Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Lying, Cheating Father.

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Lying, Cheating Father.


    .


    Last edited by alaminn; 26-11-18, 03:06 PM. Reason: Thank you for the advice, i will have to keep what i said private as i shouldn't be displaying my fathers sins.

  • #2
    I would tell the husband of the cheating wife, that will ensure your father never enters that house again.

    It's great that you defended your mother. Stand firm.
    Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

    Comment


    • #3
      Walaikum asalaam.

      Sad to hear what you and family is having to deal with.

      Are there any elder members of the family who can talk to him? He needs to be asked what he intends to do. Don't ignore as if nothing has happened. This needs to be discussed and sorted out. Don't be afraid to involve a neutral person like the imam.

      Also that womans husband needs to know what his wife is doing.

      I understand you wish your father to seek forgiveness from your mother but that is not going to be enough. He needs to repent and ask Allah swt to forgive him. Then not ever cheat again.

      It will be hard for your mum to trust him.

      You seem to have the right mindset. You are turning to Allah swt and asking Allah swt to help you. Keep doing that.

      I don't know if your mum works but if in UK she should get some help so your younger siblings can continue with their studies.

      Sorry my reply is a bit rushed but I saw noone else had replied and felt I had to reply with the little bit of advice that I can offer right now.

      You.and your mum are obviously both hurting but try to be strong for her and your siblings. Talk to her and help her too.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by shay5 View Post
        I would tell the husband of the cheating wife, that will ensure your father never enters that house again.

        It's great that you defended your mother. Stand firm.
        The husband of the cheating wife has been told before by others he doesn't believe anyone regarding what they say about his wife. He seems that his wife is perfect. Before any knowledge about the activity between my farther and the cheating wife, they have been around our house before my parents left for Hajj. Shocking. I never met her or knew who she was, but she seemed to know my name and ask me to move her car as she was blocking our driveway. I was still in disbelief so i thought she would have been a family relative. Also my mother has been to her house as she invited my father for her daughters birthday? Seems a bit weird but all of it adds up now. Thats the next move. We will, either my mother or i will speak to the husband and let him know what has happened.

        Everything happened in front of my sisters also so my dad is ashamed and scared to even enter our house now. He doesn't know how to step in front of us as the truth has been bought to light.


        Comment


        • #5
          .
          Last edited by alaminn; 26-11-18, 03:06 PM.

          Comment


          • #6
            show the dirty zanias husband the evidence
            and in regarfs to your father remind him that in sharia he would be stoned to death and he is coming closer to hellfire
            just in the grave his whole body and private parts will be burnt again and again due to zina
            and in hell it will be even worse
            tell him to fear Allah and leave that women and make tawba to Allah and then also ask your mothers forgiveness

            also the zania has been with other men she might have stds and pass it onto him
            if she lies to her own husband she could lie to your father
            remind your father that his wife the person that takes care of his household his children cooks cleans takes care of him when hes ill
            is patient and there for him in good times and bad
            hes betraying her
            and breaking the family apart and humiliating himself as all his children know

            Comment


            • #7
              I feel like I should remind everyone that it is haram for them to go to the husband with this information. You can't expose someone's sins like that, especially when it comes to zina where you need four witnesses who have seen every intimate detail of the act. That hasn't happened here. The father goes to that house, but he could say he was working on something or just talking with her. While that isn't right, especially when the husband isn't home, it also doesn't prove zina.

              Deal with the husband first. Scold him on what he was doing and even possibly take him to a raqi, since, according to you, this woman has been known to do this multiple times and may partake in black magic to help her. Allahu 'Alam, but you never know. Right now, the main concern is your father so try to reach out to him. Despite the heartache that he's causing your mom, the fact of the matter is that this problem is between her and him and your relationship with him shouldn't change. Be angry for the sake of your mother, but you still need to reach out to help him.

              May Allah fix this situation for everyone and use this as a means of guiding everyone on the straight path. Ameen.
              مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

              "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
              It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
              Surah al-Baqarah
              [2:245]

              .:.
              .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
              Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

              .:.
              ...said the spider to the fly...

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                show the dirty zanias husband the evidence
                Akhi, it's strange how adamant you were about the one sister not going to the court over her husband due to shirk, but you are encouraging haram behaviour here when there's no basis in Islam to do this.
                مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                Surah al-Baqarah
                [2:245]

                .:.
                .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                .:.
                ...said the spider to the fly...

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

                  Akhi, it's strange how adamant you were about the one sister not going to the court over her husband due to shirk, but you are encouraging haram behaviour here when there's no basis in Islam to do this.
                  i wasnt adamant
                  i said if she beleives its ikrah then if you want to go then go
                  if u dont believe its ikrah then dont go as that would be shirk

                  where is it haram
                  can you tell me

                  he said he has evidence
                  i said show the evidence

                  i never said stone her as that would require 4 witnesses

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
                    I feel like I should remind everyone that it is haram for them to go to the husband with this information. You can't expose someone's sins like that, especially when it comes to zina where you need four witnesses who have seen every intimate detail of the act. That hasn't happened here. The father goes to that house, but he could say he was working on something or just talking with her. While that isn't right, especially when the husband isn't home, it also doesn't prove zina.

                    Deal with the husband first. Scold him on what he was doing and even possibly take him to a raqi, since, according to you, this woman has been known to do this multiple times and may partake in black magic to help her. Allahu 'Alam, but you never know. Right now, the main concern is your father so try to reach out to him. Despite the heartache that he's causing your mom, the fact of the matter is that this problem is between her and him and your relationship with him shouldn't change. Be angry for the sake of your mother, but you still need to reach out to help him.

                    May Allah fix this situation for everyone and use this as a means of guiding everyone on the straight path. Ameen.
                    provide daleel that its haram to show the husband information

                    its haram to accuse them of zina without 4 witnesses
                    but to show evidence is not haram as far as i know

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      .
                      Last edited by alaminn; 26-11-18, 03:06 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by alaminn View Post

                        I stated above that we cannot confirm if my father committed Zina therefore we haven't confronted him regarding that. We confronted him regarding the lying, hiding, not being at home, causing arguments and out lashing out of anger when he is asked where has be been by my mother. My mother has in the past simply asked him if he knew what kind of person she is, he out lashed in anger. My mother again told him that another person has told what she has done towards her husband, therefore warning my father but he then raised his voice and started threw his phone out of anger. He gets very defensive for this woman who literally is another mans wife and the mother to 5 children, with no family ties to ours.

                        My father doesn't even come home after being confronted. He comes, gets changed then leaves. Comes home again, sleeps and leaves in the morning. He doesn't even drop my brother at school anymore which has left me to do so and can be difficult as i have work. He is still speaking to the woman even after being caught. He has not been around to her house as far as i know.

                        My mother doesn't want to get anyone involved due to how it will make our family look bad and broken. She cares too much about what others think. She cares for him and doesn't want the family to break apart so she is quick to forgive therefore she is giving him another chance to change but we will never know if he does change until it happens.

                        My mothers next step if this does continue is to speak to the husband of the wife so therefore he is aware and my father cannot ever step back into his house. He trusts his wife and believes her over anyone therefore it'll be hard to do so but hopefully it doesn't have to come to that and he will stop before anything further has to be done.

                        Regarding speaking to my father, it's always been difficult due to my upbringing, he's been abusive, physically and verbally all our lifes. It's only because we are all older now he can't be abusive. It shocked him how i stood up for my mother and spoke to him. He was lost for words.
                        I am sure your mother fears divorce because it might be difficult to get your sister's married if their father is a known philanderer.....Looks like you have it all under control and of course your mother will be expected to keep it quiet and stay the dutiful wife because you know...muslim women ...



                        The woman's husband is a cuckold, he is literally turning a blind eye to men entering his home... How old are this woman's kids? Surely they would know something is up...
                        Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                          provide daleel that its haram to show the husband information

                          its haram to accuse them of zina without 4 witnesses
                          but to show evidence is not haram as far as i know
                          She did something haraam with her husband’s brother

                          7650

                          EN Question

                          My husband travels a lot for his job and is gone most of the time. When we were newly married he treated my very badly, ignored me, emotionally abused me, sexually abused me (sodomized me). Over my objections he brought his younger (19 year old) brother to live with us and I was alone with him quite a lot. We had a brief affair which I am horribly ashamed of and have repented for. Does my husband share any blame for this affair as he in a way created this situation? Years later he discovered this affair through prolonged emotional and physical interrogation and pressure. He justified all he did saying he "had a right" to find out about my unfaithfulness. All I have researched since tells me that he had absolutely no right to dig up the past like this when he had no reason for suspicion or to think that this affair was continuing or would be repeated.Answer Praise be to Allaah.

                          Inna Lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji’oon (‘Truly, to Allaah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return’).

                          Your husband has fallen into that which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned us against when he warned men against entering upon (non-mahram) women. It was said to him, “What about the in-law?” He said, “The in-law is death.” The word hamw (in-law) refers to the husband’s brothers and other relatives such as cousins (sons of paternal uncle). What is meant by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saying “The in-law is death” is that there is more to be feared from him than from anyone else because he is able to reach the woman and be alone with her without anyone denouncing him for that, because no one will find it strange that he enters the house. How often we hear of regrettable incidents that occurred because of the husband’s brothers entering upon their brother’s wife, even cases of adultery and the wife becoming pregnant by the husband’s brother. Allaah is the One Whose help we seek.

                          It is not permissible for your husband to seek out the past and try to unearth bad things. Rather he should cover up whatever Allaah has concealed, especially after repentance from such things, because his heart will never be clear again after that, and he will think of everything you do after that as being of that nature.

                          It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Avoid these filthy things (sins) that Allaah has forbidden, and whoever does them let him cover himself with the cover of Allaah and repent to Allaah, for whoever tells us about his sin, we will carry out (the punishment ordained by) the Book of Allaah on him.”

                          Narrated by al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak ‘ala al-Saheehayn, 4/425; al-Bayhaqi, 8/330. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 149.

                          It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he was in the mosque, and called him, saying, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have committed adultery.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned away from him. The man came to the side of his face that he had turned away from him and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have committed adultery.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned away from him again, and the man again came to the side of the Prophet’s face that he had turned away from him and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have committed adultery.” When he had testified against himself four times, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) called him and said, “Are you crazy?” He said, “No, O Messenger of Allaah.” He said, “Are you married?” He said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allaah.” He said, “Take him and stone him to death.”

                          Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6430; Muslim, 1691.

                          In some reports it says that a man who had become Muslim came to Abu Bakr and told him that he had committed adultery. He said, “Repent to Allaah and cover yourself with the cover of Allaah.” Then he came to ‘Umar likewise. See Fath al-Baari, 12/125.

                          Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar said:

                          From this case we learn that it is mustahabb for anyone who finds himself in a similar situation to repent to Allaah and to conceal his action and not mention that to anyone, as Abu Bakr and ‘Umar indicated to Maa’iz.

                          Whoever finds out about any such thing should conceal it because of the things that we have mentioned and should not expose it or refer it to the ruler, as the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in this story, “If you had concealed him with your garment [i.e., told him to repent and keep quiet], that would have been far better for you.” Hence al-Shaafa’i confirmed this idea and said: If a person commits a sin and Allaah conceals it, I prefer for him to conceal himself and repent, and I quote the story of Maa’iz with Abu Bakr and ‘Umar as evidence.
                          Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Allah's_Servant View Post
                            She did something haraam with her husband’s brother


                            7650

                            EN Question

                            My husband travels a lot for his job and is gone most of the time. When we were newly married he treated my very badly, ignored me, emotionally abused me, sexually abused me (sodomized me). Over my objections he brought his younger (19 year old) brother to live with us and I was alone with him quite a lot. We had a brief affair which I am horribly ashamed of and have repented for. Does my husband share any blame for this affair as he in a way created this situation? Years later he discovered this affair through prolonged emotional and physical interrogation and pressure. He justified all he did saying he "had a right" to find out about my unfaithfulness. All I have researched since tells me that he had absolutely no right to dig up the past like this when he had no reason for suspicion or to think that this affair was continuing or would be repeated.Answer Praise be to Allaah.

                            Inna Lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji’oon (‘Truly, to Allaah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return’).

                            Your husband has fallen into that which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned us against when he warned men against entering upon (non-mahram) women. It was said to him, “What about the in-law?” He said, “The in-law is death.” The word hamw (in-law) refers to the husband’s brothers and other relatives such as cousins (sons of paternal uncle). What is meant by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saying “The in-law is death” is that there is more to be feared from him than from anyone else because he is able to reach the woman and be alone with her without anyone denouncing him for that, because no one will find it strange that he enters the house. How often we hear of regrettable incidents that occurred because of the husband’s brothers entering upon their brother’s wife, even cases of adultery and the wife becoming pregnant by the husband’s brother. Allaah is the One Whose help we seek.

                            It is not permissible for your husband to seek out the past and try to unearth bad things. Rather he should cover up whatever Allaah has concealed, especially after repentance from such things, because his heart will never be clear again after that, and he will think of everything you do after that as being of that nature.

                            It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Avoid these filthy things (sins) that Allaah has forbidden, and whoever does them let him cover himself with the cover of Allaah and repent to Allaah, for whoever tells us about his sin, we will carry out (the punishment ordained by) the Book of Allaah on him.”

                            Narrated by al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak ‘ala al-Saheehayn, 4/425; al-Bayhaqi, 8/330. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 149.

                            It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he was in the mosque, and called him, saying, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have committed adultery.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned away from him. The man came to the side of his face that he had turned away from him and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have committed adultery.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned away from him again, and the man again came to the side of the Prophet’s face that he had turned away from him and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have committed adultery.” When he had testified against himself four times, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) called him and said, “Are you crazy?” He said, “No, O Messenger of Allaah.” He said, “Are you married?” He said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allaah.” He said, “Take him and stone him to death.”

                            Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6430; Muslim, 1691.

                            In some reports it says that a man who had become Muslim came to Abu Bakr and told him that he had committed adultery. He said, “Repent to Allaah and cover yourself with the cover of Allaah.” Then he came to ‘Umar likewise. See Fath al-Baari, 12/125.

                            Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar said:

                            From this case we learn that it is mustahabb for anyone who finds himself in a similar situation to repent to Allaah and to conceal his action and not mention that to anyone, as Abu Bakr and ‘Umar indicated to Maa’iz.

                            Whoever finds out about any such thing should conceal it because of the things that we have mentioned and should not expose it or refer it to the ruler, as the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in this story, “If you had concealed him with your garment [i.e., told him to repent and keep quiet], that would have been far better for you.” Hence al-Shaafa’i confirmed this idea and said: If a person commits a sin and Allaah conceals it, I prefer for him to conceal himself and repent, and I quote the story of Maa’iz with Abu Bakr and ‘Umar as evidence.
                            the thing is people already know about the sin
                            its not been concealed
                            its already been exposed

                            i hate seeing that story from islamqa
                            its so disgusting and messed up

                            this is why Allah said

                            Allah SWT said:

                            وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا الزِّنٰىٓ ۖ إِنَّهُۥ كَانَ فٰحِشَةً وَسَآءَ سَبِيلًا
                            "And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way."
                            (QS. Al-Israa 17: Verse 32)

                            * Via Qur'an English http://quran-en.com

                            not dont do it
                            but dont go near it

                            the brother in law is death
                            Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 26-11-18, 03:54 PM.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by alaminn View Post
                              The husband of the cheating wife has been told before by others he doesn't believe anyone regarding what they say about his wife. He seems that his wife is perfect. Before any knowledge about the activity between my farther and the cheating wife, they have been around our house before my parents left for Hajj. Shocking. I never met her or knew who she was, but she seemed to know my name and ask me to move her car as she was blocking our driveway. I was still in disbelief so i thought she would have been a family relative. Also my mother has been to her house as she invited my father for her daughters birthday? Seems a bit weird but all of it adds up now. Thats the next move. We will, either my mother or i will speak to the husband and let him know what has happened.
                              Everything happened in front of my sisters also so my dad is ashamed and scared to even enter our house now. He doesn't know how to step in front of us as the truth has been bought to light.
                              If you still have the evidence of when your father was coming and going to her house, if you decide to tell her husband you can show him the evidence.

                              As for your sisters you have to be careful how you and your mum react to the situation. If you just let it go in fear of shame and what people will say what kind of message are you giving your sisters about men and marriage.

                              I hope Allah swt solves this problem out for your mother and family.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X