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Is culture really all that important when it comes to marriage?

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  • #16
    I said it matters because as first generation American, I only know how to live like a Bengali-American. I grew up in highly concentrated Bengali neighborhood in USA. I had classmates, coworkers, acquaintances of all nations but my best friends have always been desi, relatives and family were always Bengali. I learned lot from my coworkers about their privet life but prior to that during my study years, their life did not make sense to me nor did my life make sense to my non-desi friends. So we kept them arm distance because its easier than having to explain everything. As an adult things are easier but still there is a big difference in our way of life. I would not know how to behave. When I was invited to my boss's xmas party, naturally I took my shoes off at the door only to notice no one else did. People were wondering why I would do something weird like that

    There are people who are not like me, whos best friends have been people of other race & really did not mingle with their own culture people except for few family events. They will find it easier. For me its not.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
      my culture is islam
      You can't escape the fact that you were raised a certain way.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Umm Uthmaan View Post

        You can't escape the fact that you were raised a certain way.
        the only part of my culture i hold still is eating curry n rice
        thats about it

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        • #19
          Tough question. Iíd say it depends on the individuals and how recent of an immigrant they are.

          My family on one side has been here since the 1600s (?). The other side, Iím 4th generation. I donít know what my culture is. There really isnít a single American culture, I donít believe. I guess Iíd go with California culture, and a specific area there, because when Iím with people from that place, we connect pretty easily.

          So, having been married to someone who came from overseas (Arab ethnicity) and then being married to some who was born here (Jewish ethnicity), the commonalities I notice and appreciate are pretty simple, which is being able to understand a joke or nuances (thatís difficult for someone not from here). You find yourself explaining a lot about what is going on around you, which can be annoying (I appreciate people who Ďgetí things quickly).

          Beyond that, there are family differences, and those, I donít know for sure if theyíre related to culture, like competition and bragging about education and wages, as though that is a real deciding factor about a person. I canít relate, but Iíve noticed this in my new family. Mine doesnít discuss that; itís more about entrepreneurial topics.

          But where I really see good connection is in, for example, having a similar family size or growing up in a certain type of neighborhood, like social status or class.

          Meh. I donít know. Find someone you like and go from there.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

            the only part of my culture i hold still is eating curry n rice
            thats about it
            What about language?

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            • #21
              It matters as something I cannot control. I don't actually harbour negativity to people of other cultures, don't put any weight on stereotypes for picking friends or marriage suitors.
              Last edited by LailaTheMuslim; 12-12-18, 01:16 AM.
              وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

              And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


              أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

              Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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              • #22
                Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post

                What about language?
                that as well if you consider that being cultural or inheriting culture

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                • #23
                  There are things people from other cultures do that I've found to be very offensive. I'm sure this is something many don't want to deal with.
                  And never think that Allah is unaware of what the wrongdoers do. He only delays them for a Day when eyes will stare in horror.
                  (Quran 20:124)

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by .khayriyyah. View Post
                    There are things people from other cultures do that I've found to be very offensive. I'm sure this is something many don't want to deal with.
                    like what

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                      the only part of my culture i hold still is eating curry n rice
                      thats about it
                      It's almost certainly not, there will be 1001 mannerisms, ideas, patterns of behaviour which will be informed by your culture brought to you by your family. A few, perhaps many of them will cause a disagreement between a husband and a wife.
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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post

                        It's almost certainly not, there will be 1001 mannerisms, ideas, patterns of behaviour which will be informed by your culture brought to you by your family. A few, perhaps many of them will cause a disagreement between a husband and a wife.
                        i dont think so
                        all of my views fall inine with islam says
                        if it goes against islam i dont take it

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                          i dont think so
                          all of my views fall inine with islam says
                          if it goes against islam i dont take it
                          You way you talk, your slang, the way you type, comes from your British upbringing son. You have some British culture whether you like it or not.

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                            like what
                            Yelling for no good reason, speaking your mind, personal comments, etc. These things are very, very, very rude. I've never been around people like this until I've gotten involved in the Muslim community.
                            Last edited by .khayriyyah.; 15-11-18, 07:08 AM.
                            And never think that Allah is unaware of what the wrongdoers do. He only delays them for a Day when eyes will stare in horror.
                            (Quran 20:124)

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                              that as well if you consider that being cultural or inheriting culture
                              What is more cultural than language?

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                              • #30
                                It's extremely important. Even amongst those who were raised in the west, they were all raised within different cultures, you can't just dismiss that and assume they have a lot in common, enough for a successful marriage.

                                ​​​​
                                شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                                فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                                وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                                ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

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