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Will it be easier to marry in the West when we older? Is early-mid 20s too difficult?

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  • Will it be easier to marry in the West when we older? Is early-mid 20s too difficult?

    I am a male who is 24 - living in Australia. It seems all the girls my age or a couple of years younger just aren't interested in marriage (in general, not just to me haha ... or who knows, maybe just to me).

    Some more info if it helps: I haven't actually met/spoken to anyone sisters yet, I've just asked my aunties/uncles/family friends/imam at my masjid etc if they know anyone and the only people they seem to be able to recommend are family from overseas. I would have thought surely someone would know someone locally as we have quite a large network - dad was an imam and taught at the only Islamic school in our city and one of the madrassahs in town so he asked some of the female teachers there for me, and I have a heap of aunties involved in our town's Muslim women's associations. So I definitely have asked around.

    Has anyone else who started looking at around the same age found something similar? I was thinking maybe wait until I am bit older (and the girls are a bit older and more interested in marriage) and it might be easier. My sisters for example were just purely not interested in marriage until they were in their late 20s. Then they had a mad rush to find someone. And similarly for myself, 2 years ago when I was 22 marriage was the absolute last thing on my mind. So I assume it is the same for the girls younger than me who are around that age as well?

    Or do you think it will be just as hard when I am in my late 20s?

    JazaakAllahKhair! Appreciate any advice. I know the right person will come at the right time InshaAllah. I am just wondering if I should not think about it for a few years and hope it's easier to find someone then. Alternatively, I could bring someone from overseas over now.
    Last edited by Sabr; 26-03-19, 10:44 AM.

  • Palpay
    replied
    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post


    Were you fussy?

    I highly doubt your reserved nature was putting anyone off unless you came across arrogant

    Being reserved is a bonus for some

    In the UK, it seems most Muslims (asians) get married in their late twenties and remain leaving with their parents.

    My husband was 30 when he got married but he was awfully fussy, his mum and relatives told me.

    if you mean in terms of looks, background or education then no i was not fussy. of course i wanted her to take care of her appearance and be of a similar age. i was a little fussy about her personality and nature because i just wanted someone whose personality matched mine, someone who 'got me' and someone who wanted the same things in life that i wanted. and whilst i was always complimented for my good manners and nice nature i was told by a few that i came across as being kinda weird, unconfident or insecure. i didn't disagree with it, i was a little insecure. and i guess i needed a wife who made me feel less so but i didn't want her to be overly dominant or anything.

    Leave a comment:


  • -_-
    replied
    Originally posted by Sabr View Post
    I the only people they seem to be able to recommend are family from overseas.

    Alternatively, I could bring someone from overseas over now.
    For a reason.

    An important change that has taken place in the last few decades is that women are getting married much more later -- after completing long and rigorous courses and then working hard at demanding jobs. This in turn means that their personalitiies are fully formed by the time they get married. They have also enjoyed the power of money and this too has added to their self-confidence. So, when they do get married, they have much more say in matters and are not willing to compromise .

    Both men and women often oft for live-in relationships instead of marriage and both of them often opt out of both as soon as the going gets tough.This is all in the name of individual freedom , the right of a person to live life on his or her own terms.
    https://www.ummah.com/forum/forum/fa...-to-a-marriage

    https://www.ummah.com/forum/forum/fa...their-husbands
    Last edited by -_-; 29-03-19, 03:52 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Originally posted by Khamsa_khmis View Post

    You're mean
    I wear my heart on my sleeve, I love to easily and hurt to easily. That's my problem. *sad face*

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Originally posted by Palpay View Post
    its all really down to the guy and his luck really

    here in the uk some guys get married in their early 20s whilst others having to wait until their 30s and 40s to marry

    we don't know how you look etc and whilst we shouldn't be shallow realistically image and attraction plays a big part in marriage so it could be that you simply haven't as yet found a woman who was attracted to you or maybe there is something a little offputting about you. really not hating bro, i wasn't married until i was 33. despite being tall, well-built, well-educated and always told i was 'handsome' i was always told that i came across as being too 'reserved' and insecure thats the reason why i was rejected a few times for marriage. some guys just naturally have that appeal or that luck, some guys just haven't found the right one and some guys just don't fit the requirement of a certain sister etc if we have standards then so do they. it'll just happen when Allah decides its your time to get married.

    Were you fussy?

    I highly doubt your reserved nature was putting anyone off unless you came across arrogant

    Being reserved is a bonus for some

    In the UK, it seems most Muslims (asians) get married in their late twenties and remain leaving with their parents.

    My husband was 30 when he got married but he was awfully fussy, his mum and relatives told me.


    Leave a comment:


  • Sabr
    replied
    Originally posted by Palpay View Post
    its all really down to the guy and his luck really

    here in the uk some guys get married in their early 20s whilst others having to wait until their 30s and 40s to marry

    we don't know how you look etc and whilst we shouldn't be shallow realistically image and attraction plays a big part in marriage so it could be that you simply haven't as yet found a woman who was attracted to you or maybe there is something a little offputting about you. really not hating bro, i wasn't married until i was 33. despite being tall, well-built, well-educated and always told i was 'handsome' i was always told that i came across as being too 'reserved' and insecure thats the reason why i was rejected a few times for marriage. some guys just naturally have that appeal or that luck, some guys just haven't found the right one and some guys just don't fit the requirement of a certain sister etc if we have standards then so do they. it'll just happen when Allah decides its your time to get married.

    Thanks for the response. It could definitely be one of those things - but I haven't even reached the stage of meeting a person / or sending them my photo or anything yet. As in no one I asked seems to know anyone else looking to get married.

    Leave a comment:


  • Palpay
    replied
    its all really down to the guy and his luck really

    here in the uk some guys get married in their early 20s whilst others having to wait until their 30s and 40s to marry

    we don't know how you look etc and whilst we shouldn't be shallow realistically image and attraction plays a big part in marriage so it could be that you simply haven't as yet found a woman who was attracted to you or maybe there is something a little offputting about you. really not hating bro, i wasn't married until i was 33. despite being tall, well-built, well-educated and always told i was 'handsome' i was always told that i came across as being too 'reserved' and insecure thats the reason why i was rejected a few times for marriage. some guys just naturally have that appeal or that luck, some guys just haven't found the right one and some guys just don't fit the requirement of a certain sister etc if we have standards then so do they. it'll just happen when Allah decides its your time to get married.

    Leave a comment:


  • Khamsa_khmis
    replied
    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

    Is what I say not true?
    You're mean

    Leave a comment:


  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Originally posted by Kya View Post

    We all gave up on explaining Zizou anything. It is waste of time and he won't get anything.
    What?!? you guys have been trying to explain stuff to me? I must have missed the memo. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    Leave a comment:


  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Originally posted by Khamsa_khmis View Post

    Still bashing the 30 year olds?! Lay off
    Is what I say not true?

    Leave a comment:


  • Kya
    replied
    Originally posted by Khamsa_khmis View Post

    Hi Kya, if you have time please explain the concept of Qadr to Zizou who seems to think marriage is entirely down to age...
    We all gave up on explaining Zizou anything. It is waste of time and he won't get anything.

    Leave a comment:


  • Khamsa_khmis
    replied
    Originally posted by Kya View Post
    Marriage is based on your qadar. As some mentioned above, they started looking at early 20s but didn't get married until late 20s because they could not find someone. I had the same situation, my mom technically started before I turned 20 & yes I was open to marriage but I truly wasn't comfortable with the work/risk that came with marriage. So only if the guy really really felt absolutely perfect I would have settled down, which most human are not perfect unless you are blinded by love.

    Most girls in early 20's are scared of the responsibilities and work associated with marriage & unless the guy is absolute match why take the risk for average Ahmed. Most girls are open to marriage at that age but are in "search mode" trying to figure out what is their absolute match & what can they live without. 24 is perfect age, especially if you are looking for someone around your age. Keep looking and you never know when you will find the perfect match. But you will get married when Allah will it for you, regardless of how much effort you put in. Marriage takes time, it always took time, it is not like a switch you turn on & it happens. It might feel like forever but the time goes by faster. Enjoy this stage in life for the struggle you go thru "trying to find your other half" will help you appreciate your other half when you find her. The struggle of singlehood helped me appreciate my husband much more.
    Hi Kya, if you have time please explain the concept of Qadr to Zizou who seems to think marriage is entirely down to age...

    Leave a comment:


  • Khamsa_khmis
    replied
    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

    It's a common theme.

    Many, many females in the west just want freedom and independence, that's all they are interested in. Marriage is a jail sentence to them.

    When they hit the danger zone i.e. "age = 30" and they know that options will rapidly start to decrease, then they start to dash.

    Get used to it, I think it's only going to get worse.
    Still bashing the 30 year olds?! Lay off

    Leave a comment:


  • Sabr
    replied
    Originally posted by Kya View Post
    Marriage is based on your qadar. As some mentioned above, they started looking at early 20s but didn't get married until late 20s because they could not find someone. I had the same situation, my mom technically started before I turned 20 & yes I was open to marriage but I truly wasn't comfortable with the work/risk that came with marriage. So only if the guy really really felt absolutely perfect I would have settled down, which most human are not perfect unless you are blinded by love.

    Most girls in early 20's are scared of the responsibilities and work associated with marriage & unless the guy is absolute match why take the risk for average Ahmed. Most girls are open to marriage at that age but are in "search mode" trying to figure out what is their absolute match & what can they live without. 24 is perfect age, especially if you are looking for someone around your age. Keep looking and you never know when you will find the perfect match. But you will get married when Allah will it for you, regardless of how much effort you put in. Marriage takes time, it always took time, it is not like a switch you turn on & it happens. It might feel like forever but the time goes by faster. Enjoy this stage in life for the struggle you go thru "trying to find your other half" will help you appreciate your other half when you find her. The struggle of singlehood helped me appreciate my husband much more.
    Thanks for the response Kya. That all makes sense. I've also realised what I will have to compromise on if I want to get married locally.
    Also hilarious - my name is Ahmed.
    Will keep trying InshaAllah.
    JazaakAllahKhair.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kya
    replied
    Marriage is based on your qadar. As some mentioned above, they started looking at early 20s but didn't get married until late 20s because they could not find someone. I had the same situation, my mom technically started before I turned 20 & yes I was open to marriage but I truly wasn't comfortable with the work/risk that came with marriage. So only if the guy really really felt absolutely perfect I would have settled down, which most human are not perfect unless you are blinded by love.

    Most girls in early 20's are scared of the responsibilities and work associated with marriage & unless the guy is absolute match why take the risk for average Ahmed. Most girls are open to marriage at that age but are in "search mode" trying to figure out what is their absolute match & what can they live without. 24 is perfect age, especially if you are looking for someone around your age. Keep looking and you never know when you will find the perfect match. But you will get married when Allah will it for you, regardless of how much effort you put in. Marriage takes time, it always took time, it is not like a switch you turn on & it happens. It might feel like forever but the time goes by faster. Enjoy this stage in life for the struggle you go thru "trying to find your other half" will help you appreciate your other half when you find her. The struggle of singlehood helped me appreciate my husband much more.

    Leave a comment:

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