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Finding a Housewife in the west?

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  • Finding a Housewife in the west?

    Hi guys,

    I'm not trying to start any gender wars. This is a genuine concern of mine.

    I want to get married and have a home orientated wife and so from the looks of things women in the UK don't like that sort of a role. I plan on moving out (renting a place) and then
    in sha Allah once my brothers move out I want to live with my parents.

    Im just really not comfortable with my wife working around men etc. Im not comfortable with women who like to argue and try to assert themselves too much etc.

    Im a nice guy and dont really want conflict etc. Also my perception of western women is quite negative and I think it is unfair and im sure a lot of them good. Also give me some hope so my perception changes.

    Can I find a wife with my requirements?

    Also ignore my username. I made the account 7/8 years ago and Im 24 now.

    Thanks


  • #2
    Yes these women exist. Just ask during the marriage process. Always be clear about what you want and expect so there are no surprises after for the new Mrs Tempa
    Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

    Comment


    • #3
      Not sure you will find too many women that want to stay at home doing very little and watching daytime TV.

      Comment


      • Indefinable
        Indefinable commented
        Editing a comment
        You mean ... staying at home browsing UF morelike.

    • #4
      Originally posted by tempa View Post
      Hi guys,

      I'm not trying to start any gender wars. This is a genuine concern of mine.

      I want to get married and have a home orientated wife and so from the looks of things women in the UK don't like that sort of a role. I plan on moving out (renting a place) and then
      in sha Allah once my brothers move out I want to live with my parents.

      Im just really not comfortable with my wife working around men etc. Im not comfortable with women who like to argue and try to assert themselves too much etc.

      Im a nice guy and dont really want conflict etc. Also my perception of western women is quite negative and I think it is unfair and im sure a lot of them good. Also give me some hope so my perception changes.

      Can I find a wife with my requirements?

      Also ignore my username. I made the account 7/8 years ago and Im 24 now.

      Thanks
      Your biggest problem is the fact that you want to live with parents. Nothing wrong with that but you'll have a hard time finding a western girl who both wants to be a house wife AND wants to live with her in laws.

      Comment


      • Indefinable
        Indefinable commented
        Editing a comment
        Hmm.......

    • #5
      Originally posted by tempa View Post
      Hi guys,

      I'm not trying to start any gender wars. This is a genuine concern of mine.

      I want to get married and have a home orientated wife and so from the looks of things women in the UK don't like that sort of a role. I plan on moving out (renting a place) and then
      in sha Allah once my brothers move out I want to live with my parents.

      Im just really not comfortable with my wife working around men etc. Im not comfortable with women who like to argue and try to assert themselves too much etc.

      Im a nice guy and dont really want conflict etc. Also my perception of western women is quite negative and I think it is unfair and im sure a lot of them good. Also give me some hope so my perception changes.

      Can I find a wife with my requirements?

      Also ignore my username. I made the account 7/8 years ago and Im 24 now.

      Thanks
      Thereís a lot going on in this post, and it seems your thoughts are tangled.

      Youíre going into this with the expectation that a wife who doesnít work outside wonít assert herself. Do you mind explaining how you believe these are related? Itís worth exploring to avoid disappointment, really.

      Beyond that, youíre attributing negative characteristics to Western women; however, you were apparently raised here, too, and your daughters will be. Do you think you and your daughters have/will magically escape the negativity you see in the West and become better than everyone else?

      If your thoughts donít change, this doesnít bode well for your girls to have a father who thinks negatively of women like them.

      I know youíre probably not thinking this in depth, but youíre asking for advice, so....
      Last edited by Sister_2009; 07-09-18, 08:53 PM. Reason: Paragraphs

      Comment


      • #6
        salaams to all

        if possible, pls get your own place- even if its small.
        women like to be the queen of their homes and if you expect your wife to happily live with your mum while youre gone to work, u are asking for trouble.

        u will get a good wife insha allah if u are also good- regular with 5 daily salaah, daily Quran recitation, keep your gaze lowered etc

        and Allah ta'ala knows best
        jazakallah
        Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
        very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

        Comment


        • #7
          Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

          Your biggest problem is the fact that you want to live with parents. Nothing wrong with that but you'll have a hard time finding a western girl who both wants to be a house wife AND wants to live with her in laws.
          No its easy theres plenty

          Comment


          • #8
            Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

            No its easy theres plenty
            Nope.

            Comment


            • #9
              Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

              Nope.
              Well in uk it is

              Comment


              • #10
                What stoic said. Many woman want to be housewives, but being at home with another woman is something else, you never have your own place or do your own thing, you always have to do it like how your mum in law likes it, not many woman are up for that
                يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                Comment


                • #11
                  Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post

                  Thereís a lot going on in this post, and it seems your thoughts are tangled.

                  Youíre going into this with the expectation that a wife who doesnít work outside wonít assert herself. Do you mind explaining how you believe these are related? Itís worth exploring to avoid disappointment, really.

                  Beyond that, youíre attributing negative characteristics to Western women; however, you were apparently raised here, too, and your daughters will be. Do you think you and your daughters have/will magically escape the negativity you see in the West and become better than everyone else?

                  If your thoughts donít change, this doesnít bode well for your girls to have a father who thinks negatively of women like them.

                  I know youíre probably not thinking this in depth, but youíre asking for advice, so....
                  Women who work are more independent and of course have more financial power and so would want to assert themselves more imo. I definitely need to change my thought process. It is far to cynical and negative about women.

                  I agree about the daughters stuff. I have thought about that before and I will look to change that. I was even considering counselling to improve my view of women and will probably look into that.

                  Comment


                  • #12
                    Originally posted by tempa View Post

                    Women who work are more independent and of course have more financial power and so would want to assert themselves more imo. I definitely need to change my thought process. It is far to cynical and negative about women.

                    I agree about the daughters stuff. I have thought about that before and I will look to change that. I was even considering counselling to improve my view of women and will probably look into that.
                    Not true, not if you're a South Asian woman. I know a SA girl who earns more than her husband, ended up living with her inlaws, wasn't treated well but put up and shut up. Such a common misconception that if she has financial power and a better career she's suddenly going to control her husband and/or be disobedient

                    It really depends on the type of woman she is and how she was raised.
                    Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                    Comment


                    • #13
                      Originally posted by shay5 View Post

                      Not true, not if you're a South Asian woman. I know a SA girl who earns more than her husband, ended up living with her inlaws, wasn't treated well but put up and shut up. Such a common misconception that if she has financial power and a better career she's suddenly going to control her husband and/or be disobedient

                      It really depends on the type of woman she is and how she was raised.
                      I understand that outliers will always be there but those outliers are getting less and less. You maybe from a different generation. The women I've seen have changed and become even more feminist than the ones before them.

                      Comment


                      • #14
                        Originally posted by tempa View Post

                        Women who work are more independent and of course have more financial power and so would want to assert themselves more imo. I definitely need to change my thought process. It is far to cynical and negative about women.

                        I agree about the daughters stuff. I have thought about that before and I will look to change that. I was even considering counselling to improve my view of women and will probably look into that.
                        The first step in change is acknowledging there is a problem.

                        What I am hearing in the above quote: Iím afraid. I feel that Iím not good enough. I need to have financial control. If my wife has independence, she will leave me. I am good only for a paycheck.

                        This simply is not true. I understand where youíre coming from, and itís fear based. You grew up in a household similar to mine, where fear made a lot of decisions.

                        You have many great qualities, and that is what you should work on developing. A manís paycheck is the easiest thing to replace. What is not easy to replace is a partner who loves you, who listens, who helps you, who supports your goals, who is good to your children.

                        I think you are on the right track to get therapy. If youíre working, you might have EAP through your job that will help pay for it, or pay out of pocket if you have to. Itís an investment in yourself, and youíre worth investing in.



                        Comment


                        • #15
                          Originally posted by shay5 View Post

                          Not true, not if you're a South Asian woman. I know a SA girl who earns more than her husband, ended up living with her inlaws, wasn't treated well but put up and shut up. Such a common misconception that if she has financial power and a better career she's suddenly going to control her husband and/or be disobedient

                          It really depends on the type of woman she is and how she was raised.
                          That is very true. In that sort of situation the money won't play a part as she will squirrel it away and won't be touching it.

                          Mind you, the getting out of the house to work will allow her to live parallel lives and give her freedom.

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