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  • Moving out of in laws house

    Aslaamwalikum. I have never done this before so bear with me. I really need some advice. So i recently got married about 7 months ago and i am currently living with my in laws, my husband and his two brothers. I would like to have my own space and move out but my husband doesnt want to anymore. I feel so depressed here.I just dont feel comfortable living here and can never be my self. My husband originally wanted to move out but i think once his mum and sister found out they have put words into his head. And now he had gone against thr idea. His mum and sister are always trying to hint stuff to me and his mum takes the mick out of me too. Ive really had enough. I dont know how to get him to move out and i am pregnant too now alhumdulilah. I have applied for a council place as i cant afford to rent privately. And the council have been told that we have enough room apparently so we dont need to move out. I am so stuck, i really cant speak to anyone else about this. Even if i go to my parents my mother in law has an issue with this but i do stick up for myself as i would never leave my parents for anyone. But i cant be myself in their house and the only place i can relax is in my room and if i do that aswell she calls me to come down. Please i really need some advice. I have spoken to my husband many times and have given up as he always argues about it. Its not like i expect him tp pay for it. I would happily pay.

  • #2
    Wailakoum asalam sister,

    Have you discussed this issue before getting married? You said he changed his mind? I donít think itís right for him to go back on his word. I think you should sit down and try to talk to him and how itís efecting you. He must realise it is your Islamic right to ask for an accomodation. Especially his brothers are living there too. This is definitely a cultural thing. I donít see why your willing to pay, itís his duty to provide for you. And itís your right to ask for that. The only thing I can say is try to speak to him and explain that you prefer to live alone. It depends on what you discussed before marriage about the living arrangements. But even then, itís still your right to ask for your own space.

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    • #3
      Life is like that:any subject has advantages and disadvantages.Likewise living with in laws has also its advantages and disadvantages.If you give it a deep thought,it is certain that you will find the advantages outweighing the disadvantages.Anyway in life, nothing is the same for ever ;like living with in-laws for some time.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by i.carrim View Post
        Life is like that:any subject has advantages and disadvantages.Likewise living with in laws has also its advantages and disadvantages.If you give it a deep thought,it is certain that you will find the advantages outweighing the disadvantages.Anyway in life, nothing is the same for ever ;like living with in-laws for some time.
        Originally posted by i.carrim View Post
        Life is like that:any subject has advantages and disadvantages.Likewise living with in laws has also its advantages and disadvantages.If you give it a deep thought,it is certain that you will find the advantages outweighing the disadvantages.Anyway in life, nothing is the same for ever ;like living with in-laws for some time.
        Living in one room like a prisoner has no advantages!

        If you have a father in law and sister in laws, try living with them in order to understand.

        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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        • #5
          Most would choose not to live with in laws if it wasn't because of culture. Obviously parents who need support should not be left alone.

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          • #6
            Op i think you should discuss moving out there are 2 brother in laws and you would feel more comfortable. If it causes arguments maybe get a neutral third party involved to be the voice of reason.

            Comment


            • #7
              If you have told your husband many times and he is still being a lazy, inconsiderate individual then there's not much to say except hope.


              It's embarrassing living with other men, no freedom whatsoever.

              Like living in jail.

              You're pregnant now, you'll be sick and feel unwell at times.
              These things are not easy to hide.

              I don't know what to suggest but make sure you don't always nag him about it because that will put him off.
              Beautify yourself and treat him nice. At the right time, you can be the damstel in distress and remind him of his promise about living arrangements.

              If he cares he will do something about it.

              He is a grown man, he should have seen all this without you having to tell him.
              ​​​​​
              Last edited by Ya'sin; 06-02-19, 03:52 PM.
              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by usernametaken View Post
                Op i think you should discuss moving out there are 2 brother in laws and you would feel more comfortable. If it causes arguments maybe get a neutral third party involved to be the voice of reason.
                it sounds like the sister is there too she can help (op can correct me)

                ​​​​​​Her husband can stay over at his mum's house too
                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post

                  it sounds like the sister is there too she can help (op can correct me)

                  ​​​​​​Her husband can stay over at his mum's house too
                  Yh i was going to say the same thing but wasn't sure if she lives there or not.
                  True.

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                  • #10
                    He should have more gheerah instead of letting his wife live in the same house as 2 non mahram men to her.
                    Please visit my Youtube cooking channel

                    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiv...YMkhbbgtX-lL8Q

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      #Gheerah for the culture

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Janna90 View Post
                        Wailakoum asalam sister,

                        Have you discussed this issue before getting married? You said he changed his mind? I donít think itís right for him to go back on his word. I think you should sit down and try to talk to him and how itís efecting you. He must realise it is your Islamic right to ask for an accomodation. Especially his brothers are living there too. This is definitely a cultural thing. I donít see why your willing to pay, itís his duty to provide for you. And itís your right to ask for that. The only thing I can say is try to speak to him and explain that you prefer to live alone. It depends on what you discussed before marriage about the living arrangements. But even then, itís still your right to ask for your own space.
                        Yes we did speak about this before marriage and he was fine about it he just said wait a little while lets just stay with parents for a few months and we will still apply etc. But ever since the housing officer came round and his family were there and they must have said something to him. I just wasnt sure islamically what my rights are but thank you very much for tellung me

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post



                          Living in one room like a prisoner has no advantages!

                          If you have a father in law and sister in laws, try living with them in order to understand.
                          Thats the thing. I dont want that sort of life. To be stuck in a room thats why i love going to my mums i can just be me.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                            If you have told your husband many times and he is still being a lazy, inconsiderate individual then there's not much to say except hope.


                            It's embarrassing living with other men, no freedom whatsoever.

                            Like living in jail.

                            You're pregnant now, you'll be sick and feel unwell at times.
                            These things are not easy to hide.

                            I don't know what to suggest but make sure you don't always nag him about it because that will put him off.
                            Beautify yourself and treat him nice. At the right time, you can be the damstel in distress and remind him of his promise about living arrangements.

                            If he cares he will do something about it.

                            He is a grown man, he should have seen all this without you having to tell him.
                            ​​​​​
                            Thank you very much. Yes i feel very embarrased and didnt want his brothers to find out im preganant yet as im not that far along yet hid sister went and told them without my persmission so a private life would be better

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by usernametaken View Post
                              Yh i was going to say the same thing but wasn't sure if she lives there or not.
                              True.
                              No the sister doesnt live here.

                              Comment

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