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Is culture really all that important when it comes to marriage?

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  • Is culture really all that important when it comes to marriage?

    Most of us are either immigrants or children of immigrants, meaning that we have a "back home" that isn't the country that we currently reside in. When it comes to marriage, people have many different preferences (job/education status, weight, looks, etc...) but one thing that people include is "Must come from the same background as me."

    The reason for this is so that if you come from the same cultural background it's easier to get along and for the families to get along...the thing is, if you've lived in the UK or the US or whatever for all or most of your life, then culturally you'd gel with anyone right?

    A first generation Chinese person and a Senegal immigrant who came here when they were young would have a similar culture despite coming from different countries.

    So, my question is this: In this day and age, is culture really all that important when it comes to marriage?
    20
    Yes (explain)
    40.00%
    8
    No (explain)
    35.00%
    7
    Kind of/undecided (explain)
    25.00%
    5
    مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

    "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
    It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
    Surah al-Baqarah
    [2:245]

    .:.
    .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
    Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

    .:.
    ...said the spider to the fly...

  • #2
    There are still Western raised Muslims who are very in tune with their "back home" culture. Therefore, they're more attracted to someone from the same culture.

    And even if there weren't, people prefer a similar background because it's just easier for the families to mesh well and get along.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
      There are still Western raised Muslims who are very in tune with their "back home" culture. Therefore, they're more attracted to someone from the same culture.

      And even if there weren't, people prefer a similar background because it's just easier for the families to mesh well and get along.
      But the culture of the parents (who were raised in a different country) is not the same culture as the child (who grew up in the West). Even if you're in tuned with your 'back home' culture that doesn't mean much when you still have the culture of your new home country engraved in you.
      مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

      "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
      It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
      Surah al-Baqarah
      [2:245]

      .:.
      .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
      Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

      .:.
      ...said the spider to the fly...

      Comment


      • #4
        In my opinion it's not important, at all.
        My family and relatives all essentially hold the same view as me.
        I am south asian btw and people always seem surprised that my family is so 'open' about this..i've been brought up knowing it makes no difference to my family (at all) so i just view it as entirely normal.
        But a lot of my friends families seem to mind/at the least have a preference, that they marry someone of the same ethnicity (sometimes even caste)
        I don't see the big deal/fuss at all, but thats because of how me and my family are and there's a lot of ethnic diversity, in regards to who has married in the family.
        And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
        [al-An’aam 6:59]

        Comment


        • #5
          When I was discussing it with my friends..one thing they all seemed massively concerned about, was that their child wouldn't know their language at all/lose that part of their identity. (They are all born here themselves)

          Im going to be honest.. i don't know Gujarati very well, and if my child doesn't understand it..i don't see this as a massive deal. I want them to know English and Arabic. I did wonder if it was crazy that I wasn't fussed about them not knowing Gujarati..as they all thought it was a massive deal. Hmmm.. I mean it would be cool if they did and they'd maybe be more linked to like the dual parts of their identity that way..but yeah.. i don't know
          And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
          [al-An’aam 6:59]

          Comment


          • #6
            It isn't to me but then again I don't really have a culture
            “Allah gave you a gift of 86,000 seconds today, have you used one to say ‘Alhamdulilah

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
              It isn't to me but then again I don't really have a culture
              Yes you do. Everyone does.
              مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

              "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
              It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
              Surah al-Baqarah
              [2:245]

              .:.
              .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
              Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

              .:.
              ...said the spider to the fly...

              Comment


              • #8
                It may depend on to what extent the person identifies with a particular culture and how much they want to see it reflected in their choice of mate. Also If their parents are immigrants then the parents may prefer the family to be of their home culture.

                If someone identifies more with the host culture while the parents do not then this where conflict can arise. Is it more important for the couple to share the same culture (host) or the families (home)? As more 2nd and 3rd generation parents also begin to acquire the host culture then less importance is likely to be placed on the back home culture, which will in turn require the drama loving girls and boys to seek out other avenues to fulfill their star crossed Romeo and Juliet fantasies.

                ​​​​

                Comment


                • #9
                  my culture is islam

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

                    But the culture of the parents (who were raised in a different country) is not the same culture as the child (who grew up in the West). Even if you're in tuned with your 'back home' culture that doesn't mean much when you still have the culture of your new home country engraved in you.
                    I don't think you understood what I said.

                    There are actually Western raised Muslims who are very "cultural". Naturally in terms of marriage they would be more compatible with those who are like them.

                    I think you're thinking of those Muslims who have mostly been Westernized, and whose Western upbringing has overtaken the culture of their parents. In that case sure, interracial marriages are more feasible.

                    But sometimes people are still more attracted to their own ethnicity/race by nature, regardless of their cultural upbringing. And there is still the issue of families to consider as well.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I absolutely get your point, and have been making it to some extent for a long time. Those 3rd or now even 4th generation people living in the west are western in their cultural framework for the most part. They have far more in common with each other than with their parents or grandparents generations when it comes to culture.

                      However, this works best when people are practicing Muslims with good character, reasonable and able to compromise because there will still be cultural differences and both husband and wife in such situations need to stand together against both sets of in-laws when it comes to culture.

                      But those who are very cultural in their framework and rigid in that are going to clash with other people's cultures or demand their own way, so are best marrying their own and avoiding someone else getting heartache in the future.
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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

                        Yes you do. Everyone does.
                        Nz culture is rugby and beer. I don't drink and I don't like rugby
                        “Allah gave you a gift of 86,000 seconds today, have you used one to say ‘Alhamdulilah

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I think it depends. I'm British born Pakistani. Parents originally came from Azad Kashmir. Culture is important in the sense of language, social norms and how to deal and behave in social situations, and a background and history. Yet being brought up in the UK obviously your an amalgamation of both cultures with more of an emphasis on the British side.

                          in our extended family you get some people who have married totally outside into differentethnicities and cultures. Others have married exactly same. Others have married from back home.

                          The people who have married outside of the culture tend then not to fully socially integrate in social situations anymore because whilst they can attend say weddings funerals or some other social situation, their spouse from the different cultural background won't. And their lifestyle is also very different a lot more westernised​​​​​. Which impacts upon next generation.

                          Best thing to do is marry for deen. I've noticed the ones who do want a similar culture tend to be more practicing.
                          ​​​​​


                          ​​​
                          82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

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                          • #14
                            If a person has good enough an EQ, he can adapt and be culturally sensitive to other cultures.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                              There are still Western raised Muslims who are very in tune with their "back home" culture. Therefore, they're more attracted to someone from the same culture.

                              And even if there weren't, people prefer a similar background because it's just easier for the families to mesh well and get along.
                              Good point and a valid one.

                              Its one thing an arab preferring and arab, Pakistani preferring a Pakistani, Bangladeshi preferring a Bangladeshi etc

                              And another entire entirely when culture is put on a pedestal over the Deen,

                              The later is the real problem we have, to the extent that many cultures even have stuff that's Haraam and many Muslims still partake in it.

                              Nauzubillah
                              http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                              "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                              – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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