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  • #76
    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

    If only this actually worked...
    See above comment.

    Comment


    • #77
      Originally posted by Khamsa_khmis View Post

      Its true what the sister is saying, who are you to say at 31 men will not choose us? Are we not of child bearing age? Do I not keep myself in the gym and eat right and look good for it? Only men with an uncivilised, 3rd world mentality even think like that! Whats a 31 year old man gonna have in common with an 18 year old in this society? I am praying for Allah to give me a man of substance with a good connection inshallah not some empty shell of a perv. I would never even check for a man like that. When i 'briefly' got on a muslim matrimonial site, anytime someone messaged me i would look at their profile and see his age preference. Even if his maximum age preference said 45, if it said the minimum he would marry was 18, wallah I blocked them. Straight turn off. Do you know how many men on that site do not want to talk to women under their age? Plenty! If you dont believe me check it out for yourself, you'll be able to see their age prefences on their profiles (pure matrimony). In fact, wallah billah i got so many messages from younger, practising, never been married before guys that I was weirded out. Handsome guys too mashallah but i am not partial to a younger man subhanallah and never will be (all British might I add, so not passport chasers either).

      Polygamy is great, if a man would be a man about it. Unfortunately, most aren't capable of such a responsibility. They talk the talk but cant walk the walk.
      For some of these people, you should know that they were raised to think that life ends at 20, and that you should be surrounded with a classrooms' amount of kids by 21-24. It's nothing but ignorance. You have to know better to do better.

      Comment


      • #78
        Originally posted by savo234 View Post
        Many reasons. For example, if a 30 year old man marries a 30 year old woman and is planning to have 4-5 kids with 2 years gap, its already a problem for women who already crossed 30s. Plus if the man is not going to get another wife, his wife whom he married in 30s is going to reach menopause while he would be middle-aged and if he is healthy, he will have to spend a good part of his life when he can be active sexually without being satisfied.
        Menopause at 30? Lol! There are so many women walking around in their 40s and even beyond who are pregnant or have young children. My mother had healthy bouncing twins at 42. I know a woman who delivered her fourth child in her FIFTIES. There's nothing wrong with you desiring a younger woman or having kids younger, but please stop the misleading statements.

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        • #79
          Originally posted by AnotherMuslim View Post

          See above comment.
          Lol

          Comment


          • #80
            Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

            most guys want someone younger
            not all but most
            just like most girls want someone older
            I wasnít disagreeing with that, Am just saying people of all ages get married. And younger men still go for older women. Yes majority go for younger but the other way is also true. Itís just people on here love to tell women that when they reach 30 thatís it there not desirable and no man will want them. At least thatís the impression they give.

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            • #81
              Originally posted by savo234 View Post
              Many reasons. For example, if a 30 year old man marries a 30 year old woman and is planning to have 4-5 kids with 2 years gap, its already a problem for women who already crossed 30s. Plus if the man is not going to get another wife, his wife whom he married in 30s is going to reach menopause while he would be middle-aged and if he is healthy, he will have to spend a good part of his life when he can be active sexually without being satisfied.
              This is just ignorance on another level. Itís such a close minded way of thinking. How do you know the man wonít be satisfied? Just because he married within his age group. Menopause does not have a set age it really is different for everyone. And your just putting emphasis on the men, donít you hear so many women reach older age they want intimacy but their husband donít. Itís an issue arising within both genders. Just because you may marry someone younger it doesnít mean they will always have a high sex drive. After having kids it effects all women no matter their age. Your just making it seem itís just about intimacy. Even if It was, women donít expire after a certain age. Thereís studies that show womenís sex drive increases around ages 35 to 40. You really need to read more and look around you. Stop making up theories of your own.

              Comment


              • #82
                Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                This in a nutshell. Deen is placed at position 3 of 3 listed criterias and you wonder what the big deal is. -_-
                Your so silly, I was just listing things not necessarily in any set order.

                Comment


                • #83
                  Originally posted by AnotherMuslim View Post

                  Menopause at 30? Lol! There are so many women walking around in their 40s and even beyond who are pregnant or have young children. My mother had healthy bouncing twins at 42. I know a woman who delivered her fourth child in her FIFTIES. There's nothing wrong with you desiring a younger woman or having kids younger, but please stop the misleading statements.
                  Thank you at least someone gets what am saying

                  Comment


                  • #84
                    Originally posted by Janna90 View Post

                    I wasnít disagreeing with that, Am just saying people of all ages get married. And younger men still go for older women. Yes majority go for younger but the other way is also true. Itís just people on here love to tell women that when they reach 30 thatís it there not desirable and no man will want them. At least thatís the impression they give.
                    no not at all

                    Comment


                    • #85
                      Originally posted by AnotherMuslim View Post

                      Menopause at 30? Lol! There are so many women walking around in their 40s and even beyond who are pregnant or have young children. My mother had healthy bouncing twins at 42. I know a woman who delivered her fourth child in her FIFTIES. There's nothing wrong with you desiring a younger woman or having kids younger, but please stop the misleading statements.
                      Have you read my post correctly ? Nowhere does it says that women hit menopause at 30. However if the man and woman are the same age then in late 40s or early 50s, a healthy man would like to be sexually active for some years while the partner hits menopause(ONE AVERAGE)

                      Why cant you stop citing anecdotal evidences and exceptions to prove a rule ? Just why ? Its a well-known searchable fact and there is plenty of medical evidence/journals on this issue, even a simple google search says this.

                      "Fertility peaks in most women in the 20s. A gradual but significant decline begins around age 32. Yes, your odds of conception at 33 are not as good as they were at 28. At around age 37, fertility starts to decline at a much more rapid pace.

                      Research has found that in any given month your chances of getting pregnant at age 30 are about 20 percent. Compare that to your odds at age 40, which are just 5 percent. Don't confuse this with your odds of getting pregnant overall. This is a per month statistic, not per year.
                      "

                      Why cant women just understand a simple fact that ideally women and men both should be getting married earlier but more so for women due to fertility and Islam explicitly encourages more children. Infact late marriages are a big cause of declining growth rate among muslims which is not good at all.
                      Last edited by savo234; 19-03-19, 04:38 AM.

                      Comment


                      • #86
                        Originally posted by Janna90 View Post

                        Thereís studies that show womenís sex drive increases around ages 35 to 40. You really need to read more and look around you. Stop making up theories of your own.
                        Why do you want to deny science just to feel good ? Its a FACT that the fertility of women starts gradually declining after 32 and has a rapid decline after 37. The fertility in 40s is much lower. Now ofcourse you can give a couple of examples of woman giving birth in 40s, Ibrahim's(as) wife gave birth in 80s or 90s so please stop undermining the general rule based on exceptions and what makes you feel good.

                        I am certainly not advocating for not marrying sisters above 30s however the facts are facts. A man who wants 4 kids with a woman would best marry a woman who is in 20s. For other sisters, first of all we should marry women and men earlier but specially women. Secondly, polygamy should be practiced to give all women a chance for healthy relationship.
                        Last edited by savo234; 19-03-19, 04:37 AM.

                        Comment


                        • #87
                          savo234 why do you care so much? If you want to marry a younger woman then alhamdulilah but you dont need to make those sisters who are (slightly)(I mean subhanAllah 30 is hardly retirement age) older feel worse about themselves

                          I don't see why your personal preference means you have such a vested interest in the argument
                          The sunnah is like the ark of Noah, whoever embarks upon it reaches salvation and whoever refuses is drowned.
                          ~ Imam Malik (may Allah have mercy on him)

                          Comment


                          • #88
                            Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
                            savo234 why do you care so much? If you want to marry a younger woman then alhamdulilah but you dont need to make those sisters who are (slightly)(I mean subhanAllah 30 is hardly retirement age) older feel worse about themselves

                            I don't see why your personal preference means you have such a vested interest in the argument
                            Bro my personal preference does'nt matter. The argument is not to make women in 30s feel bad, its just not right that marriage age is going up among muslim men and women. I am already married Alhamdulillah.

                            May Allah give all of us righteous spouses.

                            The thing I am speaking about is that we should think about broader interests of muslim community. I am seeing a lot of muslims spending their teens and 20s in porn, zina, flirting and getting married in late 20s or 30s. Thats not good at all. A man or a woman starts having desires after puberty and we need to call out this problem that its unIslamic to wait all this time to marry.

                            The cost for men in marrying late is that since they are have lesser restraint, they more likely engage in haram activities. The cost for women is also similar but it has an additional harm of bringing down the population growth rate. In Islam, we are encouraged to have more children.

                            Thats the crux of the my argument here We need early marriages, we need better marriages, we need polygamy and we need children.

                            Comment


                            • #89
                              Originally posted by savo234 View Post

                              Why do you want to deny science just to feel good ? Its a FACT that the fertility of women starts gradually declining after 32 and has a rapid decline after 37. The fertility in 40s is much lower. Now ofcourse you can give a couple of examples of woman giving birth in 40s, Ibrahim's(as) wife gave birth in 80s or 90s so please stop undermining the general rule based on exceptions and what makes you feel good.

                              I am certainly not advocating for not marrying sisters above 30s however the facts are facts. A man who wants 4 kids with a woman would best marry a woman who is in 20s. For other sisters, first of all we should marry women and men earlier but specially women. Secondly, polygamy should be practiced to give all women a chance for healthy relationship.
                              I’m going to stop you right HERE, because you’re actually just making it worse! Despite how you put it! It makes you look like you have put all the older sister in the Ummah in a trash can.

                              So thank you very much in advance for that.

                              I hope you feel superior and better about yourself by putting your sisters down in the ground.

                              You know some of us sisters are business owners, highly educated and it’s fun really to be put down by people like you just because of our age. I didn’t know making babies was more important then building a loving relationship with your partner. I guess sisters who can’t bare children can shoot themselves because According to you no one will take them. (Cannot Bare children ouhh she’s outdated...expired)

                              I’m just glad that God is in control of this world and not humans who believe they have surpassed the creators knowledge of the unknown. Who believe science is fault free and error proof that we can put everyone in the same outcome or conclusion according to scientific probabilities. (The same science that has a hard time telling the truth about alcohol and how bad it is for you.

                              Science is science but it’s not what Allah has ordained to be final. Outcomes always change )

                              Ex.: Science says we all die in an average of 60! We all die when God has decided so! Some early some late.

                              Science says woman lose stamina as they age but that same science also mention that women’s stamina increases with age while her male counterparts cannot keep up!

                              In conclusion, don’t try to discourage, break hope, and scrutanize sisters who are still not married. We all wish to have a sound companion one day. But not for the societal norms and trends that keep changing with years!

                              It’s like media will make older women more appealing one day and watch how everyone included Muslim will follow that trend! Because you know, now it’s a trend so we’ll accept it!

                              ps: In this century men’s are not ready for polygamy! It requires serious responsibility and is not a joke like some have taken it for! For Polygamy to work you need to first start with the divorced sisters who have children!

                              Comment


                              • #90


                                Originally posted by Small fluff View Post
                                ps: In this century menís are not ready for polygamy! It requires serious responsibility and is not a joke like some have taken it for! For Polygamy to work you need to first start with the divorced sisters who have children!
                                No thats your assumption. Shariah is for all times and the wisdom/benefit in its rulings are there always. I know people who made polygamy work in desi societies where its looked down upon. So it just needs will and nothing else. I am strongly against any stigma against widowed or divorced women when desiring marriage, so you are just using a straw man here.

                                Originally posted by Small fluff View Post

                                Iím going to stop you right HERE, because youíre actually just making it worse! Despite how you put it! It makes you look like you have put all the older sister in the Ummah in a trash can.
                                You just did an emotional rant. I made a rational argument that hadith of Rasulullah(sa) asks us to prefer fertile women and fertility is highly correlated with age. Now ofcourse fertility is'nt the only factor, it is'nt even the biggest factor. Biggest factor is deen and then we have other factors like wealth, lineage beauty, character. However to totally reject fertility as a desirable trait and its correlation with age is like arguing against the hadith of our beloved Prophet(sa).

                                I married at the age of 27 and I never told myself that "I am marrying at a perfect age". I believed that I should have been married earlier and early marriage is preferred in Islam. People need to separate their personal circumstances from the ideals. I repeat the ideal is not for women to stay unmarried until 30s just like its not ideal for men to stay unmarried until 30s. We do not change Islam based on our emotions and preference.

                                If you happen to be unmarried at 30s, its your circumstances but dont try to normalize it, dont try to encourage it for your next generation.

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