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1 baby, 2 baby, 3 baby, 4??? When is it okay to tell your husband no more lol??

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  • 1 baby, 2 baby, 3 baby, 4??? When is it okay to tell your husband no more lol??

    Hello,

    I am a perfectly healthy mother of 2 children. I am christian and my husband is muslim. I am from the UK and i am ethnically British. In my culture it is very uncommon to have more than 1 or 2 kids.

    When we got married my husband had the "romantic" idea of just letting God(Allah) plan our family for us and not to worry about this.

    I initially agreed to this because I was somewhat naive about how much work kids will be . I became pregnant within our first few months of marriage and i thought it would take a long time. My sister and her husband tried for 4 years before she became pregnant so I assumed it would be the same. But biology I guess is different between us because this did not happen for me and my husband. Again when we had the baby I decided to take a year off of work. I was only back at work for another 4 months before I became pregnant again and even though we have maternity in the UK my boss is clearly upset with me so I decided to resign and find a new job. But when the baby came it was much more work again and I had to take time off. I started looking for a job again but I recently found out I was pregnant for the third time. So we decided I will just not look for work for the future.

    the problem is that he said I would be able to work if I wanted when we got married. Now that I am married it is impossible basically to stay employed haha.

    Now i am not working he is providing all of the money for our household. He is not blaming me for this but I feel very bad because I have to ask him to spend money all the time if I want to do something for myself. He wants me to ask before I go to movies with my sister or nail salon etc. I feel he is becoming more dominant over our relationship and i guess he is nice about it but it is making me feel like more of a child I guess I don't know.

    I feel like I should say no more babies after this third one but it's almost an insult to him. Do any girls have tips to slow down pregnancies with certain foods or soemthing?

  • #2
    The title of your post was enough to put me off.

    I doubt any user on here is reckless enough to give you advice on what to eat ....but if anyone ever does for goodness sake do not follow it.

    Comment


    • #3
      You seem to have naively agreed to many things before marriage.....Do you not ever discuss all this with your husband?

      Get him to give you a monthly allowance, that way you won't need to ask him every time you need to buy something...
      Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by EmilyTheFlower View Post
        Hello,

        I am a perfectly healthy mother of 2 children. I am christian and my husband is muslim. I am from the UK and i am ethnically British. In my culture it is very uncommon to have more than 1 or 2 kids.

        When we got married my husband had the "romantic" idea of just letting God(Allah) plan our family for us and not to worry about this.

        I initially agreed to this because I was somewhat naive about how much work kids will be . I became pregnant within our first few months of marriage and i thought it would take a long time. My sister and her husband tried for 4 years before she became pregnant so I assumed it would be the same. But biology I guess is different between us because this did not happen for me and my husband. Again when we had the baby I decided to take a year off of work. I was only back at work for another 4 months before I became pregnant again and even though we have maternity in the UK my boss is clearly upset with me so I decided to resign and find a new job. But when the baby came it was much more work again and I had to take time off. I started looking for a job again but I recently found out I was pregnant for the third time. So we decided I will just not look for work for the future.

        the problem is that he said I would be able to work if I wanted when we got married. Now that I am married it is impossible basically to stay employed haha.

        Now i am not working he is providing all of the money for our household. He is not blaming me for this but I feel very bad because I have to ask him to spend money all the time if I want to do something for myself. He wants me to ask before I go to movies with my sister or nail salon etc. I feel he is becoming more dominant over our relationship and i guess he is nice about it but it is making me feel like more of a child I guess I don't know.

        I feel like I should say no more babies after this third one but it's almost an insult to him. Do any girls have tips to slow down pregnancies with certain foods or soemthing?
        Contraception ?

        Comment


        • #5
          Unusual OP from a very new member. You can never tell the authenticity of some of these posts. How come it's so common for practicing Muslims to marry Christians these days.

          If one really belives Jesus is God or son of God then how does a Muslim man have a relationship with her? Remember how we avoid marrying Sufis because of their beliefs. What's so different with modern Christians
          وَلَا تَكُونُوا كَالَّذِينَ نَسُوا اللَّهَ فَأَنسَاهُمْ أَنفُسَهُمْ

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Khalid55 View Post
            Unusual OP from a very new member. You can never tell the authenticity of some of these posts. How come it's so common for practicing Muslims to marry Christians these days.

            If one really belives Jesus is God or son of God then how does a Muslim man have a relationship with her? Remember how we avoid marrying Sufis because of their beliefs. What's so different with modern Christians
            even in the prophet صلي الله عليه وسلام time many Christians believed jesus was the son of God
            it was still eligible to marry them

            some sufis are just innovators these u can marry although its better not to
            some are mushrikeen committing shirk daily these its impermissable as they are mushriks


            christians are ahl al kitab
            although some scholars say nowadays u cant or in some areas u cant due to too much shirk by them
            some say u can
            some say only when there arent muslims available to marry like worst case scenario


            anyway 9/10 times the muslim that marries a Christian or Jew was due to zina or too much free mixing and he most likely wasnt practising either

            Comment


            • #7
              You can't deny your husband a child if he wants more. Also talk to him about allowance so you dont have to feel akward asking for money
              Please visit my Youtube cooking channel :lemo:

              https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiv...YMkhbbgtX-lL8Q

              Comment


              • #8
                Taking care of 3 babies is a lot of work in itself. Unless you have a baby-sitter or relatives nearby, it's impossible for a woman to handle mothering 3 little kids + a full-time job.

                Motherhood is the most rewarding and challenging job, why don't you concentrate on it and enjoy the joy and contentment it brings ? Don't link your self-worth to having an employment which pays you a few hundred or thousand pounds because motherhood is truly priceless and highly undervalued in today's age.

                Why are you feeling guilty about asking your husband for money ? It's solely his responsibility in Islam to provide for you and your kids. You are not obliged to contribute a simple penny. Feel free to ask anytime.

                A Muslim wife generally informs her husband where she's going because protecting a wife comes under the husband's responsibility. Your husband may just be genuinely concerned about your safety and well-being, he may not be trying to be controlling or making you feel like a child. If he knows your whereabouts, he need not unnecessarily worry about you. This is a form of love and care.

                As to how many kids you both want to have, you can discuss the issue with him.

                Meanwhile, have you read about Islam ? Which religion are your kids being raised as ?

                Comment


                • #9
                  salaams to all

                  we all know (most of us) that its not permissible for practising muslims to be married to current type of Christians.
                  but that DOES NOT mean that its perfect ly OK to attack & insult someone who has asked a question about this if we can see she doesnt know better.

                  just answer her question or politely yet clearly or explain to her why the scenario/position shes in, shouldn't have occurred in the first place.
                  or if u cant do that, just stay away from the thread.

                  i know we get lots of trolls here, either Zionist Jews or Christian missionary types who get a kick out of concocting questions or making blatantly false statements& asking our views on it etc but this isnt the same.

                  and Allah ta'ala knows best
                  jazakallah

                  Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
                  very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Take quran.
                    Take herbal spice.
                    Put plant on quran.
                    Light plant on fire, this is known as 'al-habuur essence'. It brings good luck to familys.

                    Asalaam alikuum!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Kaas View Post
                      You can't deny your husband a child if he wants more. Also talk to him about allowance so you dont have to feel akward asking for money
                      Well that might be the rule for muslim wives haha, is it the same for Christian? I dont think it is. I generally agreed to live by his rules when we got married but i guess im a little flustered.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
                        Taking care of 3 babies is a lot of work in itself. Unless you have a baby-sitter or relatives nearby, it's impossible for a woman to handle mothering 3 little kids + a full-time job.

                        Motherhood is the most rewarding and challenging job, why don't you concentrate on it and enjoy the joy and contentment it brings ? Don't link your self-worth to having an employment which pays you a few hundred or thousand pounds because motherhood is truly priceless and highly undervalued in today's age.

                        Why are you feeling guilty about asking your husband for money ? It's solely his responsibility in Islam to provide for you and your kids. You are not obliged to contribute a simple penny. Feel free to ask anytime.

                        A Muslim wife generally informs her husband where she's going because protecting a wife comes under the husband's responsibility. Your husband may just be genuinely concerned about your safety and well-being, he may not be trying to be controlling or making you feel like a child. If he knows your whereabouts, he need not unnecessarily worry about you. This is a form of love and care.

                        As to how many kids you both want to have, you can discuss the issue with him.

                        Meanwhile, have you read about Islam ? Which religion are your kids being raised as ?
                        Thank you for your answer!

                        My kids are going to be raised muslims for obvious reasons. I have not studied a lot abiut christianity vs islam, we dont argue about religion really.

                        in my culture you are seen as a gold digger if you just live off a rich man basically. Thats why i dont want to do that.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by EmilyTheFlower View Post

                          Well that might be the rule for muslim wives haha, is it the same for Christian? I dont think it is. I generally agreed to live by his rules when we got married but i guess im a little flustered.
                          All wives are the same, christians dont have any privileges over anyone else.
                          Please visit my Youtube cooking channel :lemo:

                          https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiv...YMkhbbgtX-lL8Q

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Maybe become a muslim, i think we should work on that aspect, what doubts do u have about islam etc, there is a lot of great content on youtube at speakers corner e.g. one channel to check out is SCDawah

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Its Allah عز و جل who deciedes how many children, not the husband so the op argument is redundant.
                              http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                              "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                              – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                              Comment

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