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  • My husband hit me many times

    Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakathu!

    This is my third post here, Iíve written about my husband being violent to me before. But I honestly need help, because it hasnít stopped. The only time I wasnít afraid of him was the Ramadan. How sad, isnít it?
    Weíve been married for a little more than a year, and in that period he has hit me so many times that I cannot even count... And every time itís getting worse and worse. Iím an European revert Muslim, and he is Arab. We live in one European country. I recently started working at the job, and of course, like in all my previous jobs, the boss doesnít allow me to wear the hijab. So yesterday I was thinking a lot, and I came to the conclusion that I donít really want to work in those conditions, and I would prefer staying at home. Note that my husband has always been telling me that he would like me to stay at home and be ďthe queen of the houseĒ. Well, yesterday I told him my opinion, and I was hoping he would be happy and understanding. Instead, he visibly got annoyed, although he denied he was mad. I asked him what he recommends me to do. He told me that, at the moment, itís a difficult decision because he is working a part-time job and we need the money. But I told him that Iím sick and tired of people (especially the bosses) commenting on my hijab, and that Iím disappointed that he prefers the money over me wanting to avoid haram. Also, a few months ago he DELIBERATELY QUIT HIS 100% HALAL JOB AT THE GROCERY STORE, just because he was working from Monday to Saturday!! And he had told me back then not to worry, Allah will provide for us in some way. So now I am wondering, why couldnít he say the same when I want to leave my job, which is haram?! I told him that in Islam, I am not obligated to work and provide, and he started hitting me with fists on my head so hard and spitting on my face, and now I have lots of bruises and my skin is burning. I am on the verge of leaving him and going back to my country, because I cannot handle this anymore... All my patience has gone, Iím tired of my life... I donít know how he can be so bad, and yet he prays every salat at the local mosque, reads the Qurían and everything... Iím desperate... :(

  • #2
    Originally posted by Malak9 View Post
    Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakathu!

    This is my third post here, Iíve written about my husband being violent to me before. But I honestly need help, because it hasnít stopped. The only time I wasnít afraid of him was the Ramadan. How sad, isnít it?
    Weíve been married for a little more than a year, and in that period he has hit me so many times that I cannot even count... And every time itís getting worse and worse. Iím an European revert Muslim, and he is Arab. We live in one European country. I recently started working at the job, and of course, like in all my previous jobs, the boss doesnít allow me to wear the hijab. So yesterday I was thinking a lot, and I came to the conclusion that I donít really want to work in those conditions, and I would prefer staying at home. Note that my husband has always been telling me that he would like me to stay at home and be ďthe queen of the houseĒ. Well, yesterday I told him my opinion, and I was hoping he would be happy and understanding. Instead, he visibly got annoyed, although he denied he was mad. I asked him what he recommends me to do. He told me that, at the moment, itís a difficult decision because he is working a part-time job and we need the money. But I told him that Iím sick and tired of people (especially the bosses) commenting on my hijab, and that Iím disappointed that he prefers the money over me wanting to avoid haram. Also, a few months ago he DELIBERATELY QUIT HIS 100% HALAL JOB AT THE GROCERY STORE, just because he was working from Monday to Saturday!! And he had told me back then not to worry, Allah will provide for us in some way. So now I am wondering, why couldnít he say the same when I want to leave my job, which is haram?! I told him that in Islam, I am not obligated to work and provide, and he started hitting me with fists on my head so hard and spitting on my face, and now I have lots of bruises and my skin is burning. I am on the verge of leaving him and going back to my country, because I cannot handle this anymore... All my patience has gone, Iím tired of my life... I donít know how he can be so bad, and yet he prays every salat at the local mosque, reads the Qurían and everything... Iím desperate... :(
    I was in an abusive relationship for years. In the end I got divorced and thought, I could have avoided all these years of abuse if I got divorced earlier.

    Comment


    • #3
      You need to leave for your own safety. Marriage is supposed to be comfort, mercy and shelter not this

      get out now and don't look back
      It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
      "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.Ē ibn Taymiyyah.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
        You need to leave for your own safety. Marriage is supposed to be comfort, mercy and shelter not this

        get out now and don't look back
        Right, sometimes, leaving for your own safety is the best option. If it's a matter of physical abuse, I agree 100%, never look back and never ever believe anyone who says that they are sorry and that it will never happen again. It will happen again.

        People will say, don't get divorced so quickly just because things are a little difficult. This is the opposite, "a little difficult" is when you have a disagreement with your partner about coming home late and you instantly get divorced. Abuse is not a little argument. That would be a silly reason to get divorced. It's the big issues, and divorce is the best and only solution for an abusive situation. Once abused by someone, that person is an abuser, and will never change, so yes, never look back once you leave.
        Last edited by oshirowanen; 18-06-18, 09:36 AM.

        Comment


        • #5
          Hit him back.
          "Europe died in Bosnia and was buried in Syria. Bodies of innocent children washing ashore are the
          western civilization's tombstones"


          Rajab Tayyab Erdogan

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by oshirowanen View Post

            Right, sometimes, leaving for your own safety is the best option. If it's a matter of physical abuse, I agree 100%, never look back and never ever believe anyone who says that they are sorry and that it will never happen again. It will happen again.

            People will say, don't get divorced so quickly just because things are a little difficult. This is the opposite, "a little difficult" is when you have a disagreement with your partner about coming home late and you instantly get divorced. Abuse is not a little argument. That would be a silly reason to get divorced. It's the big issues, and divorce is the best and only solution for an abusive situation. Once abused by someone, that person is an abuser, and will never change, so yes, never look back once you leave.
            Punching her with fists and spitting on her as well? This is a despicable human being

            sister you need to leave May Allah provide for you a way out
            It may not be easy, you may not understand it, but you need to have the Imaan to trust Allah when life doesn't make sense.
            "Whoever intends eternal happiness, then let him hold tight to the threshold of servitude.Ē ibn Taymiyyah.

            Comment


            • #7
              and what's with this non sense european culture of women working --- it's husbands responsibility to provide for wife and kids. --- back home, these people work like donkeys, once they fly to west, they get influenced and become lazy.
              "Europe died in Bosnia and was buried in Syria. Bodies of innocent children washing ashore are the
              western civilization's tombstones"


              Rajab Tayyab Erdogan

              Comment


              • #8
                Sadly the first mistake you make is equating 5 times salah and praying quran with being a decent human being. Unfortunately for some people growing up in a largely islamic environment those things are just habit with no spiritual meaning.

                I assume you reverted after you met this person and you have left your own family. Don't give up on Islam. Many, many, many Muslims have suffered such ridicule before you and alot of the time even worse.

                Your abuse is NOT normal and you DONT need to accept it. Having an argument is one thing but a man that cannot control his anger and fists is a weak one.

                You are faced with a choice, remain and continue your abuse or leave and move on. People rarely change unless they experience some serious life changing event.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Malak9 View Post
                  Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakathu!

                  This is my third post here, Iíve written about my husband being violent to me before. But I honestly need help, because it hasnít stopped. The only time I wasnít afraid of him was the Ramadan. How sad, isnít it?
                  Weíve been married for a little more than a year, and in that period he has hit me so many times that I cannot even count... And every time itís getting worse and worse. Iím an European revert Muslim, and he is Arab. We live in one European country. I recently started working at the job, and of course, like in all my previous jobs, the boss doesnít allow me to wear the hijab. So yesterday I was thinking a lot, and I came to the conclusion that I donít really want to work in those conditions, and I would prefer staying at home. Note that my husband has always been telling me that he would like me to stay at home and be ďthe queen of the houseĒ. Well, yesterday I told him my opinion, and I was hoping he would be happy and understanding. Instead, he visibly got annoyed, although he denied he was mad. I asked him what he recommends me to do. He told me that, at the moment, itís a difficult decision because he is working a part-time job and we need the money. But I told him that Iím sick and tired of people (especially the bosses) commenting on my hijab, and that Iím disappointed that he prefers the money over me wanting to avoid haram. Also, a few months ago he DELIBERATELY QUIT HIS 100% HALAL JOB AT THE GROCERY STORE, just because he was working from Monday to Saturday!! And he had told me back then not to worry, Allah will provide for us in some way. So now I am wondering, why couldnít he say the same when I want to leave my job, which is haram?! I told him that in Islam, I am not obligated to work and provide, and he started hitting me with fists on my head so hard and spitting on my face, and now I have lots of bruises and my skin is burning. I am on the verge of leaving him and going back to my country, because I cannot handle this anymore... All my patience has gone, Iím tired of my life... I donít know how he can be so bad, and yet he prays every salat at the local mosque, reads the Qurían and everything... Iím desperate... :(
                  You should leave him. Don't look at his prayers or his Qur'an. Such men are undeserving of having a woman under their care.

                  Move back to your home country, atleast you will have some familiar faces and hopefully some support too.

                  Don't tell him of your plans though. Just leave when he's not around - you don't know what he can be capable of. The statistics in the UK of women being killed by their partners is quite high.

                  You really don't need to live like this.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Sultan786 View Post
                    Sadly the first mistake you make is equating 5 times salah and praying quran with being a decent human being. Unfortunately for some people growing up in a largely islamic environment those things are just habit with no spiritual meaning.

                    I assume you reverted after you met this person and you have left your own family. Don't give up on Islam. Many, many, many Muslims have suffered such ridicule before you and alot of the time even worse.

                    Your abuse is NOT normal and you DONT need to accept it. Having an argument is one thing but a man that cannot control his anger and fists is a weak one.

                    You are faced with a choice, remain and continue your abuse or leave and move on. People rarely change unless they experience some serious life changing event.
                    this is true, in certain cultures the people pray 5x a day and have huge beards and deal in riba and even sell their daughters into marriages for money.



                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Thanks to each one of you, I really appreciate your advice. As a response to Sultan786 - yes, I have reverted to Islam after meeting him.

                      Iíí would say Iíím normally a strong person, but I never had the strength to leave him. Maybe thatíís because when things are going good, everything is so perfect! But Iíí am slowly opening my eyes, and realising that I doníít have to live in constant fear of someone whoíí is supposed to be my protector, my shelter...
                      Also, I forgot to mention that, apart from him punching me and spitting on me, he was pulling my hair and threw an entire table on me last night... And Iíím stupid for not letting anyone know about it. My family doesníít have any idea of what heí Ďhas been doing to me, and they even asked me a few times ďĒif he has ever hit meĒ, and I would always lie and say ďĒnoĒĒ...

                      I didníít go to work today, I have a strong headache and Iíí am in despair. Do you, sisters and brothers, recommend me to go to work tomorrow, or just to quit all together?

                      Thanks for reading me, this is literally the only way for me to ease my soul, apart from praying to Allah, of course.
                      Last edited by Malak9; 18-06-18, 01:50 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        We think you should quit your husband. Work is least of your concern. How soon can you arrange things to leave him? How soon can you go back home to your family or if you leave him today where can you go stay? focus on leaving him. If you have this much problem in your first year of marriage, things will just go downhill from there.

                        I had a cousin who had rough marriage from the start. but instead of getting divorce she decided a baby was going to fix everything. well after the baby, things got even worst and after 2.5 years they finally got divorce. Now she is forever tied to her ex via her daughter but she could have left him much earlier and bounce back much faster

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Not read the other comments but why are you still married to this jerk? We pick our marriage partners so that they can be good role models for our future children. Is this the sort of man you'd want your future son to be? You felt differently in Ramadan because shaytan couldn't be there to give waswasa and make excuses for him. Find a way out before things get worse cos' he has no intention of making things better.
                          The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            You should leave before he ends up killing you. This guy has some serious anger if he is throwing a table on his wife.

                            Go to work for now - to not anger him, just for your own safety. And at the same time, make a plan to leave and then leave as soon as you are able to.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              If the police in your country is good and take domestic violence cases seriously, then it may be worth reporting him too.

                              Comment

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