourself, eventually your wife will change her attitude towards you.

                    The bulk of your advice is correct, however I am surprised at the bolded part.

                    The woman has been physically abusive towards him, it would be difficult to even respect such a woman let alone appreciate her. We need to remember the husband is the gateway to either paradise or hell.

                    if the husband has done something haram that doesn't give the wife the right to start acting like a bully. If she was genuinely concerned about him, she would talk about this issue over with him like a human being and help him stay away from this habit.

                    The husband should stay away from watching this filth and also try to repair his marriage.

                    Imnobody I have some advice for you.

                    When you feel the urge to watch that evil, go to your wife..
                    Also, always lower your gaze whenever possible, don't watch tv shows with women and don't attend any mixed gatherings.

                    Remember Allah as much as you can and try to keep yourself occupied with the zikr of Allah, this will insh Allah give you the resolve to keep away from this sin. Also try to surround yourself with practising brothers, they will help motivate you to do good and shun evil.

                    And bro, don't beat yourself up, we all sin but the one who repents from his sin and gives it up is like the one who never even committed the sin in the first place.

                    May Allah help you to stay away from this sin and purify you.
                    Last edited by hasan2013; 27-03-19, 09:39 PM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Imnobody View Post
                      . Do please give me some advice what should I do now.
                      As others have said, work on your marriage. Ask yourself why you resorted to p--n in the first place!
                      Get rid of your devices, you obviously can't be trusted with them.
                      Get professional help if you're an addict
                      Change your routine so you don't relapse (maybe go to the gym or go for a walk with your wife)
                      Apologize to your wife for not lowering your gaze, she feels betrayed.
                      Explain to her that you will not tolerate her abusive behaviour (she shouldn't treat your like trash because you look at trash)
                      Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by shay5 View Post

                        No excuse for hitting but why are you surprised at the bolded part? When a man has needs then he should go to his wife, not his device. If he can't then he needs to get some sort of professional help (if he is an addict)

                        The way she worded it, was not correct. I don't deny he should approach his wife, however 'appreciating' her, at this point in time would not be possible as is evident from his original post. The brother obviously feels really hurt from her reaction and feels even worse. This is not the way to get someone to change.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by hasan2013 View Post

                          The way she worded it, was not correct. I don't deny he should approach his wife, however 'appreciating' her, at this point in time would not be possible as is evident from his original post. The brother obviously feels really hurt from her reaction and feels even worse. This is not the way to get someone to change.
                          True. But she's hurt too. She's not concentrating on trying to get him to change. She's concentrating on the shock/dealing with the situation she finds herself in. Common bro, it's not once or twice its quite a few number of times that she's caught him yeah? I'm assuming at least 5 times. The woman is feeling a mix of anger, sadness, hate and insecurity. There are a MILLION bad thoughts that the shaytan is whispering in her head right now related to her man. I'm not going to mention them here, you can imagine for yourself.

                          Yes, I agree she should try to help him. He should also try to help her right now. Then she can try to help him. Idk, just trying to see it from her side...
                          Last edited by IsaahM; 27-03-19, 09:52 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by IsaahM View Post

                            True. But she's hurt too. She's not concentrating on trying to get him to change. She's concentrating on the shock/dealing with the situation she finds herself in. Common man, it's not once or twice its quite a few number of times that she's caught him yeah? I'm assuming at least 5 times. The woman is feeling a mix of anger, sadness, hate and insecurity. There are a MILLION bad thoughts that the shaytan is whispering in her head right now related to her man. I'm not going to mention them here, you can imagine for yourself.

                            Yes, I agree she should try to help him. He should also try to help her right now. Then she can try to help him. Idk, just trying to see it from her side...
                            Yeah you're right bro, it's a difficult time for the wife as well.

                            Comment

                            Working...
                            X