i feel isolated by my husband and he hates my parents

[Ambi]

My husband always gives his sister more time and attention then me.
i completely understand that this is his sister and no1 can replace your family but he just seems to completely ignore me at times.
if i come back from work its just a quick hi you okay and he wanders off into his sisters room and talks to her even though hes been at home all day as he is out of work at the moment.
Its like im boring and he would rather go speak to her. she is a loud mouth lazy person she doesn't do anything all day no cooking no cleaning doesn't even know how to work a washing machine her mum cooks all her meals for her she eats and leavers her dishes on the table which i will pickup and wash.She doesn't work and spends most of her day laying in bed watching tv or staring in the mirror telling herself how beautiful she is and how good she looks for her age she is always rude to me and ordering me about she is picky and fussy and shouts and screams if she doesn't get her way.
its like all im good for is cooking him meals and cleaning if im in the kitchen he will hardly speak a word to me and be yelling his sisters name just like im invisible. He thinks my parent s are rude and disrespectful and will always speak bad about them just because they have not seen eye to eye in the past but yet he excuses his sisters lazy behavior.there will be times when i come home form work having worked a 8 hour shift and go to make food and she orders' me about to make her a separate meal and what is she doing laying in her bed watching tv having spent all day at home.
Hes always really insulting to my parents but i put up with his rude lazy sister why cant he see that. in his eyes she can do no wrong and so what if he spends most of his time with its how it was done before and i should just put up with it and not speak a word. he also constantly reminds me how is ex girlfriend who left him was 100x times better than me and how he wished they could have married and how they would have been much happier.
im just so fed up am i over reacting.? am i right to be angry.? is it right for me to feel isolated and invisible.? why should i feel like a maid im a wife not someones slave.?

any advise would be appreciated.

[Musbah]

First he needs to get a job real fast. if he is home all day and you are working then he should be cleaning, cooking, doing laundry so he pulls his own weight into the marriage. That's just common sense and decency. Secondly, tell him if you think it would be better with his ex then let him know he can exercise that option and let you go on your way where you can be appreciated. Marriage should not be a fitnah but an asset to where you are trying to go i.e. Paradise., Thirdly, after he gets a job then you both need to find separate living accommodations away from his family. I hope it works out for you sister.

[Ya'sin]

Sorry you feel this way, it's not nice at all

You might as well be single. Where is the companionship in your relationship.

You have a right to be angry. He needs to step up, it's always ironic to read that the useless husband is comparing you to someone else and saying how much better they were, but what about him? The audacity.

As they say, he sounds like a 'wasteman'. Not even providing for you.

He isn't offering anything but hurt to you.

It's hard to say how to approach this as the husband sounds like he won't support you anyway.

Why did he marry you then? His parents should have given him one big bata sandal discipline.

I'm assuming there is no one from his family that is diplomatic enough to go and speak to?

You can try and sit him down and tell him about how upset you are and you would like to spend more time with him.


Really sorry I can't help, when a husband is still fixated on his ex, it's very disturbing and hard to live with such a person, no love or respect, it can be challenging to have a good relationship. You're just being used, doesn't sound like he wants you.

Find out what he wants and what he is offering in this relationship because at the moment he isn't even offering respect.



May Allah make it easier for you-Ameen

[shay5]

I find threads like this really odd..' hi I get treated like crap and I put up with it, '

1) You need to bring up these points to your husband
2) there is no need for you to make meals for his lazy sister, why the hell did you even start doing this? You're not a slave
3)Why are you putting up with somene disrespecting your parents? If my husband was rude about my parents, he wouldnt have any teeth left
4) no respect in your marriage if he is bringing up his haram past and telling you how good he had it with his GF

Why are you even in this marriage? No one in that house has respect for you...you need to put some boundaries in place and things need to change, otherwise you'll be living like this for the next 60 years

I can't believe a man has the nerve to bring up his ex GF to his wife...these oppressors are so lucky they find women like you.

[Khalid55]

I find threads like this really odd..' hi I get treated like crap and I put up with it, '

1) You need to bring up these points to your husband
2) there is no need for you to make meals for his lazy sister, why the hell did you even start doing this? You're not a slave
3)Why are you putting up with somene disrespecting your parents? If my husband was rude about my parents, he wouldnt have any teeth left
4) no respect in your marriage if he is bringing up his haram past and telling you how good he had it with his GF

Why are you even in this marriage? No one in that house has respect for you...you need to put some boundaries in place and things need to change, otherwise you'll be living like this for the next 60 years

I can't believe a man has the nerve to bring up his ex GF to his wife...these oppressors are so lucky they find women like you.

It's understandable that people go through hardships of all kinds in this life but some of the things people write on here are almost like a storyline in a Bollywood movie. How do people even stay in such a relationship always boggles my mind

[ThisIsJannah]

It seems like your so called husband deliberately trying to get rid of you, I mean his behaviour seems odd and rude. What he said about his ex girlfriend is out of order, why is he even mentioning about his ex, that's past and finish, it says many things about him he had haram relationships and his proud of it. If other husbands said to their wives what your husband to you about his ex GF, these wives would have left their husbands straightway. What is he doing spending so much time with his sister? don't you also deserve attention from him? his sister 1 day will get married and leave but you still be here. What you doing making foods for his sister, she should be doing that herself, your not a slave well they are treating you like that.
I am not trying to be rude but your weak, your husband and his sister knows that this is why they are behaving badly with you and using you. I wouldn't be surprise if he cheats with you bet you tolerate that too. If you continue allow them to behave like that things will get worse. You need to stand up for yourself, you deserve respect from others because your a human being. Your husband and his sister knows that they can treat you like a crap and get away with it, sorry your too easy.

[Abu julaybeeb]

I find threads like this really odd..' hi I get treated like crap and I put up with it, '

1) You need to bring up these points to your husband
2) there is no need for you to make meals for his lazy sister, why the hell did you even start doing this? You're not a slave
3)Why are you putting up with somene disrespecting your parents? If my husband was rude about my parents, he wouldnt have any teeth left
4) no respect in your marriage if he is bringing up his haram past and telling you how good he had it with his GF

Why are you even in this marriage? No one in that house has respect for you...you need to put some boundaries in place and things need to change, otherwise you'll be living like this for the next 60 years

I can't believe a man has the nerve to bring up his ex GF to his wife...these oppressors are so lucky they find women like you.

would you actually hit your husband??

[Musbah]

would you actually hit your husband??

"he wouldn't have any teeth left" is just an expression and hyperbole.

[Abu julaybeeb]

"he wouldn't have any teeth left" is just an expression and hyperbole.

sometimes

[Dontknowname]

the ex GF part is ridiculous, tell him to make a ummah account and post here and speak to us

[abufulaans]

would you actually hit your husband??

Most girls would just hurt themselves trying.

She means she would never just put up with it, seems fair.

[Musbah]

the ex GF part is ridiculous, tell him to make a ummah account and post here and speak to us

Yes, we need some internet traffic around here.

[~TwinklingStar~]

There are so many, many, many things wrong in your marriage that I don't know where to start.

What exactly are you gaining out of this marriage except taunts and insults and orders?

Firstly, your very basic necessities of food, clothing and shelter which come under a husband's duties are not being provided for. How long has your husband been jobless? Is he actively seeking employment?

He seems like a lazy, ungrateful, shameless man who thinks very highly of himself but in reality, he doesn't have an ounce of ghaeerah as he makes you work both outdoors as well as indoors while he sits at home doing nothing. Only the lowest, meanest and cheapest quality of man would have no problem living off his wife's income or ask her to contribute. Such men are not even worthy to be called men, there's no difference between them and a beggar with a begging bowl who depends on handouts to make his ends meet.

Sister, don't allow yourself to be walked all over like this. Learn to say "NO" and to stand up for yourself. It's possible to be firm without being rude. It's not your job to cook for your SIL after a long day at work. You can sometimes if you wish, during weekends, but not everyday. Decline politely, making excuses. Givers have to set limits because takers don't have any.

And don't just stand there taking his insults. Instead of suffering in silence and misery, show him his place by giving him a dose of his own medicine. If he tells you that you have a hundred flaws, tell him it was because of those flaws that you didn't get a good husband. If he praises how good his ex - girlfriend was, tell him she was indeed very smart that she left him and discovered his true colours beforehand - she knew what a big loser he was, but because of her, you have to be stuck with a lousy husband.

You're not over-reacting. As a wife, you have a right to be respected, appreciated, loved and cherished, not made to feel like trash. Even if he doesn't get along with your parents, he should not be insulting them in front of you. He's intentionally hurting you and isolating you and gaining pleasure out of it.

Only an honorable man treats women with honor and integrity, and only a vile and dishonorable man humiliates and degrades women.

You guys will need to get an impartial 3rd party to work things out. Seek marriage counselling urgently. And, if you don't have kids, don't plan for them before you sort your issues out.

[neelu]

There's a saying that you teach people who they should treat you and to some extent it is true. If you go round the house picking up after everyone like a maid then they will treat you like a maid. If I were to give them the benefit of the doubt, I'd say you should say to your sister in law that just as you clean up after yourself, it's only fair that she cleans up after herself. Then stop picking up her dirty dishes and only clean your own dishes. Also have a word with your husband along similar lines that he should at least pick up after himself and that sort of thing.

If your sister in law wants you to make something then say to her part of growing up is learning to be responsible and making your own food, I'll show you how to make it this time but after today you'll have to make it yourself. Start small with simple dishes if she's an amateur. If she gets mouthy or annoyed about it then say again that I'm making this for you but this is the last time, cos' after today, it's your responsibility to make your own such and such. You're not under any obligation to take responsibility for her chores and in fact you'd be doing her a favour by offering to teach her.

It seems to me like you really haven't set any limits or boundaries in the relationship and it's about time you started. If your husband mentions his ex then tell him that's disrespectful cos' you're his wife and don't do that again. If he does it again then stop doing any housework for him and only wash your own clothes and cook for yourself alone- then when he asks where his dinner is you say that you can't compete with his girlfriend why doesn't he ask her.

[Magic.]

Why does she have to set boundaries with someone whose duty it is to protect her?

It don't make sense. You're blaming the wife. it's not easy for the OP who is living in his home to set boundaries with everyone. They're adults, why don't they start behaving like adults?