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How much is enough to marry?

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  • How much is enough to marry?

    Assalaamualaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

    A little about me...

    الحمدلله I reverted to Islam a few years ago, am from the United States and am currently 28 years old.

    I recently had someone in mind for marriage and it ended up falling through, leaving me pretty heartbroken. I think itís clear that I need some time to heal and move on إن شاء الله but to be honest brothers and sisters my heart is longing for the companionship of marriage.

    Nevertheless, the problem has been that I only have a few thousand dollars in the bank (الحمدلله I recognize this amount is still an immense blessing as it is).

    Iíve worked for a while as a teacher in various developing counties, so the pay has never been too impressive. Iím planning to return to the US next fall to live with my family and go back to school for two years to be a nurse إن شاء الله i (good salary, still able to help people). Of course, during that time Iíd be working less and living even more simply.

    So yeah, obviously the thought of waiting for another three or more years to get married sounds... pfft. But how could I possibly get married with the little savings I have?

    What do you think?

  • #2
    I've been asking the same question.lol
    NO RACISM

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by BY13 View Post
      Assalaamualaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

      A little about me...

      الحمدلله I reverted to Islam a few years ago, am from the United States and am currently 28 years old.

      I recently had someone in mind for marriage and it ended up falling through, leaving me pretty heartbroken. I think itís clear that I need some time to heal and move on إن شاء الله but to be honest brothers and sisters my heart is longing for the companionship of marriage.

      Nevertheless, the problem has been that I only have a few thousand dollars in the bank (الحمدلله I recognize this amount is still an immense blessing as it is).

      Iíve worked for a while as a teacher in various developing counties, so the pay has never been too impressive. Iím planning to return to the US next fall to live with my family and go back to school for two years to be a nurse إن شاء الله i (good salary, still able to help people). Of course, during that time Iíd be working less and living even more simply.

      So yeah, obviously the thought of waiting for another three or more years to get married sounds... pfft. But how could I possibly get married with the little savings I have?

      What do you think?
      wa alaykumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

      The situation you face is different to the one faced by people where most of us are in the UK, where benefits are much more generous if things go badly.

      But in general, as long as you marry the right type of woman, who is patient and you're up front with your likely difficulties with money first few years of marriage, there is no reason you cannot get married. whether cultural or dunya centered Muslims would agree however is another matter.
      FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

      www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by ElNino View Post
        I've been asking the same question.lol
        Haha itís a tough situation, isnít it?

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post

          But in general, as long as you marry the right type of woman, who is patient and you're up front with your likely difficulties with money first few years of marriage, there is no reason you cannot get married. whether cultural or dunya centered Muslims would agree however is another matter.
          Youíre right, it would take the right type of woman. الحمدلله my family is doing well enough to where we could live either with my mom or my brother in relative peace and privacy, at least for a few years until I finish school and start making a decent salary إن شاء الله

          Definitely culture would be a huge factor. I would prefer an Arabic-speaking wife with an Islamic upbringing; someone who could help me learn. Going and living with an American convert and his non-Muslim family may be a pretty big leap for that kind of woman haha

          Maybe this could be more likely with someone from a more modest economic background?

          If the woman and her family are dunya centered, she wouldnít be my type anyways. So Iím not too concerned about that...

          Comment


          • #6
            I too am a revert American. I don't want to discourage you but it was very difficult marrying a Muslimah from another ethnicity especially an Arab. From my experience and where I'm from they didn't want their daughters marrying other than their own. May Allah make it easier for you.
            The Prophet s.a.a.w warned when he said: "You will surely follow the ways of those who came before you, in exactly the same fashion, to the point were they to enter the hole of a lizard, you too would enter it." It was asked of him, "O Messenger of Allah s.a.a.w., do you mean the Jews and Christians?" He replied, "Who else?" (Bukhari and Muslim)

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Musbah View Post
              I too am a revert American. I don't want to discourage you but it was very difficult marrying a Muslimah from another ethnicity especially an Arab. From my experience and where I'm from they didn't want their daughters marrying other than their own. May Allah make it easier for you.
              Yeah and of course they have their reasons. Who wants their daughter to move all the way across the world with a man they hardly know, from a family theyíve never met, into a culture that is - letís be honest - shameless? Itís a tough pill to swallow...

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by BY13 View Post

                Haha itís a tough situation, isnít it?
                more than tough.because once you get married there no way out lol.It's a one way street.no offense to married couples.
                NO RACISM

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Musbah View Post
                  I too am a revert American. I don't want to discourage you but it was very difficult marrying a Muslimah from another ethnicity especially an Arab. From my experience and where I'm from they didn't want their daughters marrying other than their own. May Allah make it easier for you.
                  Don't feel bad Arabs also don't want to marry their daughters to other Arabs. Like bedioun Arabs rarely marry their daughters to men other than Bediouns and they have to marry in the tribe or in the family. Palestine Arabs don't like their daughters to marry Egyptian Arabs. Overseas Arabs don't like to marry their daughters to American Arabs.
                  Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by BY13 View Post

                    Yeah and of course they have their reasons. Who wants their daughter to move all the way across the world with a man they hardly know, from a family theyíve never met, into a culture that is - letís be honest - shameless? Itís a tough pill to swallow...
                    No, brother. Most of them don't marry their daughters to reverts even if they are already over here in the same city as you.
                    The Prophet s.a.a.w warned when he said: "You will surely follow the ways of those who came before you, in exactly the same fashion, to the point were they to enter the hole of a lizard, you too would enter it." It was asked of him, "O Messenger of Allah s.a.a.w., do you mean the Jews and Christians?" He replied, "Who else?" (Bukhari and Muslim)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Musbah View Post

                      No, brother. Most of them don't marry their daughters to reverts even if they are already over here in the same city as you.
                      Hahah well thereís that too.

                      إن شاء الله Iíll figure it out

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Musbah View Post

                        No, brother. Most of them don't marry their daughters to reverts even if they are already over here in the same city as you.
                        maybe parents dont
                        but for some reason people are obcessed with marrying reverts especially white and black

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                          maybe parents dont
                          but for some reason people are obcessed with marrying reverts especially white and black
                          I must of missed that obsession. It only took my about 20 years to finally marry a Muslimah...
                          The Prophet s.a.a.w warned when he said: "You will surely follow the ways of those who came before you, in exactly the same fashion, to the point were they to enter the hole of a lizard, you too would enter it." It was asked of him, "O Messenger of Allah s.a.a.w., do you mean the Jews and Christians?" He replied, "Who else?" (Bukhari and Muslim)

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Musbah View Post

                            I must of missed that obsession. It only took my about 20 years to finally marry a Muslimah...
                            i meant the actual potential looking to get married not the parents

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                              maybe parents dont
                              but for some reason people are obcessed with marrying reverts especially white and black
                              That's generally the kids, most adults don't want the extra complication/baggage.

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