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Moving out of in laws house

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  • #31
    Originally posted by Oakenshield View Post

    I don't see how that is relevant.
    Nor do i but it would be me paying. I work hard and i pay my taxes

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    • #32
      Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

      But on this very forum sisters report they are fine living with inlaws and then say they are not. It flip flops depending on a how someone feels that particular day.

      You don't need to know what the person is like. You should have made it a requirement that you have your own living quarters before getting married. When that's in place then you get married. Having that in place would have told you a fair bit about his state of mind.
      I dont know what la la land you are living in. Sometimes people agree on things and back out. Thats life. Also its not about how we are feeling on the day. Thats the most STUPID thing ive heard. These women are real. Some people go through with it for so long and not speak up. Its not because someone is feeling abit different on a day.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by Alia11 View Post
        Aslaamwalikum. I have never done this before so bear with me. I really need some advice. So i recently got married about 7 months ago and i am currently living with my in laws, my husband and his two brothers. I would like to have my own space and move out but my husband doesnt want to anymore. I feel so depressed here.I just dont feel comfortable living here and can never be my self. My husband originally wanted to move out but i think once his mum and sister found out they have put words into his head. And now he had gone against thr idea. His mum and sister are always trying to hint stuff to me and his mum takes the mick out of me too. Ive really had enough. I dont know how to get him to move out and i am pregnant too now alhumdulilah. I have applied for a council place as i cant afford to rent privately. And the council have been told that we have enough room apparently so we dont need to move out. I am so stuck, i really cant speak to anyone else about this. Even if i go to my parents my mother in law has an issue with this but i do stick up for myself as i would never leave my parents for anyone. But i cant be myself in their house and the only place i can relax is in my room and if i do that aswell she calls me to come down. Please i really need some advice. I have spoken to my husband many times and have given up as he always argues about it. Its not like i expect him tp pay for it. I would happily pay.
        Ahh the old 'a few months with my parents then we'll get our own place' trick. Never believe this before marriage, just warning other sisters.....

        Get your parents involved....No reason why you should be living like a prisoner with two brother in laws in the house....
        Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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        • #34
          Originally posted by Janna90 View Post

          Well there’s no point suggesting what should of been done in the past. That’s not going to help the sister now.
          But it might help others.

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          • #35
            Originally posted by Alia11 View Post

            Nor do i but it would be me paying. I work hard and i pay my taxes
            You said you could not afford private rent.

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            • #36
              Originally posted by Oakenshield View Post

              I don't see how that is relevant.
              One user mentioned she would be paying for it, but the OP mention they can't afford private rent. The council have looked at the situation and said OP does not qualify for whatever assistance the council could offer. So moving is not really a financial option, hence the relevance.

              Councils are under pressure to provide services when their budgets are being cut. If they offer up help in this sort of situation (where there is no pressing need) then someone else down the line will suffer. It's not win win as was suggested.

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              • #37
                Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                You said you could not afford private rent.
                I said i cant afford privately as i will be going on maternity leave. But council rent i could.

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                  One user mentioned she would be paying for it, but the OP mention they can't afford private rent. The council have looked at the situation and said OP does not qualify for whatever assistance the council could offer. So moving is not really a financial option, hence the relevance.

                  Councils are under pressure to provide services when their budgets are being cut. If they offer up help in this sort of situation (where there is no pressing need) then someone else down the line will suffer. It's not win win as was suggested.
                  Council rent is alot cheaper so therefor i can afford it. Dont need advice from.you

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                    But on this very forum sisters report they are fine living with inlaws and then say they are not. It flip flops depending on a how someone feels that particular day.

                    You don't need to know what the person is like. You should have made it a requirement that you have your own living quarters before getting married. When that's in place then you get married. Having that in place would have told you a fair bit about his state of mind.
                    I think it's been mentioned a few times that her husband changed his mind, yet you seem to continue blaming the woman for not making the requirement pre-marriage.

                    Come on now...at least be a bit more subtle when bashing women.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Originally posted by Alia11 View Post
                      Aslaamwalikum. I have never done this before so bear with me. I really need some advice. So i recently got married about 7 months ago and i am currently living with my in laws, my husband and his two brothers. I would like to have my own space and move out but my husband doesnt want to anymore. I feel so depressed here.I just dont feel comfortable living here and can never be my self. My husband originally wanted to move out but i think once his mum and sister found out they have put words into his head. And now he had gone against thr idea. His mum and sister are always trying to hint stuff to me and his mum takes the mick out of me too. Ive really had enough. I dont know how to get him to move out and i am pregnant too now alhumdulilah. I have applied for a council place as i cant afford to rent privately. And the council have been told that we have enough room apparently so we dont need to move out. I am so stuck, i really cant speak to anyone else about this. Even if i go to my parents my mother in law has an issue with this but i do stick up for myself as i would never leave my parents for anyone. But i cant be myself in their house and the only place i can relax is in my room and if i do that aswell she calls me to come down. Please i really need some advice. I have spoken to my husband many times and have given up as he always argues about it. Its not like i expect him tp pay for it. I would happily pay.
                      Sis, I totally understand how you feel. It is very uncomfortable and depressing.

                      Have you told him you'll contribute towards the rent if you were to go private? Does he pay any rent at the moment? If not, I'm assuming this is the reason he doesn't want to leave. Also, a comfort thing probably. What reasons has he given for not wanting to move?

                      I don't understand why some men are so attached to their money. They don't want to spend it on basic things like accommodation when women will happily do it.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by Amira01 View Post

                        Sis, I totally understand how you feel. It is very uncomfortable and depressing.

                        Have you told him you'll contribute towards the rent if you were to go private? Does he pay any rent at the moment? If not, I'm assuming this is the reason he doesn't want to leave. Also, a comfort thing probably. What reasons has he given for not wanting to move?

                        I don't understand why some men are so attached to their money. They don't want to spend it on basic things like accommodation when women will happily do it.
                        Yes i have told him that i would pay towards whatever but council housing is what i can afford. and to be honest hes not tight when it comes to money. But i personally think its because off his family and they have been saying stuff i dont know exactly what. Because first as i said he wanted to and now its a different story. And they usually hint to me saying you will always live in this house. Stuff like that. I think men find it hard moving from parents so he has to grow up as we will be a little family in sha allah. And need own space.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Amira01 View Post

                          I think it's been mentioned a few times that her husband changed his mind, yet you seem to continue blaming the woman for not making the requirement pre-marriage.

                          Come on now...at least be a bit more subtle when bashing women.
                          Thank you sis

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Originally posted by Alia11 View Post

                            Yes i have told him that i would pay towards whatever but council housing is what i can afford. and to be honest hes not tight when it comes to money. But i personally think its because off his family and they have been saying stuff i dont know exactly what. Because first as i said he wanted to and now its a different story. And they usually hint to me saying you will always live in this house. Stuff like that. I think men find it hard moving from parents so he has to grow up as we will be a little family in sha allah. And need own space.
                            Do they know you're pregnant? If you feel they're saying things to him, then they probably are. You're living there so you would be able to tell.

                            Even if they're not saying anything to convince him not to move, he should consider what you want. You're not asking for something unreasonable. For some asian families, sons moving out of the house is like the end of the world with violins playing and everything. People have healthier relationships when they're not living with in laws, no one seems to understand that.

                            Men do find it hard to move. BUT if you were grown enough to get married, you're grown enough to live alone.

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                            • #44
                              Originally posted by Amira01 View Post

                              Do they know you're pregnant? If you feel they're saying things to him, then they probably are. You're living there so you would be able to tell.

                              Even if they're not saying anything to convince him not to move, he should consider what you want. You're not asking for something unreasonable. For some asian families, sons moving out of the house is like the end of the world with violins playing and everything. People have healthier relationships when they're not living with in laws, no one seems to understand that.

                              Men do find it hard to move. BUT if you were grown enough to get married, you're grown enough to live alone.
                              That is so true. I guess some people are just selfish. I know for a fact that our relationship would be so kuch better if we didnt live with the in laws. But mother in laws are so good at brainwashinh their sons they believe and do everything they say and yes they do know i am pregnant.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Originally posted by Alia11 View Post

                                I said i cant afford privately as i will be going on maternity leave. But council rent i could.
                                Council accommodation is for those in real need, you don't fall into that category.

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