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Moving out of in laws house

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  • #16
    Originally posted by i.carrim View Post
    Life is like that:any subject has advantages and disadvantages.Likewise living with in laws has also its advantages and disadvantages.If you give it a deep thought,it is certain that you will find the advantages outweighing the disadvantages.Anyway in life, nothing is the same for ever ;like living with in-laws for some time.
    There are no advantages when thereís two non mahrams living there. If itís just in laws then am sure there could be. Why canít men just have more gheera these days. The sister just explained she has no privacy. If you have other men there, you always have to be on guard, yes there family but there still non mahrams. Imagine always covering In front of none mahrams 24/7. We arleady do that outside, So at least our home should be a place where we can relax and actually feel like itís our home. Itís such a shame men care so much about culture rather than their needs of their wife.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Alia11 View Post

      Yes we did speak about this before marriage and he was fine about it he just said wait a little while lets just stay with parents for a few months and we will still apply etc. But ever since the housing officer came round and his family were there and they must have said something to him. I just wasnt sure islamically what my rights are but thank you very much for tellung me
      Okay, well all I can say is maybe try get a third person involved to talk to both of you. Someone you trust. How about your parents? Do you think they could say something? I donít know what else to suggest. You know your husband better and how he would react. What can you do to make him realise your not happy. Thatís what you need to figure out. And definitely read about your rights as a wife, he canít just say one thing then change his mind. Make sure no one taking advantage of you. Know your rights but at the same time do try to maintain respect for your husband and try to deal with him in a respectful manner.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Janna90 View Post

        There are no advantages when thereís two non mahrams living there. If itís just in laws then am sure there could be. Why canít men just have more gheera these days. The sister just explained she has no privacy. If you have other men there, you always have to be on guard, yes there family but there still non mahrams. Imagine always covering In front of none mahrams 24/7. We arleady do that outside, So at least our home should be a place where we can relax and actually feel like itís our home. Itís such a shame men care so much about culture rather than their needs of their wife.
        What sisters need to do is be happy with the less than adequate situation or insist on things being to their liking right from the start and if it's not then don't get married to the guy.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

          What sisters need to do is be happy with the less than adequate situation or insist on things being to their liking right from the start and if it's not then don't get married to the guy.
          The sister did say the husband was fine with it from the start but he changed his mind. Things like this can happen and then what?

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Janna90 View Post

            There are no advantages when thereís two non mahrams living there. If itís just in laws then am sure there could be. Why canít men just have more gheera these days. The sister just explained she has no privacy. If you have other men there, you always have to be on guard, yes there family but there still non mahrams. Imagine always covering In front of none mahrams 24/7. We arleady do that outside, So at least our home should be a place where we can relax and actually feel like itís our home. Itís such a shame men care so much about culture rather than their needs of their wife.
            Thats exactly what i think. All the time we cover outside and just want to chill when we get home and wear what we like. Its nice to have people that understand your situation so thank you.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by Janna90 View Post

              Okay, well all I can say is maybe try get a third person involved to talk to both of you. Someone you trust. How about your parents? Do you think they could say something? I donít know what else to suggest. You know your husband better and how he would react. What can you do to make him realise your not happy. Thatís what you need to figure out. And definitely read about your rights as a wife, he canít just say one thing then change his mind. Make sure no one taking advantage of you. Know your rights but at the same time do try to maintain respect for your husband and try to deal with him in a respectful manner.
              I will do thank you. I will see what to do. He does know and can tell i dont feel comfortable here and his brother said to me too and kept questioning that no one says anything to you so i dont get why you want to move out. I think its because he doesnt have to do anything at the moment, literally leaves everything messy and i pick up after him. but he will have to if i move out.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                What sisters need to do is be happy with the less than adequate situation or insist on things being to their liking right from the start and if it's not then don't get married to the guy.
                Well people change, unless you are a non-muslim and live with the person before marriage then you would really know what they are like. You only know what someone is like when u start living with them. Im not the only person to say this it happens alot. People just expect women to just 'deal with things'. At the end of the day we are human too we do have feelings.
                Last edited by Alia11; 06-02-19, 09:06 PM.

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                • #23
                  In my opinion, the husband has nothing to lose here.

                  A wife that is offering to pay for her own space. Usually men worry about spending their beloved money on a wife.

                  ​​​​​SoSthat offer saves him the money and the issues his wife has living with in laws (which is understandable). It also stops the high school behaviour from mother in law and sister in law.

                  Next time your in laws laugh at you, make sure your husband sees it, and make sure you show how upset you are but don't say anything until you are alone.

                  I'm really confused why he doesn't want to budge, it's a win win.


                  'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                  So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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                  • #24
                    There are instances where living with in laws works fine and everybody gets on well,and there are cases where it doesn't. This can be down to the wife not wanting to get along, or it may be down to the in laws not making her feel welcome. Here we only have one side of the story. Having said that, I agree with bringing in a neutral third party to hear both sides state their case, and advise on the best course of action based on that. As so often in these situations it is the women, be it the new wife or the husbands mother/sister etc who are the cause of the problems that lead to disharmony in the family.

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Janna90 View Post

                      The sister did say the husband was fine with it from the start but he changed his mind. Things like this can happen and then what?
                      You get is sorted before getting married...something that is tangible.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Alia11 View Post

                        Well people change, unless you are a non-muslim and live with the person before marriage then you would really know what they are like. You only know what someone is like when u start living with them. Im not the only person to say this it happens alot. People just expect women to just 'deal with things'. At the end of the day we are human too we do have feelings.
                        But on this very forum sisters report they are fine living with inlaws and then say they are not. It flip flops depending on a how someone feels that particular day.

                        You don't need to know what the person is like. You should have made it a requirement that you have your own living quarters before getting married. When that's in place then you get married. Having that in place would have told you a fair bit about his state of mind.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                          In my opinion, the husband has nothing to lose here.

                          A wife that is offering to pay for her own space. Usually men worry about spending their beloved money on a wife.

                          ​​​​​SoSthat offer saves him the money and the issues his wife has living with in laws (which is understandable). It also stops the high school behaviour from mother in law and sister in law.

                          Next time your in laws laugh at you, make sure your husband sees it, and make sure you show how upset you are but don't say anything until you are alone.

                          I'm really confused why he doesn't want to budge, it's a win win.

                          Is she paying or is it the council i.e. taxpayers.

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                            You get is sorted before getting married...something that is tangible.
                            Well thereís no point suggesting what should of been done in the past. Thatís not going to help the sister now.

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                              Is she paying or is it the council i.e. taxpayers.
                              I don't see how that is relevant.

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                              • #30
                                Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                                You get is sorted before getting married...something that is tangible.
                                You only realise when it happens to your self. And like i said people change and change their minds. Anyways i certainly do not need any advice from you. You wouldnt understand

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