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  • Need advice

    • Before reading this just a simple remainder that we can go and leave this world at anytime and the best thing to go out and leave with is having the best intentions, worshipping Allah and doing good deeds.




    I have noticed that the whole purpose of marriage is not being fulfilled here and is being taken over by desires and a lack of knowledge and taqwa (consciousness of Allah)




    We are lacking in the main purposes of marriage in islam which are:
    • Piety & God-Consciousness (taqwa)
    • Sexual Satisfaction - To please each other sexually
    • Having kids and educating them and teaching them the importance of following Islam properly and fearing and praising Allah.
    • Emotional and Psychological satisfaction - creating a peaceful loving comforting home to have refuge in from the stresses of the world.
    • Social Solidarity - contributing towards society by doing charitable deeds and giving.




    My rights Allah has made you responsible for :
    • Being obedient - this is done by fulfilling all my needs as long as they are permissible by Islam. Things that i say that go against islam you should not listen to.
    • Serving him, There is no disagreement among scholars that a woman should serve her husband in the house. It is really a well-established custom. Also, it is a recommendable act which the Prophet, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, has approved. The honorable Mothers of the Believers, may Allah be pleased with them, used to take care of the housework as well as the honorable wives of the companions, may Allah be pleased with them.
    • For this seek and expect your reward from Allah The Almighty. You should also not forget that you will be reward for every good action you do for me in much the same way as I will be rewarded for every penny I spends on you, and that everything you are doing is for the pleasure of Allah Exalted and Glorified be He.
    • Looking after and caring for him fully. This means to prefer him to all other people and look after his appearance as the Mothers of the Believers used to do with the Prophet, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him.
    • Being very grateful to your husband and avoid being ungrateful to him.
    • Feeling content with the husband. This means that you have to feel satisfied with what Allah The Almighty has decreed for you and never compare him to others for humans really are full of defects and shortcomings and no one has the best perfect descriptions among humans. So you have to turn a blind eye to his negative attributes as long as it is not related to or undermine his religion. You, moreover, should think about his positive attributes so that your heart may be pleased with him.
    • Adornment for the Husband. The righteous wise woman is the one who is keen on adorn herself for her husband in the best way and with what can pleases him. She may wear the best clothes within the limits he can afford.
    • Welcoming the husband warmly and biding him farewell affectionately. This means that she should be keen on being the first one to welcome and greet him happily and with a beautiful smile when he comes back home. Also, she should do the same whenever he goes out, bid him a fond farewell with an affectionate smile and pray for his success.
    • Listening to him attentively. The Husband needs a warm heart to which he can refuge and to someone who can listen to his problems. So the wife should listen to him and warm his chest with the words that can calm and keep him peaceful.
    • You should listen attentively to your husband and pay much attention to his speech. As it hurts you if he comes back from his work and goes to sleep directly, it also hurts him if you are heedless to his speech.
    • Do not interrupt him and wait until your husband finishes his conversation. Just let him open his heart and reveal his feelings to you.
    • Do not issue judgments while you are listening to him. You should be responsible for your own words and when you want to express your opinion, so do it but avoid enjoining and giving orders to him.
    • Try to use the constructive request style during dialogue. This can be done by using some words like I think, I hope and so on.
    • Do not disclose his secrets. Wife should keep the secrets of her husband, for disclosing them hurts him badly for if he did not find safety and peace with his wife, where could he find them then?
    • Seeking the convenient time to ask for your needs. This means that the pious wife seek the most appropriate time to ask for her needs or speaking in the important matters.
    • Showing respect and looking after his family. This means that one should help her husband to be dutiful to his parents and relatives. She, moreover, should enhance her relationship with his mother in particular for she really has suffered a lot in raising him up and has a great right over him. She also should be keen on visiting his female relatives and being kind with them.




    I have given the facts along with evidence.

    Ofcourse in return i have to provide for you and care for you and treat you well and take care of things for you when you cant which i have always done and never had a problem with. Also i have always remained calm and quiet at all times .




    Islamic view on Make Up and Excessive Adornments Publicly and my feelings.




    I, your husband does not like and does not accept you wearing make up outside but you can wear at home for me or when your at home with your family. I have a right upon you for you to look your best for me so that i could enjoy your beauty. You put so much effort in when you go outside but never for me. Its not fair and not nice for it to be that way. Why should i have to be neglected on this right i was given?



    You are my wife and i have rights upon you that you should only beautify yourself for me why do i have to share that right with other men when it should only be for my eyes to enjoy.



    I deserve your respect and for you to act and be my wife. Its also become tiring and frustrating handling your ill speech and disrespect its getting to much now. If you are not gonna respect me and act in humility and decency towards me then this cant be a marriage, this is not how a islamic marriage is meant to be. Allah has given you your rights like he has given me mine so we should respect it and follow it doing this ensures true happiness and tranquillity.
    • I cannot live with or accept anything that goes against the word of Allah or the Sunnah these are things we as believers have to be aware of and to follow and act upon. We cant be ARROGANT NOR IGNORANT, Allah and the word of our Prophet SAW comes before anything and should be our priority and we should not let anything get in the way of that.




    More evidence if needed :

    http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask...wed-wear-make/




    https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/islam.../answers/67897




  • #2

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    • #3
      This is pathetic for a number of reasons.

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      • #4
        Please elaborate...

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        • #5
          Originally posted by MrMahdi View Post
          Please elaborate...
          Why would you publish a private letter addressed to your wife?

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post

            Why would you publish a private letter addressed to your wife?

            Comment


            • #7
              lool

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              • #8
                Constructive advice - which is the same whether you're 24 or 54:

                - Don't post private matters between you and your wife on the internet
                - Don't look for advice on private matters between you and your wife on the internet

                We don't know you; we don't know your wife; we don't know your situation. One must have knowledge of all three to give valued advice.

                This is all without taking into account the actual content of the post. Writing a letter with a list of complaints to rebuke your wife is not normal. Sharing that letter with others is even more questionable. Publishing it on the internet is unthinkable.

                Take it from someone 'more experienced' than you.

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                • #9
                  Based on what you wrote: If you recently became practising, then how can you make all these demands from your wife? Maybe you should humble yourself and be a bit more patient, forgiving and emotionally intelligent. Instead of acting like a textbook.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by usernametaken View Post
                    Based on what you wrote: If you recently became practising, then how can you make all these demands from your wife? Maybe you should humble yourself and be a bit more patient, forgiving and emotionally intelligent. Instead of acting like a textbook.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Firstly sorry if my post sounded judgemental. I take it back and won't comment on it like that.

                      it seems from your third last paragraph in post 10^ that there were issues before this. Your first post makes it seem like these issues are from one person being more religious than the other. Which will then make it look like a somewhat 'naive'approach to being practising is to blame or is being used as a 'scapegoat'. Sometimes practising people can delude themselves and feel justified by 'hiding' behind religion instead of appraoching matters head on, which is more honest and respectable.

                      That's all i can say from my viewpoint...

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                      • #12
                        Thats not the way to make your wife more deeni.
                        didnt you read the hadith about women being a crooked rib. Youre trying to dictate her like hitler, these are my rights and your responsibilities etc etc.

                        i know you are stating logical facts to your wife but that wont work. You said you recently became a good practising muslim but before you werent practising that much. Your parents would tell you your religious duties, and what was your reaction to them at that time.

                        Rasoolullah s.a.w had so many sahabas r.a because of the love they had for him. They were willing to die for him. He had the best of akhlaq, tolerance, empathy and compassion. So if you want to chsnge the heart of your wife, you must first change.
                        1) show good manners
                        2) show her unconditional love
                        3) when she makes tea,coffee, breakfast for you ... kiss her and let her know that you appreciate her. It may be fard for her to obey you but if shes doing it then appreciate such women. Love her like its your last day. Such women are rare.
                        4) women tend to be more emotional and she will respond to your call to religion slowly and steadily. Not all at once.
                        5) You should read 5 times salah but when it comes to her ... dont force it on her. Instead tell her .... i want to be with you in jannah. Please do it for us. Then when she starts reading prayers slowly ... you wake her up for fajr.
                        Then leave it to Allah ... he is best changer of hearts.
                        Keep making dua

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by shehbazthakur View Post
                          Thats not the way to make your wife more deeni.
                          didnt you read the hadith about women being a crooked rib. Youre trying to dictate her like hitler, these are my rights and your responsibilities etc etc.

                          i know you are stating logical facts to your wife but that wont work. You said you recently became a good practising muslim but before you werent practising that much. Your parents would tell you your religious duties, and what was your reaction to them at that time.

                          Rasoolullah s.a.w had so many sahabas r.a because of the love they had for him. They were willing to die for him. He had the best of akhlaq, tolerance, empathy and compassion. So if you want to chsnge the heart of your wife, you must first change.
                          1) show good manners
                          2) show her unconditional love
                          3) when she makes tea,coffee, breakfast for you ... kiss her and let her know that you appreciate her. It may be fard for her to obey you but if shes doing it then appreciate such women. Love her like its your last day. Such women are rare.
                          4) women tend to be more emotional and she will respond to your call to religion slowly and steadily. Not all at once.
                          5) You should read 5 times salah but when it comes to her ... dont force it on her. Instead tell her .... i want to be with you in jannah. Please do it for us. Then when she starts reading prayers slowly ... you wake her up for fajr.
                          Then leave it to Allah ... he is best changer of hearts.
                          Keep making dua
                          Thank you for this reply i will put this plan into action and leave the rest to Allah SWT as he is the best of planners.

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                          • #14
                            Wa alaykum as-salam

                            Bro, she won't read any of that. Even if she does go through that long email, she won't be happy with it at all.

                            1. Don't try to reason with her. And don't list down the facts then expect her to say: "Yes, dear husband. I was wrong." Only a person without 'aql would expect that from his wife.

                            2. If you don't want her to adorn herself and wear makeup outside, you have to sit down with her and gently tell her. If she persists, then be patient. Work on your relationship with her and she will eventually listen to you.

                            3. If you let her wear makeup outside when you first got married or you didn't address it upon getting married then you can't expect her to change on the spot, especially if she isn't happy with you as a husband.

                            4. Don't send that email. Just delete it. Work on your shortcomings in regard to worship and fulfilling the obligations of Islam in the home and make du'a to Allah to change your situation. Again, if Allah guided you recently then you can't change everything in one day. It will come with time and patience.

                            5. After time, if you're doing your best and she still isn't changing and you don't have kids from her, then just marry a second wife.
                            Last edited by Abu Abdur_Rahman; 27-03-19, 09:08 AM.

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