Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

I made the worst decision and now I regret it

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • I made the worst decision and now I regret it

    Salamalaikum to everyone. Iíll just get straight to the point itís a bit long so Iíll try and keep it short. I am 21 years old and converted to Islam a few years ago. Everything was amazing, I felt free and liberated. Everyone congratulated me and welcomed me into Islam but no one actually stuck around to help. I tried to learn on my own but it was more difficult than I had anticipated. I then started to fall back into old habits (things I was familiar with before Islam) I felt guilty but I couldnít stop my self.




    A few years down the line I rekindled a relationship from my past with a Muslim man. We love each other deeply and wanted to repent and start life on a clean slate as husband and wife. Everything was going well except the occasional fighting and arguments here and there. But at the end of the day he was encouraging me to learn how to pray and be a better Muslim so we can complete our deen and live happily as husband and wife. I fasted during Ramadan and tried my best with my prayers. But I could see he was getting frustrated with the fact that I wasnít really finding it easy to learn. I was teaching my self but I understood where he came from and I could see he too was trying. When it came time for the nikkah we were both happy, but it was unfortunately postponed due to family issues arising.




    A few months later we had a huge fight and werenít really speaking to each other. I had told him that we needed to sort the reasons we were always fighting and suggested things like getting elders involved so there is a less bias conclusion and we can openly talk. He didnít agree with this. A few weeks passed by and he gave me the news that the nikkah has been arranged and all that was left was for me to attend! I wasnít happy because we still had not sorted out our differences. But he was adamant that none of that would matter after the nikkah. But for me personally I said I donít want to enter a marriage with unresolved issues still lingering. Which then made him give me an ultimatum of if you donít marry me then we will never get married. This broke my heart because I felt conflicted. In the midst of anger I chose the latter which resulted in further destruction.




    A couple of months went by and he advised me that he had moved on, which i accepted but in the moment of hurt and anger I committed zina with someone and as the result of this zina I am now bearing a child. I cry everyday and feel guilty everyday. I didnít want this child but I couldnít bare the thought of abortion. I did the deed and itís not any fault of this innocent life that Allah swt has created. I had nightmares about what would happen. I decided that my fate has been chosen and deal with it. I am almost due. And a few weeks ago my old partner had called and we talked and he asked if the rumours were true and I admitted it was. This seemed to break his heart but it broke mine more. Because I was telling the man that I deeply love and believe to be my soulmate that I was bearing a child even though we had repented and wanted to build a family together. He said he would be there as a friend but he ignored my calls now and I canít blame him.




    My apologies this is really long but I have no where to turn to. I have no family or friends I only had him and I donít anymore. I am alone and I just want to pray and I feel sad because I canít even do that. I want to raise my child islamically but I want to marry the man that I was supposed to.




    I need advice what can I do ?
    Jazakallah in advance

    Last edited by Sarah; 10-07-18, 04:21 AM.

  • #2
    What advice do you reallu want now sister?

    these are the consequences of your actions, forget that man all you ever did with him was sin.. life isnt about "the love of your life" life is about working toward jannah, focus on islam and definately now you aree with child, you owe it to the kid to be a good muslim mother, not a childish one chasing a man and being sinfull. Now if you dont do it for yourself do it for the kid. Be a good slave of Allah, and example foe your child.

    if you need more help financially or something, contact solace
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

    Comment


    • #3
      (Br Gingerbeardman Sr Indefinable Sr Ya'sin Sr neelu and anyone else...)

      Just a reminder myself and for anyone replying to please not be too harsh, inshaa'Allah... It seems OP sister doesn't have too much support at all from anyone right now so please let's all keep that in mind...

      Arraahimoona yarhumuhumur Rahmaan irhamoo man fil-ardh yarhamkum man fis-samaai

      Last edited by Fakhri; 10-07-18, 07:47 AM.
      LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
      -------------------------------
      "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
      NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

      Comment


      • #4
        Walaikum salaams sis,

        Firstly, please don't despair. Remember that you are not alone, and as long as you are Muslim, you have Allah (swt).

        Secondly, know that so far it was not written for you to marry him. InshaAllah Allah might have someone better in store for you to marry. Trust his plan. Know that that man was simply not meant for you.

        Thirdly, please forgive yourself for your mistakes. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. Allah (Swt) is most merciful and he will forgive you if you have sincerely repented inshaAllah.

        Also don't think that man hasn't married you because of your mistake. If Allah willed, he would have married you anyway. But it was not written for you.

        Congratulations on your baby. May Allah (swt) grant you a healthy baby. Ameen

        If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Sarah View Post
          Salamalaikum to everyone. Iíll just get straight to the point itís a bit long so Iíll try and keep it short. I am 21 years old and converted to Islam a few years ago. Everything was amazing, I felt free and liberated. Everyone congratulated me and welcomed me into Islam but no one actually stuck around to help. I tried to learn on my own but it was more difficult than I had anticipated. I then started to fall back into old habits (things I was familiar with before Islam) I felt guilty but I couldnít stop my self.
          That is the unfortunate truth. I've seen this happen so many times. Muslims are happy to get you into islam, but then they disappear. Them staying after getting you into islam, is a lot more important as far as I am concerned.

          Originally posted by Sarah View Post
          A few years down the line I rekindled a relationship from my past with a Muslim man. We love each other deeply and wanted to repent and start life on a clean slate as husband and wife. Everything was going well except the occasional fighting and arguments here and there. But at the end of the day he was encouraging me to learn how to pray and be a better Muslim so we can complete our deen and live happily as husband and wife. I fasted during Ramadan and tried my best with my prayers. But I could see he was getting frustrated with the fact that I wasnít really finding it easy to learn. I was teaching my self but I understood where he came from and I could see he too was trying. When it came time for the nikkah we were both happy, but it was unfortunately postponed due to family issues arising.
          The way I see it is (assuming he is a born muslim man). It is worse that a born muslim man commits such sins compared to a convert muslim who commited such sins before converting. So don't be so hard on yourself, you're nowhere near as bad as him (I'm not saying what you did is good, I'm saying, what he did is far far worse). On top of that, he doesn't sound like a decent person, he sounds like a person with no patience.

          Originally posted by Sarah View Post
          A few months later we had a huge fight and werenít really speaking to each other. I had told him that we needed to sort the reasons we were always fighting and suggested things like getting elders involved so there is a less bias conclusion and we can openly talk. He didnít agree with this. A few weeks passed by and he gave me the news that the nikkah has been arranged and all that was left was for me to attend! I wasnít happy because we still had not sorted out our differences. But he was adamant that none of that would matter after the nikkah. But for me personally I said I donít want to enter a marriage with unresolved issues still lingering. Which then made him give me an ultimatum of if you donít marry me then we will never get married. This broke my heart because I felt conflicted. In the midst of anger I chose the latter which resulted in further destruction.
          That is called blackmail. Such a "muslim" man is a disgrace. Even if you got married to him, you would have lived a life of misery with a person who blackmailed you even before marriage. To be honest, I think you're lucky in a way that you didn't get married to him.

          Originally posted by Sarah View Post
          A couple of months went by and he advised me that he had moved on, which i accepted but in the moment of hurt and anger I committed zina with someone and as the result of this zina I am now bearing a child. I cry everyday and feel guilty everyday. I didnít want this child but I couldnít bare the thought of abortion. I did the deed and itís not any fault of this innocent life that Allah swt has created. I had nightmares about what would happen. I decided that my fate has been chosen and deal with it. I am almost due. And a few weeks ago my old partner had called and we talked and he asked if the rumours were true and I admitted it was. This seemed to break his heart but it broke mine more. Because I was telling the man that I deeply love and believe to be my soulmate that I was bearing a child even though we had repented and wanted to build a family together. He said he would be there as a friend but he ignored my calls now and I canít blame him.
          Zina was an unfortunate move by yourself. For that, all you can do is ask for forgiveness. You're right, the innocent life which got created has no fault in this. I understand that you love this man, but think about it. He had no patience with you when learning about islam, thats a big red flag. He tried to blackmail you into marriage thats like an unbelievably big red flag. Please try to understand that you are in love with a horrible horrible excuse of a man!

          Originally posted by Sarah View Post
          My apologies this is really long but I have no where to turn to. I have no family or friends I only had him and I donít anymore. I am alone and I just want to pray and I feel sad because I canít even do that. I want to raise my child islamically but I want to marry the man that I was supposed to.
          Please try to forget about that sickening man, you're better than that, don't settle for him. Pray to Allah, be a good mother to your child, do fun activities with your child as s/he grows, be happy with your baby, play with your baby, make him/her laugh, enjoy your time with your baby, build a happy life with your child, if possible, go to islamic events, get to know other sisters and create a social circle, you never know, you might get introduce to a half decent man, a man who will have patience, a man who will understand that you're new to islam and learning about islam from a non muslim background is not easy, a man who will not blackmail you, or try to control you using blackmail, a man who respects your views and opinions (for example, your want to resolve issues before marriage), a man who will not commit zina before marriage.

          I hope everything works out for you, and I am really sorry you have had to experience all this, but at the same time, it seems allah has saved you from getting married to a sick twisted sorry excuse of a "muslim" man. For that reason, you could be grateful to Allah for saving you from that man.

          Be grateful to Allah for saving you from a sick man who tried to blackmail you, had little patience with you, and a man who knew about the sins he was committing, yet he still committed them.

          Ask Allah to help you become an amazing mother for your child and to give both of you happiness.

          Ask Allah to help you find a man who will have patience with your learning process, a man who will never consider blackmailing you to get what he wants, a man who will respect your thought (not a man who thinks there is no need to resolve issues) and a man who is not a hypocrite like your previous partner.
          Last edited by oshirowanen; 10-07-18, 09:02 AM.

          Comment


          • #6
            From now on after repentance and staying away from ever doing such a thing again, just focus on improving your deen, being a good mother and finding a truly good muslim husband. Dont get depressed over past deeds that u have repented from and are not committing again

            Comment


            • #7
              You've been through a lot, emotionally and physically at such a young age.

              From what you have written, it seems that the man you want to marry, isn't that much of a great guy - so eventhough you may not want to hear this right now - you are better off without him. And you don't need him in your life to make you a better Muslim.

              A lot of the time, some youngsters make these excuses, not just you, born Muslims too. They think it's okay to freemix under the guise of, "but he/she is good for my emaan". When really Shaytaan is always the third, lines become blurred and haraam takes place.

              So, in future, if/when you want to learn more about Islaam, then approach a sister In Sha Allaah.

              As for your pregnancy, then even though it is a result of zina, the best you can do is bring your child up and focus on your health and your baby's. Your body is going through a lot of changes and you'll feel a lot of emotions. Just make sure you don't go back to sinning again.

              I suggest you use this time you have and draw closer to your Creator. Think of the reasons why you became Muslim. What was the reason you embraced Islaam. Make sincere repentance. Sincerity in repentance means trying not to fall back to your previous sins again. Make the intention, and block any communication with any men in your life that you may consider a friend or an ex.

              If you want you can post in the New Muslims section here, and we can help you with anything relating to Islaam you're struggling with In Sha Allaah.





              Comment


              • #8
                You have to find other ways of dealing with hardshio especially loneliness


                when this kid comes insha Allah there are gonna be times in life that are real hard and you may feel depressed or sad or lonely but dont depend on others

                turn to Allah instead
                read quran or pray or learn about islam

                and go to the moque and make friends with practising sisters

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
                  Walaikum salaams sis,

                  Firstly, please don't despair. Remember that you are not alone, and as long as you are Muslim, you have Allah (swt).

                  Secondly, know that so far it was not written for you to marry him. InshaAllah Allah might have someone better in store for you to marry. Trust his plan. Know that that man was simply not meant for you.

                  Thirdly, please forgive yourself for your mistakes. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. Allah (Swt) is most merciful and he will forgive you if you have sincerely repented inshaAllah.

                  Also don't think that man hasn't married you because of your mistake. If Allah willed, he would have married you anyway. But it was not written for you.

                  Congratulations on your baby. May Allah (swt) grant you a healthy baby. Ameen

                  If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me.
                  Congratulating someone on a zina baby. Nice.

                  Comment


                  • Fakhri
                    Fakhri commented
                    Editing a comment
                    To be fair, she did make few positive points and offered herself as someone to talk to, so...

                • #10

                  Comment


                  • #11
                    This seemed to break his heart but it broke mine more. Because I was telling the man that I deeply love and believe to be my soulmate that I was bearing a child even though we had repented and wanted to build a family together. He said he would be there as a friend but he ignored my calls now and I canít blame him.
                    Why did your ex care about you being pregnant? You haven't spoken to him in 9 months but suddenly he heard the news and picked up the phone? If he didn't contact you in 9 months then he clearly didnt want to reconcile so stop being concerned about his feelings.

                    'm wary of this story....I'll see myself out...
                    Last edited by shay5; 10-07-18, 04:51 PM.
                    Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                    Comment


                    • #12
                      At this point u just need to focus on urself and of course, make sincere tawbah from what you did.

                      In shaa Allah there is someone out there for you, it just isn't this guy.
                      Allah is always watching [VIDEO]

                      How To Weep For The Fear Of Allah

                      Please remember to share these links with people you know so they can also benefit from them. :jkk:

                      Comment


                      • #13
                        Walaykum salam and welcome to the fold of Islam. Sadly it is very commonplace for people to not stick around converts as they can't be bothered to invest time in helping people learn the deen so a lot of people find they have to find out stuff on their own. Allah (swt) tells us in the Quran (what translates as): Do you think you can simply say "I believe" and wont be tested?
                        So in other words, Allah (swt) already warns us about it that entering Islam involves challenges and hardships. Loneliness is one of those challenges, temptation towards desires is another one of those hardships. All you can do as someone who committed the sin of zina is to repent and seek Allah's (swt) forgiveness. Allah (swt) is the Oft forgiving and most merciful and leaves the door of repentance open so don't ever think it's too late or it isn't possible. You don't need to seek forgiveness from your ex fiancť, you don't owe him an explanation, he is nothing to you.

                        As others have said, what you've described about your ex fiancť should be raising a lot of alarm bells. There were already a number of arguments between you that became so serious that you ended up breaking the engagement and refusing to attend the nikah when he finally set a date. He wanted to marry you on the sole condition that you go to no effort to resolve any of the issues that had been causing rifts between you in the first place then cut off from you when you refused to go along with that and yet you still want him back? When you lose what you wanted to have most in this world, take it as a signal from Allah (swt) that what you wanted was never meant for you and take it as a sign to turn to Allah (swt) as your source of support. I can't remember who said it, but a wise man said that when you invest your faith and hope in Allah (swt) you will end up earning far greater dividends from that than you can imagine but if you invest your faith and hope in a person, then eventually you'll lose yourself in that person and that person will end up letting you down and leaving you with nothing. So whilst you may have felt you were alone and lost your one source of support and companionship, actually you were abandoned by a wasteman and now you miss him cos' you loved him and thought things would turn out differently.

                        You know deep down that you didn't want him as he is- you wanted him but with the issues between you to be discussed and resolved, so you wanted a better version of him and he proved to you that he definitely wasn't willing to give you that, so instead of pining for the fantasy of what you hoped you'd get from him, take a more objective look at what kind of companion he really would've been for you and remind yourself as to why you refused to turn up for the nikah in the first place and inshaAllah it'll become apparent that you would not be better off with that guy. Also Allah (swt) has given you an opportunity to repent, to redeem yourself and to earn thawab (good deeds) with the opportunity to become a good mother and role model for your child.
                        The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

                        Comment


                        • #14
                          Salam Sarah
                          The next part of your test is how you raise this child. Like others have mentioned ensure that you become the best mother and teach the child the right way of life. Self actualisation on your part is essential. Become a better Muslim for your own good.


                          Regret is a gateway to self improvement. As for now focus on your self and the child.
                          I don't know how difficult it is but I would recommend finding a supportive network of friends to help you.


                          I think we should all look after each other.Those vulnerable people within our community must be given help.
                          Ya Allah,
                          Make me a stronger person today. Make me a better person out of all these. It is no longer bearable for me for my heart is aching and You are the only One who knows how I feel. Nothing is making sense to myself and for anyone else for that matter especially to the one person I wish to understand me better than anybody else.
                          "Don't use the sharpness of your tongue on the mother who taught you how to speak

                          Comment


                          • #15
                            Also the father of the child regardless if he is muslim or not
                            has no rights to the child
                            he cannot take their inheritance
                            If its a girl she cant be alone with him and has to have hijab infront of him
                            And the child has to take your name
                            and the father cant take the child

                            this is due to the child being from zina
                            refer to islamqa for more info

                            also i suggest you fix your mindstate and imaan before thinking about marriage again

                            and male and female cant be friends in islam
                            Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 11-07-18, 05:49 PM.

                            Comment

                            Working...
                            X