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Please advise on dispute between husband and wife over wedding

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  • #46
    Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
    Imagine if a man has 2 wives.

    The family of the second wife is not obliged to invite his first wife and children from his first marriage to their daughter's marriage . It is their wish if they don't want to let their extended relatives and friends know his history. It's entirely upto them if they do not want to include them in their future gatherings.

    Similarly, the first wife's family also has no obligation to invite the second wife or her kids to their gatherings. It's their wish if they want to keep it a secret that their daughter's husband has married again and has other kids.

    The man may get offended as he wants everyone to accept both his families, but that's rarely going to happen. Pakistani culture has always had a negative version of "saukans" and everything related to it.

    In many parts of the country, when a husband's wife dies and young kids are involved, he usually marries his late wife's younger sister. For obvious reasons.

    That's one reason why polygamy is difficult to handle. Most of the time, it ends up as a big failure because the man cannot maintain a balance between both families and blames it upon his wife(wives) for not being co-operative, not realising his wives don't have to be friends to one another or be more accommodating or even make it easier for him. They will demand their rights as all wives do. As a man, he should be able to do justice. If he's immature and unable to handle the extra responsibility, he will make a mess of his life.

    In the OP's case, it seems like the wife was aware he had children, but they weren't going to be living with him after marriage. So, it's now completely upon the man to maintain a balance between both families without taking away the rights of either parties. He cannot force his wife to include them in "her" family gatherings if she doesn't want to, because she didn't sign up as being their primary care-taker.

    Out of kindness, she should, ofcourse. But if she wishes to be selfish about it, you cannot really take her to task.

    Similarly, the Shariah hasn't made it compulsary upon the woman to serve and take care of her husband's parents or live with them, but if they're in a situation which necessitates it, a wife definitely should, out of kindness and good manners and hope of reward from Allah. If she refuses for selfish reasons, you cannot hold her to blame, but it says a lot about her character.

    Sensitive situations such as these don't require fatwas and emotional blackmails, they need to be handled with tact and wisdom.
    The comparison with polygamy doesn't fit here. In Islam, after a certain age, the father gets custody of the kids, in the case of divorce. If he is a widower, then of course he has custody. That means they stay with him. Just because he gets married again doesn't mean the kids are kicked out of the house. Rather the new wife needs to integrate into the existing family. They aren't two separate families as in the case of 2 wives.

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    • #47
      Just go to the event to keep your wife happy. These idiots lied when they shouldn't have and it is going to haunt them for a long time... if your wife was in on the lie then this is disgusting...also inform them that youre not going to lie if anyone ever asks how many chidlren you have...did they even tell people you were a widow/divorcee etc?

      Did they assume you were going to dump your kids as soon as you got the new wife?
      Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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