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Is culture really all that important when it comes to marriage?

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  • #46
    Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post

    I wouldn't say it lacks femininity just because somebody is a bit louder and more out going. I see it as more of a personality thing than a cultural thing, although some cultures are simply more expressive and energetic than others.

    It definitely has nothing to do with femininity or class. Who defines those things and makes the rules?

    The sister also mentioned speaking your mind. What is wrong with speaking your mind?

    Me being naturally a quiet person, I've never thought about a culture as being either too loud or too quiet and never thought that these things make them rude, classless, masculine (for women), feminine (for men), weak etc. People are either kind and welcoming or they're not regardless of what volume they express these qualities in. That's what matters, to me anyway. I find this way of thinking, that only our quiet way of being is right and acceptable and everything else is beneath us, as a strange way of thinking and quite close minded. It's similar to how many white westerners view everyone else that's different to them.
    When I mentioned speaking your mind I was referring to people who have no filter and say everything that comes into their head.
    لا يؤخر الله أمراً إلا لخير
    ولا يحرمك أمراً إلا لخير
    ولا ينزل عليك بلاءً إلا لخير
    فلا تحزن
    فـرب الخير لا يأتي إلا بخير

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    • #47
      Depends on the individual. If they are cultural then they will not be compatible with someone from a different culture. Personally, I don't think culture is important.
      ▪️••• 〰 Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response, but rather it does not befit the lion to answer the dogs. 〰 •••▪️

      ~ IMAM SHAFI'I RH

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      • #48
        Originally posted by Hannahk92 View Post
        Depends on the individual. If they are cultural then they will not be compatible with someone from a different culture. Personally, I don't think culture is important.
        You can follow a culture of your own but you can be open and accepting of other positive elements of other cultures. It all plays a part in who you are it also plays a part in how you evolve. The main issue is when you shut yourself our of learning from new experiences and cling to bad practices within your own culture.

        But generally keep good company to form a solid foundation and other things become less troublesome.

        Comment


        • #49
          Originally posted by Fais View Post
          Well that's not true. There is something wrong with speaking your mind, if your mind is full of nonsense.
          These days anyone that doesn't agree with us their opinion becomes nonsense- that is what it seems like, then the bickering starts, but really it's just we can't accept that everybody has their own way of looking at things. They are allowed to express that opinion, therefore, speak their mind. It's being honest without bring afraid to share it, whether you think it's nonsense or not.
          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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          • #50
            Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post

            These days anyone that doesn't agree with us their opinion becomes nonsense- that is what it seems like, then the bickering starts, but really it's just we can't accept that everybody has their own way of looking at things. They are allowed to express that opinion, therefore, speak their mind. It's being honest without bring afraid to share it, whether you think it's nonsense or not.
            agreed. lack of tolerance (and emotional intelligence) then leads to lack of adhab... and then the name calling and insults start. and not just in marriage.... happens in many places and situations and unfortunately in my experience, particularly where it shouldn't.

            thought about this one....is culture really that important when it comes to marriage??? for those that have little option, ie arranged marriages etc i think ts the fallback they have to rely on.
            But wherever possible, i always treat adhab as more important than culture, because that will help you when culture lets you down........ as we find continuously living in a non-islamic environment.


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            • #51
              Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
              Most of us are either immigrants or children of immigrants, meaning that we have a "back home" that isn't the country that we currently reside in. When it comes to marriage, people have many different preferences (job/education status, weight, looks, etc...) but one thing that people include is "Must come from the same background as me."

              The reason for this is so that if you come from the same cultural background it's easier to get along and for the families to get along...the thing is, if you've lived in the UK or the US or whatever for all or most of your life, then culturally you'd gel with anyone right?

              A first generation Chinese person and a Senegal immigrant who came here when they were young would have a similar culture despite coming from different countries.

              So, my question is this: In this day and age, is culture really all that important when it comes to marriage?
              That first generation Chinese and Senegalese immigrant don’t live in a vacuum. Maybe, a 6th generation French individual and a 5th generation Italian living in America is a different story.
              The first example ... more likely, they lived around a set of customs and practices individual to their cultures. It’s not inherently a bad thing. Whilst most people living in another society live a hybrid life, we cannot deny the influence of the dominant culture they spend a considerable amount of time around from their very birth.
              It’s just the way it is.

              it’s very, very simplistic to just say ‘culturally, you’d gel with anyone’.

              Whether we like it or not, right or not, culture plays a role from the very inception of marriage right through to death. To downplay it’s importance (and therefore its influence on preferences) isn’t sensible and just not realistic.
              'And when a thing for which you ask is slow to come,
              Then know that often through delay are gifts received'
              علي الحبشي

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              • #52
                Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                u might aswell quote me

                well bengali culture is pretty bad
                i dont know anything good from it apart from being social with family and taking care of family and curry

                everything else i just see bad
                freemixing between in laws cousins and family friends
                focus on education and less on the deen
                focus on education dont get married
                the love of the western lifestyle
                gossip
                caring about what others will think of you and your reputation
                the hatred on divorcees and older women
                and looming down upon people of different skin color race linege and education
                all this inherited hindu traditions
                all this biddah and shirk within the culture
                list is endless
                You just highlighted some random things.

                First five things on your list, are more due to the influence of the Western culture.

                Gossiping and caring about what others think, is in practically every culture.

                All cultures have accepted things and things which go against the "norm".

                Islaam is mutli cultural and multi faceted. That's the beauty of it.

                I don't get how someone could hate their culture. Unless the culture is all about getting drunk and fornicating or doing haraam in other ways.

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                • #53
                  Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

                  You just highlighted some random things.

                  First five things on your list, are more due to the influence of the Western culture.

                  Gossiping and caring about what others think, is in practically every culture.

                  All cultures have accepted things and things which go against the "norm".

                  Islaam is mutli cultural and multi faceted. That's the beauty of it.

                  I don't get how someone could hate their culture. Unless the culture is all about getting drunk and fornicating or doing haraam in other ways.
                  ok

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                  • #54
                    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                    You can follow a culture of your own but you can be open and accepting of other positive elements of other cultures. It all plays a part in who you are it also plays a part in how you evolve. The main issue is when you shut yourself our of learning from new experiences and cling to bad practices within your own culture.

                    But generally keep good company to form a solid foundation and other things become less troublesome.
                    Oh yes i agree. Where I live the community is so staunch in their practices and are not open minded at all. Alhamdulillah some are, the majority are not. I still sometimes have clashes with my in laws due to cultural differences which they refuse to accept and just complain about.. even though it's minor. And there's aspects I find rude, some their mannerisms which are supposedly normal. Which I just put down to cultural differences.
                    ▪️••• 〰 Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response, but rather it does not befit the lion to answer the dogs. 〰 •••▪️

                    ~ IMAM SHAFI'I RH

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Originally posted by Hannahk92 View Post

                      Oh yes i agree. Where I live the community is so staunch in their practices and are not open minded at all. Alhamdulillah some are, the majority are not. I still sometimes have clashes with my in laws due to cultural differences which they refuse to accept and just complain about.. even though it's minor. And there's aspects I find rude, some their mannerisms which are supposedly normal. Which I just put down to cultural differences.
                      It's like that in all cultures that I have experienced in the UK. It's almost a siege mentality such that you have communities that stick to their own and that's where they think they can draw greatest strength and anyone else is just an outsider that is never fully accepted. All you can do is point out their wrongdoings and suggest alternatives and not let it influence you or pass it on to your kids. If you tackle the problems from within then hopefully things improve for the next generation.

                      It's meant to be one Ummah.

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                      • #56
                        Originally posted by Sirius View Post

                        That first generation Chinese and Senegalese immigrant don’t live in a vacuum. Maybe, a 6th generation French individual and a 5th generation Italian living in America is a different story.
                        The first example ... more likely, they lived around a set of customs and practices individual to their cultures. It’s not inherently a bad thing. Whilst most people living in another society live a hybrid life, we cannot deny the influence of the dominant culture they spend a considerable amount of time around from their very birth.
                        It’s just the way it is.

                        it’s very, very simplistic to just say ‘culturally, you’d gel with anyone’.

                        Whether we like it or not, right or not, culture plays a role from the very inception of marriage right through to death. To downplay it’s importance (and therefore its influence on preferences) isn’t sensible and just not realistic.
                        I'm not downplaying culture. But if you've grown up in a multicultural western society where you were able to make friends with people of different backgrounds and remain friends with them, then is it so hard to believe that marriages between the two would work?

                        That's all I'm saying. You'll still all have different things unique to your home culture, like food, customs, and maybe language at home, but you also have similar cultures in the sense that you grew up in similar environments....i.e. school and work.
                        مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                        "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                        It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                        Surah al-Baqarah
                        [2:245]

                        .:.
                        .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                        Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                        .:.
                        ...said the spider to the fly...

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                        • #57
                          Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

                          I'm not downplaying culture. But if you've grown up in a multicultural western society where you were able to make friends with people of different backgrounds and remain friends with them, then is it so hard to believe that marriages between the two would work?

                          That's all I'm saying. You'll still all have different things unique to your home culture, like food, customs, and maybe language at home, but you also have similar cultures in the sense that you grew up in similar environments....i.e. school and work.
                          yh it can be hard coz of family getting involved causing issues etc


                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

                            You just highlighted some random things.

                            First five things on your list, are more due to the influence of the Western culture.

                            Gossiping and caring about what others think, is in practically every culture.

                            All cultures have accepted things and things which go against the "norm".

                            Islaam is mutli cultural and multi faceted. That's the beauty of it.

                            I don't get how someone could hate their culture. Unless the culture is all about getting drunk and fornicating or doing haraam in other ways.
                            Some cultures treat women as sub-par to men. The people who subconsciously think their culture is good, will show obvious signs of them dismissing women and have a rather close minded view towards women. This is just what I see in my community. In some cases, even women are harsher to other women if they step out of line, and pay deference to men. It's sad.

                            It may not be as bad as fornicating - but this doesn't make the culture appear good either, and it can mislead some into thinking this is Islam.
                            Last edited by nudgetheputri; 08-12-18, 05:50 AM.

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                            • #59
                              Originally posted by nudgetheputri View Post

                              Some cultures treat women as sub-par to men. The people who subconsciously think their culture is good, will show obvious signs of them dismissing women and have a rather close minded view towards women. This is just what I see in my community. In some cases, even women are harsher to other women if they step out of line, and pay deference to men. It's sad.

                              It may not be as bad as fornicating - but this doesn't make the culture appear good either, and it can mislead some into thinking this is Islam.
                              If that is embedded in the culture then which culture is free from it?

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                              • #60
                                Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                                If that is embedded in the culture then which culture is free from it?
                                Hard to say. Doesn't mean it does not exist.

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