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  • Advice on whether I made a mistake

    Dear all,
    I am just writing to ask for some advice, if I was in the wrong, so my story is I am alhamdulliah quite practicing and young, I go to the masjid 5 times and even sometimes lead the prayer. At college I saw a girl who seemed to be very righteous and I developed feelings for her, I never spoke to her as this is haraam but I knew her father goes to masjid and we were good friends, so I asked a mutual friend to ask him if he would be interested in a proposal from me, but he never replied and has ignored me since. I spoke to a friend sometime after who said I was wrong and rude and I just wanted some advice.

  • #2
    I don't think you did anything wrong at all if anything you did everything right, you did not approach the girl directly, maybe you should of approached the father directly?

    was it rude when he asked to marry his wife? this is the reason people stay unmarried for longer and the ummah goes corrupt because the halal way is seen as rude and insulting

    if your still deeply interested in her maybe speak to the father directly see what he has to say

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    • #3
      Yup if you got the guts and if it's really annoying you then take an elder relation, maybe your dad and talk to her father directly. If not, leave it before your thoughts drive you crazy enough to do something haram.

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      • #4
        You didn't do anything wrong or rude at all. I will suggest though that in a number of cultures, it's considered more appropriate to approach a father through the elders of your family, usually your parents. Do your parents know about your interest in this girl? An elder member of your family should approach on your behalf. I know Islamically it's the father's consent that is vital but actually in several Muslim cultures, it's often the mothers who are also involved in arranging marriages so it might be worth sending an elder family member to speak to the girl's mother.

        Again I must reiterate, you didn't do anything wrong. Chances are, her father belongs to a culture in which this is seen as inappropriate and assumes these matters are discussed between elder members of the family, not a young person approaching elders directly- but that's a cultural understanding of the situation, whereas there's nothing Islamically wrong with what you did.
        The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Shyness2710 View Post
          Dear all,
          I am just writing to ask for some advice, if I was in the wrong, so my story is I am alhamdulliah quite practicing and young, I go to the masjid 5 times and even sometimes lead the prayer. At college I saw a girl who seemed to be very righteous and I developed feelings for her, I never spoke to her as this is haraam but I knew her father goes to masjid and we were good friends, so I asked a mutual friend to ask him if he would be interested in a proposal from me, but he never replied and has ignored me since. I spoke to a friend sometime after who said I was wrong and rude and I just wanted some advice.
          It was not wrong.

          Maybe the father expected you to approach him directly.

          Did the father not say anything at all to tbe mutual friend?

          Did the friend not explain why it was rude and wrong?

          You don't have to any answers here but should help understand why he is ignoring you.

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          • #6
            Thank you all for your responses, in terms of approaching directly I did not do this as I'm terribly shy and was terrified of doing so secondly I was certain he would have seen it as rude. Our families do not know each other hence I thought I'd be easier to ask somebody mutual to start the conversation. Just to clear the person who asked and the father are still nest friends and laugh and joke but I get ignored, he- the friend said nothing to me. My friend said i should have gotten a family member to speak but our families do not know each other so I thought this to be not possible. But alhamdulliah although I was hurt at the father's behaviour I have moved on and only ask for future reference.
            barakallahufekum

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            • #7
              No.

              If he's upset over you for what you did he's a clear retard.
              You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

              You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

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              • #8
                Let the father know that abandoning a practicing Muslim is Haram.

                "And behold! ye come to us bare and alone as We created you for the first time: ye have left behind you all which We bestowed on you..." - Al-An'am:94

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Shyness2710 View Post
                  Thank you all for your responses, in terms of approaching directly I did not do this as I'm terribly shy and was terrified of doing so secondly I was certain he would have seen it as rude. Our families do not know each other hence I thought I'd be easier to ask somebody mutual to start the conversation. Just to clear the person who asked and the father are still nest friends and laugh and joke but I get ignored, he- the friend said nothing to me. My friend said i should have gotten a family member to speak but our families do not know each other so I thought this to be not possible. But alhamdulliah although I was hurt at the father's behaviour I have moved on and only ask for future reference.
                  barakallahufekum
                  If you really want to marry this girl, then this is exactly what you should do. Ask your father to talk to him even if they dontd know each other. Maybe get your father introduced to him through the mutimu friend.

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                  • #10
                    You didn't do anything wrong. My guess would be the father had a bad assumption when you mentioned your interest in his daughter, and thought you had behaved inappropriately with her. Either that or he thinks you're unsuitable for his daughter for weak reasons such as ethnicity or lack of financial stability etc, but he feels awkward to outright reject you, so he ignored you instead.

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