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Wanting to marry a talib/talibah of knowledge

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  • Wanting to marry a talib/talibah of knowledge

    This thread is about those few Muslims/Muslimahs in the West who seek to marry a talib/talibah al-'ilm (seeker of Islamic knowledge).

    For the brothers and sisters who haven't traveled overseas and experienced what's like to live in the land of the Arabs, they may paint a picture in their mind of how it is like. Growing up in the environment we experience here in the West, one may instinctively glorify the entire endeavor of traveling to seek knowledge.

    Brothers and especially sisters - and even more so: revert sisters with no proper wali/male guardian - should really be careful and be aware of the reality of Western brothers and sisters traveling to Egypt, Saudi, etc. to seek Islamic knowledge.

    To be clear, I have made my share of mistakes and I do not declare myself pure before Allah. However, the truth must be said and it is clear for anyone who observes reality. During my time spent in Egypt, Saudi Arabia, the UAE, and a brief time in Jordan, etc.; as well as speaking and connecting with senior tullab 'ilm (if you will) and shuyookh, I have seen that most of the brothers who travel overseas to Egypt or Saudi, etc. have major issues.

    The point is, just because a brother puts on a thobe and grows his beard and travels overseas to learn Arabic or study some other Islamic knowledge doesn't mean he doing that sincerely for the sake of Allah. Allah knows what is in the hearts, but sometimes people's actions tell us something about what their hearts contain. Such as:

    1. Not praying salah on time or not praying in the masjid, although the masjid (in Egypt or Saudi) will be 10 feet away their apartment building. Seeing them for Fajr would be a rare site.

    2. Wasting time in the cafes, juice bars, and playing video games (yes some travel to Egypt to attend Arabic class for 2 hours a day and then waste the rest of the time playing games).

    3. Poor akhlaq. In fact, many average Muslims have better manners. Walking in groups and laughing and poking fun at people as they encounter them. Backbiting and making fun of others, and other such nonsense.

    4. Not being determined enough to actually learn and lacking motivation to read and memorize. Also, focusing heavily on speaking Arabic and memorizing certain things (such as names of scholars) to sound like one has knowledge to the average person.

    5. Not lowering their gaze and spending their whole time there looking for a sister to marry. He traveled all the way to Egypt so that Shaytan can toy with him and so all that he thinks of his is sexual desires and who to marry.

    In the end, he wastes himself and his money, and he caused his parents and family trouble for little to no benefit. He could have stayed in the US and got his degree and started working to benefit himself and get on his feet; but he chose to go overseas and now he is lost. That is for those who actually make it to one or two or more years - most just go back after a few months.

    In conclusion, brothers and sisters should beware and judge a potential based on his or her salah, first and foremost. If it is good, then his religion will most likely be good. Next, how much time does he or she actually give to seeking knowledge sincerely and applying that knowledge on themselves? And lastly, judge him or her based on their akhlaq in general (with Allah and His creation). If these points check out, and he or she is a genuine and sincere person to Allah, then both of you can make a plan for the future to go overseas and spend time learning and getting closer to Allah. It is not a condition that he or she must already be overseas.

    Allah knows best.



  • #2
    (one of the posts you 'like' but really don't like because if the nature of what's being said. Jazaa'akallah Khair, brother. Shouldn't really come as much of a surprise tonus reading this though, with things how are they are these days...)
    LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
    -------------------------------
    "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
    NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

    Comment


    • #3
      Excellent advice.

      Comment


      • #4
        Baarak'Allah feek for the insight akhi. Also another thing is, some people think that they will magically change and become a better person, once they go to a muslim country to study Arabic/deen. The way you are now, is the way you'll be over there. The only difference is, that it's easier to do certain 'ibadat in a muslim country, like praying literally everywhere, so there is no excuse for not praying on time (or in a masjid). One thing I noticed while being in Egypt, is that the majority of sisters (those who would attend the marakiz), were serious about studying Arabic. I didn't witness anyone who would waste their time backbiting or causing unnecessary drama. Many would also make an effort to study and memorize the qur'an. So in that sense, I can't relate to the picture that you painted, when it comes to the sisters. I'm not saying all were perfect, but they were serious about their studies and I haven't seen any compromising character traits (but again I can only judge by the few hours we would spend together). Those sisters I lived with however, I can speak more about, and they were also very serious about their studies and quran.

        In general, I didn't see anyone wasting their time excepts very few sisters (I don't think they wanted to be there.They were there either because of their families or husbands).

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Umm Uthmaan View Post
          Baarak'Allah feek for the insight akhi. Also another thing is, some people think that they will magically change and become a better person, once they go to a muslim country to study Arabic/deen. The way you are now, is the way you'll be over there. The only difference is, that it's easier to do certain 'ibadat in a muslim country, like praying literally everywhere, so there is no excuse for not praying on time (or in a masjid). One thing I noticed while being in Egypt, is that the majority of sisters (those who would attend the marakiz), were serious about studying Arabic. I didn't witness anyone who would waste their time backbiting or causing unnecessary drama. Many would also make an effort to study and memorize the qur'an. So in that sense, I can't relate to the picture that you painted, when it comes to the sisters. I'm not saying all were perfect, but they were serious about their studies and I haven't seen any compromising character traits (but again I can only judge by the few hours we would spend together). Those sisters I lived with however, I can speak more about, and they were also very serious about their studies and quran.

          In general, I didn't see anyone wasting their time excepts very few sisters (I don't think they wanted to be there.They were there either because of their families or husbands).
          That's good to hear at least.

          I think girls and women in general tend to be much more mature when it comes to going to school or their studies in general.

          When I first went to Egypt I chose Alexandria over Cairo, and I couldn't believe the behavior I saw from a lot of the brothers in the marakiz I visited/studied at.

          It could also be that after a certain age (24 and older) there are much less of these desire-seeking, poorly mannered tullab.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by A.Basheer View Post

            That's good to hear at least.

            I think girls and women in general tend to be much more mature when it comes to going to school or their studies in general.

            When I first went to Egypt I chose Alexandria over Cairo, and I couldn't believe the behavior I saw from a lot of the brothers in the marakiz I visited/studied at.

            It could also be that after a certain age (24 and older) there are much less of these desire-seeking, poorly mannered tullab.
            Abu julaybeeb this is what i was talking about. There are plenty of brothers in misr but are they good? Nah !

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Farah. A View Post

              Abu julaybeeb this is what i was talking about. There are plenty of brothers in misr but are they good? Nah !
              Allahu A3lam
              you cant generalise and say all of them
              there are still going to be good people you just have to look properly

              Comment


              • #8
                Sadly hardly any of this surprises me.

                Your last paragraph is excellent advice MashAllah.

                Comment


                • #9
                  My friend told me the same.

                  He said just like in any class in the West, you will have those that are serious about studying, those that do their work, are punctual etc. you then have those that are stragglers, those that are not serious and those that cause trouble (for themselves and others).

                  This model replicates itself everywhere. Just because someone is studying deen does not necessarily mean they are serious. There are those that will take advantage of others assuming the best of them.

                  Always investigate someone for marriage.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    there are people in medina university who are the same
                    its not about degrees/certifcates/ijazas and the fame

                    everyone is so easy to say shaykh, aalim,
                    taalib al ilm

                    the aalim is the heir of the prophet صلي الله عليه وسلم
                    he calls to tawheed and abandons shirk and its people

                    the taalib al ilm is someone who every day dedicates their life to ilm constantly everyday thinking or studying the deen
                    lack of sleep
                    non stop reading
                    memorising
                    his life revolves around ilm
                    with the goal that he or she will help spread the deen

                    not 1 or 2 classes here and there

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by A.Basheer View Post

                      That's good to hear at least.

                      I think girls and women in general tend to be much more mature when it comes to going to school or their studies in general.

                      When I first went to Egypt I chose Alexandria over Cairo, and I couldn't believe the behavior I saw from a lot of the brothers in the marakiz I visited/studied at.

                      It could also be that after a certain age (24 and older) there are much less of these desire-seeking, poorly mannered tullab.
                      Alhamdulillah

                      I went to Cairo, but I was pleasantly surprised at how serious the sisters were. Most of them were married and some had kids, so they had to do their homework late at night, after the kids went to bed. That's dedication.

                      The younger sisters would also take their studies seriously. They often did better academically, because they had more time to dedicate towards learning.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Umm Uthmaan View Post

                        Alhamdulillah

                        I went to Cairo, but I was pleasantly surprised at how serious the sisters were. Most of them were married and some had kids, so they had to do their homework late at night, after the kids went to bed. That's dedication.

                        The younger sisters would also take their studies seriously. They often did better academically, because they had more time to dedicate towards learning.
                        Good to hear, masha Allah.

                        So the point of the thread is that a "student of knowledge" should also be thoroughly examined. In fact, one brother who is overseas now recently posted: "Brothers using da'wah to draw in sisters? Sisters don't be amused by some Arabic and someone going overseas for a few days. Studying Arabic does not make you righteous and not every student of knowledge acts upon his knowledge."

                        So that is a summary of my post. Not to bash on bros studying overseas or trying to show them all in a negative light. There are very good ones, esp. in the Islamic University of Madinah.


                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Truth be told, few people actually want to marry a scholar. Some people romanticize it, but when they live the life and they find that they can't do and eat or wear etc whatever they want like they used to do before, then they sing a different tune.

                          Sad but true.



                          "The `Aalim knows who is a Jaahil, because he used to be a Jaahil before. But the Jaahil does not know who is an `Aalim, because he was never an `Aalim before."


                          Imaam Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullaah in Majmoo`ul Fataawaa.


                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Abu Mus'ab View Post
                            Truth be told, few people actually want to marry a scholar. Some people romanticize it, but when they live the life and they find that they can't do and eat or wear etc whatever they want like they used to do before, then they sing a different tune.

                            Sad but true.
                            Being married to a scholar or an average Muslim man - should not be any different. They're both men at the end of the day.

                            Also - I'm not sure I understand that a woman won't be able to "do, and eat or wear" like she used to do before?

                            Why/how does that change?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

                              Being married to a scholar or an average Muslim man - should not be any different. They're both men at the end of the day.

                              Also - I'm not sure I understand that a woman won't be able to "do, and eat or wear" like she used to do before?

                              Why/how does that change?
                              scholar/ student of knowledge will be much more busy then an average person due to the amount of work they have or like to do

                              Comment

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