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  • Married for 3 months a woman i spoke to before i got married contacted me

    salam alaykum i had something bothering me and never really told anyone but just wanted to see peoples thinking so signed up and posted reading the forum in past has really helped me in past.

    alhamdulilah got married 3 months ago and my current wife is also pregnant alhamdulilah. The thing is this woman who I really wanted to marry before didn't happen because of issues with family ….contacted me again saying her father would allow the marriage now since she finished her studies.

    My current wife is a very jealous person and has hinted in past she would not tolerate me getting anther wife she is 2 years younger then me but the other one is 10 years younger and im much more attracted to her.

    The woman who contacted me knows I got married and still wants to marry me so at least that side of things is good its just with my current wife Im thinking she will maybe just get angry for sometime then will understand how good I am looking after and and providing for her and we going to have a kid as well so hopefully she will look at the bigger picture.

    Has any brother been through something like this or know of any?

    I find it sad how brothers have to go through so much worry just to marry again these days.
    Last edited by hamza10; 02-02-19, 11:45 AM.

  • #2
    Oof. I would hate to be in your position. What a fitna.

    Anyway, prepare to get roasted by the forum. Good luck.

    Comment


    • #3
      Sounds like a very familiar story.



      Comment


      • #4
        You know Allah dislikes divorce so if you can live with your current wife then stay with her for the sake of Allah. Life isn't about following your nafs, its about passing the test, and this woman may be send by shaytan to wreck your perfectly fine marriage
        Please visit my Youtube cooking channel

        https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiv...YMkhbbgtX-lL8Q

        Comment


        • #5
          If you are still talking to the girl without her wali or another person present to see these messages then you are having an affair.

          Be very careful because I would call you a pervert.

          You just got married for goodness sake and your wife is pregnant. Do you know much about hormones?

          This is just the beginning of married life.

          Have you thought about your expenses? And living arrangements?

          You should prepare to be a dad and a loyal, committed husband.

          Don't run off to a new girl and leave the old one looking after the child herself.

          You men are utter failures, you run a mile away from responsibilities but when another woman is in the scene you jump up and down with attention. Really disgusting, think with your head please.

          Sort it out.

          I'm not even your wife, I would feel some disrespect towards you. Now imagine how your wife would feel, especially if she has already shown some opposition to all this.

          You'll get more than roasted.




          Bottom line, think with your head not fantasies.
          Last edited by Ya'sin; 02-02-19, 11:36 AM.
          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
            If you are still talking to the girl without her wali or another person present to see these messages then you are having an affair.

            Be very careful because I would call you a pervert.

            You just got married for goodness sake and you're wife is pregnant. Do you know much about hormones?

            This is just the beginning of married life.

            Have you thought about your expenses? And living arrangements?

            You should prepare to be a dad and a loyal, committed husband.

            Don't run off to a new girl and leave the old one looking after the child herself.

            You men are utter failures, you run a mile away from responsibilities but when another woman is in the scene you jump up and down with attention. Really disgusting, think with your head please.

            Sort it out.

            I'm not even your wife, I would feel some disrespect towards you. Now imagine how your wife would feel, especially if she has already shown some opposition to all this.

            You'll get more than roasted.




            Bottom line, think with your head not fantasies.
            I don't think you understand we are all human beings and have emotions involved I knew this woman before for period of 1 year I was visiting her while her father/brother was present we both had very strong feelings towards each other you cant just turn it off.

            Also im not saying I will do any haram when did I say that? Im thinking of marrying a second wife which is allowed in islam.

            regarding living expenses alhamdiliah I work in a good job and I can provide if need be so that is not a issue for me in that regard.

            I am seriously thinking of going ahead with this I can't let this woman go last time the only reason I never married her was because of her dad

            I know many brothers going through with this sisters should be more accepting of polygamy love for your sister for what you love for yourself.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by hamza10 View Post

              I don't think you understand we are all human beings and have emotions involved I knew this woman before for period of 1 year I was visiting her while her father/brother was present we both had very strong feelings towards each other you cant just turn it off.

              Also im not saying I will do any haram when did I say that? Im thinking of marrying a second wife which is allowed in islam.

              regarding living expenses alhamdiliah I work in a good job and I can provide if need be so that is not a issue for me in that regard.

              I am seriously thinking of going ahead with this I can't let this woman go last time the only reason I never married her was because of her dad

              I know many brothers going through with this sisters should be more accepting of polygamy love for your sister for what you love for yourself.
              so it is all a sexual fling? How do people get strong connections like that? Basically all about looks and now you're mistaking it with it being something special.

              Next it will be a woman at work that you have the hots for
              Just don't become a useless trashy father eyeing up on other women. The reason some women don't like men considered this is because they are useless beings who aren't capable of managing things in the first marriage.

              Look after your children, share the responsibilities of parenthood. Support your wife and look after her too.

              You asked what we think, I'm just giving you my feelings on it

              Do what you want, your life.

              All the best


              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

              Comment


              • #8
                Do isthikaara

                The way you say 'can't let this woman go' makes it sound like she is perfection

                Don't set yourself up for disappointment
                First her dad didn't allow the marriage because of education

                Now she is finished with studies and her dad has allowed it

                Ask her family questions because they may have other priorities.

                She will definitely work, she studied all this time so make sure you agree with all that and don't moan about it because your sexual desires blinded you.

                All the best
                ​​​



                ​​​​​
                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                Comment


                • #9
                  You have 2 options :

                  1. Ruin your current marriage, communicate with this other woman behind your newly wed wife's back, destroy your wife's trust and loyalty, cause her undue mental stress and worries, harm her pregnancy and the health of your unborn child , destroy your own peace of mind by making unfair comparisons between the two women, glorify haraam in your mind while ignoring halaal, day-dream foolishly about having two wives and a big happy family...

                  2. Consider this unfortunate disruption as Shaitan's plot to ruin your current marriage , accept your marriage as Allah's will and move on. Block this marriage-wrecker lady from all your contacts, tell her it's too late as you're happily married now & warn her strictly against contacting you further. She had her chance with you but she let it go. Now that you're married, she's majorly unhappy and wants you to be equally unhappy, so, she's contacted you to create fitnah and cause tension in your marital life. Take this from a woman, a vile woman will want everyone else to be miserable and unhappy when they don't get what they want. Get out of your dreamworld.

                  You should try to make the best of your marriage and supplicate daily to Allah to fill your marriage with barakah and happiness.

                  The choice is yours. You will know which advice to heed if you're wise.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Please don't say such a thing about polygamy (op)

                    We all love food and shelter, but when it comes to the many facing poverty we turn a blind eye?

                    Love for others what you love for yourself. Such hypocrisy when men (the failed leaders of this ummah) say this when they want polygamy for sex.

                    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post

                      so it is all a sexual fling? How do people get strong connections like that? Basically all about looks and now you're mistaking it with it being something special.

                      Next it will be a woman at work that you have the hots for
                      Just don't become a useless trashy father eyeing up on other women. The reason some women don't like men considered this is because they are useless beings who aren't capable of managing things in the first marriage.

                      Look after your children, share the responsibilities of parenthood. Support your wife and look after her too.

                      You asked what we think, I'm just giving you my feelings on it

                      Do what you want, your life.

                      All the best

                      ok I understand and thank you on your input although I don't agree with

                      You do understand its allowed to talk to other women other then your wife for sake of marriage? with consent of mahram because polygamy is allowed

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
                        You have 2 options :

                        1. Ruin your current marriage, communicate with this other woman behind your newly wed wife's back, destroy your wife's trust and loyalty, cause her undue mental stress and worries, harm her pregnancy and the health of your unborn child , destroy your own peace of mind by making unfair comparisons between the two women, glorify haraam in your mind while ignoring halaal, day-dream foolishly about having two wives and a big happy family...

                        2. Consider this unfortunate disruption as Shaitan's plot to ruin your current marriage , accept your marriage as Allah's will and move on. Block this marriage-wrecker lady from all your contacts, tell her it's too late as you're happily married now & warn her strictly against contacting you further. She had her chance with you but she let it go. Now that you're married, she's majorly unhappy and wants you to be equally unhappy, so, she's contacted you to create fitnah and cause tension in your marital life. Take this from a woman, a vile woman will want everyone else to be miserable and unhappy when they don't get what they want. Get out of your dreamworld.

                        You should try to make the best of your marriage and supplicate daily to Allah to fill your marriage with barakah and happiness.

                        The choice is yours. You will know which advice to heed if you're wise.
                        Thank you for that I think I will take my time on making decision as it has many implications

                        Also when you said she "she let go" she didn't she even disobeyed her parents for some time but it was her father who wanted he to complete her studies

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by hamza10 View Post

                          ok I understand and thank you on your input although I don't agree with

                          You do understand its allowed to talk to other women other then your wife for sake of marriage? with consent of mahram because polygamy is allowed
                          You mean if the mahram gives consent you can talk to her in seculsion when it is only the two of you? Some mahram are useless too. Why didn't her dad approach you himself and say you can marry his daughter now?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Mintchocchip View Post

                            You mean if the mahram gives consent you can talk to her in seculsion when it is only the two of you? Some mahram are useless too. Why didn't her dad approach you himself and say you can marry his daughter now?
                            No I don't mean that not at all.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              look after your wife and baby,
                              don't ruin your marriage chasing after another woman

                              Yea polygamy is permissible but it's a huge responsibility, ask yourself can you deal with it?

                              to be honest you've got a baby on the way,
                              once you become a parent it's all about the children and their future

                              You become selfless once you have kids,
                              don't be selfish and ruin your wifes and babies life

                              Comment

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