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Bangladeshi Culture and Marriage

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  • Bangladeshi Culture and Marriage

    Can someone please explain the way bengali culture effects marriage? Please be detailed.
    "Had Allah lifted the veil for his slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of duaa. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know; that verily Allah does not forget it."
    - Ibn al Qayyim (rahimahullah)

  • #2
    Um_Saf Hope you're still around
    "Had Allah lifted the veil for his slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of duaa. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know; that verily Allah does not forget it."
    - Ibn al Qayyim (rahimahullah)

    Comment


    • #3
      (Sr Ya'sin )
      ​​​​​​
      LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
      -------------------------------
      "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
      NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Fakhri View Post
        (Sr Ya'sin )
        ​​​​​​
        Explain bro

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        • Fakhri
          Fakhri commented
          Editing a comment
          #10
          -----


          Sr @.khairiyyah,

          For more views...

          Sr @kia
          Sr @~twinkling Star~ (?)

          Not too many married brothers here who are Bengali, unless we count br Saif-Uddin, but I don't recall him posting on this kind of thing before.

      • #5
        I'm bengali and nothing really springs to mind. I mean it's the usual asian culture couples still living with family and not getting their own place, the wife staying home doing all the cooking and cleaning. It all depends how traditional the family is

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        • #6
          You mean effect it negatively..how so?
          رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

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          • #7
            (my views are negative, can be biased, they are my honest opinions and they're not meant to offend or describe all Bengalis because there are a few Bengalis that aren't cultural. I know some Bengalis will disagree but that's fine like I said, my opinions).

            If you're the daughter in law you'll be expected to be an all rounder.

            Be the carer for others
            ​​​​
            Be sociable with guests by serving them and your in laws.

            Be on standby.

            You are a machine, the women from the older generation were conditioned like this and taught to be passive, their feelings were disregarded. Hence, when you need someone to talk about these things the older generation don't show much empathy, if anything they want you to be this robot that gets on with the unfair treatment, sole reason being because you're a woman.

            there is always a lot of gossip, you will always be scrutinised, your whereabouts will always be questioned as though you are accountable to these people


            You'll be expected to contribute financially, although they are firm with their cultural beliefs they have also adopted the western idea of both couples providing.

            Cultural in laws think they have authority over the daughter in law- this is the key point and the cause of many problems.

            Some beliefs towards women are similar to Hinduism. Bowing down to elders, which I thought didn't exist anymore but people still do this.

            Best to live in your own place to keep the peace and respect between each other. It's crucial for the Bengali husband to differentiate between his wife's rights And his families. He has to understand that he is taking on the responsibility to take care of you.

            Not the other way round (it's illogical) where you are forced to be the carer for the whole family. You might aswell remain single and look after your own parents who have nobody.



            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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            • #8
              It effects the marriage because you're marrying his culture and family. Not him, he doesn't even need companionship.

              There's no affection, love or respect. How can your relationship grow when there's not much emphasis on halal romance and connection between husband and wife.

              It's like you're being used.
              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

              Comment


              • #9
                Can't edit my post but wanted to add that there is no privacy

                It's as though your business is everyone else's business and people think it gives then the right to poke their nose in. They like telling you what you should be doing as the daughter in law.

                Be warned, there are men out there that will only marry you for these reasons. They want their wife to take on all these responsibilities in return for nothing.
                It's not worth it and islamically you are not obliged to, neither are you accountable to the in laws.
                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                Comment


                • #10
                  Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                  Explain bro
                  Tis my specialty

                  I am well known for my bish bash Bob of the bengali culture
                  'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                  So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                  Comment


                  • #11
                    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post

                    Tis my specialty

                    I am well known for my bish bash Bob of the bengali culture
                    I hope no one gets offended by this, but is it common for husbands to over-involve their parents in their affairs and act like they have the right to know almost everything that goes on in the relationship? And is it likely for someone who was born and raised in Bangladesh to have most of the described traits?
                    "Had Allah lifted the veil for his slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of duaa. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know; that verily Allah does not forget it."
                    - Ibn al Qayyim (rahimahullah)

                    Comment


                    • #12
                      Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                      Can't edit my post but wanted to add that there is no privacy

                      It's as though your business is everyone else's business and people think it gives then the right to poke their nose in. They like telling you what you should be doing as the daughter in law.

                      Be warned, there are men out there that will only marry you for these reasons. They want their wife to take on all these responsibilities in return for nothing.
                      It's not worth it and islamically you are not obliged to, neither are you accountable to the in laws.
                      I dont think this is the case with religious brothers

                      i dont mean the one that just prays salah and reads quran but one that really tries to commit to islam

                      Comment


                      • Kya
                        Kya commented
                        Editing a comment
                        Its very hard even for religious brothers to give wife and mother their right without harming one. It is something guys are never taught or discussed or seen. I do feel bad for guys because you can't learn something you haven't been taught. Single brothers are never exposed to this conflict until after marriage. Marriage brother never talk about this with single brothers, instead they say "mashallah, everything is great, get married ASAP". Parents never discuss their issues with their son. Unless the guy is super empathic, he is never going to know or be prepared to handle this. Most guys frankly are not capable of managing household/household drama & to be frank, I think religious guys are worst at this because they grow up sheltered.

                        If a men moves out with his spouse to fulfill her right, then does he have enough money to run his parents household too. Most guys don't make enough to cover 2 house hold & most parents don't save enough to manage their house after retirement. Even if the parents did have money & that is not an issue, who cleans the house/cooks/maintenance duty. Yes the parents can do some of that but they need help especially as they age. Well now the men has his own house that needs maintenance/cutting grass/& yes his wife needs help around the house too. Does he have energy after work to go over to his parents house to fix things around house/do a quick vacuum and then come home & finish rest of the stuff his wife needs? especially when most boys grow up not knowing how to wash their own dish in first place forget going over to mom and cleaning her place. If he is rich or in 3rd world country, you can hire maids and gardener & driver and solve lot of the problem. But most guys are not rich & most religious guys are not rich at all. There is so much you can do especially when you have been raised to not lift a finger at home. So the best solution guys have watched for eons is combine the household & save himself. The path of least effort for the men.

                    • #13
                      Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                      I dont think this is the case with religious brothers

                      i dont mean the one that just prays salah and reads quran but one that really tries to commit to islam
                      Yes but how on earth do you judge that?
                      How do you judge that someone is a religious brother ...if Quran and salah are not the way to make such a judgement then what do these terms even mean?

                      Comment


                      • #14
                        Originally posted by .khayriyyah. View Post
                        Can someone please explain the way bengali culture effects marriage? Please be detailed.
                        Bengali culture, like Pakistani culture, a lot of it is unfortunately derived from the Shirkistanis, probably because originally they were part of India and Mushrikun, hundreds of years back.

                        A lot, not all, do not observe the Hijaab during weddings, the 2 main issues are free mixing.

                        Shameless men go and sit on womens side and shameless woman do the same. You also have Music played at weddings,

                        The day which the bride and groom supposed to be blessed, instead they and the people acquire La'na,

                        نعوذ بالله من ذلك

                        In the past I have been to some of those weddings, and when I asked for the music to be turned off, some of them clamimed stuff like the bride wants it or the groom side wants it. Not one elder even had the decency to Forbid this public Munkar.

                        In one particular wedding they even had a violinist playing, a shameless woman and nobody said anything to Forbid this Munkar.

                        parading the bride and groom in front of the opposite gender, also a common occurrence, then you have the Fitnah of wedding photography,

                        There are other Evils like wearing mala, flower necklaces, adopted from the Mushrikun, and touching feet to say Salaam, which is also a practice of the Hindus/Mushrikun, but these are less practiced.

                        All the above and worse applies to many Pakistani weddings, they even dance in front of the audience, bride and/or groom, relatives.

                        نعوذ بالله من ذلك

                        Thankfully not all weddings are gathering of Fitna/Fassad/Munkar.

                        There are those that stick to the guidelines of the Qur'an and Sunnah, and do not allow free mixing, have strict segregation and no music, etc.

                        But nowadays very few Muslim weddings stick to the guidelines of Islam, regardless of nationality.

                        We have an abundance of coconut muslims, and a serious deffeciency in Enjoining the Good AND Forbidding the Evil.

                        جزاك الله خيرا
                        Last edited by Saif-Uddin; 05-09-18, 05:41 PM.
                        http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                        "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                        – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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                        • #15
                          Originally posted by MyUsernameIs2... View Post

                          Yes but how on earth do you judge that?
                          How do you judge that someone is a religious brother ...if Quran and salah are not the way to make such a judgement then what do these terms even mean?
                          ​​​The person has to do the above and implement it in their lives.

                          There are many who perform the Salaah and read the Qur'an, but it doesn't go down their throats.

                          جزاك الله خيرا
                          http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                          "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                          – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                          Comment

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