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Please advise on dispute between husband and wife over wedding

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  • #16
    Originally posted by Iofthetiger View Post
    They have requested that the children should avoid meeting me at the wedding until after the wedding.
    jazakhallah khair
    How do you explain that to an 8 year old?
    Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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    • #17
      Originally posted by shay5 View Post

      When your kids attended YOUR wedding, didnt people ask who the kids were?
      At the wedding, the only people that turned up were my inlaws immidiate family, 8 of them in total. They told us that they had no family or friends. Looking now I think there was another reason, especially as apparently 350 people are expected at this wedding!

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      • #18
        yh when my nans brother got married he married a divorcee with 3 kids


        one of my uncles said its not allowed for the kids to come in the wedding under the premise of islam

        even though i was jaahil that time and young
        i still thought it didnt make sense
        such ignorance is rampant acrosd asia

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        • #19
          Originally posted by Iofthetiger View Post
          Yes. Families involved are all Pakistanis!
          In that case, I don't see what all the fuss is about. Isn't the stigma around divorcees normal among South Asians?

          Either comply with their wishes or don't attend the wedding. It's no big deal.

          Just make sure that you put an end to these cultural setbacks when it comes to your family and the gatherings you host. You're the leader of your own family and no one can tell how to handle your affairs.

          Jazak Allahu Khayr
          Last edited by AmantuBillahi; 11-11-18, 06:37 PM.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Iofthetiger View Post

            At the wedding, the only people that turned up were my inlaws immidiate family, 8 of them in total. They told us that they had no family or friends. Looking now I think there was another reason, especially as apparently 350 people are expected at this wedding!
            So your in laws lied to you. They hid the fact they do actually have friends and family.

            So they have lied about your marital status to friends and family therefore want to hide the fact you already have children.

            What else are they lying about and hiding?

            What is it with the lies and hiding stuff?

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            • #21
              Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post

              Obviously they're Asians

              I'd be surprised if they are not
              Was asking if hiding of kids was from Asian cultures, all cultures have sort of trash traditiona though,
              http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

              "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

              – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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              • #22
                Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post

                In that case, I don't see what all the fuss is about. Isn't the stigma around divorcees normal among South Asians?

                Either comply with their wishes or don't attend the wedding. It's no big deal.

                Just make sure that you put an end to these cultural setbacks when it comes to your family and the gatherings you host. You're the leader of your own family and no one can tell how to handle your affairs.

                Jazak Allahu Khayr
                ​​​

                I know divorcee relatives, asians, Bengalis and they dont hide their kids from previous marriages as some embarrassment.

                Some obviously will follow their trash cultural antics,

                If we go down this route of generalising entire nationality or race of people, things won't bode well for any of us.

                جزاك الله خيرا
                http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
                  ​​​

                  I know divorcee relatives, asians, Bengalis and they dont hide their kids from previous marriages as some embarrassment.

                  Some obviously will follow their trash cultural antics,

                  If we go down this route of generalising entire nationality or race of people, things won't bode well for any of us.

                  جزاك الله خيرا
                  I apologize if it came off like that. I don't believe every South Asian is like that, but I do know that it's widespread culture among them. Unless you guys have been trolling me for the past two years. -_-

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post

                    I apologize if it came off like that. I don't believe every South Asian is like that, but I do know that it's widespread culture among them. Unless you guys have been trolling me for the past two years. -_-
                    There are some common bad cultural antics, I dunno anyone or even remotely heard of anyone who hides his or her own children like in op as though they are mistake/embarrassment.

                    Could be due to culture, but this doesn't look like its common.

                    Like akhi Gingerbeard man said, every culture has some sort of evil practice going on.

                    جزاك الله خيرا
                    Last edited by Saif-Uddin; 12-11-18, 10:29 AM.
                    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                    "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                    – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post

                      Was asking if hiding of kids was from Asian cultures, all cultures have sort of trash traditiona though,
                      that's true

                      They're all messed up in some ways or another

                      I'm glad you and gingerbread mentioned this, I don't want non Asians to think they are superior, because they are not, it's piety that can only make you the best

                      As I have said before on a different thread, we're just more verbal about the negatives of our culture

                      I think there are more south Asians on here

                      Others may have too much pride too criticise their trashy cultural customs but we all know it's there
                      'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                      So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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                      • #26
                        Walikum as salam!
                        First of all i would like to tell you i am taking this situation of yours very seriously! first of all i would like to ask these people why did they not tell their family about your children? What is the fault of your children that they are getting humiliated like this? i am disgusted by the mentality of these people! I am a single guy if I like a women and then i get to know that she has children from previous marriage I swear it won't matter to me.Your children deserve the respect that they are not giving them,stand up for your children! I know what you might be going through but let them know this is a serious matter and they cannot hide it.

                        Call me arrogant i don't care.Hope you understand and stand up for your children and their rights.
                        NO RACISM

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post

                          that's true

                          They're all messed up in some ways or another

                          I'm glad you and gingerbread mentioned this, I don't want non Asians to think they are superior, because they are not, it's piety that can only make you the best

                          As I have said before on a different thread, we're just more verbal about the negatives of our culture

                          I think there are more south Asians on here

                          Others may have too much pride too criticise their trashy cultural customs but we all know it's there
                          True,

                          جزاك الله خيرا
                          http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                          "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                          – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Assalamalaikum everyone. Thanks for everyones replies on this matter. Just an update on how things have progressed.

                            My wife now accepts that this request maybe inappropriate but she still maintains that this request still stands. I have spoken to her mother and although she apologises for the offence that it has caused, she has still requested the same condition.

                            My family are not happy at all at this situation and almost certainly wont be coming unless they change their request. Im not happy sending my older kids to this event.

                            My wife has now requested that I come myself without any of my family(if they dont agree to come). She claims if I wasnt there, it would be very embarrasing for herself and she wants me to come for her sake.

                            She claims she has spoken to a mufti who has advised that I should go to the wedding alone if necessary. She also claims that he has advised that my 2 eldest children do not need to go on holidays with herself and the youngest(dont know relevence of this to wedding but there you go). She is also claiming that if I dont go, this will lead to the breakdown of the marriage.

                            My personal opinion is that if I go it sets a bad precedent and is rewarding her families dishonesty and lying about the children.

                            Please can anyone advise further on this tricky and covoluted mattee

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                            • #29
                              She has not named the mufti or mentioned where he is from.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Iofthetiger View Post
                                Assalamalaikum everyone. Thanks for everyones replies on this matter. Just an update on how things have progressed.

                                My wife now accepts that this request maybe inappropriate but she still maintains that this request still stands. I have spoken to her mother and although she apologises for the offence that it has caused, she has still requested the same condition.

                                My family are not happy at all at this situation and almost certainly wont be coming unless they change their request. Im not happy sending my older kids to this event.

                                My wife has now requested that I come myself without any of my family(if they dont agree to come). She claims if I wasnt there, it would be very embarrasing for herself and she wants me to come for her sake.

                                She claims she has spoken to a mufti who has advised that I should go to the wedding alone if necessary. She also claims that he has advised that my 2 eldest children do not need to go on holidays with herself and the youngest(dont know relevence of this to wedding but there you go). She is also claiming that if I dont go, this will lead to the breakdown of the marriage.

                                My personal opinion is that if I go it sets a bad precedent and is rewarding her families dishonesty and lying about the children.

                                Please can anyone advise further on this tricky and covoluted mattee
                                Don't go.

                                Either she accepts you AND your children or she faces the "embarrassment" of attending alone.

                                It seems she's trying to isolate your children from you.

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