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Mistakenly married to someone who does shirk

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  • Mistakenly married to someone who does shirk

    Four months ago, my family mistakenly married me (my father said he didn’t know) to a family that commits major shirk. They ask dua to a dead wali so that he may pass on their duas to Allah. They also visit graves of the holy (dargah) and do tawaf and kiss the graves. They swear by their wali, keep photos and incense sticks of him in the house, say goodbye to the wali when going out, do bidah like praying certain prayers on Milad and other stuff that are not sunnah. I’m so scared because I believe in the Oneness of Allah and worship Him alone. My husband tells me to do certain stuff like takes me to those dargahs. I want out of this marriage. My parents were shocked and are supporting me to get out of this place. Help me. Should I go for it? I don’t want my parents or younger siblings to be affected by my divorce, that is not getting spouses easily. But everyday I wake up with a constricted heart and so much anxiety because I fear Allah and don’t want to come near shirk and don’t want to bring kids into this world who follow my husbands ways.

  • #2
    Assalaamu Alaykum,

    How is that even possible?
    Didn't you or your family do any checks on them or ask them questions during the marriage sit downs?

    RE your problem itself, you have two evils.
    1. The stigma of divorce for yourself and your siblings.
    2. Seeing shirk possibly enter into your wider family, watching your future children raised upon shirk and possibly being forced into acts of shirk yourself even if your heart does not agree.

    Think it's pretty clear which is the greater evil, so if your husband cannot or will not change his ways, there is not really any option and many ulema view such marriages as invalid anyway as a muslimah cannot marry a mushrik, even one claiming the title of a Muslim.
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    • #3
      Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
      Assalaamu Alaykum,

      How is that even possible?
      Didn't you or your family do any checks on them or ask them questions during the marriage sit downs?

      RE your problem itself, you have two evils.
      1. The stigma of divorce for yourself and your siblings.
      2. Seeing shirk possibly enter into your wider family, watching your future children raised upon shirk and possibly being forced into acts of shirk yourself even if your heart does not agree.

      Think it's pretty clear which is the greater evil, so if your husband cannot or will not change his ways, there is not really any option and many ulema view such marriages as invalid anyway as a muslimah cannot marry a mushrik, even one claiming the title of a Muslim.
      Asalaamu alaikum,

      I too am baffled at how this was not known before marriage. That is complete and utter shirk!

      Unfortunately, there is a stigma regarding divorce (mostly with women), but I do not agree with the stigma of divorce being an evil someone should fear or let it affect their decision. That is something between the person who wrongfully criticizes a divorced woman/man and Allah SWT. If the sister and her family put their trust in Allah, then something like that will not affect them.

      Dear sister, speak to your parents and mention to them your intention. I am sure that your happiness and religious security is more important to them than ignorant talk. If you do good, people will talk about you, and if you dont do good, they will talk. So we cant live our lives and risk our Akhira for people who will move unto the next hot topic in less than 24 hours. May Allah swt majd it easy for you, ameen
      Last edited by whisperofimaan; 29-05-18, 05:03 AM.
      الحق لا يعرف بالرجال، اعرف الحق تعرف رجاله

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      • #4
        Originally posted by whisperofimaan View Post

        Asalaamu alaikum,

        I too am baffled at how this was not known before marriage. That is complete and utter shirk!

        Unfortunately, there is a stigma regarding divorce (mostly with women), but I do not agree with the stigma of divorce being an evil someone should fear or let it affect their decision. That is something between the person who wrongfully criticizes a divorced woman/man and Allah SWT. If the sister and her family put their trust in Allah, then something like that will not affect them.

        Dear sister, speak to your parents and mention to them your intention. I am sure that your happiness and religious security is more important to them than ignorant talk. If you do good, people will talk about you, and if you dont do good, they will talk. So we cant live our lives and risk our Akhira for people who will move unto the next hot topic in less than 24 hours. May Allah swt majd it easy for you, ameen
        وعليكم السلام ورحمه الله وبركاته

        Some people just don't even do the basic homework, before getting their son or daughter married.

        نعوذ بالله من ذلك
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        "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

        – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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        • #5


          As salam alaikum


          You should make preparations to end your marriage, but with the possibility and caveat hoping that your husband returns to the worship of only Allah.

          If you are sure your husband is committing shirk al akbar, then you should immediately request not to sleep with him. And that you want to return to/move back in with your parents. Preferably as soon as you can. Pack your bags, personal belongings, and prepare to move out.

          I assume you have spoken with him about this already and he thinks it's acceptable and doesn't want to change. If so, then you should tell him that you want to worship Allah alone without associating any with him, and you cannot stay married to someone who wants to associate others with Allah.

          Moving back with your parents will cause your husband to either question his evil ways, or he will just remain committed to his family's shirk practices. In either case, tell him if he wants to remain married, he needs to repent with sincerity and meet with your father regarding being upright.

          When you leave him and clearly indicate why with the caveat and conditions for your return clearly stated, best by your father, then the matter falls with him.

          Know that the Prophet's (saws) daughter was married to a mushrik and he (saws) separated them and she moved in with him for some time until the husband became Muslim.

          Once you leave, and that is the difficult part, pray and perform sadaqa (give in charity to the needy. orphans, ) to ask Allah to change your husband's heart and to guide him.




          Allahumma, aranee al haqqu haqqan wa arzuqnee itiba`ahu, wa aranee al baatilu baatilaan wa arzuqnee ijtinaabahu.Oh Allah! show us the truth as true, and inspire us to follow it. Show us falsehood as falsehood, and inspire us to abstain from it.
          " Do you know what destroys Islam? A mistake made by a scholar, the argument of a hypocrite in writing and the ruling of leaders who wish for people to stray

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          • #6
            Sister, speak to your husband first. Though perhaps your family or yourself didn't think these things a serious matter before marriage? It seems a little strange that no one would notice photos around their home etc of a stranger and not ask questions?

            Besides you may be surprised how much people can change with a few kind words.

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            • #7
              Mistakenly married to someone who does shirk
              Oops.

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              • #8
                Get out of there before it poisons your heart and completely ruins your iman. That sounds a lot like a Hindu/Sikh practice, you have the full right to get up and go.

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                • #9
                  Have you asked him about how he views these practises? Does he do them without realizing what is going on? You should have a quick word with him and then sprint out as fast as you can. Accidentally marrying a mushrik is one of the more 'ajeeb things I've heard of..

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by al afghani View Post
                    Have you asked him about how he views these practises? Does he do them without realizing what is going on? You should have a quick word with him and then sprint out as fast as you can. Accidentally marrying a mushrik is one of the more 'ajeeb things I've heard of..
                    Hmm, look who it is...
                    ​​​

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by al afghani View Post
                      Have you asked him about how he views these practises? Does he do them without realizing what is going on? You should have a quick word with him and then sprint out as fast as you can. Accidentally marrying a mushrik is one of the more 'ajeeb things I've heard of..

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                      • #12
                        Who used the word "evil" when suggesting divorce? Divorce is not "evil". Divorce is permitted by Allah (Swt) and Allah does not permit evil.

                        Anyway I find it very odd that you and your family did not do the most basic of background checks on this issue considering how much of a deal breaker it is for you considering the vast differences in beliefs between you and your husband. Are your family religious? If they aren't, then that would explain the oversight. If they are then I find it hard to believe that they didn't know or at least suspect this. I think there's more to this situation than meets the eye.

                        I'd have thought the obvious first step to rectifying this problem would be to try and give dawah and show your husband what true Islam is. If he wants you to attend inappropriate things then say you want to follow the Sunnah of the Prophet (saw) and ask for evidence and take it from there. If this prompts some discussion and debate, then it's a sign that he's thinking about it and you have a shot at talking him round. If he tries to be forceful about it, then it's better to distance yourself from him to avoid falling into something haram yourself and consider ending the marriage to protect yourself.
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                        • #13
                          Lets be honest here, a lot of parents are either pretty clueless or negligent when it comes to marriage proposals
                          Especially when you are south Asian, the strong desire to marry your children off - or strong greed to gain from marrying your children off - makes a lot of people stupid and therefore they are careless when it comes to studying a families background and just assume that because they seem 'sharif' and like a good family and just because they get on well enough and have the credentials they are looking for (educated, good looks, strong background etc) that is usually enough for them. Throw in money and a lot of them become blinded by nothing else

                          So thats most likely the scenario here and therefore I feel nothing but pity for the poor OP. Get out if your husband is not willing to change, much better to be divorced than raise your children to such a muslim.

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