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Boyfriend forced to marry his cousin, but he also wants to marry me!!?? 😩

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  • #61
    Originally posted by shay5 View Post
    No one ever marries the side chick...many guys I went to school with have a UK girlfriend and also a backhome wife who they've brought to the UK to keep their parents happy...Most of these guys don't even keep it a secret...

    Boys want to obey their cultural parents but also get to enjoy their bit on the side...

    This guy is a coward....go to the marriage section and click on the thread ' how to get over a broken heart'
    side chick
    that is road

    may Allah guide them

    Comment


    • #62
      cherrys boyfriend
      lol i cant take this seriously

      Comment


      • #63
        Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
        cherrys boyfriend
        lol i cant take this seriously
        Bro this isn't a joke. I don't mean to be harsh but if you can't take it seriously then you should not post.

        People in the OP's position don't deserve to be laughed at. Do you want this person to remember the time she went to an islamic forum and some religious muslim laughed about her situation? Because this kind of stuff sticks in people minds for a long time.

        Yeh she made a mistake and all. But advise her, don't just laugh about her situation right in her thread. If this was your daughter or sister, you wouldn't be laughing.

        Comment


        • #64
          The guy, Cherry's boyfriend is definitely NOT the victim.

          Asian and Arab guys who go to the west on student/work visas become lonely or bored there and usually pick a naive local girl to entertain them during their stay and if they're clever, they even manage to make her fall in love with them , and if they get lucky, she will agree to marry him and he'll get his free visa. Meanwhile, his real wife will already have been decided by his parents back home long ago, and he's fully aware too.

          Guys are NOT innocent. Women are gullible and naiive to fall for their empty words. All this love nonsense is just a drama. They only require one thing from a woman. I've mentioned this plenty of time here, and I will repeat it again "Guys are experts at manipulating the emotional nature of women".

          Guys even discuss among themselves how easy it is to trap a woman... Give her plenty of compliments, praise her falsely, tell her she's different from all other girls in the world, make her listen to some sob stories and then tell her she's very compassionate and understanding, charm her by telling what sort of husband he'll be like to his future wife, sell some fake dreams to her, then woo her with some gifts and lunch/dinner dates whispering filmy dialogues in her ear and Lo! Their job is done.

          Interestingly, all boyfriends offer a similar package - they all have wonderful qualities, they are all sweet and kind and gentle and loving but husbands come in lots of versions - they can be abusive and rude and violent too.

          Btw, all boyfriends also want to travel the entire world because every girl dreams of doing that but how many young married couples do you actually find around you doing that? Perhaps 1%.

          Even when the spineless coward of a lover who cannot man up in front of his own family (but wants to conquer the whole world) has zero chance of marrying her, his love-struck girlfriend will keep following him like a lost puppy. This really inflates the ego of the cunning boyfriend who truly begins to believe he's a real hero so, he strings her along for his further entertainment by promising her more false dreams (for his own selfish purposes, ofcourse).

          And, what happens to the poor girl is obvious - you can find atleast one thread on this subject on a single page of Marriage section which now has 1600+ pages.




          Comment


          • #65
            Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

            I said above that morally it's not acceptable for men to speak to more than one woman and I wouldn't advise that. I simply mentioned it because a few users were calling her the other woman and saying that she's facilitating cheating. I'm not for this, but I also don't think the level of vitriol against the sister is correct.

            It's one thing to be firm and provide tough love and it's another to just attack and put the sister on the defensive.

            The OP just found out that her unofficial fiance (since he proposed, but didn't go to her father yet) is engaged with someone else. She's been speaking to him for two years and members of both families already knew about the situation. Her side assumed that once the two were graduated then they'd get married. There were expectations and feelings already in place and the sister doesn't know what to do. From her posts, it seems like she wants to leave and probably came here for a push to finally end things, but feelings are irrational and sometimes it's harder to put your words into action due to them.

            The brother is desperate, because he probably has feelings for the sister and wants to keep her, which is why he's using emotional blackmail to keep her with him and get her to be his second wife. He's putting pressure, because he wants his cake and eat it too. But it could also be because he doesn't want to be forced into a marriage that he wants no part of. So he's pushing the OP into just letting things go.

            The correct way to advise her is to remind her of Islam and the deen, of course, but to encourage her to leave him in a kind and respectful way. That hasn't really happened and it's horrible to see. The sister above knows it's a messy situation and she might not have people in RL who can help her out, or she feels embarrassed by what has happened, so she came here only to get attacked and be called the other woman and cruel.

            Is this what it means to be there for your brothers and sisters in Islam?

            I'm not saying what happened here is correct, but the sister came here for advice and we should do it with hikmah so her relationship with Allah gets stronger and she can leave something she loves for His Sake. Maybe your words could help another brother or sister who are also in this situation. But if you can't, then at least make du'a for everyone involved because it is a messy situation.



            Ajeeb...I mentioned technically to show that she's not the other woman. To make such a claim is almost akin to calling out her chastity. The sister just found out that the brother who proposed to her is involved with someone else and just needed encouragement to end the relationship. Instead, due to poor choice of words, she's been attacked more than she's been advised. That's a problem.

            As for your previous question, the answer is obvious. I honestly don't understand why you asked me that in the first place (as opposed to anyone else on this thread), unless you already assumed what I thought and asked as a gotcha sort of thing. If that's the case, then my answer is irrelevant since you already have an answer that you're going to accept.





            Brothers and sisters, I'm not saying you need to disregard the deen when advising but please do it in a good way. I've seen users who come here and get attacked, only to then attack Islam after. Something that could be solved in a simple way was made worse due to our bad behaviour. I don't want that to happen here.
            There are so many holes in your post that it will take a bit of time to respond to them. If the thread is still running tonight and I have the time I will reply

            Comment


            • #66
              Your human you trusted someone who you shouldn't have @OP. Unfortunately it happens to some people. Just cut off all communications with him and move on. Ask for forgiveness from Allah. Thank Allah for protecting you. Just leave all matters to Allah.

              Feelings and emotions are a way in which shaytan can manipulate and wreak havoc in a person's life. I'm sure many people have told you in this thread that men and women shouldn't free mix and so using terms such as boyfriend girlfriend is not right.

              may Allah guide us all ameen
              Last edited by Sis_Asiya; 11-12-18, 09:30 AM.
              82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

              Comment


              • #67
                Originally posted by Medic View Post

                Bro this isn't a joke. I don't mean to be harsh but if you can't take it seriously then you should not post.

                People in the OP's position don't deserve to be laughed at. Do you want this person to remember the time she went to an islamic forum and some religious muslim laughed about her situation? Because this kind of stuff sticks in people minds for a long time.

                Yeh she made a mistake and all. But advise her, don't just laugh about her situation right in her thread. If this was your daughter or sister, you wouldn't be laughing.
                im laughinf at the name not the situatiob

                Comment


                • #68
                  Boyfriend marry both, cousin & girl friend.
                  sab ka bhala, sab ki khair!
                  "Europe died in Bosnia and was buried in Syria. Bodies of innocent children washing ashore are the
                  western civilization's tombstones"


                  Rajab Tayyab Erdogan

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Originally posted by imran1976 View Post
                    Boyfriend marry both, cousin & girl friend.
                    sab ka bhala, sab ki khair!
                    Aap yeh kesey keh saktei hai?

                    Cousin ki barbadi more like.

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
                      The guy, Cherry's boyfriend is definitely NOT the victim.

                      Asian and Arab guys who go to the west on student/work visas become lonely or bored there and usually pick a naive local girl to entertain them during their stay and if they're clever, they even manage to make her fall in love with them , and if they get lucky, she will agree to marry him and he'll get his free visa. Meanwhile, his real wife will already have been decided by his parents back home long ago, and he's fully aware too.

                      Guys are NOT innocent. Women are gullible and naiive to fall for their empty words. All this love nonsense is just a drama. They only require one thing from a woman. I've mentioned this plenty of time here, and I will repeat it again "Guys are experts at manipulating the emotional nature of women".

                      Guys even discuss among themselves how easy it is to trap a woman... Give her plenty of compliments, praise her falsely, tell her she's different from all other girls in the world, make her listen to some sob stories and then tell her she's very compassionate and understanding, charm her by telling what sort of husband he'll be like to his future wife, sell some fake dreams to her, then woo her with some gifts and lunch/dinner dates whispering filmy dialogues in her ear and Lo! Their job is done.

                      Interestingly, all boyfriends offer a similar package - they all have wonderful qualities, they are all sweet and kind and gentle and loving but husbands come in lots of versions - they can be abusive and rude and violent too.

                      Btw, all boyfriends also want to travel the entire world because every girl dreams of doing that but how many young married couples do you actually find around you doing that? Perhaps 1%.

                      Even when the spineless coward of a lover who cannot man up in front of his own family (but wants to conquer the whole world) has zero chance of marrying her, his love-struck girlfriend will keep following him like a lost puppy. This really inflates the ego of the cunning boyfriend who truly begins to believe he's a real hero so, he strings her along for his further entertainment by promising her more false dreams (for his own selfish purposes, ofcourse).

                      And, what happens to the poor girl is obvious - you can find atleast one thread on this subject on a single page of Marriage section which now has 1600+ pages.



                      Yeah it would be better if they had the cognitive ability and self respect and love to see through these monsters. Plenty of shy brothers who are good out there that get friend zoned.

                      Muslimas, you gals need to start seeking out the good, shy deen guys and stay with them till the end.

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

                        Aap yeh kesey keh saktei hai?

                        Cousin ki barbadi more like.
                        every party happy.
                        "Europe died in Bosnia and was buried in Syria. Bodies of innocent children washing ashore are the
                        western civilization's tombstones"


                        Rajab Tayyab Erdogan

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Originally posted by Cherry_9878 View Post
                          My boyfriend and I were together for about two years. Until one day came, after his recent visit to Afghanistan... That he announced he is engaged to his cousin. In the beginning he said he loves me and wants to marry me. And I entered this relationship knowing that he'll marry, because that's what he promised. He said, I have to agree otherwise it will be a sin to be in a relationship. And no, we haven't done anything sinful. Anyhow, he says he liked that I was talented and interesting. He wants to have well educated children, and thinks I'll be the perfect mother to his children. And he believes both of us can make each other very happy. At first, I thought he was mad. But slowly I warmed up to him and accepted his proposal. Because he is very calm, sweet, gentle and soft. He is also a very responsible and dependable type of person and very caring towards his family. That's why, he struck me as a family man. But most of all, he seem like the type of guy who has deen and imaan. And I like these qualities in a man. So we planned to get married after graduating from University.

                          Second of all, my mom, sister, cousin and khala knows about him but they don't have much problem with it. He also told his mother and sisters about us and they liked me. His family lives in Afghanistan btw. And when I'm around and he talks to his mom on the phone, she even acknowledges me and sends me salam. Obviously, I also give her salam. Anyhow, he was so sure that he could convince his father too....

                          However, my life got shattered when I found out he got engaged. We had our entire life planned out, like we will travel the World and everything.. Sharing our hopes and dreams.. But, he was already betrothed 7 years ago!!! And he cannot break it! Because it will create family problem and destroy his cousin's reputation. He said he was unaware of his betrothal, because it was an agreement within family and he didn't give it importance before. But now, he was forced by his parents to get officially engaged. His father is extremely strict and my bf once hinted him that he would rather marry a foreign girl, but his father got mad and threatened to disown him. So he didn't tell him about me.. Instead, his mother advises he should marry both me and his cousin!

                          Now he says, it's not his fault since he was never given the choice. And he doesn't want to disappoint his family nor does he want to lose me. So he's been trying to convince me to be his second wife! And the fact that he's marrying his cousin for his family, but wants to marry me because he loves me and I am his personal choice. He says, he can keep his cousin in Afghanistan with his family. While, he'll live with me in Canada, but he has to go to Afghanistan every year for 2-3 months for his family. He once even said that maybe he will begin to love his cousin. So we've been having lots of fights and disagreements. Because I don't want to share him, nor do I want him to be away from me for so long. He scolds me for being so selfish and wants me to think of HER like a sister.

                          But, I can't! I am that sort of girl who still plays Nintendo like Pokemon, really into Classic Rock, period dramas and a literal bookworm. So, I never expected myself to be in this sort of situation! I am a very idealistic type of person and my idea of relationship is that love is made for two! And I cannot bear to think there will always be another woman between us. I am Bengali Muslim btw, and our society isn't backward like that, but polygamous marriages used to happen during my grandfather's time, not now! And if I marry him, then I can never share my short comings or problem about this to my family. Because my family loves me too much and they don't have such low expectation of me. Even my family would need enough convincing that I want to marry an Afghan guy... So talking about being second wife is out of the question!

                          Ever since knowing about his engagement, we have been alternating between relationship mode and breakup mode. Still, I love him too much and I relent but then again I refuse to accept it! I am very conflicted about this situation! What should I do!!??? Please, help me! I don't have any kind of idea or experience about this! And I cannot share such shameful thing to anyone! Advise me!!


                          *Most of you judging me, why we are in a relationship. He proposed to me for marriage from the very start. And that's why some of our female family members know! So that's why I felt our relationship was valid. And he wants to marry me still, because he made a promise to me and he doesn't want to break the commitment. Only problem is.. I am not sure if I can handle it. Because now, he is also engaged to his cousin.*
                          It doesn't matter how you try and justify it, a dirty Haraam relationship is a dirty Haraam relationship.

                          نعوذ بالله من ذلك
                          http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                          "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                          – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
                            The guy, Cherry's boyfriend is definitely NOT the victim.

                            Asian and Arab guys who go to the west on student/work visas become lonely or bored there and usually pick a naive local girl to entertain them during their stay and if they're clever, they even manage to make her fall in love with them , and if they get lucky, she will agree to marry him and he'll get his free visa. Meanwhile, his real wife will already have been decided by his parents back home long ago, and he's fully aware too.

                            Guys are NOT innocent. Women are gullible and naiive to fall for their empty words. All this love nonsense is just a drama. They only require one thing from a woman. I've mentioned this plenty of time here, and I will repeat it again "Guys are experts at manipulating the emotional nature of women".

                            Guys even discuss among themselves how easy it is to trap a woman... Give her plenty of compliments, praise her falsely, tell her she's different from all other girls in the world, make her listen to some sob stories and then tell her she's very compassionate and understanding, charm her by telling what sort of husband he'll be like to his future wife, sell some fake dreams to her, then woo her with some gifts and lunch/dinner dates whispering filmy dialogues in her ear and Lo! Their job is done.

                            Interestingly, all boyfriends offer a similar package - they all have wonderful qualities, they are all sweet and kind and gentle and loving but husbands come in lots of versions - they can be abusive and rude and violent too.

                            Btw, all boyfriends also want to travel the entire world because every girl dreams of doing that but how many young married couples do you actually find around you doing that? Perhaps 1%.

                            Even when the spineless coward of a lover who cannot man up in front of his own family (but wants to conquer the whole world) has zero chance of marrying her, his love-struck girlfriend will keep following him like a lost puppy. This really inflates the ego of the cunning boyfriend who truly begins to believe he's a real hero so, he strings her along for his further entertainment by promising her more false dreams (for his own selfish purposes, ofcourse).

                            And, what happens to the poor girl is obvious - you can find atleast one thread on this subject on a single page of Marriage section which now has 1600+ pages.



                            You should make training classes for some of these sisters who are unfortunately so gullible and naive in filtering good men from bad. Maybe create a check list too like a standard operating procedure
                            وَلَا تَكُونُوا كَالَّذِينَ نَسُوا اللَّهَ فَأَنسَاهُمْ أَنفُسَهُمْ

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Originally posted by mpw View Post

                              Yeah it would be better if they had the cognitive ability and self respect and love to see through these monsters. Plenty of shy brothers who are good out there that get friend zoned.

                              Muslimas, you gals need to start seeking out the good, shy deen guys and stay with them till the end.
                              Funny thing is, the good why guys aren't as exciting or make them feel "the butterflies in the stomach" kind of feeling.
                              وَلَا تَكُونُوا كَالَّذِينَ نَسُوا اللَّهَ فَأَنسَاهُمْ أَنفُسَهُمْ

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Originally posted by Khalid55 View Post

                                You should make training classes for some of these sisters who are unfortunately so gullible and naive in filtering good men from bad. Maybe create a check list too like a standard operating procedure
                                Or maybe the wali and mahram should be doing their job.
                                Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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