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  • Need help

    hi im new to this forum, and would like some help an advice on marriage about few problems Iím going through right now. Is this the right section to post?


  • #2
    Yes it's the right place.

    Comment


    • #3
      i wanted to know what are all your thoughts on a husband who does not like you going to your parents house. I really don’t know why he hates me coming down my parents. I have never had a good relationship with my husbands side of family due to them not accepting our marriage. It’s been 8 years still they are not over it, My parents have always supported us an have been there for us. But still he does not like me coming and going often. He has a good relationship with my siblings from start but now it has change, I I feel as though, because he does not have a good relationship with his family, because of going against them and marrying me, they are on talking terms however he feels they are not same as before, because of this I feel he does not want me to either have a good relations with my family.

      Recently had a new baby 2 months during pregnancy I used to come an go to parents, also after the baby was born I was going to come stay down parents but husband had time off so was fine to stay home, this last week my mum has gone away and currently my father an my 2 bros an sis at home. I decided to come an stay over just to keep my sister company as father an brothers are out majority of the time an she would be in the house alone. I also have a daughter it would be easier to drop her to school by leaving baby home with sis. Husband did not mind to come stay over but in the last few days he thinks I change when I come to parents an has asked me to go back home.

      we had a little argument an he stormed out of house by calling me a f******b**** whilst my father bro an sis was home an they heard, this is not the first time he has done something like this for me it is really embarrassing an humiliating. I just don’t know what to do ? Because I am fed up of him noT liking me come down my parents also swearing at me in front of family.

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      • #4
        Well why does he think you change everytime you goto your parents house. What is his perspective on this. Why is he so biased against your parents. Behind anger is always FEAR. What are his fears and insecurities with regard to this matters.
        If you confront him with his insecurities and fears you need to be very tactful or else human beings get very defensive with their own fears and insecurities. Thats human nature and its frustrating at times. Maybe marriage counselling would help open him up.
        . Shaitan plays on both the fears of both the wife and husband to create communication gap and misunderstandings and aggravating a trivial situation to beyond repair.
        . I dont know what to advise you without some more details. Is someone giving him wrong advise.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Husna View Post

          we had a little argument an he stormed out of house by calling me a f******b**** whilst my father bro an sis was home an they heard, this is not the first time he has done something like this for me it is really embarrassing an humiliating. I just don’t know what to do ? Because I am fed up of him noT liking me come down my parents also swearing at me in front of family.
          He needs to learn manners before he does anything else. What a disgusting man.
          Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by shay5 View Post

            He needs to learn manners before he does anything else. What a disgusting man.
            I second that. He cant abuse you in front of your parents.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by shehbazthakur View Post
              Well why does he think you change everytime you goto your parents house. What is his perspective on this. Why is he so biased against your parents. Behind anger is always FEAR. What are his fears and insecurities with regard to this matters.
              If you confront him with his insecurities and fears you need to be very tactful or else human beings get very defensive with their own fears and insecurities. Thats human nature and its frustrating at times. Maybe marriage counselling would help open him up.
              . Shaitan plays on both the fears of both the wife and husband to create communication gap and misunderstandings and aggravating a trivial situation to beyond repair.
              . I dont know what to advise you without some more details. Is someone giving him wrong advise.
              He thinks I change if I come here apparently because I try to show that I can defend myself and prove to my siblings Im not controlled by him, these are his words, , however I donít need to prove anything to my siblings, Iím not sure he does not tell me any fears he has or insecurities, even though I ask him what is it, keeps thinking my siblings talk behind him, itís not necessarily talking behind him, they just donít like the way he behaves with me in front of my family, also having no respect for my parents and speaking to them with high tone of voice, I feel like he doesnít want my kids to come an interact with my family an always wants it to be about his,but we see his family now an again as they live further away and never really bothered about her since she was a baby just now an then because they have to as they speak to husband, I never wanted to make my 7 year old feel any difference or put anything in her head in regards to how his family treat me, or let her know about problems, but recently my daughter came said whilst in my parents house, this is your house not mines or my dads , I would never have thought she would say anything like that because she is very close to my family an mum she treats it like her own home, I just think maybe he has put things in my daughters head, also I know his husbands mum does not like him coming to my parents because after baby was born I heard her saying to him, whose house did you go to after you cAme from hospital with baby, I just wanted to tel you to go to your own house not my parents house basically, this made me really sad. I just think what else is it that could be happening that I donít know about. He always blames me for the kind of relation he has with his family or is jealous about the relation I have with my siblings because we all sit around have a joke etc.

              Comment


              • #8
                --




                Last edited by aelmo; 16-03-19, 04:09 PM. Reason: Nevermind. I dont know why i reply to these threads.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I think hes a control freak (i might be wrong).
                  So i wanna ask you something more.
                  If you succeed or you do something great in front of his ... does he or his family put you down. Like if you cooked a great meal lets say and the guests appreciate the food. How does he or his family react.
                  . Maybe they need to put you down to feel good and secure about themselves because deep down they dont think they have good value. And so jealousy and controlling nature. Or is it just only with your relatives.
                  make dua and suggest marriage counselling.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Maybe his relatives are also putting him down as well as you.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Since i am married and in my life i too have gone through a lots of ups and downs

                      The Quran verse about patience has always helped me ,

                      ďO you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.Ē (Qurían, 2:153)

                      Allah says in the Qurían: ďIndeed, the patient will be given their reward without account.Ē (Qurían, 39:10)

                      That is all i can say about this whole scenario

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Make dua sis and ask Allah to show you the way. Beg plead cry to Allah ... that youre lost n confused.
                        . This has always worked for me whenever i need answers. Allah loves humility. It takes 2 to make a relationship work and Allah is the softener of hearts. Make dua.
                        . Try avoiding as many sins as you can. Read ayat e Qareema of surah yunus and durood e ibrahim. InShahAllah you will be successful on way or another.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by shehbazthakur View Post
                          I think hes a control freak (i might be wrong).
                          So i wanna ask you something more.
                          If you succeed or you do something great in front of his ... does he or his family put you down. Like if you cooked a great meal lets say and the guests appreciate the food. How does he or his family react.
                          . Maybe they need to put you down to feel good and secure about themselves because deep down they dont think they have good value. And so jealousy and controlling nature. Or is it just only with your relatives.
                          make dua and suggest marriage counselling.
                          We only see his family once or twice a year they either come down or we go down, itís only a hi how are you kind of relation, nothing more with me, where as he has a more friendly relation with my family, they can talk about anything Han everything with him, also he knows everything about my family, success or problems, but now heís said a few things about my sister apparently she speaks, and has indirectly said things to her via these ridiculous status on Whatsapp. etc, also his family donít really say anything directly to me itís always to him if they want to say something, I hear some stuff as some times they are on video call etc, I donít listen to all their conversations as there are times when they speak when Iím not there. he keeps saying to me I have no one my own family talk behind my back but , yet he still talks to them and does all duties as a brother an son, etc like visiting, an providing financially for his mum as she lives abroad. Itís hard an we do suffer financially aswel but I let it be. anyway right now yesterday he left my parents house after sending me a long message about heís going to go away etc from my life and il be happy apparently. . .an today he cAme had his meal etc an went out to work.
                          I donít know if I should go back to my house as thatís what he wants, me there an not come here much but that would mean I have done what he wants and to me feels like I will always have to abide by what he wants, also as I said my family always support me when i need them, like whilst I was pregnant my mum would cook for me an husband everyday send food down so we can eat as she knows I was having a very bad pregnancy. Due to smell etc I couldnít cook, plus picking up my 7 yr old from school nearly everyday, after the baby was born coming to my house am helping out with household things etc, also when his family cAme to visit my sisters and mum literally cAme an cooked everything for them, as you know being an Asian itís not just one dish that gets cooked itís several, I just think now that my mum is away at least I can do is stay over an keep younger sis company an help her with bits an bobs in house as mother is not here she basically is running it. Is it wrong if me to do this? An why does he have such a big problem?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by shehbazthakur View Post
                            Make dua sis and ask Allah to show you the way. Beg plead cry to Allah ... that youre lost n confused.
                            . This has always worked for me whenever i need answers. Allah loves humility. It takes 2 to make a relationship work and Allah is the softener of hearts. Make dua.
                            . Try avoiding as many sins as you can. Read ayat e Qareema of surah yunus and durood e ibrahim. InShahAllah you will be successful on way or another.
                            Thank you will do.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Sorry about these long messages itís just that itís really complex

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