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  • #31
    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

    Where you pull your stats from bro?

    i dont mean literally

    but roughly from what i seen

    from my observations in life
    and hearing of people getting married from people i know or friends or family of people i know

    Comment


    • #32
      Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post


      i dont mean literally

      but roughly from what i seen

      from my observations in life
      and hearing of people getting married from people i know or friends or family of people i know
      I have observed the same too.

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post


        i dont mean literally

        but roughly from what i seen

        from my observations in life
        and hearing of people getting married from people i know or friends or family of people i know
        Maybe it's a millennial thing, kids know best.

        Comment


        • #34
          Time is the ultimate healer. This too shall pass

          Some may take a bit of more time, but everyone eventually have to reach a stage of catharsis
          Not knowing what one doesn't know will lead to difficulty

          Comment


          • #35
            Originally posted by Mintchocchip View Post

            Also she probably does not have the same view about removing everyone you know from her social media. She pobably does not see the need to end her friendship with your sister as she may see the friendship as having nothing to do with you.
            I can see why people think this way, they assume its in the past so its ok my intentions are pure now and not harmful but i just dont buy into this way of thinking. I didnt just delete her contacts to help me move on and because it hurt me and to spare her from hurt. The main reason was i felt guilt. It reminded me of my sins i did all those years. Whether i felt my intentions were right and or not and i was pursuing marriage, i still met her alone and spoke to her alone and this is still zina. If you truly feel guilt and repent to Allah SWT from your heart i dont see how you could still connect to that past. If you do then to me that means either your feelings were fake regardless of length of time because you feel no guilt or that you havent truly moved on in which case you shouldnt ruin anothers life till you have. I could never disrespect my wife by being connected to individuals from my sinful past with another woman. However Allah SWT knows best and maybe she has a good reason.

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            • #36
              Originally posted by shay5 View Post

              You will get over this in time but you need to remember why you were put on this earth. ..........you're here to worship Allah swt. If you trust Allah swt then you know he will give you what HE believes is right for you.. What is meant for you will never pass you by...
              Alhumdulillah this is the only reason i am well despite the odd struggle. I remind myself why we are here and also that she belongs to Allah SWT and not me. I used to be upset that ok i deal with the dunya but it hurt me that i wanted her for the akhira which lasts forever. Alhumdulillah now i also remind myself that as 'amazing' as she seems to me and irreplaceable she is Allah SWTs creation i might not be able to comprehend it yet but He may have created someone even better. This is our Lord, He can do things we cannot imagine and fathom and He has promised us whatever we desire in Jannah if we strive for it. He could make a duplicate of this woman if i still so desired! SubhanAllah day by day my mind does free up and think more rationally. Your also right about avoiding social media, thats why i dont have it and now try to stay away from family's also
              Last edited by KR7; 31-12-18, 12:05 PM.

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              • #37
                Originally posted by KR7 View Post

                Alhumdulillah this is the only reason i am well despite the odd struggle. I remind myself why we are here and also that she belongs to Allah SWT and not me. I used to be upset that ok i deal with the dunya but it hurt me that i wanted her for the akhira which lasts forever. Alhumdulillah now i also remind myself that as 'amazing' as she seems to me and irreplaceable she is Allah SWTs creation i might not be able to comprehend it yet but He may have created someone even better. This is our Lord, He can do things we cannot imagine and fathom and He has promised us whatever we desire in Jannah if we strive for it. He could make a duplicate of this woman if i still so desired! SubhanAllah day by day my mind does free up and think more rationally. Your also right about avoiding social media, thats why i dont have it and now try to stay away from family's also
                How are you now brother? Reading your story touched me as I'm going through pretty much the same thing.

                Comment


                • #38
                  And this is why, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls can't be friends.

                  The end.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by IsaahM View Post

                    How are you now brother? Reading your story touched me as I'm going through pretty much the same thing.
                    Alhumdulillah im better brother there are always harder days than others but life goes on, InshAllah you will feel better too. I don't know your story and nothing anyone says will ease your pain only Allah swt can do that. The only thing i will say is if you have true feelings of love, even though they came about due to haram pursuits, regardless of how much you repent those feelings will always be there. People will say 'times a healer' and other phrases like that and yes while this is true and applies to pain it does not apply to feelings of love and memories. We cant run from the past and bury feelings and memories. Trust me trying to do that will only increase your pain because it cant be done. We can only say Astagfirullah and ask forgiveness for how the feelings came about and if we sinned in the process. Maybe this is Allah swt's wisdom in preventing mingling with opposite sex, if you love someone before marriage and a situation happens like it did with us brother where it doesnt lead to marriage, maybe living with the feelings is our punishment.

                    Anyway the main point i am trying to make is that if you have true feelings of love then her happiness is the most important thing for you (after your Deen and love for Allah of course). You dont want her to be sad at all and definately dont want to be the reason for a break up if she is marrying another. If she has moved on or is getting married then that means she is happy and while it hurts inside that you are not a part of it, the fact she is happy should make you happy. One of the pillars of Islam is Qadr (accepting the Divine Decree) i know it feels like no one would make her happier than you but one day you will realise you just dont know that. Maybe you's would be happy but be overcome by it and live only for that happiness focusing on Dunya instead of Akhira. Allah knows best and He loves you and InshAllah will put you and her on the path to Jannah. If your feelings go away in time then great even better! And you will understand that regardless of how you felt at the time it was lust not love and InshAllah move on and have a happy life and marriage with someone else.

                    In regards to my own situation i have been focusing on my Deen the last few months. Alhumdulillah i pray 5 times a day and even pray Tahajjud when work timings allow. I try and read at least a page of Qu'ran everyday and attend all Janaza i hear of if i am not working. The blessing in this pain you are feeling is you turn to Allah swt and remember the Hereafter. Because the pain is in your mind 24/7 then Allah swt is on your mind 24/7. Even when the pain subsides your brain is trained to always remember and fear Allah swt. Thanks to that ive made changes that seem small but probably just as important as worship. I have quit smoking and more importantly i control my tongue. We all swear, backbite, etc alot more than we think we do in our daily lives even if we dont mean to or realise. When you fear Allah and always remember Him you learn to think before you speak. If its nothing nice or talking about others then best just to stay quiet. Remember our purpose in this life always. I even managed to stop listening to music! We dont realise how much it blackens our hearts and our brains even if we are nice people. I could easily bust out a lyric of a song at work or just going about my day before yet couldnt recite kalma and earn reward in abundance. Now when im alone, walking somewhere, etc i constantly recite kalma or Inna Lillahi Wa Ina Illaihi Raji'oon as a constant reminder. Im not looking to get married to be honest i know its Sunnah but i dont feel its for me. Seeing the corruption and influence on the youth these days regardless of how good your parenting is has put me off having children aswell. And hey everyones going on about over population in the world so im probably doing everyone a favour lol. I know marriage becomes Fardh if you have sexual desires as it prevents sin but i dont to be honest and i have no difficulty whatsoever in lowering my gaze, fulfilling those desires will only give you but a moment of joy thats all. My mind is open to change though, one day i might feel i want to get married and have a companion. We dont know what Allah's plan for us is. But most likely i will keep focusing on myself, my Deen and my purpose for being here in the time i have left in this world. This life is a beautiful lie, while we enjoy it lets always remember that. You are never ever alone brother Allah is always with you dont ever forget that. When your alone in your bed and the pain is unbearable He is with you. Speak to Him, cry to Him, tell Him how you feel. All the best to you and stay strong InshAllah
                    Last edited by KR7; 26-01-19, 09:25 PM.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Originally posted by KR7 View Post

                      Alhumdulillah im better brother there are always harder days than others but life goes on, InshAllah you will feel better too. I don't know your story and nothing anyone says will ease your pain only Allah swt can do that. The only thing i will say is if you have true feelings of love, even though they came about due to haram pursuits, regardless of how much you repent those feelings will always be there. People will say 'times a healer' and other phrases like that and yes while this is true and applies to pain it does not apply to feelings of love and memories. We cant run from the past and bury feelings and memories. Trust me trying to do that will only increase your pain because it cant be done. We can only say Astagfirullah and ask forgiveness for how the feelings came about and if we sinned in the process. Maybe this is Allah swt's wisdom in preventing mingling with opposite sex, if you love someone before marriage and a situation happens like it did with us brother where it doesnt lead to marriage, maybe living with the feelings is our punishment.

                      Anyway the main point i am trying to make is that if you have true feelings of love then her happiness is the most important thing for you (after your Deen and love for Allah of course). You dont want her to be sad at all and definately dont want to be the reason for a break up if she is marrying another. If she has moved on or is getting married then that means she is happy and while it hurts inside that you are not a part of it, the fact she is happy should make you happy. One of the pillars of Islam is Qadr (accepting the Divine Decree) i know it feels like no one would make her happier than you but one day you will realise you just dont know that. Maybe you's would be happy but be overcome by it and live only for that happiness focusing on Dunya instead of Akhira. Allah knows best and He loves you and InshAllah will put you and her on the path to Jannah. If your feelings go away in time then great even better! And you will understand that regardless of how you felt at the time it was lust not love and InshAllah move on and have a happy life and marriage with someone else.

                      In regards to my own situation i have been focussing on my Deen the last few months. Alhumdulillah i pray 5 times a day and even pray Tahajjud when work timings allow. I try and read at least a page of Qu'ran everyday and attend all Janaza i hear of if i am not working. The blessing in this pain you are feeling is you turn to Allah swt and remember the Hereafter. Because the pain is in your mind 24/7 then Allah swt is on your mind 24/7. Even when the pain subsides your brain is trained to always remember and fear Allah swt. Thanks to that ive made changes that seem small but probably just as important as worship. I have quit smoking and more importantly i control my tongue. We all swear, backbite, etc alot more than we think we do in our daily lives even if we dont mean to or realise. When you fear Allah and always remember Him you learn to think before you speak. If its nothing nice or talking about others then best just to stay quiet. Remember our purpose in this life always. I even managed to stop listening to music! We dont realise how much it blackens our hearts and our brains even if we are nice people. I could easily bust out a lyric of a song at work or just going about my day before yet couldnt recite kalma and earn reward in abundance. Now when im alone, walking somewhere, etc i constantly recite kalma or Inna Lillahi Wa Ina Illaihi Raji'oon as a constant reminder. Im not looking to get married to be honest i know its sunnah but i dont feel its for me. It becomes Fardh if you have sexual desires as it prevents sin but i don't to be honest, fulfilling those desires will only give you but a moment of joy thats all. Im open to change though and who knows my mind might change one day and i might feel i want to get married and have a companion. We dont know what Allah's plan for us is. But most likely i will keep focusing on my Deen and my purpose for being here. This life is a beautiful lie, while we enjoy it always remember that. You are never ever alone brother Allah is always with you dont ever forget that. When your alone in your bed and the pain is unbearable He is with you. Speak to Him, cry to Him, tell Him how you feel. All the best to you and stay strong InshAllah
                      Feels like every word that you said is coming out of my mouth, describing my own life. I agree with literally every word you say and it seems that we are at the exact same place in life in regards to everything. Everything that you have realised over the recent past I have realised too. I quit smoking after 10 years and stopped listening to music and quit many other sins too actually. I related to every word that you said and it was a description of my own life from someone else. Subhanallah, He makes our pain easy by showing us that there are other people going through hardships that are strikingly similar. I pray that Allah grants you the deepest desires of your heart, even those that you dare not say or think. Allah knows what we conceal and what we show, and I pray that He grants you the best of both worlds. If I may advise you too, try to learn other forms of dhikr and keep repeating them throughout the day. They are short and sweet and bring peace to the heart. It makes you feel more alive and at peace than music could possibly ever try. Subhanallah, Alhamdullillah, La ilaha illallah, Allahuakbar. These 4 and many other. Read or listen about the rewards for repeating these types of dhikr often and your heart will find joy.

                      I feel what you feel down to the last letter. It may seem weak and needy to other people, but only those who feel it know what it feels it. May Allah grant us both strength, patience and courage to accept whatever He has decreed for us. Always make dua brother. Dua has the power to be able to change destiny. With dua there is hope in Allah, He is capable of anything. Will see you in Jannah, InshaAllah. :)

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by IsaahM View Post

                        Feels like every word that you said is coming out of my mouth, describing my own life. I agree with literally every word you say and it seems that we are at the exact same place in life in regards to everything. Everything that you have realised over the recent past I have realised too. I quit smoking after 10 years and stopped listening to music and quit many other sins too actually. I related to every word that you said and it was a description of my own life from someone else. Subhanallah, He makes our pain easy by showing us that there are other people going through hardships that are strikingly similar. I pray that Allah grants you the deepest desires of your heart, even those that you dare not say or think. Allah knows what we conceal and what we show, and I pray that He grants you the best of both worlds. If I may advise you too, try to learn other forms of dhikr and keep repeating them throughout the day. They are short and sweet and bring peace to the heart. It makes you feel more alive and at peace than music could possibly ever try. Subhanallah, Alhamdullillah, La ilaha illallah, Allahuakbar. These 4 and many other. Read or listen about the rewards for repeating these types of dhikr often and your heart will find joy.

                        I feel what you feel down to the last letter. It may seem weak and needy to other people, but only those who feel it know what it feels it. May Allah grant us both strength, patience and courage to accept whatever He has decreed for us. Always make dua brother. Dua has the power to be able to change destiny. With dua there is hope in Allah, He is capable of anything. Will see you in Jannah, InshaAllah. :)
                        Thanks for the advice and will remember that at all times. Its amazing the changes that happen automatically when your heart changes. I dont really waste my day on tv programmes anymore instead im either working out or like right now lying on my bed flicking through my youtube recommended feed which has also changed from movie clips and worldy events to Mufti Menk, Nouman Ali Khan, Hadith of the Day, etc lol MashAllah

                        Brother lets just make sure this isnt a 'phase' and evaporates when Allah swt grants us with happiness in abundance again. Your right no one here will understand and our pain will come across as weak but we both know SubhanAllah this pain is so immense that we will never forget and InshAllah we will never forget our Rabb or fall off this path we are on now. Every hardship your going through just remember i am here going through also along with others in the world and i will remember the same.

                        We've been blessed with this pain and even though others in our family and social circles havent made these changes and dont understand our outlook on life we still need to stay strong when we are around them. Because of how we were we will never judge them or look down on them but there will be times of temptation for example whenever someone offers you a cigarette just turn it down and remember Allah is watching you and with you at all times. I dont lecture or advise others because it will go on deaf ears at the moment like it used to with us. Loved ones in our lives will change when Allah wills InshAllah! I will never give up on duas brother even if they are not answered in this world they will be answered tenfold in the next! Thank you for your duas and i will be sure to remember you in mine. Your message today really has uplifted my spirits and the timing was amazing SubhanAllah as it was one of those harder days i was talking about. May Allah keep us strong, patient and help us to accept his Qadr InshAllah and help us to continue to live our lives in a way that is pleasing to Him and will guide us to Jannat-Ul-Firdous, Ameen! ☺
                        Last edited by KR7; 26-01-19, 09:30 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by KR7 View Post

                          Thanks for the advice and will remember that at all times. Its amazing the changes that happen automatically when your heart changes. I dont really waste my day on tv programmes anymore instead im either working out or like right now lying on my bed flicking through my youtube recommended feed which has also changed from movie clips and worldy events to Mufti Menk, Nouman Ali Khan, Hadith of the Day, etc lol MashAllah

                          Brother lets just make sure this isnt a 'phase' and evaporates when Allah swt grants us with happiness in abundance again. Your right no one here will understand and our pain will come across as weak but we both know SubhanAllah this pain is so immense that we will never forget and InshAllah we will never forget our Rabb or fall off this path we are on now. Every hardship your going through just remember i am here going through also along with others in the world and i will remember the same.

                          We've been blessed with this pain and even though others in our family and social circles havent made these changes and dont understand our outlook on life we still need to stay strong when we are around them. Because of how we were we will never judge them or look down on them but there will be times of temptation for example whenever someone offers you a cigarette just turn it down and remember Allah is with you. I dont lecture or advise others because it will go on deaf ears at the moment like it used to with us. Loved ones in our lives will change when Allah wills InshAllah! I will never give up on duas brother even if they are not answered in this world they will be answered tenfold in the next! Thank you for your duas and i will be sure to remember you in mine. Your message today really has uplifted my spirits and the timing was amazing SubhanAllah as it was one of those harder days i was talking about. May Allah keep us strong, patient and help us to accept his Qadr InshAllah and help us to continue to live our lives in a way that is pleasing to Him and will guide us to Jannat-Ul-Firdous, Ameen! ☺
                          Hahaha its so amazing that my life is the exact same as yours. My YouTube has changed just the way yours has. Let me recommend you Hamza Yousuf also, his voice and manner of speaking can really uplift you in hard times. I'm sure that it was Allah's plan for us to meet when you were having a bad day. I have made dua specifically for you, Allah is always with you. He will grant us better social circles of people who understand us, Inshallah.

                          And about this being a 'phase'... just before I had to break off contact with the girl I'm talking about she had told me something.. she said that when you've been in the dark for very long and are suddenly in the light then it hurts your eyes because it feels too bright, you want to go back into the dark or close your eyes. She asked me not to close my eyes or go back to the dark. She told me to be strong and hold on to the light and my eyes would get adjusted soon. In the same way, even if it feels hard now, as you said this should not become a phase. Wish and pray for your strength. Will enjoy seeing you around on this forum more often.

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