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  • Marriage in limbo- some advice?

    Removing post!! Not Admin so cant really remove complete post

    Admin- please remove thread.
    Last edited by BrotherInNYC; 05-10-18, 06:43 PM.

  • #2
    Walaykum assalam

    Originally posted by BrotherInNYC View Post
    She is all about social media, “makeup”, her followers, people she follows (celebrities) etc. shes into music and can not go without it. She is constantly on her phone. Going to work, shes on her phone. coming back from work, shes on her phone. When shes home, 80% of the time shes on her phone. -All browsing of social media updates.
    This is the problem right here. Did you know she was like this before marrying? If so, then you're going to have to live with it now. I don't know what else to tell you.

    Coincidentally we have a thread in the Lounge discussing this very thing.

    Comment


    • shay5
      shay5 commented
      Editing a comment
      That's awful advice, ' you're going to have to live with it?' So people can't be led/encouraged to give up their bad habits?

    • Stoic Believer
      Stoic Believer commented
      Editing a comment
      He can try (and he has). But the general rule is, people don't change. Or rather, you can't change anyone. When you marry someone, what you see is what you get. He knew what he was getting into when he married her.

  • #3
    That woman is raising your child
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

    Comment


    • #4
      Originally posted by aynina View Post
      That woman is raising your child
      Well, yea!

      Meaning??? She should be allowed to be onher phone? Just cause shes raising our child?

      I dont get your statement

      Comment


      • #5
        Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
        Walaykum assalam



        This is the problem right here. Did you know she was like this before marrying? If so, then you're going to have to live with it now. I don't know what else to tell you.

        Coincidentally we have a thread in the Lounge discussing this very thing.
        Yes, she was this heavy on all those things before marriage. She did stop for a bit.... closed all her social media accounts. Then somehow she felt “left out” maybe? I dont know

        Comment


        • #6
          Sadly this is our generation today.. we are glued to our phones.. try to be romantic? Take her out and input a “no phone” rule in the bed room. Whenever you see her on her phone get close to her and cuddle her and be romantic with her , she will quickly put her phone away. I sense you two are a bit distanced but if you put effort she would not be on her phone

          Comment


          • #7
            Originally posted by BrotherInNYC View Post
            Assalam-uAlaikum,

            so Ive been married to my wife for just about two years now. We have a baby (almost 1) al-Hamdu lillaah ... we have been struggling with communication as we are two different “type” of people. I can say this much... i can armit in advance, i am at fault as i am not much of a in person communicator. I think its from the lack of “common interests” - I am into sports, nutrition, working out and current affairs(news).

            She is all about social media, “makeup”, her followers, people she follows (celebrities) etc. shes into music and can not go without it. She is constantly on her phone. Going to work, shes on her phone. coming back from work, shes on her phone. When shes home, 80% of the time shes on her phone. -All browsing of social media updates.

            Ive pointed out the fact shes on it all the time and why cant she stop using it? Her excuse is, “my family uses it so i connect with them”- i mean really? Thats what we have facetime or phone call or text messages for... why do we constantly need to be on social media. For the record her family is a quick 30min drive away. Which we normally go visit on weekends. Whenever she asks, I drive her to her parents house. No questions

            I think its at a point of frustration and arguments over small things. Of course I am aware its part of marriage but in reality its causing stress for both. I ask Allah to guide us both everyday! Give us Sabr and peace. Allah is the best of planners and I leave it to him.

            I am sorry I had to vent- there is much more to it and many things piled up within the two year span.
            Brother to be honest, it doesn't seem like deen, or religiosity in itself, played a role in you choosing each other to marry. Would that be right?

            At this point now it doesn't seem to be playing a major role in your marriage either, when it should be the very central thing in your marriage.

            I'm not sure what advice to give or that I know to give any here...but where deen is lacking, you've just got to bring it back. Remember your Akhirah and that of your child and wife - and that you are responsible for both of their religiosity and commitment to Islam.

            I know, it's a tough situation. But that is life . Allah make it smooth and easy and fill your marriage with love and deen, ameen.

            Comment


            • #8
              Originally posted by aynina View Post
              That woman is raising your child
              Irrelevant

              Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

              **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

              Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

              Comment


              • #9
                Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                Walaykum assalam



                This is the problem right here. Did you know she was like this before marrying? If so, then you're going to have to live with it now. I don't know what else to tell you.

                Coincidentally we have a thread in the Lounge discussing this very thing.
                Basically this

                Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

                Comment


                • #10
                  Originally posted by Sisterlayal92 View Post
                  Sadly this is our generation today.. we are glued to our phones.. try to be romantic? Take her out and input a “no phone” rule in the bed room. Whenever you see her on her phone get close to her and cuddle her and be romantic with her , she will quickly put her phone away. I sense you two are a bit distanced but if you put effort she would not be on her phone
                  I can honestly say i have tried all that. I have poked her in friendly playful way. I have taken her out to any place she craves. I even took her to an amazing resort. Even at the resort she was kn her phone all along. SMH

                  Comment


                  • #11
                    Originally posted by distractedandlost View Post

                    Brother to be honest, it doesn't seem like deen, or religiosity in itself, played a role in you choosing each other to marry. Would that be right?

                    At this point now it doesn't seem to be playing a major role in your marriage either, when it should be the very central thing in your marriage.

                    I'm not sure what advice to give or that I know to give any here...but where deen is lacking, you've just got to bring it back. Remember your Akhirah and that of your child and wife - and that you are responsible for both of their religiosity and commitment to Islam.

                    I know, it's a tough situation. But that is life . Allah make it smooth and easy and fill your marriage with love and deen, ameen.
                    Ameen!!

                    i try and make Salah in front of her. Without trying to force her and just hoping she starts on her own. I dont force her as she is emotional and feels im judging her for not being “religious” or whatever. Like i said on the orginal post... this is like many things piled up.

                    I just make dua Allah make it easy on us both and guide us both. “He guides who he wills”

                    Comment


                    • #12
                      Originally posted by BrotherInNYC View Post

                      Ameen!!

                      i try and make Salah in front of her. Without trying to force her and just hoping she starts on her own. I dont force her as she is emotional and feels im judging her for not being “religious” or whatever. Like i said on the orginal post... this is like many things piled up.

                      I just make dua Allah make it easy on us both and guide us both. “He guides who he wills”

                      Sorry bro but that won't be enough. You're the husband and father and the 'shepherd of your flock' of the Hadith and you will be asked about your flock, as the Hadith says.

                      Alhamdulillah you've the sense to avoid the destructive path of forcing or guilting or coindemning someone to be religious, but you do need to be proactive. Muslim children are becoming murtad in the US in droves because their parent snever gave them a decent exposure to Islam or even if just one of the parents was irreligious.

                      You have the time now - you rmarriage and your child are very young. This is the time to do it. Look at all the broken Muslim families around you if you need motivation.

                      May Allah bring deen and love for Allah into your home bro.

                      Comment


                      • #13
                        Originally posted by BrotherInNYC View Post

                        Well, yea!

                        Meaning??? She should be allowed to be onher phone? Just cause shes raising our child?

                        I dont get your statement
                        No i mean im shocked that this woman is raising your child, your child will look up to her and follow in her footsteps, you need to do something about it for the sake of your kid
                        يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                        O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                        Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                        Comment


                        • #14
                          Originally posted by muzzybee View Post

                          Irrelevant
                          Oh so you dont care that the child is being raised by a modernist
                          يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                          O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                          Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                          Comment


                          • #15
                            Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah.

                            This sounds like a tough situation to be in as a husband. As the brother above has mentioned Allah Ta'aalaa and Islam should be central in our lives...

                            It sounds like she could do with a few friends of the right kind to influence her positively. Maybe attending gatherings and talks, classes, etc, can give a chance for both of you to benefit and for a change of heart to begin to take place, inshaaAllah.

                            If you have female relatives who are likely to be good influences in the non-pushy way, you could try to visit them a little more often or ask them to make an effort to connect with her just socially at first (Maybe your friends if practicing who have wives who could do similar.)

                            .. Just thinking of someone I know who had similar issues a few years ago albeit without the social media issue as much. Alhamdulillah, those things above and 'Umrah, also listening to talks quite often, I think made a difference for them. They're both in a good place in their marriage and in their deen it seems these days, alhamdulillah.
                            LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
                            -------------------------------
                            "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
                            NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

                            Comment

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