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Another rejection :(

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  • #46
    Only Allah knows what is best for you. So you need to take that into perspective.

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    • #47
      Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

      Welcome to Ummah Forum.
      Lol

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      • #48
        Originally posted by mynameis123 View Post
        Is it just me or do sisters have an upper hand when it comes to marriage?
        No it's not just you, many have similar problems

        Haven't you heard about me? Lmso
        in the end I got married *coughs (late twenties, finally someone realised I was one of a kind).







        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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        • #49
          Keep trying for the reward of Allah.
          I am just a simple nomad.

          Ephemeral reader

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          • #50
            Originally posted by mynameis123 View Post
            Finally thought had it in the bag this time only to be rejected.

            Feel like giving up and upset :(

            Need some motivation to get through
            There is a famous quote "Failure isn't fatal, but failure to change might be".

            With that in mind:

            1. Why were you rejected?
            2. If the reason for #1 can be changed/improved/fixed, then do that
            3. If #2 can't be changed/improved/fixed, why not?
            4. Once #1, #2, #3 have been done, true again, as the only time you truly fail is when you give up.

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            • #51
              Originally posted by Muslimah1436 View Post

              Yeah. The second they learn about my past ordeal, my contracts are terminated. It doesn't matter how good of an employee I happen to be. They fear I'd bring their reputation down, that's why.
              Maybe read your signature Barak Allah fiq
              It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
              "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.Ē ibn Taymiyyah.

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              • #52
                Originally posted by Sumayya1 View Post
                Is it just me, or is everyone suddenly going off topic...
                Lolz
                It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
                "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.Ē ibn Taymiyyah.

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                • #53
                  Just thought I'd update everyone got rejected again today


                  I understand it's the qadr of Allah but I don't get given a reason, alhumdulilah I don't think im a bad looking guy either .. how can I get feedback ?

                  its very emabressing asking someone for feedback.

                  I don't have a degree but alhumdulilah I do have a very good job ( which is the only thing i can think of) but I do make sure the party knows this from the get go but after meeting the party just goes quiet no rejection no nothing.

                  I know everyone's is gonna say qadr of Allah and yes I respect that but I want to know why I'm being rejected.. I get all sorts of thing on my head.

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                  • Fakhri
                    Fakhri commented
                    Editing a comment
                    :| I guess it happens a lot to both brothers and sisters... I don't know what culture you are from, but in my own... Complexion, short stature, lack of hair, even something like wearing glasses... I'd imagine even having a strong desi accent would play a part.
                    Social background of your parents / grandparents back home is another very big one.

                    You could get someone else to ask on your behalf afterwards, they might be more open in their answer to them than to you(?).

                • #54
                  You could try asking people who know the girl/her parents why the refusal.

                  Don't feel embarrassed about asking for feedback. If you know the reason for refusal it will definately help you next time round.

                  If it is after the first meeting that everything goes quiet then there could be lots of reasons why that happens. Even though you say you are good looking the next person might not think the same. It could also be the way you came across when they saw you in person. It might not even be you might be because of who else was with you at the meeting like parents.

                  It might not even be a proper reason. Some people are just fussy so it might not even have anything to do with you. Do not take the refusals personally. Just thank Allah keep doing dua and move on.

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                  • #55
                    Originally posted by mynameis123 View Post
                    Just thought I'd update everyone got rejected again today


                    I understand it's the qadr of Allah but I don't get given a reason, alhumdulilah I don't think im a bad looking guy either .. how can I get feedback ?

                    its very emabressing asking someone for feedback.

                    I don't have a degree but alhumdulilah I do have a very good job ( which is the only thing i can think of) but I do make sure the party knows this from the get go but after meeting the party just goes quiet no rejection no nothing.

                    I know everyone's is gonna say qadr of Allah and yes I respect that but I want to know why I'm being rejected.. I get all sorts of thing on my head.
                    Can I ask how you came to meet these women? Are they friends of friends, relative arranged, or how did the meeting come about?

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                    • #56
                      Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post

                      Can I ask how you came to meet these women? Are they friends of friends, relative arranged, or how did the meeting come about?

                      It's a mixture really, I'm registered to marriage sites and some family friend recommendations (rarely). My parents arnt very social and we don't have family here so I have no choice but to look online.

                      Like any family member that finds out I'm struggling to find soemone, it always surprises them.

                      Comment


                      • #57
                        Originally posted by Mintchocchip View Post
                        You could try asking people who know the girl/her parents why the refusal.

                        Don't feel embarrassed about asking for feedback. If you know the reason for refusal it will definately help you next time round.

                        If it is after the first meeting that everything goes quiet then there could be lots of reasons why that happens. Even though you say you are good looking the next person might not think the same. It could also be the way you came across when they saw you in person. It might not even be you might be because of who else was with you at the meeting like parents.

                        It might not even be a proper reason. Some people are just fussy so it might not even have anything to do with you. Do not take the refusals personally. Just thank Allah keep doing dua and move on.
                        I didn't say I'm good looking I meant I don't think im ugly lol

                        Yh I know but feed back is important so I can atleast work on it ? If a reason is giving it's very vague, like the kids didn't "click" or we like someone else more.

                        I don't even know what they mean by click astagfirullah I shouldn't say this but these girls are okay looking not even that attractive.

                        Comment


                        • Mintchocchip
                          Mintchocchip commented
                          Editing a comment
                          You said you weren't bad looking so I thought you meant opposite good looking but were just being modest.

                          I agree feedback is important like I said in my earlier reply it should help you next time round.

                          If they say they like someone else more than obviously they are comparing you to someone else. In that case it probably is better it did not work out with them. They probably talking to several potentials and shopping for the "best/perfect" one which we know does not really exist.

                          Don't worry you just did not tick all their boxes. About the 'click' thing erm well that can mean a few different things. Are the girls talkative like not shy? Maybe they expect you to be like them?

                          Anyway khair inshaAllah patience has its virtue.

                      • #58
                        Originally posted by mynameis123 View Post


                        It's a mixture really, I'm registered to marriage sites and some family friend recommendations (rarely). My parents arnt very social and we don't have family here so I have no choice but to look online.

                        Like any family member that finds out I'm struggling to find soemone, it always surprises them.
                        Okay, I thought this might be the case; thatís why I asked.

                        What is happening sounds more along the lines of ghosting than outright rejection.

                        Asking for feedback back is fine, but the chances of getting the truth are slim. Itís generally that Ďitís not you, itís me,í or istikhara didnít pan out.

                        Truth is, coming from a female, more often than not, they are talking to a lot of men. For whatever reason, they decided they could do better, and itís easier to disappear than come up with an answer.

                        Not having a degree might hurt your chances, but if you donít want one, then donít get fixated on that.

                        I hate to say this, but maybe youíre too nice, as well. Who knows?

                        Be yourself, offer the best that you can, and try to find more matches through people you know.

                        Comment


                        • #59
                          Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post

                          Truth is, coming from a female, more often than not, they are talking to a lot of men. For whatever reason, they decided they could do better, and itís easier to disappear than come up with an answer.
                          Yep, that's been my experience when using these online sites. It's why I gave up on them for the most part.

                          I advise OP to not depend too much on online.

                          Comment


                          • #60
                            Originally posted by mynameis123 View Post


                            It's a mixture really, I'm registered to marriage sites and some family friend recommendations (rarely). My parents arnt very social and we don't have family here so I have no choice but to look online.

                            Like any family member that finds out I'm struggling to find soemone, it always surprises them.
                            What's your age/ethnicity and what kind of sister are you seeking?

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