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  • #46
    Originally posted by Amira01 View Post

    I think it's been mentioned a few times that her husband changed his mind, yet you seem to continue blaming the woman for not making the requirement pre-marriage.

    Come on now...at least be a bit more subtle when bashing women.
    Yes I know, the point I am making (same as someone else is too on this thread) is that you should not take someone's word on something as significant as this. You only have yourself to blame if you do this. I know it's not what people want to hear, but maybe it would benefit others that are thinking of entering into a similar arrangement. If it means that much to you then make sure it happens before you say yes.

    Comment


    • #47
      Originally posted by Amira01 View Post

      Do they know you're pregnant? If you feel they're saying things to him, then they probably are. You're living there so you would be able to tell.

      Even if they're not saying anything to convince him not to move, he should consider what you want. You're not asking for something unreasonable. For some asian families, sons moving out of the house is like the end of the world with violins playing and everything. People have healthier relationships when they're not living with in laws, no one seems to understand that.

      Men do find it hard to move. BUT if you were grown enough to get married, you're grown enough to live alone.
      If you folks are so sure of what Asians are like, how foolish are you to fall into the same trap time and time again!!!

      Comment


      • #48
        Originally posted by shay5 View Post

        Ahh the old 'a few months with my parents then we'll get our own place' trick. Never believe this before marriage, just warning other sisters.....
        aww the gold ol' line. I am ashamed to say, I feel for that trick too. How naïve we are? but I made equally absurd requires once I figured things out to balance things out

        To the OP......... you can
        1) Be in same situation you are in & continue to be upset & fight with your hubby to move out.......or
        2) Use your pregnancy as a leverage, that is when women get power. Have a solid conversation about future. Ask your husband what his plans are without interrupting him? That you understand his love for his family & the pressure he is in with moving out. So you won't pressure him but you want some life plan from him. Is he planning on having the baby in this house? how will he make space for the baby? what happens when the baby starts peeing everywhere or breaking everything? Is he planning on staying in the house until the 2nd and 3rd brother marry and bring their wife? Is he planning on moving when you get approved for council house or make more money? What is his plan? Once you both draft out a life plan then you agree to the timeline & work toward that goal. Wait patiently until then MAKE PLANS AND STICK TO IT. If he says end of this year or when baby comes, then respect it & have patience until then
        3) Make your inlaws feel uncomfortable until they kick you out :D (muuuhhhha been watching too many Bollywood shows). Don't come down when your MIL calls you, if she ask, tell her you were pooping or napping or shower. Leave a mess in the kitchen.. fart loudly LOL.. Who cares what they think about you. Go to your parents house often, if they complain "oh well". Tell your husband, "I am staying with them because of you but if they complain about me to you.. you take care of them, don't come back to me with complains". OWN YOUR SPACE
        4) Sometimes guys are lazy & women have to take the lead. If you find a house that is with in your budget, he might be willing to move.

        I hope you have privet bathroom

        Comment


        • #49
          Even if the whole family says they will be happy for you to move out after marriage don't believe it unless there is also a house, that's the reality. But I can see how anyone might want to. In a marriage search, you are facing a lot of factors and are unsure, and want to say positive things to reason about things.

          Comment


          • #50
            Originally posted by Kya View Post

            aww the gold ol' line. I am ashamed to say, I feel for that trick too. How naïve we are? but I made equally absurd requires once I figured things out to balance things out

            To the OP......... you can
            1) Be in same situation you are in & continue to be upset & fight with your hubby to move out.......or
            2) Use your pregnancy as a leverage, that is when women get power. Have a solid conversation about future. Ask your husband what his plans are without interrupting him? That you understand his love for his family & the pressure he is in with moving out. So you won't pressure him but you want some life plan from him. Is he planning on having the baby in this house? how will he make space for the baby? what happens when the baby starts peeing everywhere or breaking everything? Is he planning on staying in the house until the 2nd and 3rd brother marry and bring their wife? Is he planning on moving when you get approved for council house or make more money? What is his plan? Once you both draft out a life plan then you agree to the timeline & work toward that goal. Wait patiently until then MAKE PLANS AND STICK TO IT. If he says end of this year or when baby comes, then respect it & have patience until then
            3) Make your inlaws feel uncomfortable until they kick you out :D (muuuhhhha been watching too many Bollywood shows). Don't come down when your MIL calls you, if she ask, tell her you were pooping or napping or shower. Leave a mess in the kitchen.. fart loudly LOL.. Who cares what they think about you. Go to your parents house often, if they complain "oh well". Tell your husband, "I am staying with them because of you but if they complain about me to you.. you take care of them, don't come back to me with complains". OWN YOUR SPACE
            4) Sometimes guys are lazy & women have to take the lead. If you find a house that is with in your budget, he might be willing to move.

            I hope you have privet bathroom
            Hi, thank you so much. That is very helpful. I will sit down with him and have a word with him. I always try to avoid thisas we just end up arguing every single time. Its so nice to.have helpful people. I know it will be better for our marriage. And i have a private shower and share the toilet. But im okay with that.

            Comment


            • #51
              Originally posted by usernametaken View Post
              Even if the whole family says they will be happy for you to move out after marriage don't believe it unless there is also a house, that's the reality. But I can see how anyone might want to. In a marriage search, you are facing a lot of factors and are unsure, and want to say positive things to reason about things.
              I know before marriage people say all sorts of things but i was stupid and i shouldve made sure i had got a house before i got married. But i trusted him too much

              Comment


              • #52
                Originally posted by Kya View Post

                aww the gold ol' line. I am ashamed to say, I feel for that trick too. How naïve we are? but I made equally absurd requires once I figured things out to balance things out

                To the OP......... you can
                1) Be in same situation you are in & continue to be upset & fight with your hubby to move out.......or
                2) Use your pregnancy as a leverage, that is when women get power. Have a solid conversation about future. Ask your husband what his plans are without interrupting him? That you understand his love for his family & the pressure he is in with moving out. So you won't pressure him but you want some life plan from him. Is he planning on having the baby in this house? how will he make space for the baby? what happens when the baby starts peeing everywhere or breaking everything? Is he planning on staying in the house until the 2nd and 3rd brother marry and bring their wife? Is he planning on moving when you get approved for council house or make more money? What is his plan? Once you both draft out a life plan then you agree to the timeline & work toward that goal. Wait patiently until then MAKE PLANS AND STICK TO IT. If he says end of this year or when baby comes, then respect it & have patience until then
                3) Make your inlaws feel uncomfortable until they kick you out :D (muuuhhhha been watching too many Bollywood shows). Don't come down when your MIL calls you, if she ask, tell her you were pooping or napping or shower. Leave a mess in the kitchen.. fart loudly LOL.. Who cares what they think about you. Go to your parents house often, if they complain "oh well". Tell your husband, "I am staying with them because of you but if they complain about me to you.. you take care of them, don't come back to me with complains". OWN YOUR SPACE
                4) Sometimes guys are lazy & women have to take the lead. If you find a house that is with in your budget, he might be willing to move.

                I hope you have privet bathroom
                You should not be exposing your dark arts...I don't think it's helpful. We know women are expert manipulators but please try and keep it undercover.

                Comment


                • #53
                  Originally posted by Alia11 View Post

                  I know before marriage people say all sorts of things but i was stupid and i shouldve made sure i had got a house before i got married. But i trusted him too much
                  Find refuge in Allah SWT; He is truly in charge of all your affairs. Have patience and trust in His plan for you.

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Originally posted by Alia11 View Post

                    I know before marriage people say all sorts of things but i was stupid and i shouldve made sure i had got a house before i got married. But i trusted him too much
                    That's what I have been saying!!!

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Originally posted by Alia11 View Post

                      I know before marriage people say all sorts of things but i was stupid and i shouldve made sure i had got a house before i got married. But i trusted him too much
                      If you asked for a house everyone probably would have told you you are being too pushy from all sides. As they take advantage of hope but as long as they get what they wanted there's sometimes no substance.

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                        Council accommodation is for those in real need, you don't fall into that category.
                        You have been reported for harassment, what will it take for you to back off OP's case?
                        sigpic

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Originally posted by .Hajar. View Post

                          You have been reported for harassment, what will it take for you to back off OP's case?
                          Harassment? What post do you have issue with?

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                            You should not be exposing your dark arts...I don't think it's helpful. We know women are expert manipulators but please try and keep it undercover.
                            And you have been reported again for harassment, here is a little time out for you.
                            sigpic

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                              Yes I know, the point I am making (same as someone else is too on this thread) is that you should not take someone's word on something as significant as this. You only have yourself to blame if you do this. I know it's not what people want to hear, but maybe it would benefit others that are thinking of entering into a similar arrangement. If it means that much to you then make sure it happens before you say yes.
                              Your explanation here is so much better and I understand what you’re trying to say. Sometimes when you say things at first, it seems like you’re just hating on women.

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Originally posted by .Hajar. View Post

                                And you have been reported again for harassment, here is a little time out for you.
                                Who's doing the reporting?

                                Comment

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