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Should I marry this person due to my extenuating personal circumstance or not

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  • #61
    Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post

    Something has happened and just waiting on the outcome and something already has taken place so that has taken a step back. Well sis in law is gonna be busy with her new baby on the way so doubt she will get involved. My sister is gonna be busy with Uni so doubt she will have time to talk.

    Just gonna have to wait and see really.
    You always have an excuse for everything. Your sister stuck in uni 24/7 that she can't make a few 15 min phone calls to get to know the girl?????? Stop taking a backseat in your own life. Otherwise your parents will continue to control you and your future wife. Make sure you ask your parents questions and find out what's going on every step of the way...
    Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

    Comment


    • #62
      Originally posted by shay5 View Post

      You always have an excuse for everything. Your sister stuck in uni 24/7 that she can't make a few 15 min phone calls to get to know the girl?????? Stop taking a backseat in your own life. Otherwise your parents will continue to control you and your future wife. Make sure you ask your parents questions and find out what's going on every step of the way...
      They not excuses to people it maybe but I am a thinker, always thinking about things. Parents already controlling me so no change there.

      Comment


      • #63
        Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post

        They not excuses to people it maybe but I am a thinker, always thinking about things. Parents already controlling me so no change there.
        Well train your brain to think a different way. Unless you have a horrible relationship with your sister there should be no reason as to why she wouldnt want to help in your marriage pro9cess. If worse comes to worse, get the girls whatsapp and add her wali in the group and get to know her like that
        Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

        Comment


        • #64
          Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post

          They not excuses to people it maybe but I am a thinker, always thinking about things. Parents already controlling me so no change there.
          Give the girl's Wali your username and tell him you can be found on UF. I think you might find your problems sort themselves out very quickly.

          Comment


          • #65
            Brother today your parents are controlling you then it may be your wife who controls you then your children.

            In one of your posts you said maybe you should find someone through the marriage websites who knows. So how would you get to know the person on the website?

            No one can force you to get married. If you don't already then pray in the masjid and talk to brothers. Make friends with them. Get advice and listen to their opinions. End of the day you need to decide for yourself so ask Allah (swt) to help you.

            Comment


            • #66
              sorry to say this but you need to man up
              “You know it's funny, when it rains it pours,
              they got money for wars, but can't feed the poor.” - 2pac

              Comment


              • #67
                Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post

                They not excuses to people it maybe but I am a thinker, always thinking about things. Parents already controlling me so no change there.
                Ignore the harsh comments and the name calling. Some need a refresher course on Prophet Muhammads manners and demeanor. I don't know whether or not you should marry this girl, but I do know that you should get to know her before you make a decision. Make sure you have a Mahram present at all times, and make sure you pay attention to how religious she is. That should be your number one priority in a wife. Don't rush into anything and don't let your parents pressure you. You don't need a bunch of internet strangers opinions on this matter. Pray to Allah, and go talk to an Imam about it. They would be much more qualified to give you advice about this matter.

                Comment


                • #68
                  Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post

                  I always told myself that I don't see my self getting married and if parents want me married then I will go ahead with who ever it is.

                  I just skim read some of the thread but i have 1 Very Important Question:

                  CoffeeCat's question: DO YOU FEEL ANY ATTRACTION FOR THE GIRL ?

                  This is a important point to consider.

                  Regardless of your needs, parents, background, accommodation, occupation etc - all these details can be ironed out later but
                  first you must decide if you feel any attraction for the girl ?

                  I turned down 5 proposals in my life.

                  3 of them were fairly decent Islamic propsals but i just felt absolutely no attraction.

                  I could not imagine those 3 sisters (all married and happy now alhamdulilah) being my wives.

                  Choosing a Wife should not be left to parents alone.

                  You must SIGN the Nikah - you have to verbally attest to it - in front of people.

                  Its not a Joke.

                  Its not something you "buy" because you run out of options.

                  Its not something you do because your feeling a bit lonely on weekends.

                  Its not something you do just for "xmas" as the non-muslims would say - its for LIFE.

                  Its not something you do to just make the parents happy.

                  Its not something you do just to shut up your family and friends.

                  You dont get married because you need a Cook.

                  Its something you should take on when you have a degree of basic attraction towards the person.

                  It starts with physical attraction - and the shariah gives importance to it - because normally for us men we have to lower the gaze
                  but when considering a proposal you can look at the woman.

                  When i saw my (1st) wife for the first time i knew she would be perfect for me.

                  Figuring out "how" to marry her is what these brothers mean when they say you need to "man up".

                  But start with basic attraction.

                  If you honestly dont feel attraction for this girl then honestly you have to sum up the courage to tell your parents you need 1 year or 2 years more, because its not fair on the girl if your marrying her just for the sake of your parents or just for the sake of society.

                  She is human and deserves happiness too.

                  You are not buying a Ford Focus - you are marrying a Human Being with a Soul.

                  Your parents may be holding your hands now, one day they may not be around.

                  On top of all that....

                  This woman one day would be the mother to your children, your life long companion, the inheritor of your wealth and children if you die young, the keeper of your secrets, and your eternal companion in paradise if you make it to Jannah.

                  Choose wisely.
                  Last edited by coffeecat; 17-07-18, 10:59 PM.

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Originally posted by coffeecat View Post

                    , and your eternal companion in paradise if you make it to Jannah.[/B]

                    Choose wisely.
                    If she dont marry someone else

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Akhi u dont need savings for marriage
                      u dont need a big wedding
                      just get nikah done feed some people when u can
                      Allah is Al razaaq Allah will provide for you
                      as long as your working and putting effort in dont worry
                      dont let money stop you

                      Alot of the thoughts are from shaytaan he dont want you gettinf married

                      i advice u meet the sister and just chat to her then after that think about talk to fam and if u like her want to get to know her more make a group chat with wali and speak and have more meetings
                      no rush to get married
                      just get to know


                      the prophet said
                      This world is temporary joys, and the best temporary joy of this world is a righteous wife.” Narrated by Muslim, 1467; Ibn Maajah, 1855,

                      if shes on her deen the social and worshipping bith sides
                      then go ahead if not then say bye

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                        If she dont marry someone else
                        Yes, assuming everything goes to plan.

                        Otherwise we can say the other 4 things i mentioned in that pharagraph could go wrong as well.

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Originally posted by coffeecat View Post


                          I just skim read some of the thread but i have 1 Very Important Question:

                          CoffeeCat's question: DO YOU FEEL ANY ATTRACTION FOR THE GIRL ?

                          This is a important point to consider.

                          Regardless of your needs, parents, background, accommodation, occupation etc - all these details can be ironed out later but
                          first you must decide if you feel any attraction for the girl ?

                          I turned down 5 proposals in my life.

                          3 of them were fairly decent Islamic propsals but i just felt absolutely no attraction.

                          I could not imagine those 3 sisters (all married and happy now alhamdulilah) being my wives.

                          Choosing a Wife should not be left to parents alone.

                          You must SIGN the Nikah - you have to verbally attest to it - in front of people.

                          Its not a Joke.

                          Its not something you "buy" because you run out of options.

                          Its not something you do because your feeling a bit lonely on weekends.

                          Its not something you do just for "xmas" as the non-muslims would say - its for LIFE.

                          Its not something you do to just make the parents happy.

                          Its not something you do just to shut up your family and friends.

                          You dont get married because you need a Cook.

                          Its something you should take on when you have a degree of basic attraction towards the person.

                          It starts with physical attraction - and the shariah gives importance to it - because normally for us men we have to lower the gaze
                          but when considering a proposal you can look at the woman.

                          When i saw my (1st) wife for the first time i knew she would be perfect for me.

                          Figuring out "how" to marry her is what these brothers mean when they say you need to "man up".

                          But start with basic attraction.

                          If you honestly dont feel attraction for this girl then honestly you have to sum up the courage to tell your parents you need 1 year or 2 years more, because its not fair on the girl if your marrying her just for the sake of your parents or just for the sake of society.

                          She is human and deserves happiness too.

                          You are not buying a Ford Focus - you are marrying a Human Being with a Soul.

                          Your parents may be holding your hands now, one day they may not be around.

                          On top of all that....

                          This woman one day would be the mother to your children, your life long companion, the inheritor of your wealth and children if you die young, the keeper of your secrets, and your eternal companion in paradise if you make it to Jannah.

                          Choose wisely.
                          I do understand however I had mentioned that my parents had only brought up the convoy once. I don't know what she looks like. Parents said she came over few years with her family. I don't hang around with family that I don't know well.

                          So again don't know what she looks like.

                          Thinking about marriage stresses me out as I know it's not easy. Not getting any younger and ill probably the oldest male person from cousins to get married.

                          Marriage scares me big time even thinking about it. Just worried about my health cos as I get stressed my skin condition worsens and hard to calm it down.

                          I'd always been against marriage since starting college. Never had interest in it.

                          Yes I've met girls and their family in last few years but felt nothing for it.

                          Haven't met anyone this year. Doesn't phase me really.

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                            Akhi u dont need savings for marriage
                            u dont need a big wedding
                            just get nikah done feed some people when u can
                            Allah is Al razaaq Allah will provide for you
                            as long as your working and putting effort in dont worry
                            dont let money stop you

                            Alot of the thoughts are from shaytaan he dont want you gettinf married

                            i advice u meet the sister and just chat to her then after that think about talk to fam and if u like her want to get to know her more make a group chat with wali and speak and have more meetings
                            no rush to get married
                            just get to know


                            the prophet said
                            This world is temporary joys, and the best temporary joy of this world is a righteous wife.” Narrated by Muslim, 1467; Ibn Maajah, 1855,

                            if shes on her deen the social and worshipping bith sides
                            then go ahead if not then say bye
                            Money is a big issue in my household. I'm 30 barely average job, either year younger and earning 2.5 more than me.

                            Sister doing well at uni and I'm sure when she is in a graduate scheme for work she will be on same as me.

                            I have too much to worry about in my life. Just want to be left alone.

                            Have anger inside me but outside I'm a calm person.

                            Nikkah is fine but Asian culture want other events too.

                            Also girl and family live 4 hours away by car. So regular meetings is hard.

                            Just gonna have to wait really.

                            I'm not gonna bring up marriage talk to parents. Let them bring it up.
                            Last edited by Muslim-Guy; 20-07-18, 07:41 PM.

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Thread was started a month ago so what's the latest on this drama?

                              Comment


                              • Mintchocchip
                                Mintchocchip commented
                                Editing a comment
                                Read the last two posts.

                            • #75
                              Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post

                              I do understand however I had mentioned that my parents had only brought up the convoy once. I don't know what she looks like. Parents said she came over few years with her family. I don't hang around with family that I don't know well.

                              So again don't know what she looks like.

                              Thinking about marriage stresses me out as I know it's not easy. Not getting any younger and ill probably the oldest male person from cousins to get married.

                              Marriage scares me big time even thinking about it. Just worried about my health cos as I get stressed my skin condition worsens and hard to calm it down.

                              I'd always been against marriage since starting college. Never had interest in it.

                              Yes I've met girls and their family in last few years but felt nothing for it.

                              Haven't met anyone this year. Doesn't phase me really.
                              I think your answers are clear in your own words.

                              The answers are:

                              1. No i feel zero attraction to this girl (havent seen her, talked to her, dont know her, she lives far etc)

                              2. Im not mentally ready for marriage (it stresses me out, im against marriage, i want to be left alone etc)


                              Comment

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