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  • Originally posted by Khamsa_khmis View Post

    Also, to all the polygamy warriors on here, do you not care what bringing another woman into your marriage could do to your first wife? The way that could break her heart and damage her psyche? Its easy for you to just say well "Its Sunnah", but Allah swt told men to think twice about it for a reason.

    This is why wealthy men do polygamy best. Money makes things better, it just does. The average man will break his wifes heart, trust and love for him if he married another woman, not to mention, she will have to cut her household finances in half. No woman will ever be happy with that. I'm so over this topic my head hurts :'(
    Itís funny how when it comes to polygamy they say itís sunna. But when they look for a second wife , itís never to someone who Actually needs it. Most of the time you always hear about a messy situation, itís either they got into a relationship with someone else and they try make it halal. Or most of the time they donít even fulfill the rights of the first one and they go looking for a 20 something whoís never been married before and they expect their first wife to be okay with it.

    And I agree with you, in todayís society itís hard to maintain one household unless their rich I donít know how they will deal with more. And honestly, I think men who still consider polygamy donít really think about it enough. Itís a huge responsibility, they should be scared of the punishment if they are unjust between their wives. In this day and age I find it hard to believe a man can be just between his wives. It just creates more issues unless itís done right. But how many people do you see doing it right?

    Comment


    • Originally posted by Janna90 View Post

      And divorced women and widows were not looked down upon at that time. They would still get proposals. If the intention of men of today was really to help society by practising polygamy then they would marry widows and divorcees with children who need someone to provide for them. I donít see how someone marrying a 20 year old is going to help the society. They only do it fo the sake of their desires. Sure islamically we canít say this is wrong, but if someone wants to practice polygamy at least do it to help those women that really do need it.
      I agree but even doing polygamy by marrying widows and single moms is frowned upon nowadays.

      What I'm saying is, they would not be looked down upon nearly as much if polygamy were widely accepted. The issue is they don't want to accept being anything other than a first wife; which is fine, but keep in mind that most men aren't going to marry a single mom as their first.
      ​​​​​
      Last edited by Stoic Believer; 19-03-19, 05:47 PM.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

        I agree but even doing polygamy by marrying widows and single moms is looked down upon now.

        What I'm saying is, they would not be looked down upon nearly as much if polygamy were widely accepted. The issue is they don't want to accept being anything other than a first wife; which is fine, but keep in mind that most men aren't going to marry a single mom as their first.
        ​​​​​
        Am not talking about their first marriage. If they want to go into polygamy then thereís plenty of women in need that they could be helping. It doesnít matter whatís looked down upon in society. Men abuse it too much thatís why itís got a bad reputation now. Many times wives complain they donít get any of their rights. I donít see it done right thatís the issue. Itís not about the idea of polygamy, itís when they put it to practice itís hardly done right. I donít even see monogamous successful relationships these days let alone polygamous ones. More people need to read to know the rights and responsibilities in a marriage before gettin into it.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by shay5 View Post

          So why are you deciding to settle for much less?
          Assalaamu 'alaykoum,

          I wholeheartedly agree. Don't settle for less when it comes to religion. If you're trying your best to be a righteous Muslimah you don't want someone holding you back and being a burden.
          :assalam:

          Comment


          • Polygamy was a norm in the recent past also but that doesn't mean people were just or that women were happy with it. It was just the way things were.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by savo234 View Post

              Have you read my post correctly ? Nowhere does it says that women hit menopause at 30. However if the man and woman are the same age then in late 40s or early 50s, a healthy man would like to be sexually active for some years while the partner hits menopause(ONE AVERAGE)

              Why cant you stop citing anecdotal evidences and exceptions to prove a rule ? Just why ? Its a well-known searchable fact and there is plenty of medical evidence/journals on this issue, even a simple google search says this.

              "Fertility peaks in most women in the 20s. A gradual but significant decline begins around age 32. Yes, your odds of conception at 33 are not as good as they were at 28. At around age 37, fertility starts to decline at a much more rapid pace.

              Research has found that in any given month your chances of getting pregnant at age 30 are about 20 percent. Compare that to your odds at age 40, which are just 5 percent. Don't confuse this with your odds of getting pregnant overall. This is a per month statistic, not per year.
              "

              Why cant women just understand a simple fact that ideally women and men both should be getting married earlier but more so for women due to fertility and Islam explicitly encourages more children. Infact late marriages are a big cause of declining growth rate among muslims which is not good at all.
              How is it an exception if there are millions of women in their 40s with young children? I thought exceptions had to be RARE and unlikely in order to qualify as exceptions??

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

                Lol
                Intellectualism at its finest. Excellent rebuttal.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by savo234 View Post



                  No thats your assumption. Shariah is for all times and the wisdom/benefit in its rulings are there always. I know people who made polygamy work in desi societies where its looked down upon. So it just needs will and nothing else. I am strongly against any stigma against widowed or divorced women when desiring marriage, so you are just using a straw man here.



                  You just did an emotional rant. I made a rational argument that hadith of Rasulullah(sa) asks us to prefer fertile women and fertility is highly correlated with age. Now ofcourse fertility is'nt the only factor, it is'nt even the biggest factor. Biggest factor is deen and then we have other factors like wealth, lineage beauty, character. However to totally reject fertility as a desirable trait and its correlation with age is like arguing against the hadith of our beloved Prophet(sa).

                  I married at the age of 27 and I never told myself that "I am marrying at a perfect age". I believed that I should have been married earlier and early marriage is preferred in Islam. People need to separate their personal circumstances from the ideals. I repeat the ideal is not for women to stay unmarried until 30s just like its not ideal for men to stay unmarried until 30s. We do not change Islam based on our emotions and preference.

                  If you happen to be unmarried at 30s, its your circumstances but dont try to normalize it, dont try to encourage it for your next generation.
                  There is no perfect age for marriage. And it's certainly not listed anywhere in the Quran, Hadiths, or Sunnah, either. In fact, isn't the best age in Islam 33? Won't everyone be that age in Jannah? Correct me if I'm wrong.

                  Stop projecting your insecurities/beliefs onto others.

                  Edit: And did you really just correlate having a porn addiction or indulging in other nasty habits to being unmarried? Ha!
                  Last edited by AnotherMuslim; 19-03-19, 06:54 PM.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by AnotherMuslim View Post

                    Intellectualism at its finest. Excellent rebuttal.
                    Don't flatter yourself. I was never debating you in the first place.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Janna90 View Post

                      Am not talking about their first marriage. If they want to go into polygamy then thereís plenty of women in need that they could be helping. It doesnít matter whatís looked down upon in society. Men abuse it too much thatís why itís got a bad reputation now. Many times wives complain they donít get any of their rights. I donít see it done right thatís the issue. Itís not about the idea of polygamy, itís when they put it to practice itís hardly done right. I donít even see monogamous successful relationships these days let alone polygamous ones. More people need to read to know the rights and responsibilities in a marriage before gettin into it.
                      So should or shouldn't men be doing it? You're saying men should marry women in need but also they shouldn't because they're not capable?

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by AnotherMuslim View Post

                        There is no perfect age for marriage. And it's certainly not listed anywhere in the Quran, Hadiths, or Sunnah, either. In fact, isn't the best age in Islam 33? Won't everyone be that age in Jannah? Correct me if I'm wrong.

                        Stop projecting your insecurities/beliefs onto others.

                        Edit: And did you really just correlate having a porn addiction or indulging in other nasty habits to being unmarried? Ha!
                        I studied Psychology and this is a fine example of projection!

                        I never read or heard of a Hadith saying one should only consider fertility as point in choosing a partner! I need the number, page...

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by AnotherMuslim View Post

                          How is it an exception if there are millions of women in their 40s with young children? I thought exceptions had to be RARE and unlikely in order to qualify as exceptions??
                          Statistically in the UK (2017 figures since 2018 results have not yet been released), women aged 40-45 gave birth more often than women under the age of 20.

                          General breakdown (live births per 1000 women in age group)

                          Under 20: 12.7
                          20-24: 53.7
                          25-29: 95.3
                          30-34: 109.8
                          35-39: 65.1
                          40+: 16.1

                          (stats courtesy of the office for national statistics)
                          Last edited by _Ruby_; 19-03-19, 07:53 PM.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Janna90 View Post

                            Itís funny how when it comes to polygamy they say itís sunna. But when they look for a second wife , itís never to someone who Actually needs it. Most of the time you always hear about a messy situation, itís either they got into a relationship with someone else and they try make it halal. Or most of the time they donít even fulfill the rights of the first one and they go looking for a 20 something whoís never been married before and they expect their first wife to be okay with it.
                            So where in Islam did Allah put this condition that polygamy cannot be done for desires ? The concept of polygamy is that even if men seek it for desires or self interest, it will automatically end up helping the windows, divorcees etc because the demand of women will go up.

                            Dont make your desires into Shariah. Understand that the Ahkaam of Islam have their wisdom.

                            Also its normal and natural for first wife to be upset and jealous. Infact jealousy is good to balance the equation otherwise if women were not jealous, top 30 pc of men would have all the women. So men seeking polygamy and women feeling natural jealousy is a healthy balance.


                            Originally posted by Janna90 View Post
                            ​​​​​​
                            Ad honestly, I think men who still consider polygamy donít really think about it enough. Itís a huge responsibility, they should be scared of the punishment if they are unjust between their wives. In this day and age I find it hard to believe a man can be just between his wives. It just creates more issues unless itís done right. But how many people do you see doing it right?
                            If you accept that polygamy has Hikmah then it should be practiced, difficulties dont matter. If thats the case then dozen other things are more difficult these days so should we leave them too ?

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by _Ruby_ View Post

                              Statistically in the UK (2017 figures since 2018 results have not yet been released), women aged 40-45 gave birth more often than women under the age of 20.

                              General breakdown (live births per 1000 women in age group)

                              Under 20: 12.7
                              20-24: 53.7
                              25-29: 95.3
                              30-34: 109.8
                              35-39: 65.1
                              40+: 16.1

                              (stats courtesy of the office for national statistics)
                              Why do you think that is?

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Khamsa_khmis View Post

                                Also, to all the polygamy warriors on here, do you not care what bringing another woman into your marriage could do to your first wife? The way that could break her heart and damage her psyche? Its easy for you to just say well "Its Sunnah", but Allah swt told men to think twice about it for a reason.

                                This is why wealthy men do polygamy best. Money makes things better, it just does. The average man will break his wifes heart, trust and love for him if he married another woman, not to mention, she will have to cut her household finances in half. No woman will ever be happy with that. I'm so over this topic my head hurts :'(
                                So as long as he throws money at the problem the heart can be fixed? That's interesting.

                                Comment

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