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Problem Finding Suitable Partner

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  • #16
    Ya'sin your posts nail this on the head. I can't wrap my mind around this.

    Your work schedule is something you would have to disclose before nikah. Brother there is so much more that goes into a marriage than sex.

    You cannot spend the entire day out and then come home, maybe do the deed, wham bam thank you ma'am, and then fall asleep for the next day. She may come to resent you no matter how good of a life you give her. I know I would. I would feel used and realize I'm always second to work.

    It doesn't matter if you marry a woman from back home as you say. She's human as well and may struggle with the same issues.

    And as for kids realizing you have to work hard to have a certain kind of life. Hah I've heard this so often but Yknow what the kids of rich kids often say after turning out disfunctional? They didn't want the money, they wanted the memories. They wanted the time, the connection, the love. If you keep this schedule you may never even see your children until those vacation times! What kind of life is that? Authubillah.


    Remember, the poor believers enter jannah first. Prioritize the right things in life akhi.

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by Fegave View Post
      Salamalikum Brothers & Sisters,

      I'm in a dilemma, I'm 25 years old and while most of you would consider me lucky which I'm thankful for alhamdulillah which I'm thankful to Allah for everything he has given me.

      I'm struggling to find a partner whom shares my values and would suit me the halal way. The ones who would suit me, reject me. Firstly, because I'm not good looking, Plus I don't hold any degrees or formal qualifications but with the grace of Allah, alhamdulliah I have built a company since leaving school which turns over in excess of 3.2 million pounds per year (Our accounts from 2016 - 2017) and as result - I enjoy a very good life.

      Now, when I visit the suitors I never tell them this, my own parents don't know my company's turnover. When I'm asked what I do, I tell the truth and say I work as a Manager for XXX (Company name hidden and Manager is job title that suits my work on daily basis) and when they ask about my education I tell that I have only achieved A levels and I didn't go to university. One Suitor who's Dad laughed when I said I don't have a degree really made me angry but I'm not an angry person. I'm always calm and collected so I laughed it off too. He told my parents; the conditions to marry his daughter would be I should have my own 2 bedroom house then he'll give his daughter to me. I thought to myself, "is your daughter a commodity" but at the same time understood his point as he wanted his daughter to be comfortable so that was it that.

      One family who my parents found through the mosque and I didn't realise this but i had done business with the sisters brother, so he knew me well and what I do for a living. When he saw that it was me his eyes/tone/posture changed which I can understand as he wants his sister to be comfortable and he took his dad out of the room and when they came back his dad was 100% happy for me to take his daughter and he wanted to set a nikkah date - I was thinking relax. when the daughter came into room - I'm not joking she could have been a model 9/10 for looks - Straight away I knew this relationship would be for money that's it. With respect I called it a day at their house and went back to ours.


      Now, what advice would you guys give me. I don't want to have a haram relationship which I could easily have from my social circles of being boyfriend and girlfriend. I want someone for who I am and not what I have. I also want a relationship for one year after doing nikkah(not sexual) champroned so she can see how live and work. I work in excess of 70 hours work plus 2 hours commute everyday. I really want to start a family - Also my sexual urges are making me go crazy, Fasting isn't cutting it anymore. Shall I just marry someone or am i being too picky?


      Thank you very much for your help and I hope I didn't rumble on too much.

      jazak allah khair
      Wsalam,

      Your hours should not be something to put off a potential. It's hours many people do, you are in a position to do something about those hours if you want too. If you run a business well it will include people you trust. You can delegate some tasks to save you a hour here or there. You could also move to be closer to work so this would save you some hours during the week.

      It also does not have to be like that long term. You are planning for the future when you don't know what it entails.
      Last edited by zi-zizou; 19-11-18, 09:28 PM.

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by Fais View Post

        Sounds amazing ...
        ...Not if you miss Fajr.

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by Fegave View Post


          Unfortunately , Yes I will be at work all day but I would make sure I take the family on holiday once every 2 months giving them my whole weeks worth of attention but once we're back the company will be priority

          My kids should understand once they're older that you can not have nice things without sacrifice the same you can not have Junnah without sacrifice.
          Nothing wrong with being hardworking and ambitious.

          There is something wrong with neglecting your wife/children.

          Learn the deen. That's more important than the millions you make. Hopefully it should give you some insight into the role of a husband and father.

          The man leads the home. He needs to be present. A holiday doesn't compensate for that.

          Just saying - get your priorities right In Sha Allaah.

          Comment


          • #20
            If u think that sister is marrying you for money , why don't u ask her. Is she saying yes for money. Wud she marry u if u earned 1 pound.
            Even if she does it is not prohibited in islam regarding to Hadith . (choose 1 of 4, beauty, wealth, lineage, deen)
            Also Even if she chose ur money then she takes the risk that u might loose everything one day, as there is no guarantee in this life. And perhaps it is ur trial to be constantly gratitude to Allah wht u have gained. (Perhaps u doing already I don't know). May Allah put more barakah to ur business.



            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by Fegave View Post
              Salamalikum Brothers & Sisters,

              I'm in a dilemma, I'm 25 years old and while most of you would consider me lucky which I'm thankful for alhamdulillah which I'm thankful to Allah for everything he has given me.

              I'm struggling to find a partner whom shares my values and would suit me the halal way. The ones who would suit me, reject me. Firstly, because I'm not good looking, Plus I don't hold any degrees or formal qualifications but with the grace of Allah, alhamdulliah I have built a company since leaving school which turns over in excess of 3.2 million pounds per year (Our accounts from 2016 - 2017) and as result - I enjoy a very good life.

              Now, when I visit the suitors I never tell them this, my own parents don't know my company's turnover. When I'm asked what I do, I tell the truth and say I work as a Manager for XXX (Company name hidden and Manager is job title that suits my work on daily basis) and when they ask about my education I tell that I have only achieved A levels and I didn't go to university. One Suitor who's Dad laughed when I said I don't have a degree really made me angry but I'm not an angry person. I'm always calm and collected so I laughed it off too. He told my parents; the conditions to marry his daughter would be I should have my own 2 bedroom house then he'll give his daughter to me. I thought to myself, "is your daughter a commodity" but at the same time understood his point as he wanted his daughter to be comfortable so that was it that.

              One family who my parents found through the mosque and I didn't realise this but i had done business with the sisters brother, so he knew me well and what I do for a living. When he saw that it was me his eyes/tone/posture changed which I can understand as he wants his sister to be comfortable and he took his dad out of the room and when they came back his dad was 100% happy for me to take his daughter and he wanted to set a nikkah date - I was thinking relax. when the daughter came into room - I'm not joking she could have been a model 9/10 for looks - Straight away I knew this relationship would be for money that's it. With respect I called it a day at their house and went back to ours.


              Now, what advice would you guys give me. I don't want to have a haram relationship which I could easily have from my social circles of being boyfriend and girlfriend. I want someone for who I am and not what I have. I also want a relationship for one year after doing nikkah(not sexual) champroned so she can see how live and work. I work in excess of 70 hours work plus 2 hours commute everyday. I really want to start a family - Also my sexual urges are making me go crazy, Fasting isn't cutting it anymore. Shall I just marry someone or am i being too picky?


              Thank you very much for your help and I hope I didn't rumble on too much.

              jazak allah khair

              Comment


              • #22
                I think the fact that the father wanted to immediately set a date for the nikkah was what set off the gold digger alarm.

                Comment


                • #23
                  You really are all over the place...yes its great you've achieved financial success but what exactly are you looking for?

                  You don't pray so most girls would reject a guy like you, despite your millions.

                  , I need to improve on this which I can with the help of my Partner. As we can pray together, enjoy nice halal food and my gaze doesn't wonder around from person to person.
                  I hate
                  Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

                    I think the fact that the father wanted to immediately set a date for the nikkah was what set off the gold digger alarm.
                    That could be true. It might also be that his alarm goes off too easily because he thinks his money is what makes him important or wanted, like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post

                      That could be true. It might also be that his alarm goes off too easily because he thinks his money is what makes him important or wanted, like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
                      Well with that kind of wealth, that is what's going to make him wanted. It will make him very attractive as a potential, whether he likes it or not.

                      Obviously I don't know if OP is telling the whole story, but that family didn't give any indication that they cared about his character or religion. The father was ready to set the nikkah before even making sure he was a good man for his daughter.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

                        Well with that kind of wealth, that is what's going to make him wanted. It will make him very attractive as a potential, whether he likes it or not.

                        Obviously I don't know if OP is telling the whole story, but that family didn't give any indication that they cared about his character or religion. The father was ready to set the nikkah before even making sure he was a good man for his daughter.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          That is true. There's a lot of unknowns. It might have been worth talking with the girl at least.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

                            That is true. There's a lot of unknowns. It might have been worth talking with the girl at least.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              First of all, you not being honest about your work and income is a red flag in and of itself. Of course they will reject you. Be honest about everything and don't be deceptive.

                              ​​​​​​You can use what you have achieved to your advantage if you would just stop worrying about potential gold diggers. There's no shortage of career focused women which seems to be what you're looking for.

                              Thirdly, after marriage and kids, your job can't be your priority and purpose in life. You will have to do something about your problem of being addicted to work. It seems you have no balance in life as things stand now.

                              It sounds like you want a wife and kids that take second place in your life, who work around your schedule rather than you making some sacrifices.
                              شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                              فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                              وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                              ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                There's nothing intriguing about someone making millions when there is no deen or knowledge about the deen. It becomes yet another person just chasing the dunya with no other goal or objective in life.

                                What's intriguing is someone who knows and lives by islam properly. Someone who has a high level of imaan.
                                شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                                فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                                وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                                ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

                                Comment

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