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Boyfriend forced to marry his cousin, but he also wants to marry me!!?? 😩

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  • #16
    People think that as long as we're not getting physical it's fine

    As a reminder, we are told not to go NEAR zina. It's very easy to get 'comfortable' and suddenly you find yourself in a situation where you think you're in love but it's usually infatuation.

    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

    Comment


    • #17
      I should of done this from the beginning and not wasted so much time....


      https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1114...or-girlfriends

      https://islamqa.info/en/answers/9465...a-relationship
      Last edited by Musbah; 09-12-18, 12:08 AM.
      "When a man sees the road as long he weakens in his walk." Ibn Qayyim

      Comment


      • #18
        Cherry, welcome to the forum. Sorry for the rough patch you've been going through. I know we've all been in tough spots so the fact that you're reaching out is a good sign. I'm Bengali as well, so I understand some of your cultural background and even though some of us here may seem judgmental, it comes from a good place.

        We've all kind of lost the plot and forgotten all the mistakes we've made as youth, and perhaps continued to make. Life is a great educator subhanAllah. And cmon guys, of all the sins Allah forgave, she's here seeking advice - so give it with love. The Prophet 'alayhi salaatu wa salaam let a man urinate in the masjid, though there is no dispute this is haraam, before advising him because there was more wisdom to it. Yes she didn't think it was haraam, and yes she's been raised in a culture which also didn't deem it an issue but she's now here to learn and grow. Be kind.

        So, Cherry - let me tell you this, now being in my mid 20s - I've gone through the stint with period dramas, still find them touching at times, I've gone through the fiction book phase, and I've been around the block when it came to fantasizing what a relationship would be like. Then I got married and half those things were thrown right out the window lol.

        People will tell you marriage is work. And they're right. It's also comfort and joy and so many other happy moments, but it's also bundled in with rights and responsibilities and taming your ego with compromise. The period dramas show one big climax and then by the ending most things have resolved and love is everlasting, but life as you're beginning to realize is a lot lot more messy. There are no easy answers, there are no solutions which fit all problems. So what you have to do now is take a step back.

        You both are clearly young, if not in age, then definitely experience, and he's not ready for this. Nor are you yet. Find yourself, find who you are as a Muslim, rediscover that part of your identity which thus far culture has claimed and attend some Islamic classes - change some of those geek times into islamic advice times. I can give you some starters if you'd like and bit by bit once you consolidate who you are as a Muslim woman, you can see who you want to be as a wife. By that time, you can see if he gets married how he handles that. He is very very very naive if he wants to start off with two wives WITHOUT even knowing how to handle ONE. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to the other wife.

        Don't stay in contact while you take a step back and once you've found yourself you can take a second critical look at this individual and see if they really are what you want. And trust me on this, if he is meant for you, one way or another, Allah will send him to you. But more important than just HAVING someone or MARRYING someone, is having Allah's blessings on that marriage, wouldn't you agree? And in order to gain that, it can't be hasty and it can't be like this.

        May Allah help you. Lmk if you'd like to talk more :)

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by shay5 View Post

          Can you stop saying you're religious, religious people don't keep friends of the opposite sex, they don't spend time alone with non mahrams to the point they're hearing their bfs mother on the phone.= you said you're suffering but its all self inflicted... How is your relationship valid if your wali/father hasn't agreed to it.

          You've wasted 2 years of your life. Repent....
          Please be careful about your words. Religious people get into mistakes all the time and she's trying to find a solution to her problem by coming here, so she's doing a good thing. Her relationship was one with the intention of marriage, since he proposed in the beginning and they were just waiting till after they finish school to actually get married. Is it right that they continued their relationship? No, but the sad fact is that this is common place now. Alhamdulillah nothing physical happened, but if her family was aware of their talking then there's nothing haram that happened. They were engaged to the point where she wouldn't be allowed to speak to another man about marriage.

          She used the words boyfriend and girlfriend, which wasn't right, but let's try to help her solve her issue and go back to Allah instead of just attacking her. Allah created us to sin, so we could repent.

          Pippin1376 gave you some good options..
          Pippin is pretty awesome like that.
          مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

          "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
          It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
          Surah al-Baqarah
          [2:245]

          .:.
          .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
          Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

          .:.
          ...said the spider to the fly...

          Comment


          • #20
            1. The whole entire family is messed up. Yours and his to think it's fine to have a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship
            2. For future reference nothing good comes out of bf and gf
            3. When a man and woman are alone shatyan is the third person
            4. If you love him so much than become his second wife problem solved
            5. If you don't want to be his second wife than it was never love in the first place habibti
            6. Time to move on
            Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by Cherry_9878 View Post
              My boyfriend and I were together for about two years. Until one day came, after his recent visit to Afghanistan... That he announced he is engaged to his cousin. In the beginning he said he loves me and wants to marry me. And I entered this relationship knowing that he'll marry, because that's what he promised. He said, I have to agree otherwise it will be a sin to be in a relationship. And no, we haven't done anything sinful. Anyhow, he says he liked that I was talented and interesting. He wants to have well educated children, and thinks I'll be the perfect mother to his children. And he believes both of us can make each other very happy. At first, I thought he was mad. But slowly I warmed up to him and accepted his proposal. Because he is very calm, sweet, gentle and soft. He is also a very responsible and dependable type of person and very caring towards his family. That's why, he struck me as a family man. But most of all, he seem like the type of guy who has deen and imaan. And I like these qualities in a man. So we planned to get married after graduating from University.

              Second of all, my mom, sister, cousin and khala knows about him but they don't have much problem with it. He also told his mother and sisters about us and they liked me. His family lives in Afghanistan btw. And when I'm around and he talks to his mom on the phone, she even acknowledges me and sends me salam. Obviously, I also give her salam. Anyhow, he was so sure that he could convince his father too....

              However, my life got shattered when I found out he got engaged. We had our entire life planned out, like we will travel the World and everything.. Sharing our hopes and dreams.. But, he was already betrothed 7 years ago!!! And he cannot break it! Because it will create family problem and destroy his cousin's reputation. He said he was unaware of his betrothal, because it was an agreement within family and he didn't give it importance before. But now, he was forced by his parents to get officially engaged. His father is extremely strict and my bf once hinted him that he would rather marry a foreign girl, but his father got mad and threatened to disown him. So he didn't tell him about me.. Instead, his mother advises he should marry both me and his cousin!

              Now he says, it's not his fault since he was never given the choice. And he doesn't want to disappoint his family nor does he want to lose me. So he's been trying to convince me to be his second wife! And the fact that he's marrying his cousin for his family, but wants to marry me because he loves me and I am his personal choice. He says, he can keep his cousin in Afghanistan with his family. While, he'll live with me in Canada, but he has to go to Afghanistan every year for 2-3 months for his family. He once even said that maybe he will begin to love his cousin. So we've been having lots of fights and disagreements. Because I don't want to share him, nor do I want him to be away from me for so long. He scolds me for being so selfish and wants me to think of HER like a sister.

              But, I can't! I am that sort of girl who still plays Nintendo like Pokemon, really into Classic Rock, period dramas and a literal bookworm. So, I never expected myself to be in this sort of situation! I am a very idealistic type of person and my idea of relationship is that love is made for two! And I cannot bear to think there will always be another woman between us. I am Bengali Muslim btw, and our society isn't backward like that, but polygamous marriages used to happen during my grandfather's time, not now! And if I marry him, then I can never share my short comings or problem about this to my family. Because my family loves me too much and they don't have such low expectation of me. Even my family would need enough convincing that I want to marry an Afghan guy... So talking about being second wife is out of the question!

              Ever since knowing about his engagement, we have been alternating between relationship mode and breakup mode. Still, I love him too much and I relent but then again I refuse to accept it! I am very conflicted about this situation! What should I do!!??? Please, help me! I don't have any kind of idea or experience about this! And I cannot share such shameful thing to anyone! Advise me!!


              *Most of you judging me, why we are in a relationship. He proposed to me for marriage from the very start. And that's why some of our female family members know! So that's why I felt our relationship was valid. And he wants to marry me still, because he made a promise to me and he doesn't want to break the commitment. Only problem is.. I am not sure if I can handle it. Because now, he is also engaged to his cousin.*
              I didn't read every words of yours, its too long but I don't need to because first word of your post title is "boyfriend" that says a lot of about you. There is nothing in islam called boyfriend or girlfriend, its only practiced by people of other religions. It's totally haram and immoral. If you were a practicing muslim with good moral values, you wouldn't be using words like boyfriend or describe your relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend terms, it just shows you have no idea, wake up! I think he is just using you and lying with you, many guys but not all, they use sweets words to melt a girl heart so they can play around with her, I think your one of them victim. If he really loves you then he would leave his wife but bet he wouldn't. I think he wants to have two wives but he knows you wouldn't agree to that so his blaming on his family. Your saying we are judging you, what else do you expect? you saying his proposed for marriage, that's not as same as married to someone, he only use words to make you happy, someone proposing to someone its not green light to have relationship, only after marriage husband and wife can have relationship. Who knows what you did with him, you maybe not be revealing everything here because if you say things like he touched you, people will think bad of you so you could be lying. I met many like you in my life who call themselves a muslim but they are in illicit relationships, to them its ok to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, only hypocrites behave like that.
              Last edited by ThisIsJannah; 09-12-18, 02:34 AM.

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by Nusaiba View Post
                Cherry, welcome to the forum. Sorry for the rough patch you've been going through. I know we've all been in tough spots so the fact that you're reaching out is a good sign. I'm Bengali as well, so I understand some of your cultural background and even though some of us here may seem judgmental, it comes from a good place.

                We've all kind of lost the plot and forgotten all the mistakes we've made as youth, and perhaps continued to make. Life is a great educator subhanAllah. And cmon guys, of all the sins Allah forgave, she's here seeking advice - so give it with love. The Prophet 'alayhi salaatu wa salaam let a man urinate in the masjid, though there is no dispute this is haraam, before advising him because there was more wisdom to it. Yes she didn't think it was haraam, and yes she's been raised in a culture which also didn't deem it an issue but she's now here to learn and grow. Be kind.

                So, Cherry - let me tell you this, now being in my mid 20s - I've gone through the stint with period dramas, still find them touching at times, I've gone through the fiction book phase, and I've been around the block when it came to fantasizing what a relationship would be like. Then I got married and half those things were thrown right out the window lol.

                People will tell you marriage is work. And they're right. It's also comfort and joy and so many other happy moments, but it's also bundled in with rights and responsibilities and taming your ego with compromise. The period dramas show one big climax and then by the ending most things have resolved and love is everlasting, but life as you're beginning to realize is a lot lot more messy. There are no easy answers, there are no solutions which fit all problems. So what you have to do now is take a step back.

                You both are clearly young, if not in age, then definitely experience, and he's not ready for this. Nor are you yet. Find yourself, find who you are as a Muslim, rediscover that part of your identity which thus far culture has claimed and attend some Islamic classes - change some of those geek times into islamic advice times. I can give you some starters if you'd like and bit by bit once you consolidate who you are as a Muslim woman, you can see who you want to be as a wife. By that time, you can see if he gets married how he handles that. He is very very very naive if he wants to start off with two wives WITHOUT even knowing how to handle ONE. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to the other wife.

                Don't stay in contact while you take a step back and once you've found yourself you can take a second critical look at this individual and see if they really are what you want. And trust me on this, if he is meant for you, one way or another, Allah will send him to you. But more important than just HAVING someone or MARRYING someone, is having Allah's blessings on that marriage, wouldn't you agree? And in order to gain that, it can't be hasty and it can't be like this.

                May Allah help you. Lmk if you'd like to talk more :)
                cherry welcome to the forum
                so cherry..

                lmso

                Comment


                • #23
                  I know of someone who went through a similar situation. He wanted to marry someone else who he supposedly liked and had a relationship with. But after being set up with his cousin, he dropped his potential wife he had in mind even though he was very much serious about her for what his parents chose for him.

                  Girls have to stop day dreaming in made up movies and all fake Bollywood happy endings. In real life, things are very different and if you don't open your eyes then you're in for a huge disappointment.

                  what you're experiencing is probably infatuation with lust since it's based on the wrong Islamic principles. But at the end of the day we live and learn. Make your own mistakes and then you'll know first hand what options were better for you. Very few people take advice before making mistakes.
                  وَلَا تَكُونُوا كَالَّذِينَ نَسُوا اللَّهَ فَأَنسَاهُمْ أَنفُسَهُمْ

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Sister, let me tell you - the guy you like is going to marry his cousin - which means his uncles and aunts are his future in-laws. Do you think he will ever dare to take a step that will bring tensions and problems within the family? Definitely not.

                    Sometimes, families forcefully get their kids married to their cousins when they're "in love" with an outsider to instill sense and responsibility in them. They think the person their kid fancies is just a silly crush and if he is married off to someone they deem suitable, he will become mature and responsible and forget his crush. If he throws tantrums or remains insistent, he is convinced that he can marry his girlfriend as a second wife afterwards.

                    But, after marriage, the attitude of the family changes and he's threatened against marrying again. Since it's a family matter, the guy has no choice but to break-up with his former gf who was dreaming of marrying him. There was a thread created by a forum user on a similar issue not too long back. Take a look

                    https://www.ummah.com/forum/forum/mi...ry-in-pakistan

                    If your boyfriend is really serious about marrying you later, ask him / his family to arrange his marriage with you first. If he's going to have two wives, it doesn't really matter who he marries first. But, he or his family will never, ever, ever agree to this condition, they will give a myriad of lame excuses which means, they're all just playing games with you to get you out of the way.

                    Once he's married and happily settled, there's nothing you can do except cry a million tears and bemoan your fate. You will be disposed like a used tissue-paper. If you try to contact him to keep up his promise, his family and in-laws will come complaining to your family and ask them to keep you away for being a marriage wrecker. Your reputation will be ruined.

                    This guy is a spineless player who wants to have his cake and eat it too. Be wary as He's just selling you dreams. Take control of your life now before you get more emotionally attached to him. Because there's nothing but heartache in store for you.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

                      I know many posters are going to attack you due to being involved with a non-mehram and using the word boyfriend. I just want to remind the users that your advice can affect someone's life and turn them to Islam or turn them away, so be careful. As for the OP, if you guys were speaking about marriage and you had plans set then you weren't really boyfriend/girlfriend but engaged. In the future, just avoid words like boyfriend girlfriend since this is the type of response people tend to give out. I apologize for that though. If you guys were speaking about marriage and had plans then you were engaged and it's all good. InshaAlllah no one else harps on this issue and helps you out.

                      Alhamdulillah nothing haram happened and you guys were all about marriage, so that's a good thing. It seems like you were both on the same page too, which is why his sudden engagement is probably hurting both of you. At this point you have a few options:

                      1. Become his second wife. If you can handle it and everyone is cool with it, then this is an option for you. The only problem is that he'd need to spend his time equally between you and the new wife, which means that you may not see him for long periods of time. If she's from Afghanistan, then he's most likely going to sponsor her over here so you'll have to deal with that as well. Real life is different from period dramas too, so you need to do some deep thinking

                      2. Break up. The brother was engaged for seven years and never really thought of it. He was forced, but he did know about it according to your own words. I think you need to have a frank discussion on this, because he may not be revealing everything. That being said, if this is too much drama for you then you always have the option to leave. It's not like you guys have a kid or you're already married, so there's nothing holding you down. Just explain that this is too much, but you wish him the best. Allah will reward you too, because you're leaving something that you love for His Sake and He'll replace it with something better.

                      3. Wait it out and see what happens. At this point, the brother has agreed to marry the Afghani sister and then marry you. He may change his mind once he's married or he may end the relationship, Allah 'Alam, but at this stage it's none of your concern. He's the one who has to figure things out on that front and once he's free he'll come back to you. You can stress over this as much as you want, but the ball is in his court and he plans on getting married.

                      This is a good reminder that it's always best to get your families involved right from the beginning to avoid these feelings and hardships, but in this situation it may have done much to change things. He was always engaged, even before he met you, so alhamdulillah at least you know where you stand now. It's almost like a blessing in disguise, right? And if he manages to convince his family that he only wants to marry you then everything will be okay. If he doesn't, then worry about that once he's married. Till then, it would be best to take a break from one another so you can cool down and sort these matters in your head.

                      May Allah make things easier for both of you and bring a resolution for this situation. Ameen.

                      She sees him as a boyfriend that's why she wrote it. The womenfolk seem aware of what was going on and were happy with him. Where were the menfolk in this pitiful tale?

                      What she should do is learn about her deen and leave everything else.





                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                        She sees him as a boyfriend that's why she wrote it. The womenfolk seem aware of what was going on and were happy with him. Where were the menfolk in this pitiful tale?

                        What she should do is learn about her deen and leave everything else.




                        women lost their modesty when men lost their jealousy

                        (or gheera)

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          I feel sorry for the cousin.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            @Pippin1376​ Nusaiba

                            Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding me! The thing is, growing up I never wanted to marry and I always wanted to stay single. Because I am kind of a lone wolf, and most guys here are hypocrites with double life. They have different face in front of family, while outside with friends they party, drink, even sleep around. So I was never interested in relationships nor marriage.

                            ​And when this Afghan guy proposed to me for marriage, I was so astonished.. Of coarse I rejected at first because I didn't know him that well, and I didn't think I was mature enough to consider marrying.​​​​​​ But I liked how he seemed all sincere and serious about this. And when I got to know him.. I fell for him. So I accepted him. And this is the first time ever, I thought about marriage! And so I saw him as my one true love, and he also felt the same way. Like, we both understand each other very well and that's a big deal for us. He also faced a lot of difficulties in his life, so I really have sympathy for him. We haven't told rest of our family members or fathers... Because we wanted to graduate, get our degrees and then it will be easy to settle down. He said, after he finishes his study he will formally ask for my hand in marriage and that's when everyone will know. But for the time being our mothers and sisters knows about us.

                            Then his engagement to his cousin happened... He says he doesn't want to marry his cousin and he has rejected other proposals before. And the main reason for his refusal is that, most Afghan girls are illiterate or uneducated and he thinks they can't make him happy so he doesn't like them. That's why he prefers to marry a foreign woman instead. I told him, this is a wrong and crazy thing to say. But he always stresses about how he wants to have well educated children.

                            His family is from Kandahar and that place is very conservative. He says everything means family business there, and the outcome of any situation will always be the same no matter how much you try to reason with them. And so is his engagement to cousin. And if he refuse then it will bring dishonour to his family, and possibly ruin his cousin's reputation. He didn't want to get engaged to her, but he had to for his family. He blames his society and says he will never live in Afghanistan. So he wants to be happy, and build a new life abroad with a woman of his own choice.

                            That's not all, but by agreeing to marry his cousin he thinks it's also a noble thing to do since Allah will give him sawab for it. Because he says Afghan women have difficult lives and by marrying her he can keep her within the family and support her, so it's like he's saving her. Now he says, his cousin will agree if he marries second because she'll do whatever he says.

                            But he tells me, his happiness lies with me, that's why he wants to marry me and live with me. While, she'll stay in Afghanistan and be with his family to take care of them. But he'll visit Afghanistan every year. So he tells me not to worry as everything will turn out fine. And if I leave him and break our promise then I'll be committing a sin instead. And he pleads me to show her compassion instead of contempt, because she's not as privileged as me. I know about Afghan's womens plight.. And I agreed... That, if I share my husband with a woman who is more at disadvantage... Then it is a beautiful selfless act and it is Islamic. But it seems all nice and okay in my thoughts.. Then again I think logically.. It seems so complicated and reality is not what it seems. Plus, I am liable to get jealous... And so would she. But he says his cousin is very different from me and she won't get jealous. According to him, it is me who is making everything complicated with my thoughts... If I truly loved him then I will agree with his situation, and I won't abandon him.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Cherry_9878 View Post
                              @Pippin1376​ Nusaiba

                              Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding me! The thing is, growing up I never wanted to marry and I always wanted to stay single. Because I am kind of a lone wolf, and most guys here are hypocrites with double life. They have different face in front of family, while outside with friends they party, drink, even sleep around. So I was never interested in relationships nor marriage.

                              ​And when this Afghan guy proposed to me for marriage, I was so astonished.. Of coarse I rejected at first because I didn't know him that well, and I didn't think I was mature enough to consider marrying.​​​​​​ But I liked how he seemed all sincere and serious about this. And when I got to know him.. I fell for him. So I accepted him. And this is the first time ever, I thought about marriage! And so I saw him as my one true love, and he also felt the same way. Like, we both understand each other very well and that's a big deal for us. He also faced a lot of difficulties in his life, so I really have sympathy for him. We haven't told rest of our family members or fathers... Because we wanted to graduate, get our degrees and then it will be easy to settle down. He said, after he finishes his study he will formally ask for my hand in marriage and that's when everyone will know. But for the time being our mothers and sisters knows about us.

                              Then his engagement to his cousin happened... He says he doesn't want to marry his cousin and he has rejected other proposals before. And the main reason for his refusal is that, most Afghan girls are illiterate or uneducated and he thinks they can't make him happy so he doesn't like them. That's why he prefers to marry a foreign woman instead. I told him, this is a wrong and crazy thing to say. But he always stresses about how he wants to have well educated children.

                              His family is from Kandahar and that place is very conservative. He says everything means family business there, and the outcome of any situation will always be the same no matter how much you try to reason with them. And so is his engagement to cousin. And if he refuse then it will bring dishonour to his family, and possibly ruin his cousin's reputation. He didn't want to get engaged to her, but he had to for his family. He blames his society and says he will never live in Afghanistan. So he wants to be happy, and build a new life abroad with a woman of his own choice.

                              That's not all, but by agreeing to marry his cousin he thinks it's also a noble thing to do since Allah will give him sawab for it. Because he says Afghan women have difficult lives and by marrying her he can keep her within the family and support her, so it's like he's saving her. Now he says, his cousin will agree if he marries second because she'll do whatever he says.

                              But he tells me, his happiness lies with me, that's why he wants to marry me and live with me. While, she'll stay in Afghanistan and be with his family to take care of them. But he'll visit Afghanistan every year. So he tells me not to worry as everything will turn out fine. And if I leave him and break our promise then I'll be committing a sin instead. And he pleads me to show her compassion instead of contempt, because she's not as privileged as me. I know about Afghan's womens plight.. And I agreed... That, if I share my husband with a woman who is more at disadvantage... Then it is a beautiful selfless act and it is Islamic. But it seems all nice and okay in my thoughts.. Then again I think logically.. It seems so complicated and reality is not what it seems. Plus, I am liable to get jealous... And so would she. But he says his cousin is very different from me and she won't get jealous. According to him, it is me who is making everything complicated with my thoughts... If I truly loved him then I will agree with his situation, and I won't abandon him.
                              I don't think you should agree to something you're not comfortable with.

                              Block him. Repent. Move on.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Cherry_9878 View Post
                                But he tells me, his happiness lies with me, that's why he wants to marry me and live with me. While, she'll stay in Afghanistan and be with his family to take care of them. But he'll visit Afghanistan every year. So he tells me not to worry as everything will turn out fine. And if I leave him and break our promise then I'll be committing a sin instead. And he pleads me to show her compassion instead of contempt, because she's not as privileged as me. I know about Afghan's womens plight.. And I agreed... That, if I share my husband with a woman who is more at disadvantage... Then it is a beautiful selfless act and it is Islamic. But it seems all nice and okay in my thoughts.. Then again I think logically.. It seems so complicated and reality is not what it seems. Plus, I am liable to get jealous... And so would she. But he says his cousin is very different from me and she won't get jealous. According to him, it is me who is making everything complicated with my thoughts... If I truly loved him then I will agree with his situation, and I won't abandon him.
                                Sister, I hope you don't mind me pointing this out but the guy is stringing you along and will probably never marry you. If he does, he might say, "Let's keep it a secret so that my family won't be disgraced and that my wife won't be disgraced." From your first post, it seems like he knew that he was engaged for a while now, but hid it and pursued you instead. If he was serious and came from a conservative background, then he would have gone to your father first, but he didn't.

                                I think you coming here already shows that you need to leave him and you just need the push to do so. If you do, you won't be committing a sin since nothing has been promised between you. Like I said before, the ball is in his court and he keeps pulling a J.R. Smith on you over and over again and then expecting you to pick it up for him so he can try again. Then when you get angry about it, he just looks at you like you're crazy. When he said it's a sin, that's emotional manipulation Sis. You're not married. He hasn't gone to your father. He's just trying to keep you with him, because he wants to have his cake and eat it too. And in doing so, he's trying to make it seem like it's your fault if it doesn't work out. It's emotional manipulation from a desperate person.

                                A poster above said something that I think will show how ready he is for you. If he wants to marry you, then he should go to your father now and get married. Don't wait for graduation. If he's going to get a second wife then it doesn't matter, but if he's serious and wants to make the sin a good act then he should marry you. Give him that ultimatum and see what he does. If he gives an excuse, then you need to leave. It will hurt and you'll feel down for awhile, but Allah him with someone better, because you left him for the sake of Allah.

                                I know the other users haven't been the kindest regarding this situation, but you're not the first or last one that this has happened to so don't get into despair over it. If you're feeling really down when you leave, then grab the new Pokemon Go Eevee game and play it. I've heard mixed reviews on it, but I've also heard that it really connects you with the Pokemon since you can pet them and stuff. (I know there's Pikachu version, but Eevee is cuter).

                                May Allah strengthen your heart and make things easier for you. Ameen.

                                ps. When you leave, make sure you block his number like Indefinable said. Block his number, his facebook and any other contact you have with him. It will make the transition a lot easier.
                                مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                                "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                                It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                                Surah al-Baqarah
                                [2:245]

                                .:.
                                .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                                Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                                .:.
                                ...said the spider to the fly...

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