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  • #16
    Why does your sister have your husband on whatsapp? He is not her mahram. This is how the disrespect begins.
    Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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    • #17
      Maybe you do change when you go there? In your attitude or your behavior towards him. I know it's not what you want to hear and you immediately deny it in your mind, that's what we all do. And I'm not supporting his behavior either. But at the same time, I've seen with personal experience the way people change their attitude towards you when they spend time with certain people and then after a few days it goes back to normal. Try to be more aware and make sure that you aren't treating him any different. I know it's easy for you to blame him and make the distance grow, but don't ruin things more. Even if he has terribly wronged you just forgive him and heal him and help him. There's no point breaking this more, try to fix it and concentrate on repairing the relationship. Maybe he feels like he isn't getting enough love and attention because you've been pregnant and have had your hands full? Maybe he's frustrated and he feels stressed out with his life? Whatever it is, you'd know better whats going on in his life and I just wanna advise you to be there for him and try to make things better. When one person is raging, it doesn't help for you to rage too. Be nice. It's ok to be someone's stress relief when they're feeling down. I hope you understand what I'm getting at here...

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      • #18
        First of all, its his duty to take care of his mother so you cant be angry at him for looking after her financially. In fact you should encourage him to balance his duties.
        Secondly tell him that even if he doesnt like your sister, that shouldnt spoil your relationship with each other. Dont try to micromanage. Its a waste of energy ..... all the he says she says. Just ask his whatever differences you have with his family settle it like mature and respectful adults. There are lots of sins involved lile backbiting and sometimes even slander in these type of situations.
        . Dont tolerate him shouting in front of everyone and tell him that your relationship with each other is #1 priority. Whatever enemosity is there between our parents n family shudnt create discord between thr 2 of you(provided he does not do bad things openly).

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        • #19
          Originally posted by IsaahM View Post
          Maybe you do change when you go there? In your attitude or your behavior towards him. I know it's not what you want to hear and you immediately deny it in your mind, that's what we all do. And I'm not supporting his behavior either. But at the same time, I've seen with personal experience the way people change their attitude towards you when they spend time with certain people and then after a few days it goes back to normal. Try to be more aware and make sure that you aren't treating him any different. I know it's easy for you to blame him and make the distance grow, but don't ruin things more. Even if he has terribly wronged you just forgive him and heal him and help him. There's no point breaking this more, try to fix it and concentrate on repairing the relationship. Maybe he feels like he isn't getting enough love and attention because you've been pregnant and have had your hands full? Maybe he's frustrated and he feels stressed out with his life? Whatever it is, you'd know better whats going on in his life and I just wanna advise you to be there for him and try to make things better. When one person is raging, it doesn't help for you to rage too. Be nice. It's ok to be someone's stress relief when they're feeling down. I hope you understand what I'm getting at here...
          I second that. Denial is our biggest enemy. If youre really looking for a solution sister please go for islamic marriage counsellor.
          Just hearing your perspective on this and giving an opinion is 1 sided. Maybe youre looking for a solution maybe youre looking for approval. I dont know.
          To solve your problem both of you must be present.
          . So all i can say is make dua to soften each others hearts for each other for now.

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by shay5 View Post

            He needs to learn manners before he does anything else. What a disgusting man.
            Using profanity is inexcusable, but for some random person to come and call her husband a "disgusting man" is unjust and most likely sinful.

            You have no idea what she did or said to cause him to say that.

            How many women complain about their husbands and end it off with "he called me this" or "he said this to me" or "he hit me." Meanwhile she was the first to insult or swear or put her hands on him - but she won't mention those details.

            But you have a track record of calling sisters' husbands bastard, disgusting, etc. etc. It's time to stop reacting with emotion. You have no idea what occurred between them.
            Last edited by Abu Abdur_Rahman; 17-03-19, 10:37 PM.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by A.Basheer View Post

              Using profanity is inexcusable, but for some random person to come and call her husband a "disgusting man" is unjust and most likely sinful.

              You have no idea what she did or said to cause him to say that.

              How many women complain about their husbands and end it off with "he called me this" or "he said this to me" or "he hit me." Meanwhile she was the first to insult or swear or put her hands on him - but she won't mention those details.

              But you have a track record of calling sisters' husbands bastard, disgusting, etc. etc. It's time to stop reacting with emotion. You have no idea what occurred between them.
              The sister is going by what OP said. We don't have the husband's side of the story, true - but we never do with the posts on here. We only have the poster's view.

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by A.Basheer View Post


                But you have a track record of calling sisters' husbands bastard, disgusting, etc. etc..

                Where did I call someone's husband a bastard?

                Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

                  The sister is going by what OP said. We don't have the husband's side of the story, true - but we never do with the posts on here. We only have the poster's view.
                  Then being just and avoiding oppression means to get both sides of the story before labeling someone as disgusting.

                  Using that kind of profanity is not done except if a (sane) person is angered, usually by a word or action the spouse has done. But the OP didn't mention anything of that sort. She didn't say we were arguing so he said that; or I said this and he responded with that; or I did this and he said that. She avoided all that and only mentioned his swearing without context.

                  Seeing how we can't get both sides as you mentioned, then if we have something good to say to this person then we can advise based on the information given.




                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by shay5 View Post


                    Where did I call someone's husband a bastard?
                    Why don't you address your mistake and potential sin which you will be held accountable for?

                    In any case, the search feature here seems to only include newer posts (after the forum update). But I know for a fact that you have called a sister's husband bastard on here, not once but at least twice.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by A.Basheer View Post

                      . But I know for a fact that you have called a sister's husband bastard on here, not once but at least twice.
                      Don't claim to know someone's track record or have facts when you can't deliver. You end up looking like a slanderer.

                      Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by shay5 View Post

                        Don't claim to know someone's track record or have facts when you can't deliver. You end up looking like a slanderer.
                        What, am I in a kafir courtroom?

                        You haven't even denied it. You just told me to provide the facts.

                        I remember it clear as day. I have even posted about you calling people's husbands bastard before.

                        Slander doesn't occur when a person is unable to provide evidence. It occurs when a person deliberately fabricates something and attributes it to someone.

                        My point is clear. Don't insight hatred and unjustly call people names after hearing one side of the story.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by A.Basheer View Post

                          Using that kind of profanity is not done except if a (sane) person is angered, usually by a word or action the spouse has done. But the OP didn't mention anything of that sort. She didn't say we were arguing so he said that; or I said this and he responded with that; or I did this and he said that. She avoided all that and only mentioned his swearing without context.

                          Seeing how we can't get both sides as you mentioned, then if we have something good to say to this person then we can advise based on the information given.
                          Actually she did say they had an argument.

                          Originally posted by Husna

                          Last edited by Mintchocchip; 18-03-19, 03:07 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by Mintchocchip View Post

                            Actually she did say they had an argument.

                            Originally posted by Husna
                            Yes, that was my mistake which I admit.

                            In either case, we give this sister the benefit of the doubt; but in general, how many women insult their husbands or swear at them or insult their mothers, then the guy goes crazy and swears back or gets violent. But she will only mention his overreaction, not what caused it.

                            So we don't label such a man "bastard" or "disgusting" until we get all the details.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Do you think your husband, the father of your children and the one who provides for you and has sacrificed for you (as you have as well) is a disgusting man? Would you yourself describe him this way, like the other poster did?

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by A.Basheer View Post

                                Do you think your husband, the father of your children and the one who provides for you and has sacrificed for you (as you have as well) is a disgusting man? Would you yourself describe him this way, like the other poster did?
                                I think you're just projecting.

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