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Who has more rights? Your wife or your mother with a living spouse?

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  • Who has more rights? Your wife or your mother with a living spouse?

    Who has more rights? My wife or my mother who already has a living spouse but prefers to live with me and my wife? My wife is not happy because my mother is extremely clingy, over possessive and interfering. My mother insists on eating with me while my wife sits on the side alone, she insists on sitting in the passenger seat and makes my wife sit in the back seat, she tells my wife that her time with her husband is only at night, she accompanies us everywhere for watching movies, shopping etc. Her presence in the house has affected our intimate relations such that we are not able to be intimate with each other the way we want to. We can not sit together, hold hands or embrace in her presence because she highly dislikes it. SHe is over critical of my wife and tries to control the way she cooks, eats, dresses and her everyday life. Her own husband is alive and but she prefers to stay with us. My wife is extremely upset and is asking for a divorce because she can not live with my mother any more and I don't want to leave my mother. I am afraid of saying anything to my mother and upsetting her as well.

    What should I do?

  • #2
    Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu

    I'm not going to say which has more rights subhanAllah both are highly regarded in Islam but from what you have described you aren't fulfilling your wife's rights no wonder shes asking for a divorce

    you need to sort this out with your mother. You are married to your wife not your mother so you need to somehow get your mum to back off and give you guys some much needed space

    Obviously this needs to be done diplomatically dont ask me how cause I don't know but if you don't sort this out your marriage is doomed

    you need to man up and deal with this
    Abdullah Ibn al-Mubarak: "One doesn't become noble with any type of knowledge if he doesn't beautify his knowledge with good conduct." (Adab Shar'iyyah 4/208)

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    • #3
      Your wife has every reason to be upset by this living arrangement. Your mother needs to move back in with her husband and give you both your space. That is an unhealthy suffocation.
      "When a man sees the road as long he weakens in his walk." Ibn Qayyim

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      • #4
        Your mother should live with her husband.

        she has no reason to live with her son while her husband is still alive.

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        • #5
          My mother stays with us because she claims benefits in UK and also benefits from free medical checkup for her diabetes and skin allergies. I can't tell her to leave me. She can get the medical from Pakistan but I can't tell her to do that being her son.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by zsyed89 View Post
            Who has more rights? My wife or my mother who already has a living spouse but prefers to live with me and my wife? My wife is not happy because my mother is extremely clingy, over possessive and interfering. My mother insists on eating with me while my wife sits on the side alone, she insists on sitting in the passenger seat and makes my wife sit in the back seat, she tells my wife that her time with her husband is only at night, she accompanies us everywhere for watching movies, shopping etc. Her presence in the house has affected our intimate relations such that we are not able to be intimate with each other the way we want to. We can not sit together, hold hands or embrace in her presence because she highly dislikes it. SHe is over critical of my wife and tries to control the way she cooks, eats, dresses and her everyday life. Her own husband is alive and but she prefers to stay with us. My wife is extremely upset and is asking for a divorce because she can not live with my mother any more and I don't want to leave my mother. I am afraid of saying anything to my mother and upsetting her as well.

            What should I do?
            Tell your mum she is neglecting her own husband.

            Why don't you talk to her husband and tell him to talk to your mum.

            Or just talk to your mum yourself. You should be prepared that she might get hurt by what you say but don't be rude or say anything untrue to her. Make some arrangements with her. Let her come and stay with you for example once in a while. Make sure you also visit her often.



            Last edited by Mintchocchip; 18-03-19, 01:56 PM.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by zsyed89 View Post
              My mother stays with us because she claims benefits in UK and also benefits from free medical checkup for her diabetes and skin allergies. I can't tell her to leave me. She can get the medical from Pakistan but I can't tell her to do that being her son.
              Was she staying with you when you got married? Don't you have any other siblings who she can stay with?
              Last edited by Mintchocchip; 18-03-19, 01:57 PM.

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              • #8
                She was staying with me before marriage, yes. She left Pakistan in 2004 and came to stay in UK on her own saying she wanted to get free medical for her skin allergies. I joined her after 6 years and I am looking after her for 10 years now, taking her to GP, hospital appointments etc. But she can get same treatment in Pakistan too. I have two brothers there and my father. She doesn't get along well with my father and is comfortable here.

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                • #9
                  Learn about the fiqh of marriage.

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