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Showing interest in my closed husband

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  • Showing interest in my closed husband

    Salaam aleiykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh


    My husband doesn't tell me much about his afairs, and thats fine with me, we have a good relationship he just doesn't feel the need to tell me everything thats going on. Sometimes he will tell he he planned a trip with a friend a couple days before they leave and im okay with that.

    i only wonder if i should ask him more questions about what he does and when he does it, show more interest or should i give him his space, is he feeling like I'm not interested in him? Or is he happy with the space i give him?


    I was raised with parents that need to know every single detail of your life and they will ask and ask about your affairs and it annoys me so much that i don't want to be like that, im just scared he may feel like I'm not interested if i dont ask about his stuff.

  • #2
    Me personally, I don't think it is appropriate that he springs a trip with his friends to you a few days before he leaves. Giving him space is one thing, but this is abnormal. What if you had also made plans with him that contradicted his? Communication and transparency is key to a good marriage.
    "When a man sees the road as long he weakens in his walk." Ibn Qayyim

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Musbah
      Me personally, I don't think it is appropriate that he springs a trip with his friends to you a few days before he leaves. Giving him space is one thing, but this is abnormal. What if you had also made plans with him that contradicted his? Communication and transparency is key to a good marriage.
      Yea communicating and compromising are key

      Comment


      • #4


        He should tell you about the friend and where he is going

        Don't be okay with it. Especially when he doesn't tell you much.

        The whole bachelor attitude needs to change. He is married now.

        How long has this been going on?

        He needs to grow up and you have to tell him that you feel uncomfortable with the lack of information he gives you.

        Would he be ok if you said you're going somewhere with a friend without giving too much away?

        If he is ok with it, there's more to be concerned about.

        Sit down with him when you both are getting along and raise this concerns with him. Tell him how you feel, don't start with an aggressive tone, be gentle and caring but firm.

        He might over react if he has something to hide.

        He should show evidence of his stay overs with his friend.

        E.g trip bookings




        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

        Comment


        • #5
          I really dont mind that he doesnt tell me all details, he's not that type of person and i dont need to know who he is seeing when and where, i trust him 100% and if he wants to marry someone else he doesnt need my permission so its not like i could prevent anything if anything was happening, which I'm sure there is not at all.

          my question was only regarding, do i make him feel like i dont care by not asking about his affairs? Its not like he doesn't want to tell me, if i ask he will tell me but i just dont always ask.

          Comment


          • #6
            Do you enjoy sitting down with each other and discussing things in general? Ask his parents, siblings etc if he was a chatty talkative type of guy and also if he was ok being asked questions about his affairs from them. This will help you understand if it is his normal behaviour or not. You can also casually ask him how was his day, what did he get up to, how are his friends and their families getting on etc. invite them round for dinner etc. At least he will know you have shown interest regardless of how open or not he is to discuss these things.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Oakenshield View Post
              Do you enjoy sitting down with each other and discussing things in general? Ask his parents, siblings etc if he was a chatty talkative type of guy and also if he was ok being asked questions about his affairs from them. This will help you understand if it is his normal behaviour or not. You can also casually ask him how was his day, what did he get up to, how are his friends and their families getting on etc. invite them round for dinner etc. At least he will know you have shown interest regardless of how open or not he is to discuss these things.
              Yes we talk about many topics we have a very good connection. Thank you for the advice

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by UmmChuma View Post
                I really dont mind that he doesnt tell me all details, he's not that type of person and i dont need to know who he is seeing when and where, i trust him 100% and if he wants to marry someone else he doesnt need my permission so its not like i could prevent anything if anything was happening, which I'm sure there is not at all.

                my question was only regarding, do i make him feel like i dont care by not asking about his affairs? Its not like he doesn't want to tell me, if i ask he will tell me but i just dont always ask.
                You will know your husband better than anyone here.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                  You will know your husband better than anyone here.
                  Yes, i thought maybe someone would be able to relate to the situation

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by UmmChuma View Post

                    Yes, i thought maybe someone would be able to relate to the situation
                    Yes but the responses in that situation may not apply in your case with you husband.

                    Just ask him to share his plans with you at inception as you are interested in what he does and may be able to help. It's not difficult.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by UmmChuma View Post
                      Salaam aleiykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh


                      My husband doesn't tell me much about his afairs, and thats fine with me, we have a good relationship he just doesn't feel the need to tell me everything thats going on. Sometimes he will tell he he planned a trip with a friend a couple days before they leave and im okay with that.

                      i only wonder if i should ask him more questions about what he does and when he does it, show more interest or should i give him his space, is he feeling like I'm not interested in him? Or is he happy with the space i give him?


                      I was raised with parents that need to know every single detail of your life and they will ask and ask about your affairs and it annoys me so much that i don't want to be like that, im just scared he may feel like I'm not interested if i dont ask about his stuff.
                      salaams to all

                      just let him know that you wont mind if he has anything on his mind and he shares it with you.
                      and tell him why.

                      after that, leave it to him. he will respect you more if u dont put pressure on him- many men dont like to talk about work when theyre at home- they see it as a place to unwind & relax.

                      and Allah ta'ala knows best
                      jazakallah
                      Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
                      very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by msmoorad View Post

                        salaams to all

                        just let him know that you wont mind if he has anything on his mind and he shares it with you.
                        and tell him why.

                        after that, leave it to him. he will respect you more if u dont put pressure on him- many men dont like to talk about work when theyre at home- they see it as a place to unwind & relax.

                        and Allah ta'ala knows best
                        jazakallah
                        Thank you for the advise, thats what i thought, the home is a place to unwind after a long day not to relive it, i dont want him to feel stress in his home.

                        i will make it clear that im always there to listen though

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          As long as you and your husband are both fine with the way you guys deal with stuff, it shouldn't matter. The issue only arises when one spouse has a problem with the other's doing or feels neglected/ignored.

                          There are husbands who spend a couple of hours with their friends everyday. And their wives don't mind.

                          There are wives who spend every weekend or several days in a row at their parents' home. And their husbands don't mind.

                          There are some spouses who need to vent out whatever they did/felt during the day. There are some who aren't really bothered.

                          There are no set rules of what couples must or must not do nor does it matter what other people think about your relationship. What works for one may not always work for the other.

                          As long as you and your partner are content with one another and things are running smoothly, you can live the way you deem fit. You know best what works for your relationship.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Instead of asking people on the internet this question, you need to communicate with him and ask him what he feels about this matter. It makes more sense and you'll get the correct answer from him. Bring up the topic with him and talk to him about it instead.

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