Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Average Haq Mehr in the USA in 2018.

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Average Haq Mehr in the USA in 2018.

    Salam,
    I am new in the United States and do not have a lot of family and friends here. I have no idea how marriage proposals work here and I am pursuing a potential proposal all on my own. I have spoken to the girl's father and all seems to be going well, Alhamdulillah. I know that the conversation about the haq mehr is right around the corner and I wanna be prepared for that. What do you guys think is the average amount mehr that would be acceptable for the girl and her family? We both belong to upper-middle-class families and I'm currently pursuing my Master's degree in engineering. I do not want to offend her by offering a low amount simply because I do not know how this works here in the US. I just need a rough ball-park figure. Any help on this topic would be highly appreciated! JazakAllah!
    Last edited by rexar; 10-10-18, 07:46 PM.

  • #2
    It is a wide range, I have seen $10-50K in the Bengali Americans living in Midwest. I don't know about other parts of the country. To be honest I don't know anyone who went over $30K in mehr but I did hear stories so I pushed the range up. Most I know are in ~$20K where they spend approximately $10K in wedding gold and outfits and agree to pay rest in future

    Comment


    • #3
      salaams to all

      whatever it is, if its IndoPak/Desi ppl, im sure it will be an extravagant amount.

      u should explain that u dont have much bcos u are studying...they wont like that.

      unfortunately, thats how it is.

      and Allah ta'ala knows best
      jazakallah
      Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
      very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

      Comment


      • #4
        I appreciate the responses guys, that does help. Sorry, I forgot to mention this in the post but yes, we both belong to Pakistani families living in the Westcoast so I agree they might be expecting an extravagant amount. Which is quite heartwrenching to imagine, to be honest. I might lose on a potentially great prospect due to cultural expectations. If anyone can else chime in with their experiences, please feel free to do so. Thank you and JazakAllah!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Kya View Post
          It is a wide range, I have seen $10-50K in the Bengali Americans living in Midwest. I don't know about other parts of the country. To be honest I don't know anyone who went over $30K in mehr but I did hear stories so I pushed the range up. Most I know are in ~$20K where they spend approximately $10K in wedding gold and outfits and agree to pay rest in future
          Allahu musta aan

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by rexar View Post
            I appreciate the responses guys, that does help. Sorry, I forgot to mention this in the post but yes, we both belong to Pakistani families living in the Westcoast so I agree they might be expecting an extravagant amount. Which is quite heartwrenching to imagine, to be honest. I might lose on a potentially great prospect due to cultural expectations. If anyone can else chime in with their experiences, please feel free to do so. Thank you and JazakAllah!
            Lol if it's the West coast you can bet on it.

            Comment


            • #7
              Pay whatever mehr you're capable of giving at the time of nikah.

              You don't have to rob a bank or sell your kidney just to keep up with the Khans and Chaudhrys next door.

              Nikah is a honourable sunnah...So, be honest and upright from the beginning. Negotiate the amount you can afford to pay. If the girl's family cannot understand your financial position and circumstances because of their greed, then, honestly, you're better off without them. There are plenty of fish in the sea, move on.

              Because of such unrealistic cultural expectations from parents, daughters are hitting 30 and still sitting unmarried at home. They're falling prey to illegitimate relationships and zina. It's the duty of parents to ensure their offsprings get married at the correct age or the burden of their sins will fall upon their heads on Qiyamah

              Many desis put a ridiculous amount of mehr on paper which the groom can definitely not afford. It's agreed that he will pay only a fraction of amount at the time of nikah and the rest of the amount later. This is pure jahaalat. Should the wife keep reminding her husband to pay the rest of her mahr throughout their marital life? It'll lead to unnecessary friction and unease between the married couple.

              And, in many desi communities, the husband does not pay the mehr amount till he dies. When he dies, the first thing the wife is forced to do is forgive the amount of mehr. Yeah, right.. What do they expect? In front of a 100 people, she'll create a drama during the tragic occasion? This is zulm. You can fool people, but you'll still have to answer Allah Almighty

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post

                Many desis put a ridiculous amount of mehr on paper which the groom can definitely not afford. It's agreed that he will pay only a fraction of amount at the time of nikah and the rest of the amount later. This is pure jahaalat. Should the wife keep reminding her husband to pay the rest of her mahr throughout their marital life? It'll lead to unnecessary friction and unease between the married couple.
                Your quote reminded me of recent conversation I had with a cousin who told me, he had nothing when he got married (very little) and since then has made significant financial gain. He was telling me how amazing his inlaws are & how considered they were of his financial situation during the wedding shopping time. Apparently his father in law told him to agree to certain mehr front of extended family but in truth he only had to pay fraction of the mehr & rest are forgiven. There was a real Mehr (that wife and family knew about) and there was an exaggerated one that rest of the world heard about. When many families do 2 mehr (public and privet), then the average gets escalated & now everyone thinks the exaggerated mehr is the norm. If we all were true and honest from start then we wouldn't have to live in double world. But many grooms do ask for forgiveness from wife on the first night of marriage on mehr so he is officially free.

                I told my husband, his car will cover rest of the mehr cost if he suddenly dies.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Lol 20 k are yall serious
                  يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                  O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                  Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Just ask the girl.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Depending on you income level At Bangladesh it is from negative value to 1k, but expect to be go-to-guy any problems that wife's family might have.Though it isn't mahr, when it dips below 0

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by rexar View Post
                        Salam,
                        I am new in the United States and do not have a lot of family and friends here. I have no idea how marriage proposals work here and I am pursuing a potential proposal all on my own. I have spoken to the girl's father and all seems to be going well, Alhamdulillah. I know that the conversation about the haq mehr is right around the corner and I wanna be prepared for that. What do you guys think is the average amount mehr that would be acceptable for the girl and her family? We both belong to upper-middle-class families and I'm currently pursuing my Master's degree in engineering. I do not want to offend her by offering a low amount simply because I do not know how this works here in the US. I just need a rough ball-park figure. Any help on this topic would be highly appreciated! JazakAllah!
                        وعليكم السلام والرحمة الله وبركاته

                        You should not be asking this question, comparing Mahr is one of the Fitnas of nowadays that some people are obsessed with. Some women even goto the extent of jealousy, or estimating their worth by the monetry value of mahr.

                        You know your financial condition better than others, Give what is within your capacity that will Not put you into debt or severe financial difficulty.

                        جزاك الله خيرا
                        http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                        "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                        – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          It all comes down to the family, my late father-in-law (may Allah SWT overlook his mistakes and grants him jannah) publicly declared that the mehr will be the lowest amount allowed under shariah, which turned out to he around £50! He pointed out that he had trust in me to look after his daughter. We're in The UK of Pak origin, married for 18yrs now with three kids.
                          Last edited by Sheroo; 12-10-18, 04:33 AM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by aynina View Post
                            Lol 20 k are yall serious
                            It is whatever they agree, but it is a crazy amount, driven I'm assuming of wanting to keep up "appearances".

                            Personally, I would recommend the guy put forward what he can reasonably afford and walk away if he faces resistance.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
                              Pay whatever mehr you're capable of giving at the time of nikah.

                              You don't have to rob a bank or sell your kidney just to keep up with the Khans and Chaudhrys next door.

                              Nikah is a honourable sunnah...So, be honest and upright from the beginning. Negotiate the amount you can afford to pay. If the girl's family cannot understand your financial position and circumstances because of their greed, then, honestly, you're better off without them. There are plenty of fish in the sea, move on.

                              Because of such unrealistic cultural expectations from parents, daughters are hitting 30 and still sitting unmarried at home. They're falling prey to illegitimate relationships and zina. It's the duty of parents to ensure their offsprings get married at the correct age or the burden of their sins will fall upon their heads on Qiyamah

                              Many desis put a ridiculous amount of mehr on paper which the groom can definitely not afford. It's agreed that he will pay only a fraction of amount at the time of nikah and the rest of the amount later. This is pure jahaalat. Should the wife keep reminding her husband to pay the rest of her mahr throughout their marital life? It'll lead to unnecessary friction and unease between the married couple.

                              And, in many desi communities, the husband does not pay the mehr amount till he dies. When he dies, the first thing the wife is forced to do is forgive the amount of mehr. Yeah, right.. What do they expect? In front of a 100 people, she'll create a drama during the tragic occasion? This is zulm. You can fool people, but you'll still have to answer Allah Almighty
                              Mahr is only a tiny part of this particular phenomenon.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X