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Romantically and Socially Frustrated 19 year old American girl used by a man from KSA

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  • Romantically and Socially Frustrated 19 year old American girl used by a man from KSA

    My case is a unique one. I lived in America for 14 1/2 years before living in my motherland for almost all of my highschool years. This caused me to lose friends and be basically without any real friends when I came back 2 years ago. I started college and I went to a Liberal Arts college. During my first year I would make friends that weren't practicing Muslims and they were all sexually active. I was the odd one out I never had any interaction with the opposite sex in terms of dating and getting intimate. Somehow I left the first year unscathed. Then I decided to go to a community college in the city due to the liberal art's schools' expenses. I was back in square one and the friends I made were again all active in the dating scene as well as being non-Muslim. This situation happened at the end of Fall semester so during Thanksgiving season. I was coming to the mall I transmit to and from as it is only 2 minutes from my house. I had plans to see a movie there as well. I remember I was wearing a good amount of makeup as I always do and a formfitting turtleneck with a high waisted loose skirt. I had a hijab on as well so I was pretty modest. I noticed I was being followed by an ethnically ambigious man as I made my way to the convenience store in the mall owned by Indians. I almost thought he was a worker although he didn't really look Indian. Then as I was inside the store looking for my movie snacks, I was approached by a man in his mid-twenties or I thought. I was 19 at the time. He started talking to me in Arabic so i let him know I was actually not Yemeni but from a nearby country. He started speaking English and told me he was a foreign student from Saudi. I was like ah that's cool, I never meet Saudis. From there I gave him my snapchat. I remember not even focusing during the movie's screening. All I could focus on was that a very attractive man has my number and he looked like he had money. I checked my phone during the movie and noticed a snap message from him already. He just said hi. I replied a few hours later telling him goodnight. Then he would call me the next day. We talked about basic things like family, school and so on. Then he asked for a pic and I sent him my favorite one (PS I had a hijab on and it was a selfie). He would tell me I had the most beautiful face and I remember being over the moon. This was the first time I was "dating" a guy. The next day we talked on the phone some more , it was Thursday and Thanksgiving, the next day was Black Friday and he asked to see me and that he would take me shopping. I said maybe. I was actually very excited and around 2 he called me, I said I was at my friends house only to spend more time perfecting my makeup and doing my hair which I would bring the front pieces out of my hijab for the first time. He picked me up at my house which I said was my friends and he just started driving. He got me starbucks and some form of food I don't remember. I decided to not go in the mall and shop Black Friday with him because I had too many relatives shopping at various locations. We were in the car for hours driving and eating and just having a good time. It got later and later and darker and darker and he would go from touching my hands to holding my hands and then he parked in an empty location and asked to kiss me. I said no but he went for my cheek before I knew it he was making out with me and I couldn't stop him. When he finally got off I slapped him and yelled at him to take me to my friends house as I knew she lived around there. As I related the story to my friend (nonmuslim) she was actually excited for me and scolded me for not kissing him back. A week went by and he started to apologize to me and call me the most beautiful and lovely girl he's ever known. He shared how his mom set him up with his cousin but he did not like her and he wanted to get to know me and marry me instead. He shared how his dad was Saudi but his mom was Syrian origin and his cousin was Saudi. I felt bad and a bit special that I was his choice to rebel his mother's choice. I agreed to see him again. This time it was a Sunday two weeks after the first meeting. I had a job interview before our date so he waited outside. He picked me up at 4 and I told him I couldn't come out late. Then somehow I forgot that it was winter now and the sun set at 5:30. Time just went by as he drove me around, I didn't even realize that he didn't really have a plan when we got to the lake's parking lot. I was so in love (I thought) I let him kiss me and touch me and next thing you know I had my skirt off and he was touching me inappropriately. It was as if everything but my sexual desire left my body. By God's grace I hadn't done the deed but we were doing other haram things for a good 30 minutes till he (came). I am ashamed of it every time as this would be the last day I would see him. We would both get busy with finals for the next two weeks and by then he had already bought his tickets to Saudi for winter break. I remember talking to him and waitng for him in January. He finally came back mid January and wanted to see me ASAP but I had twisted an ankle and literally could not leave the house those days. A few days later my leg healed and I contacted him. I remember finally being back in school contacting him after my last class to be heartbroken. That exact moment he was going to the airport (to go see his sick mom). I felt so sad and he sent me so many voice recordings which I still have. He would say I'll be back in the summer inshallah About 2/3 weeks later I would contact his first snapchat, (he used an american one with me) and asked what really happened to him. I don't know who replied but I got a message saying I got married mind you it's been weeks and he finally opened my message but before the message I had gone so desperate, I sent him nudes which he saved. How does a married man save nudes you tell me. He used to always ask for nudes but I sent it to him when I felt abandoned and I replied with a long heated message. He would only open my message and not reply. I think he got married during winter break and he came back to finish business (school and other) in America and go back to his wife. I fell in a deep depression after that, my new friend didn't understand. I still see him online on SC and he never replies and it hurts everytime only this time I'm not suicidal alhamdulilah. I just have many dilemmas. That 26/7 year old man from KSA ruined my mental health, my friendships, my drive in school and work. I just remember feeling like crying and feeling like life's meaningless during the months of February, March and April. I ended up getting a D and F in 2 of the 6 classes I was taking. He still opens my SC and only recently did I block him. What haunts me most is that I remember when we were doing inappropriate things during our second date, he asked to look at my hymen and I never seen my own womanhood for apparent reasons but according to him it wasn't there and I told him the truth which was I swear you were the first man to ever get this close with me and I never did anything that would break it he even said he would never marry a girl without one once
    i still have no real friends and i want to fill my void with a boyfriend but i know i shouldn't i also can't get married i would get temporarily married but apparently Sunnis don't do that

  • #2
    I think it's obvious that you need to fill that empty void with religion and Allah. This will take time and effort from your part so don't give up if religion (your own akhira) is important to you. You can begin by doing sincere tawbah, seeking and begging for forgiveness.

    There is comfort in the rememberance in Allah. Read the Quran as it is truly a cure.

    You are very young and it sounds like you got fooled easily by the sweet talks. Some girls are naive, they don't understand. You got influenced by others in that type of a shameless culture.

    It started with not having any friends, so the pressure of fitting in probably began, then you watched movies- another influence, compromising hijab by beautifying yourself with make up.

    One thing led to another. And that non Muslim friend, obviously she will encourage shameless behaviour as they have different beliefs so she won't even understand what this is a huge problem for our well weing.
    ​​​​

    From now on you have to protect yourself. Does your dad or brother (if you have these figures in your life) let you go out anywhere and at any time?

    ​​​​​​Changes have to take place in your life and you have to take care of yourself and your dignity.

    It was a huge mistake, it's not a loss, never think he was.

    Delete Snapchat (you don't need that in life to survive, it breeds evil) and stop sending messages and pics to a married man. Don't disappoint yourself, take charge of your life. Just think about how this disgraceful behaviour has effected your health.

    As Muslims we know a relationship is only halal when you are married to another Muslim.

    It might take time for you to move on. Marriage is not a solution to your problem, how important is your relationship to Allah?

    Marriage isn't a fantasy, it requires compromise.

    We all need education on these things because, you were tricked by a shameless man, he came from saudia Arabia and he STILL behaved so disgracefully.
    And he has the audacity to ask about your hymen.

    What a pervert.

    That's disgusting, let's hope he changes soon, I feel sorry for his wife. Does his wife know he was being a scum? So it's ok for him to be dirty filth and get away with it?

    See, you got saved by Allah, he could have taken it far by getting married to you and then dumping you. That's not a good man, that's a disgusting little thing without any respect.

    Don't fall for sweet talks, perverts, creeps and the likes know how to get a girl with sweet talk.

    Wear the correct hijab and if a man compliments you, remember where that landed you and that it's a warning a scum is on the loose.

    Do you want to be identified as the shameless or protect your dignity and become someone who will put their modesty first? We all have a choice, it's up to you.

    The bad influence is all around, sometimes not having friends is a blessing in disguise.

    Put your life back into prespective in sha Allah
    A relationship is not your solution, listen to the Quran and speak to Allah.

    I hope someone can offer advice that will help you to forget the past that ruined your honour as a Muslim sister. In sha Allah you will get through this, it's just the beginning and you will understand the severity of it all and get closer to Allah.



    ​​​​​​
    Last edited by Ya'sin; 18-06-18, 04:30 AM.
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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    • #3
      Thank u Yasin and to answer your q's:
      My parents are laid back in that they let me go places as long as I say where and when I'm coming back and they call every hour. I just made excuses when I was w that man.
      He was arranged a marriage with his cousin whom he had no feelings for. I didn't know he would go through with it because it is his choice at the end.
      His wife definitely doesn't know because he used an entirely different Snapchat account with me.
      Lastly it's been 6 months since I've seen him and I still have feelings for him even though he used me. I have always been someone with crushes I just never got close to anyone before.
      I will never go in a mans car alone ever again unless it's uber or lyft. Being used was the worst thing to ever happen on my life. I just came from the mental unit in the hospital because I wouldn't sleep and I cut all my hair off. Now I don't even know anyone who would want me anymore. I cut my hair out of the guilt I felt. I even promised Allah I would shave my head bald if I left the hospital feeling better.

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      • #4
        After being very religious all Ramadan, I feel better mentally but I still have this void that I know only a SO can fill. I love my family with all my heart but they're not enough. I don't have any friend anymore tbh and I have a desire to be touched again I can't shake off how strong those feelings were.

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        • #5
          The guy is a wasteman who just wanted to take advantage of you he says he wants to marry you yet he goes behind your parents back meets up with you and uses you like some toy and then drops you off again sorry if it sounds rude but thats the truth

          and any real man wouldnt ask his wife for nudes on a phone knowing how many other people could potentially see that

          dont ever do anything haram for a man not even your husband
          Do you love Allah more or a man
          only Allah is gonna give u paradise or hell
          if you want to burn in fire and have your skin burtn to ashes drinking pus and blood and your throat burning then sure do haram even for boyfriend or your husband
          if not obey Allah


          its better to be lonely then have bad friends
          the prophet said your the religion of your friend

          so watch who you befriend dont hang out with kuffar they will influence you into haram domt hang out with non practising muslims they will influence you into haram
          only hand out with good muslims
          or stay alone its better to be alone and righteous then misguided and astray

          wearing a headscarf(khimar) is not modest
          modest would be wearing a loose abaya or jilbaab that completely covers your body figure as well as khimar or even niqaab
          that is modest
          Allah says in the quran in surah ahzab 59 about how women should cloth themselves refer to tafsir ibn kathir for elaboration

          start praying 5 times a day if you dont already do as well as tahaajud in the night
          do dua adkhar
          read quran arabic and english
          seek knowledge in islam


          if you are ever interested in a man or he is interested in you make sure he comes and proposes to your parents not comes and chats with you loads
          meets up with you or wants to get to know you without a mehram

          it is haram for men and women to free mix let alone date they arent allowed to be friends or be alone together or chat unnecassarily about inappropriate things

          a women should not be outside by her self at night without a mehram
          they should not be outside faraway from home ie another city withkut a mehram
          Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 18-06-18, 01:45 PM.

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          • #6
            Try to fill that void and desire with the love of religion maybe then you will feel less empty and lonely

            if you still struggle with desires after a while then get married go to a masjid and try get arranged

            he should pray 5 times a day
            go to masjid regularly not jumuah but for normal salah
            read quran often
            seeks knwoledge or wants to seek knowledge in the deen
            does not free mix
            earns halal income
            Wants to help the ummah if not already through aid work,dawah, teaching or maybe something else


            ps dont go in a uber or any cab alone unless you want to get kidnapped or abused
            Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 18-06-18, 01:46 PM.

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            • #7
              Aside from op

              this seems to happen to sisters way too often being used and abused by couple sweet words and then this photo taking rubbish

              you sisters need to start teaching and making younger sisters aware before they get mistreated
              whether thats through social network
              dawah stalls
              leaflets
              halaqas
              whatever just start too many girls falling into these traps its your responsibility to do this
              of course guys as well

              but a female related more to a female and will talk more openly and listen to a female

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Mina65 View Post
                After being very religious all Ramadan, I feel better mentally but I still have this void that I know only a SO can fill. I love my family with all my heart but they're not enough. I don't have any friend anymore tbh and I have a desire to be touched again I can't shake off how strong those feelings were.
                It's important for a woman to protect herself, her dignity and her honour.

                You're at an age where this is probably the hardest thing to do. Once you experience something, you want it again. First time it's hard, second time round - you'll find it easier to sin. And again. And again. Until you've been with multiple men. That void you're feeling won't go. It will get bigger. And you will hate yourself even more.

                That guy was a loser. Don't give him a second thought and move on.

                You don't need a man or intimacy to make you happy. You need to overcome your desires and focus on pleasing Allaah azza wa jal.

                Try and fast the six fasts of Shawaal InSha Allaah.


                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                  Aside from op

                  this seems to happen to sisters way too often being used and abused by couple sweet words and then this photo taking rubbish

                  you sisters need to start teaching and making younger sisters aware before they get mistreated
                  whether thats through social network
                  dawah stalls
                  leaflets
                  halaqas
                  whatever just start too many girls falling into these traps its your responsibility to do this
                  of course guys as well

                  but a female related more to a female and will talk more openly and listen to a female
                  Where are their parents
                  شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                  فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                  وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                  ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    You sound like you have low self esteem. Why do you still have feelings for this loser. How can you allow such a man who disrespected you to destroy your life further? Yeah you made some pretty bad decisons and I'm just glad you were not harmed or that it didn't get worse than this, what's happened has happened, now it's time for you to repent and pull yourself and your life together. You're not in the right mental state to get married, you would be marrying out of desperation and an escape rather than for the proper reasons so work on yourself first. Shift your focus to something positive, busy your time with something beneficial, work towards a goal, anything but sitting around thinking about this guy.
                    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                      whatever just start too many girls falling into these traps its your responsibility to do this
                      of course guys as well
                      You only fall into the trap if you want to. She wanted to. I am sure every girl has been harassed for her number but not every girl gives in. Looks like this user has low self esteem, wanted attention as she was not getting it from her family and this led to haram activity which comes after being 'groomed'.

                      Mina65 - this man was using you to pass the time (before his arranged marriage) and use you for sex (even though you said it didnt get that far).

                      Tell your parents you want to get married
                      Find good muslim friends, maybe you might have to go to your local masjid to find one.

                      You need to surround yourself with good people who will encourage you to be a good Muslim otherwise you will fall into another man's trap!
                      Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post

                        Where are their parents
                        Of course parents are to blame as well
                        but its our duty as muslims to help eachother
                        and too many times u see the same thing happen even stories on uf hence i say sisters should start some kind of dawah

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Maybe get rid of your phone too? Or uninstall SC and other apps which make you susceptible to engage in haraam?

                          My only worry is - is that if another man pays you even the slightest attention you will fall back into the same cycle again.

                          Sister - zinaa is sinful and hated:


                          Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

                          “And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)”

                          [al-Isra’ 17:32]

                          These longings you have - of course they are natural, but the best and only way to fulfil them is through marriage.

                          Right now though - you should focus more on your emaan and mental state, rather than entering marriage.


                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I am so confused as to why everyone is in the replies calling me insecure. I am not insecure I was a little lonely and depressed. Moving countries and gong to college alone isn't easy. And as for those asking about my parents I did have tarbiya. I don't know what bubble you're in but my haram outings weren't even that extreme. The most I did was make out with a boy. We both made sure to not have sex and we didn't go past kissing and fondling. Most Muslim girls I know have actual boyfriends and they do all these things. I am the one that never had a boyfriend in my life and I've never been alone with a man so I was maybe more naive but that doesn't mean it's my parents fault. I come from a family where I'm told all 5 prayers and I can't leave the house without a hijab and a skirt. My parents call me to know where I am all the time they're not clueless. I was in a lonely and vulnerable state when I met that man. When I say I still have feelings for him I don't mean that I want to marry him, I just can't stop thinking about the good times , haram or not it was probably one of the best moments i've ever had with the opposite gender and the only so that means alot to me.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Mina65 View Post
                              I am so confused as to why everyone is in the replies calling me insecure. I am not insecure I was a little lonely and depressed. Moving countries and gong to college alone isn't easy. And as for those asking about my parents I did have tarbiya. I don't know what bubble you're in but my haram outings weren't even that extreme. The most I did was make out with a boy. We both made sure to not have sex and we didn't go past kissing and fondling. Most Muslim girls I know have actual boyfriends and they do all these things. I am the one that never had a boyfriend in my life and I've never been alone with a man so I was maybe more naive but that doesn't mean it's my parents fault. I come from a family where I'm told all 5 prayers and I can't leave the house without a hijab and a skirt. My parents call me to know where I am all the time they're not clueless. I was in a lonely and vulnerable state when I met that man. When I say I still have feelings for him I don't mean that I want to marry him, I just can't stop thinking about the good times , haram or not it was probably one of the best moments i've ever had with the opposite gender and the only so that means alot to me.
                              He used you. He is a married man. You sent him nude pics of yourself, and you were physical with him - all of those actions are haraam, yet instead of feeling guilt, shame and remorse, you are saying "it was probably one of the best moments I've ever had with the opposite gender."

                              What exactly are you seeking on here?

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