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How to have a valid Nikkah if father is ill

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  • How to have a valid Nikkah if father is ill

    Hi Everyone,

    This is my first post and was wondering if I can get some advice.

    There is a woman I would like to marry but I am not sure who the Wali has to be from her side. I have read articles that it is the womans father or someone else appointed by him.

    However her father is ill and has dimensia, so I am not sure if he is fit to be the Wali. She also has no other male relatives here other then her brother

    Here is the complicated part. Her mother is not very happy with her or me because we did not do it the traditional way where the girls parents find the daughter a guy to marry. Her brother is also being unreasonable and is just doing what ever his mother tells him to do. Just to add we did get engaged not to long ago and so her mother has already approved this and had an engagement party, however she was extremely against it and only went forward with it because name would have been tarnished and what not.

    So anyways we booked a banquet hall and are ready to get married but still need to do our nikkah, so because the father is ill and can't really appoint anyone on his behalf does that mean her brother is the Wali?? her Uncle from her moms side is coming flying over to attend the wedding. I was wondering if he would be able to be the Wali since her father is ill and her brother is obviously going to listen to his mom who is against it.

    any insight would be greatly appreciate.


  • #2
    Where do you plan on doing the nikah?

    Comment


    • #3
      The order for appointment of the Wali is found in the following Fatwa:

      https://islamqa.info/en/answers/2127...walee-guardian

      That said, depending on where you are, there are probably at least a few Islamic centers that will perform a Nikaah without a Walee. Typically they are Hanafi-based centers.

      I would never recommend marrying a Muslimah born to a Muslim family without securing the consent of the person responsible for them. Even though the Shari'ah points to male relatives, in this case, clearly the mother is the one pulling the strings in the family. I would focus all my efforts on convincing her to allow the marriage before anything else. After that, the paternal grandfather, great-grandfather and then adult son would be the potential Walee.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post
        Where do you plan on doing the nikah?
        Have not decided that yet but her mother was very insistent on doing the nikkah on the wedding night and not the engagement night. So I am assuming somewhere in the banquet during the day of our wedding.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by trying_to_learn View Post

          Have not decided that yet but her mother was very insistent on doing the nikkah on the wedding night and not the engagement night. So I am assuming somewhere in the banquet during the day of our wedding.
          Who is going to do the nikah... an imam from the local masjid?

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by AbuNajm View Post
            The order for appointment of the Wali is found in the following Fatwa:

            https://islamqa.info/en/answers/2127...walee-guardian

            That said, depending on where you are, there are probably at least a few Islamic centers that will perform a Nikaah without a Walee. Typically they are Hanafi-based centers.

            I would never recommend marrying a Muslimah born to a Muslim family without securing the consent of the person responsible for them. Even though the Shari'ah points to male relatives, in this case, clearly the mother is the one pulling the strings in the family. I would focus all my efforts on convincing her to allow the marriage before anything else. After that, the paternal grandfather, great-grandfather and then adult son would be the potential Walee.
            I am from Toronto Canada. If I go to an islamic center to perform my Nikkah will it still be valid even if the mom or brother does not approve ? And her mother definitely is the one pulling the strings and she is definitely doing this out of spite because she is not getting her way with how she wants it done. She is being completely unreasonable and my Fiances uncle (Her mothers younger brother) completely is supportive of our relationship and is coming to Canada from Germany for our wedding. However because he is the male relative from her mothers side I don't think he is qualified to be her Wali. By adult son do you mean my Fiances brother?

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post

              Who is going to do the nikah... an imam from the local masjid?
              Yes I believe so

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by trying_to_learn View Post

                Yes I believe so
                Why haven't you spoken to him?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post

                  Why haven't you spoken to him?
                  We got engaged like 2 weeks ago and her mother insisted on us doing the wedding in like 2 months. So here I am trying to plan a wedding which i just started last week. I put a down payment on a Banquet hall, I have paid for her wedding dress and what not. I have been very busy trying to plan this thing out to hurry up and get it out of the way. However recently her mother has been giving her a hard time at home in the meantime while I am trying to plan everything to have a successful wedding. She has also completely brainwashed her brother too so he is also supporting the mother and giving her a hard time. So I am kind of getting worried that all my planning will be for nothing and money wasted if her brother the only male relative she has after her father is against our marriage.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by trying_to_learn View Post

                    We got engaged like 2 weeks ago and her mother insisted on us doing the wedding in like 2 months. So here I am trying to plan a wedding which i just started last week. I put a down payment on a Banquet hall, I have paid for her wedding dress and what not. I have been very busy trying to plan this thing out to hurry up and get it out of the way. However recently her mother has been giving her a hard time at home in the meantime while I am trying to plan everything to have a successful wedding. She has also completely brainwashed her brother too so he is also supporting the mother and giving her a hard time. So I am kind of getting worried that all my planning will be for nothing and money wasted if her brother the only male relative she has after her father is against our marriage.
                    Yes, but why haven't you spoken to the imam? When was the last time you went to the masjid?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post

                      Yes, but why haven't you spoken to the imam? When was the last time you went to the masjid?
                      I go every Friday's for Jumah prayers...

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by trying_to_learn View Post
                        I am from Toronto Canada. If I go to an islamic center to perform my Nikkah will it still be valid even if the mom or brother does not approve ?
                        The validity of the Nikaah is based on the judgment of the one performing it. If the one performing the Nikaah does not hold the consent of a Walee to be a stipulation for the validity, then it will be valid, as long as there are no other impediments to its validity.

                        Originally posted by trying_to_learn View Post
                        And her mother definitely is the one pulling the strings and she is definitely doing this out of spite because she is not getting her way with how she wants it done. She is being completely unreasonable and my Fiances uncle (Her mothers younger brother) completely is supportive of our relationship and is coming to Canada from Germany for our wedding. However because he is the male relative from her mothers side I don't think he is qualified to be her Wali. By adult son do you mean my Fiances brother?
                        I do not recommend holding on to this version of events. Seeing the mother-in-law as spiteful and unreasonable is not going to help your interactions with her nor does it bode well for how you will treat and talk about her with your future wife. Let all that go and give her the benefit of the doubt. Mentally creating all these divisions with regards to your in-laws, thinking this one is good and that one is bad, will only make things more difficult and you never know who you will end up getting along with best.

                        You need to get the mother-in-law on board, bottom line. Sure, you can have a valid Nikaah without a Walee, however, that is not the preferred route to take. It's more like a last resort. The last thing you want to do is start out your marriage with your wife disobeying her mother and earning an opponent to the marriage in her brother.

                        If the mother-in-law already approved the engagement, then she's not too far off from approving the marriage as well. Put your effort into that and the rest will fall into place, In Sha' Allah.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by AbuNajm View Post

                          The validity of the Nikaah is based on the judgment of the one performing it. If the one performing the Nikaah does not hold the consent of a Walee to be a stipulation for the validity, then it will be valid, as long as there are no other impediments to its validity.
                          Can you please explain this a little more. I am not quite understanding the details here

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by AbuNajm View Post

                            I do not recommend holding on to this version of events. Seeing the mother-in-law as spiteful and unreasonable is not going to help your interactions with her nor does it bode well for how you will treat and talk about her with your future wife. Let all that go and give her the benefit of the doubt. Mentally creating all these divisions with regards to your in-laws, thinking this one is good and that one is bad, will only make things more difficult and you never know who you will end up getting along with best.

                            You need to get the mother-in-law on board, bottom line. Sure, you can have a valid Nikaah without a Walee, however, that is not the preferred route to take. It's more like a last resort. The last thing you want to do is start out your marriage with your wife disobeying her mother and earning an opponent to the marriage in her brother.

                            If the mother-in-law already approved the engagement, then she's not too far off from approving the marriage as well. Put your effort into that and the rest will fall into place, In Sha' Allah.
                            well my future wife is actually the one telling me that she is being unreasonable and spiteful towards her. Me and my family have been very supportive of our relationship and have given her the benefit of the doubt but she has made this very difficult for everybody including her. My family has swallowed their pride many times for the sake of having a happy life with my future wife. She only approved the engagement because her hand was forced from all her family relatives and friends telling her she was insane and why she would do that to her own daughter when she found such a nice and religious Muslim.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              ....
                              Last edited by Creamcake; 31-10-18, 09:50 PM. Reason: nvm
                              And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
                              [al-An’aam 6:59]

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