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What can i do about him?

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  • What can i do about him?

    Assalamu Alaikum,

    last year i joined an organization that i was very passionate for in my Uni. I will cut to the chase and say that i've started to develop feelings for this man that was essentially the leader of the group. I had no idea he existed before this club (he was in his last year). I hated myself for this fact, I didn't want to have any feelings for anyone, i really wanted to avoid all of that in college. The thing is, what caught my attention for this man was the way he carried himself, the way respected others, and the way others respected him. I liked the way he conducts his business, and his deen. I loved the way he loved his deen, we also have similar values when it comes to lots of topics. Physically, i did not want to think of him that way. He is a good guy and I am a good woman, I didnt want to think of his looks because he isn't mine for me to do so. I did not want to look at him or even talk about the way he looks because i dont want to think about him in that way. I didn't like him for his looks, by Allah his looks are not what attracted me to him. So, I tried everything to get away from him, but I found it hard to, whatever i found myself doing i found him doing as well. it made me think of him even more. We have so much in common, and i'm not sure if he sees that. The whole year ive been trying to forget about him because again, i don't want to think of him, i know its haram. I prayed to Allah constantly, i cried a lot. I felt guilty for feeling this way towards him when he was probably acting normal with me. We used to text, but it was for organization related things. Now that he's graduated, we've stopped talking. I keep trying to forget about him, but i can't. I se things that remind me of him, or i see things that make me really want to tell him about. I miss him. I hate this, but i really do. I've never connected with someone so much. Also, i never used to talk to guys, i used to get away from them, and act rude with them. And even with this man, i was dry in the beginning, his character however made me break that. I've been making duaa to Allah all year, ramadan, rain, everything, for us to be khair for each other for now and in the hereafter, that all i want. I want to our iman to grow together and i want to be there for him, with him. The issue is, i don't know if i should keep making duaa for him, i know he is a good person, actually i always cry about that fact (whenever my mom or a freind or a video mentions good qualities a man should have, because he has them) and if i were to have a son i would want him to be like him. I know Allah always hears our duaa i have no doubt in that, but i feel idiotic and guilty making duaa for this guy, because it effects his life. I don't know what to do. He is a good person.

    Honestly tell me, should i let go of him, or should i keep making duaa?

    JAK

    I should note that i am writing to you from Canada
    Last edited by bamjamjamma; 13-09-18, 04:35 PM.

  • #2
    If you are sure that he would be a good man for you islamically, not based on nafs alone, then talk to your father or brother or a mahram about it and ask them to talk to him regarding marriage
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by aynina View Post
      If you are sure that he would be a good man for you islamically, not based on nafs alone, then talk to your father or brother or a mahram about it and ask them to talk to him regarding marriage
      I'm almost certain that he is a very good man for me islamically, i'm still influenced by his deen to this day. And i never think about his looks ever, i cant even if i tried. But i wish i can sister, in my culture thats extremely looked down upon.

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      • #4
        What are you studying at university?

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by bamjamjamma View Post

          I'm almost certain that he is a very good man for me islamically, i'm still influenced by his deen to this day. And i never think about his looks ever, i cant even if i tried. But i wish i can sister, in my culture thats extremely looked down upon.
          I understand that culture can make things very hard, but its islamically correct... if they look down upon proposing to a man they look down upon khadija r.a.
          يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

          O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

          Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post
            What are you studying at university?
            Mathematics with a minor in Islam Religion and Philosophy. Why?

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by bamjamjamma View Post

              Mathematics with a minor in Islam Religion and Philosophy. Why?
              Just wondered. Always disheartening to see a university student write like that.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post

                Just wondered. Always disheartening to see a university student write like that.
                disheartening in what way?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by bamjamjamma View Post

                  disheartening in what way?
                  Well, one expects a certain level of standards from university students.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post

                    Well, one expects a certain level of standards from university students.
                    such as? sorry i feel like you're being a bit vague

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post
                      Well, one expects a certain level of standards from university students.
                      such as? sorry i feel like you're being a bit vague

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by bamjamjamma View Post
                        such as? sorry i feel like you're being a bit vague
                        Well, look at it. It's a big block of text for a start.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post

                          Well, look at it. It's a big block of text for a start.
                          Her majors not english, and even english students have trouble writing a decent email
                          يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                          O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                          Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by aynina View Post

                            Her majors not english, and even english students have trouble writing a decent email
                            Sorry, prof.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by aynina View Post

                              Her majors not english, and even english students have trouble writing a decent email
                              Paragraphs is a tough one to learn? Please Louise leave it out.

                              You know what they say..."if you can't do paragraphs you canny do round chapattis".

                              Comment


                              • aynina
                                aynina commented
                                Editing a comment
                                All her chapattis are written in paragraphs

                              • zi-zizou
                                zi-zizou commented
                                Editing a comment
                                It must be one of those Afghan naans that are so large you hang them off the ceiling.

                                This OP does make me wonder though...what if there are loads of women out there that have seen me and have for years been pining over me. It could have happened you know. It's making me a little sad. All that hurt I've indirectly caused.

                              • aynina
                                aynina commented
                                Editing a comment
                                Thats a very disheartening thought, probably loads..
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