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Husband won't let me see my son

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  • #31
    Originally posted by Allah's_Servant View Post

    Im not sure how I can prevent that. Because if I don't give birth abroad my husband will bring his whole family and take the baby.
    What about your own family, can't they stop him?

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    • #32
      Originally posted by Medic View Post

      What about your own family, can't they stop him?
      They could try but that would lead to physical fights
      Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

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      • #33
        Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
        if this was my brother i would have beaten the crap out of him by now
        But his brother encourages this. He tells him "My wife wants to go to so and so place go take her." Or even if I've cooked his brother will say "Come over and eat at our house." He's always there and never at home and in the end he kicked me out and I refuse to return
        Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

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        • #34
          Originally posted by Allah's_Servant View Post

          Im not sure how I can prevent that. Because if I don't give birth abroad my husband will bring his whole family and take the baby.
          His whole family would support him in this injustice? Is there no one from his family who is religiously inclined,or kind natured who could make him see sense and reuinite you with your son?

          Also can you not get help from the authorities? Surely they would prevent your husband from taking your newborn away.
          Last edited by hasan2013; 18-11-18, 01:30 AM.

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          • #35
            Originally posted by Allah's_Servant View Post

            They could try but that would lead to physical fights
            If that would mean u could keep your child, then so be it.

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            • #36
              Originally posted by hasan2013 View Post

              His whole family would support him in this injustice? Is there no one from his family who is religiously inclined,or kind natured who could make him see sense and reuinite you with your son?

              Also can you not get help from the authorities? Surely they would prevent your husband from taking your newborn away.
              His family believes that the father should take the kids. I'm afraid that soon they will encourage him to remarry as well.

              No they won't do anything. The authorities can't do much
              Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

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              • #37
                Originally posted by Allah's_Servant View Post

                They could try but that would lead to physical fights
                Whilst I don't encourage any rash actions, it if does lead to physical fights then wouldn't it be worth it to fight for these children in this scenario? It will save you longterm hurt insha'Allah and it will probably be better for the children's futures too because you're a far more better Muslim than their father. Your sister in law seems like an evil woman who really does not know her boundaries, such a toxic person shouldn't be given these innocent children and it seems really evil to take a 2 month old baby away from it's mother. It's not an easy situation for you or your family and I understand your concerns though.
                Last edited by Medic; 18-11-18, 02:12 AM.

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by Medic View Post

                  Whilst I don't encourage any rash actions, it if does lead to physical fights then wouldn't it be worth it to fight for these children in this scenario? It will save you longterm hurt insha'Allah and it will probably be better for the children's futures too because you're a far more better Muslim than their father. Your sister in law seems like an evil woman who really does not know her boundaries, such a toxic person shouldn't be given these innocent children and it seems really evil to take a 2 month old baby away from it's mother. It's not an easy situation for you or your family and I understand your concerns though.
                  I'm trying not to escalate things. Because my father told him to divorce me so we know where we can stand so we can get the court involved but my husband refuses to divorce me. He says he wants me to leave for America stay there for 3 or 4 months and than come back but I'm afraid if I do that he'll take my daughter. I'm hoping that maybe just maybe that I can convince him to change and than start to separate him from his sister in law. Because she's the one controlling him right now
                  Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Allah's_Servant View Post

                    I'm trying not to escalate things. Because my father told him to divorce me so we know where we can stand so we can get the court involved but my husband refuses to divorce me. He says he wants me to leave for America stay there for 3 or 4 months and than come back but I'm afraid if I do that he'll take my daughter. I'm hoping that maybe just maybe that I can convince him to change and than start to separate him from his sister in law. Because she's the one controlling him right now
                    Yeh I understand, you and your father are doing the right thing. I was just talking about the worst case scenario I guess.

                    Why does he want you to leave for America?

                    Does this sister in law have her own kids?

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by Medic View Post

                      Yeh I understand, you and your father are doing the right thing. I was just talking about the worst case scenario I guess.

                      Why does he want you to leave for America?

                      Does this sister in law have her own kids?
                      Because he wants his daughter to have an American citizenship just for the sake of her future.

                      She has 6 kids. One who is 4 months and another one who recently had major surgery. And the others are always sick and in and out of the hospital

                      Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by Allah's_Servant View Post

                        His family believes that the father should take the kids. I'm afraid that soon they will encourage him to remarry as well.

                        No they won't do anything. The authorities can't do much
                        If this is the case, I suggest you play the long game. Try to reconcile with your husband, even if he hasn't changed. You mentioned in an earlier post, that he used to treat you kindly and only changed after negative influence. Its not impossible for him to return to his earlier state with hard work and sincere naseeha.

                        The fact is that, the longer you stay away the more opportunity your sister in law and brother in law have to worsen the situation.

                        Right now, it is important to reconcile you with your son and get him away from the evil woman who is creating all this fasad. Once you are back with your husband and child, you can try to reform him, bring him back into the deen and away from his sister in law's influence. Note however that this will take some time and effort.

                        Would it be possible for you to move permanently to America, with your husband?
                        It's just this way you would have much more security.

                        Insh allah my advice helps and your home is saved this way. But have an exit plan in case it doesn't work out.
                        Last edited by hasan2013; 18-11-18, 03:12 AM.

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by hasan2013 View Post

                          If this is the case, I suggest you play the long game. Try to reconcile with your husband, even if he hasn't changed. You mentioned in an earlier post, that he used to treat you kindly and only changed after negative influence. Its not impossible for him to return to his earlier state with hard work and sincere naseeha.

                          The fact is that, the longer you stay away the more opportunity your sister in law and brother in law have to worsen the situation.

                          Right now, it is important to reconcile you with your son and get him away from the evil woman who is creating all this fasad. Once you are back with your husband and child, you can try to reform him, bring him back into the deen and away from his sister in law's influence. Note however that this will take some time and effort.

                          Insh allah your family will be saved this way. But have an exit plan in case it doesn't work out.
                          Thats what I'm worried about as well. The longer I am away or the longer I stay angry the more control she has over him. From what I understand from his other brother is that he is now sleeping at their house which makes me even more upset

                          in shallah
                          Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

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                          • #43
                            Arab bedouins have weird mentalities and customs. In other parts of the world, it would be considered extreme cruelty to grab a toddler from its mother and just hand him over to someone else without her consent, but in their society, it's okay?

                            Islamically too, if a mother isn't around, the next person to get custody of the child under 7 is the child's maternal grandmother, then his maternal aunt...and so on. If no one from the mother's side is available, only then will the custody go to relatives in the father's side. Where do they get their laws from?

                            Didn't you tell your husband that your SIL has 6 kids, while your son was your first born... so, it's obvious she will have more expertise when it comes to kid matters. That does not make you a bad or unfit mother, just a less experienced one.

                            With 6 other sick kids to take care of, is she really taking good care of your son? And will she be able to handle another newborn?

                            I guess, at this point of time, all you can do is go back and convince him of your sincerity and dedication. Tell him you're trying your best to be the best mother and you would like to be able to breastfeed your newborn daughter for as long as you can. Plead with him not to make conparisons with your SIL, as it destroys happiness in your own house.

                            Are you on talking terms with yout SIL? I think you should go and have a long talk with her about how your marriage is at stake, that you really want to raise your own kids, that she shouldn't be burdened with care of 2 more kids when she already has 6 kids of her own to handle etc etc.

                            It wouldn't be wise to get a divorce at this point in time. Work for a reconciliation. If that means you have to bend down and apologise, do it for the sake of your kids. Even if you go to America, make sure you take your son with you.

                            Hope things work out for you.

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                            • #44
                              Sorry to hear this sister may Allah make things easy for you
                              “Allah gave you a gift of 86,000 seconds today, have you used one to say ‘Alhamdulilah

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                              • #45
                                Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
                                Arab bedouins have weird mentalities and customs. In other parts of the world, it would be considered extreme cruelty to grab a toddler from its mother and just hand him over to someone else without her consent, but in their society, it's okay?

                                Islamically too, if a mother isn't around, the next person to get custody of the child under 7 is the child's maternal grandmother, then his maternal aunt...and so on. If no one from the mother's side is available, only then will the custody go to relatives in the father's side. Where do they get their laws from?

                                Didn't you tell your husband that your SIL has 6 kids, while your son was your first born... so, it's obvious she will have more expertise when it comes to kid matters. That does not make you a bad or unfit mother, just a less experienced one.

                                With 6 other sick kids to take care of, is she really taking good care of your son? And will she be able to handle another newborn?

                                I guess, at this point of time, all you can do is go back and convince him of your sincerity and dedication. Tell him you're trying your best to be the best mother and you would like to be able to breastfeed your newborn daughter for as long as you can. Plead with him not to make conparisons with your SIL, as it destroys happiness in your own house

                                Are you on talking terms with yout SIL? I think you should go and have a long talk with her about how your marriage is at stake, that you really want to raise your own kids, that she shouldn't be burdened with care of 2 more kids when she already has 6 kids of her own to handle etc etc.

                                It wouldn't be wise to get a divorce at this point in time. Work for a reconciliation. If that means you have to bend down and apologise, do it for the sake of your kids. Even if you go to America, make sure you take your son with you.

                                Hope things work out for you.
                                Palestinian Arab bediouns are different. Especially because I'm not a Arab bedioun they will really fight for the girl because if I take her since I'm an American and a Non bedioun they are afraid that I won't install "Arab bedioun" traditions and culture in her.

                                A few days before our fight one of my husbands cousins had divorced and returned to her family with her 10 month old son. Her husband came with his family and took her son from her. So it happens even if the mother is a Bedioun but usually they let her keep the child until the child is 2 than she has to return the child to the father.

                                I was on talking terms with my SIL but I really don't care to speak with her because I feel that any mother should understand that it's not her place to take another woman's kids.


                                Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

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